Thunder

Alex and his friends, including one of their friends from a nearby high school, Zack, were all just getting ready to begin practice for their band, All Time Low. They were all pretty psyched at performing their first gig ever that weekend.

Alex, though, couldn’t help but nervously pace back and forth in the garage of Jack’s home. He kept staring at his phone, hoping Abigail would call him and tell him what was up. He was pretty sure he had given her his number…

He knew he shouldn’t have let her go home. It was a bad idea and they both knew it, but she was still considered a minor, and she couldn’t just leave as she pleased.

“C’mon, ‘Lex,” Jack whined. “She’ll call you when she can. Maybe she just got busy with something and forgot to call you,” Jack offered his friend, who was looking more and more worried by the second. Jack really couldn’t help but think that there was a lot more to Abigail than either Alex or Abigail herself were really letting on. Jack was aware that he just met the girl that day, but he could tell that she meant a lot to his best friend, so by default, it made him worry, as well.

Sighing heavily, Alex thought to himself, if only you knew, Jack. If only you knew. “You’re probably right,” Alex lied. He knew damn well that Jack was most likely wrong. Alex had a feeling in his gut that when Abigail got home, her father wasn’t too happy. “Hey… I wrote a song in class today… do you guys mind if we give it a try? I did my best to write out chords and shit,” Alex forced a smile, grabbing the folded up pieces of paper in his pocket, handing all of his friends the papers with their notes, beats, and/or chords on them, while pulling a page of lyrics for himself.

“Is it a song about Abigail?” Rian teased, taking his seat behind his black drum set.

Zack smiled lightly at his three friends, “I’ve got to meet this girl. I feel so out of the loop with you guys talking about her and everything.”

“She’s really cool, Zack,” Jack nodded, picking up his white guitar and putting the strap around him, before quickly tuning it.

As Zack did the same, he nodded at the skunk haired boy. “If she’s got Alex acting like this, she must be something.”

Alex smiled at all of his friends before taking his place behind the microphone. “You guys ready?”

His three best friends all shot him a thumbs up, signaling that it was okay for Alex to start singing.

“I was dreaming we were running from a city burning down. Made a break, a new escape, and let the world crash down. Now there’s a piece of me that tells me I shouldn’t leave, every time I see your face. Because every time you come around, girl, you take my breath away. And I just want to breathe until I take you in. I never want you to leave until I take you in. She has no idea that I’m even here. She has no idea that I’m even here.”

——-

Abigail felt her eyes slug open as slow as molasses. How long had she been like this? Trying to regain full consciousness, the seventeen year old looked at her surroundings – from the drapes on the bathroom window all the way down to the puddle of dark red blood that was covering a small portion of the floor next to her.

She hadn’t died. She didn’t succeed in suicide, yet again. This is what always happened, Abigail thought. She went deep enough to pass out and make a puddle of blood, but never deep enough to kill.

Her arm had turned about two or three shades paler from the severity of the blood loss she just went through, but she didn’t care.

Abigail knew two things for sure. One, her body was entirely too weak for her to stand up. Two, she had to clean up all this blood.

After a few minutes of laying on the floor, attempting to regain all of her consciousness back, Abigail had finally gotten the strength in her legs again to stand up, although, she still couldn’t feel her arm.

She did her best to get all of the blood off of the tiled floor, and patted her arm with a damp rag, trying to get all of the dried blood off of her skin.

Her eyes, which natural ice blue shade seemed even paler than normal, landed on the striped hoodie that was lying on the floor next to the bathroom door. She had taken that off? At the thought of Alex, Abigail remembered her father’s words. “If I find out you’re talking to that fucker again, I’ll beat his ass, too.” She shuddered at the thought and knew she had to stay away from Alex. It was only safe.

Snatching the hoodie from the ground and slowly making her way back to her bedroom, Abigail glanced at the analog clock in the hallway. It was barely 8:30 – which meant she had been out cold for a good four or five hours at least.

Despite how early it was, Abigail went to sleep. She knew Alex was probably going out of his mind, wondering she was and why she hadn’t tried to get in contact with him. The girl knew if she told Alex that she had attempted suicide, he’d be upset. She didn’t want to make him upset, so she wouldn’t tell him.

Abigail did have strong feelings for Alex, but she also knew that her problems would tie him down from being happy. Eventually, he’d feel like he had to stick around, and not really want to be around her anymore. Her depression would eventually take control of her life, and Abigail doubted Alex would want to be around for that.

