His Deepest Secret

Charlotte was taken aback by Anderson's response. If he didn't beat the cancer. . .

"How bad is your cancer?" she asked quietly, not looking up into his eyes.

"I have a forty percent chance of surviving. . ." It hurt Anderson to say those words aloud. His voice cracked a few times in saying that one short sentence.

A tear rolled down her cheek.
Sadness set into his heart.

"So you'd break up with me when you would need someone there with you the most?" she asked.

"That'd make me selfish Charlotte!" he exclaimed. "I never wanted to hurt you, and I'm not going to allow myself to if it comes down to it."

"No, you know what would hurt worse?" She looked up at him with watery eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

Charlotte looked beautiful when she cried, but it upset Anderson so much that he was the cause of those tears.

"What would hurt worse is not being your girl, not being by your side when you would need someone the most. It's not selfish Anderson, if I'm willing to let myself go through all the pain to be here for you. I know we just started dating, but my feelings have grown tremendously for you."

Her revelation made Anderson speechless. She wanted to be his girlfriend, despite the pain and suffering she might go through if his health goes down the drain and the cancer spreads to an unfixable amount and takes over his body.

He didn't want to hurt her, though. He couldn't.
Would he?

"Anderson?" she whispered, tears falling even faster down her face. "I want to be here by your side."

Anderson leaned forward, despite the pain in his stomach, and kissed her forehead.

"I want you to be, Charlotte."

His arms wrapped around her frame and he pulled her close to him. He kissed her tears away, begging for her to smile by his soft, plush lips lovingly pressing against the soft skin of her cheeks and lips.

Charlotte looked into his eyes and gave him a small smile. He smiled back at her and kissed her eyelids, knowing she was sleepy and would resist it.

"Go to sleep baby," he whispered.

She kept her eyes closed and started breathing slowly. Before she fell asleep, her mind noticed the word "baby" coming out from Anderson's lips, and she smiled.

- - -

It was four o' clock in the morning, and already Anderson's mom was coming in to wake the both of them.

"Anderson, Charlotte, wake up," she told them.

Anderson raised his head off of his pillow and looked at his mom with his sleepy eyes.

"You have an appointment today son," she explained sympathetically.

Charlotte still hadn't stirred awake yet, despite Anderson and his mother talking.

"Is she coming with?" she asked.

Anderson groggily looked down at Charlotte, then back up at his mother.

"I haven't thought about it. Should I ask her? Or would that be a bad idea?" he asked, frowning.

"She might want to. She seems to care about you a lot."

Anderson nodded. "Thanks Ma. I'll wake her up right now and ask her."

"You're welcome sweetie. I'm going to go downstairs and make some coffee and breakfast. I still have to wake up your father." His mom smiled and left the room.

Anderson looked down at Charlotte, who was snuggled into his side, looking peaceful and happy. He decided that for a few minutes longer, he'd simply hold her and play with her hair.

She looked beautiful.

"Mmmm."

Charlotte was waking up to him playing with her hair. He looked down at her to see her eyes closed, but a smile on her face. He continued pushing her hair away from her face and onto the pillow.

"Good morning," he whispered softly.

"Good morning," she tiredly whispered back.

He smiled, and she opened her eyes just in time to see it. When she saw his smile, she noticed the room was still black.

"What time is it?" she asked him.

Anderson looked at his alarm clock and answered, "4:15."

Charlotte gasped at how early it was. "Why are we awake then?"

"I have chemotherapy today. . ."

Her eyes looked deeply into his, trying to process what his lips just told her.

"Chemotherapy?"

Anderson nodded.

"Oh," she whispered.

"If you want me to take you home, I can."

Charlotte looked back up into his eyes. "No, I want to be there with you," she told him honestly.

"You don't have-"

"I said I want to be there," she reiterated.

"Okay," he replied, feeling a little bit less nervous about it now that she would be there with him. "Are you hungry babe?"

Babe. How she loved hearing that word coming from his mouth. She smiled and nodded.

"Let's go downstairs. My mom is making coffee and breakfast."

Anderson and Charlotte crawled out of bed together, stretched, and walked down to the kitchen hand-in-hand.

"Good morning you two!" his father greeted them.

"Good morning," they both replied.

"Impeccable timing! Food is just finished," his mother said.

"Mmmm. Pancakes?" Charlotte asked.

"And bacon and eggs."

Anderson and Charlotte both sat down at the island. Anderson's father brought them cups of coffee, then sat down in a chair next to Anderson. He opened up the newspaper and began reading about what happened in the world recently.

"Thank you," Charlotte said.

"Noooo problem kiddo."

"Alright, eat up! We have to get going in thirty," his mother said, placing two plates with steaming hot food in front of them.

- - -

The drive to the hospital wasn't too bad. Charlotte and Anderson's mother talked a lot, with Anderson and his dad commenting in. It made Anderson happy that his girlfriend and mother got along so well.

The filling out paperwork and sitting in the waiting room part sucked. There was another person in the waiting room who was going for chemotherapy. How Anderson could tell was by the bandages the young teenage boy wore on his arms, the gaunt look in his face, and how pale he looked.

While they were waiting, he told his parents and Charlotte he would be right back, and went to go sit down by the kid. At first, the kid was reluctant, but warmed up to Anderson immediately. Charlotte joined the two, and by the time Anderson and the kid got called by a nurse, the boy had a smile on his face and two new friends.

Anderson's parents stayed out in the waiting room while he and Charlotte went hand-in-hand into the chemotherapy room. Dr. Lopez went through all of the procedures before putting Anderson into the chair and starting the actual treatment. Charlotte sat close to Anderson, supporting him through all of it.

Once everything was set up, Anderson took a seat. The nurse set up the IV, and within a few minutes, started the treatment.

"Press this button on the wall if you need anything Mr. Wailey," the nurse said on her way out.

Anderson looked around the room to see the young boy just getting set up for his treatment. He looked over to Charlotte, who was wondering if it was okay to come sit by him. He nodded to her.

She stood up and brought her chair right in front of him and sat down. "Hey," she said weakly.

"Are you alright?" he asked her.

"I, uhm, hate needles," she answered, blushing with embarrassment.

"Oh." He laughed. "It's okay."

"Does it hurt you?" she asked, a slight pout overcoming her bottom lip. She was afraid that it hurt him, sad that he had to go through this.

"Not really. It feels weird, though."

That made her feel a tiny bit better, but she still couldn't help but feel sad. She needed to seem happy, though, so Anderson would be happy.

"Hey, you want to hear a joke?" she asked him.

"Hm?" A smile overcame his lips.

"What is the cheapest meat you can buy?"

"What?"

"Crap! I forgot the answer," she said, shocked that her brain forgot such a simple answer.

Anderson laughed hard at her forgetfulness, but found it adorable that she tried.

Charlotte sat there for five minutes with a determined, contemplative look on her face. Anderson was laughing at her the whole time, causing her to not be able to think. Everytime he laughed, she couldn't help but laugh and smack his knee. Then, they would try to keep straight faces, but one of them would just start laughing again.

"I'VE GOT IT!" Charlotte exclaimed. "What is the cheapest meat you can buy?" she asked again.

"Hm?" he said with an amused expression.

"Deer balls. They're just under a buck."

This not only caused Anderson to laugh and smile, but the kid a few chairs down to laugh, too.

This began all three of them to tell jokes for the next hour and a half. Although they were in a drabby room, with chemotherapy liquids dripping into Anderson and the kids' veins, and were not feeling the greatest, all three of them got through it with smiles on their faces.

This. . . this made it feel more possible to Anderson.
This as in. . .surviving.
She made him feel better.
She made him feel a change within himself.