Smoke on the Water

By the time Brody had reached the front door of his home, his mind had gone through every emotion possible; fear, loss, regret, hopelessness and unbearable sadness. But one emotion currently reigned supreme: anger. Brody was relieved when he saw that no one was home. He didn’t want to see anyone right now. Too much was going on, and he had to make sense of things before being able to talk to anyone else. He dropped the heavy grocery bags where he stood and forcefully slammed the Mahogany door, causing the whole house to shake. He took long strides to his bedroom and locked the door behind him.

His jaw was clenched. His hands were contracted into fists as he let his mind wrap around what Amy had told him. Brody could not believe it. Why would she have an abortion? He begged her, he begged for her not to get one. He stood on his knees in front of her and pleaded for her to carry on with this pregnancy and he swore that he would make it work. He promised he would work jobs and buy diapers and car seats and any other necessities that the baby could possibly need. Why? Because he loved that baby.

Brody remembered the day Natasha had told him. Oh, how happy he was! His entire world seemed to turn fifty shades brighter in just an instance; such beautiful, wonderful, euphoric news. ‘I’m pregnant,’ Natasha had said to him. Brody never felt happier in his entire life. He remembered how scared Natasha was when she told him that they needed to tell their parents soon. But instead of worrying, Brody gave her a reassuring look and promised her that her parents would be thrilled about having a grandchild. Boy, how wrong was he.

Brody was angry at Natasha and Brody was furious at Meredith. How could she propose such an ultimatum to her own daughter? Brody imagined that they would be shocked and maybe a little angry but never, never in a million years did he think Natasha’s own mother would suggest such an ultimatum that would force her daughter to choose between life and death. It was unfair to Natasha, Brody and that child. No person should ever have to make such a decision just because their parents are forcing them to. The decision between an abortion, adoption, or keeping a baby should be made solely by the couple that made the baby.

But apparently, Natasha did not think that way. Instead, she simply made the decision and went on her merry way. Did she even bat an eyelash when she made the gruesome choice, Brody wondered. What Natasha did was wrong, Brody thought. Not only did Natasha make the decision by herself, but she didn’t even bother to tell Brody! What kind of person does that? Brody had to find out that his own child was murdered from girlfriend’s best friend on the street!

Murdered. That one word hit Brody like a ton of bricks. His baby was gone and he had no way to stop its poor, undeserving death. What did that baby ever do to deserve being killed? Sure, it wasn’t planned, but a baby is a blessing and that’s the way it should always be. A baby should not be a burden. Why couldn’t Natasha see it the same way Brody could?

He walked up to his computer desk and reached for a framed picture of Natasha that he took on their second anniversary. Brody had arranged to take her to the finest restaurant he could find in New York City, wore his best suit, and for her present; he got her a gold necklace that had their anniversary engraved in the pendant hanging from the delicate gold chain. He remembered how beautiful she looked in the baby blue one shoulder dress. They were the talk of the entire restaurant and he remembered how lucky he felt to have such a beautiful lady on his arm.

And look what that beautiful lady did to him now. He took the heavy glass frame in his big hands. He caressed the photograph before rage seeped within him again and forced him to smash the picture against the bedroom wall. The shattered glass cascaded down onto his un-made, messy bed.

And then, all of the sudden, the anger in Brody had gone and a wave of unforgettable sadness returned. He slid down against the door to his bedroom and sat down on the ground, pulling his knees to his chest. ‘How could she do this?’ he kept asking himself over and over again. Now Brody felt hopeless and very much alone. It was as if he had lost the only thing that kept him together. Now that he lost his baby, how would Natasha’s and Brody’s relationship continue? Surely, Natasha didn’t expect Brody to be A-Okay with her decision to have an abortion. Would she?

Brody couldn’t trust her anymore; that he concluded for himself. He lost his baby and now he was ready to lose his girlfriend too.

Without thinking once more about anything, Brody got up and unlocked his bedroom door. He swiftly walked through the kitchen and to the winery cabinet when his mother kept all her favorite alcoholic beverages. He took a bottle of what he had hoped was some very strong Scotch and moved back to his bedroom throwing the glass bottle down on his mattress. He then went back into the kitchen into the medicine cabinet. Tylenol, NyQuill, Motrin… all too weak for him as he rummaged the cabinet. Finally, he came across an orange bottle of prescribed pills. Of course, he remembered. The bottle of pain killers prescribed to Brody’s father after he fell and threw out his back some months ago. They should still be good, right?

He took the small plastic container and walked back into his bedroom, locking the door behind him. He took one last look at the photograph shattered on the side of his bed and the heartbreak came back to him in just an instance.

The pain, the misery, the heartbreak, the hopelessness, the betrayal…. He opened the pill bottle and took the remaining pills into his palm. Seven, he counted. He took them all in his mouth, and reached for the bottle of scotch on his bed. The popped the glass cap off and took the biggest gulp he could, downing all the small little pills in one gulp. He took a few more gulps until finally, the pain was gone and Brody had blacked out.

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Natasha was startled by the sound of her Blackberry ringing at one in the morning. She was fast asleep and dreaming of a place where the weight of the world wasn’t on her shoulders. She had felt loads better in the past couple of days and did feel enticingly better after the abortion. Natasha felt liberated.

“Hello,” Natasha answered groggily with her face still half way in the pillows.

“Natasha!” it was Amy’s voice. She sounded extremely frantic. If Natasha strained her ear, she could hear the faint sounds of police sirens behind Amy.

“Amy! What’s going on?” Natasha asked frightened.

“Natasha, listen to me carefully,” Amy dictated. Her voice was choppy and she sounded like she was about to burst out crying. “Brody...,” Amy started but stopped short, not knowing how to tell Natasha this.

“Brody? What about Brody?” Natasha was now sitting eagerly on her bed with her feet clenching the carpet. “Amy, what’s happened?” she asked frantic after not receiving an answer.

Natasha could here Amy start crying on the other end of the line. “Brody committed suicide, this afternoon.”