The second before she had fallen into a deep sleep Abigail decided that she would do what she did best – she’d shut herself down again.

——-

Alex woke up that morning, still scared as Hell. He hadn’t heard a thing from Abigail. He knew it had only been a few hours, but he couldn’t help but think the worse. He knew he was probably just overreacting and thinking the worst, but after she had told him about her father, he couldn’t help it.

Managing to get himself out of bed and dressed, Alex made his way to the end of his driveway to wait for the bus. Hopefully, Abigail would be on there and she’d say that it simply slipped her mind. He could hope, right?

His worries were settled once he saw Abigail in the very back seat of the bus. Quickening his face, Alex waved towards the distressed looking girl. “Hey, Abigail,” Alex smiled, plopping down next to her.

“Oh, um… hey…” Abigail said awkwardly, still looking out the window. She knew that if she looked at Alex, she wouldn’t have the heart to tell him that she couldn’t hang out with him anymore.

Alex, though, sensed something was wrong the minute she wouldn’t even look at him. “Are you okay? You seem kind of… distant.”

“Yeah, I’m, uh, fine….” Abigail trailed off again, as if she wanted so badly to say more, but bit her tongue.

“Abigail, we both know that’s a lie. So, what’s wrong?” Alex asked, running a hand through his messy hair.

Taking her eyes off of the window, Abigail finally averted her gaze on Alex. “I don’t think we should be friends anymore, Alex.”

Alex honestly felt like his entire world just fell apart in front of his eyes and there was a not a thing to do to stop it. He was fully aware that he had only met this girl two days ago, but he felt like he had known her for years. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He had to save her. He wanted to save her. She wasn’t supposed to be leaving.

Abigail felt a sting in her heart at the look on Alex’s face. She regretted having to do it, but it was the only way to keep Alex, and even Jack and Rian, safe from her father. This was the last thing Abigail wanted to happen, but it had to.

“I’m sorry, Alex,” Abigail finally said, not even recognizing her voice. “It’s for the best.”

“What are you talking about it’s for the best?” Alex’s voice cracked when he spoke. He wasn’t grasping this. This couldn’t be happening. For whatever reason, he felt like his heart had literally just been ripped out of his chest.

“If I could tell you, I would. Just know that it’s safer for you this way,” Abigail whispered, hoping that Alex hadn’t heard the last part of her sentence. She already felt like she had said entirely too much.

“What the hell do you mean safer? Abigail, what are you not telling me?” Alex asked, his brown eyes widening. He had a really bad feeling about all of this.

Before Abigail could come up with an excuse, the bus had pulled into the school parking lot. Thank God, the brunette girl thought to herself. “Here,” she said awkwardly, tossing the stripped hoodie in Alex’s hands before getting out of the seat, walking right past Alex. “If you… if you see me around or whatever… don’t talk to me or anything, alright? Just forget about me. It’s easy, Alex. I promise.”

Alex stared at the girl. How could she honestly think that he could forget about her just like that? Why did she think it was so easy to do that? Fuck, Alex had only known her for two days and she had already made a large impact on his life. You don't just forget people like that.

Abigail, on the other hand, sighed heavily. She was doing what was best for the pair. They had fallen for each other far too quickly, which only meant they were bound to end horribly. Abigail was just beating him to the punch, right? She'd left him, before he could leave her.

Before he could respond to her, she had already walked off the bus, leaving Alex on his own. He felt miserable, to say the least.

Trying to shake off the feeling, he just couldn’t. Alex decided he was just going to pretend everything was okay. That would work, right?

——-

Walking into first period, Alex was welcomed with a warm smile from none other than Jack Barakat.

“Hey, Alex,” Jack nodded his head up at Alex. “What’s up? You look a little down.”

Fuck, Alex thought. He should’ve known that Jack would see through it. “Abigail doesn’t, uh, want to be friends anymore,” Alex tried to say it plainly, but he knew Jack could sense the pain in his voice.

“What? Why?” Jack asked in disbelief. This girl had seemed like she had cared just as much about Alex as he did for her. Why was she leaving?

“I don’t know, but, hey, forget it. She wanted me to forget her, and that’s what I’ll do,” Alex forced a smile on his face. He knew it was going to be hard, but if this is what she wanted… he had to at least try to give it to her.

“Right,” Jack nodded, not believing the bullshit that was coming out of his best friend’s mouth. He had seen Alex forget about a lot of girls since they had known each other, but no girl had made Alex smile the way Abigail did.

Alex, ignoring the uncertainty in his friend’s voice, looked over at Jack, suddenly getting an idea. Since Abigail was leaving him and he was upset, he’d just do what he always did when he was upset. He’d drink. Drinking always seemed to make the pain numb away for a little while. Drinking and partying all got his mind off of whatever was going on around him. Yeah, he knew it was unhealthy as all get out, but it was the only way to temporarily numb the negative emotions inside of him.

“Jack, let’s throw a huge ass party Friday night, okay? It can be absolutely fucking wild,” Alex grinned at his friend. The idea of even being able to get away from feeling so damn miserable enlightened Alex. It made him feel so much better.

Jack smirked a little at Alex. Jack knew that regardless the sudden change in moods, Alex was still upset, but he also knew that partying and alcohol definitely made Alex feel better after getting down in the dumps. “I’m up for it, man. A couple of drinks will help you to forget Abigail.”

——-

Abigail was sitting in her own first period, wearing her own black hoodie, whenever she had noticed Rian had happened to look over in her direction, as well. Rian shot the girl a warm, friendly smile. Abigail figured he hadn’t talked to Alex yet, so reluctantly she waved back, forcing a weak smile.

Just at Abigail began copying the notes off of the whiteboard at the front of the room, she raised her hand to ask the teacher a question, not realizing the teacher was outside in the hallway, just as the same girl she had talked to the day before, Dakota, turned around to eye Abigail suspiciously.

“What’s that thing on your arm?” Dakota asked, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder. “It’s kind of gross looking.”

It completely slipped Abigail’s mind – her deep cut was still on her arm. Since the hoodie was a few sizes bigger, it would slide down if she raised her hand.

“Is it a cut? Do you cut yourself?” Dakota kept questioning, with a bitter smirk on her face. She knew what it was. Abigail knew that Dakota knew what it was. “Are you going to answer me, or?”

Of course, Dakota’s practical taunts had caught Rian’s attention, who had turned around to face the two girls, giving Abigail a questionable look.

“You do cut yourself, don’t you? Oh my God, are you, like, some emo freak or something?” Dakota’s clover green eyes seemed to taunt Abigail’s misery.

Abigail couldn’t help but feel envious towards Dakota’s naturally beautiful looks. Dakota had the perfectly straight, bleach blonde hair with the piercing green eyes. This is the kind of girl Alex would be better off with, Abigail thought to herself.

“Does the emo kid not have anything to say? Maybe because it’s true,” Dakota ached on and on. She knew her words were getting to Abigail, that’s why she kept doing it.

That’s when it dawned on Abigail to lower her arm and snatch down the hoodie sleeve. It was too late, though. She knew everyone in the room – including Rian – had seen the deep cut. Everyone else knew her secret now, too. Everyone knew she cut herself. Everyone thought she was a freak.

“Dakota knock it off and leave her alone,” Rian said, his voice raising a little as he defended his new friend. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I bet she does it for attention,” Dakota whispered to her friend, who sat next to her, a red head named Grace. “It’s obvious. No one likes her or anything, so she does it so people feel bad and talk to her,” Dakota keep going, despite Rian’s protests as he was trying to defend Abigail. “I bet that’s what you told Gaskarth so that he’d hang out with you, right?” Dakota’s laugh sounded bitter and cruel.

Abigail felt the tears pouring out of her eyes. They came nonstop. How could this girl sit here and taunt her for these types of things?

“So, come on, Abigail,” Grace smirked, joining along in the taunting. “Did you tell Gaskarth that you cut yourself to get him to hang out with you? Or did you go even further and say you wanted to kill yourself? Attention whore.”

Abigail felt the words in her throat come up like word vomit. Before she could stop them, she blurted out the last thing she wanted to say, especially to a room full of people. “No. ‘Gaskarth’ doesn’t even know I tried to kill myself last night.”

Abigail suddenly felt all of the eyes in the classroom move towards her with shocked expressions. Rian’s, though, was the most shocked.

The brunette couldn’t believe she had just said that. She had just told the entire class her secret. Without hesitation, Abigail jumped out of her seat and ran out of the classroom, ignoring the teacher calling her name.

She went to the once place she knew would give her comfort – the bathroom. Abigail felt weak for doing it, but she couldn’t help it. She had to.

Sticking her bony, pale finger down her throat, Abigail felt the small amount of food and puke come up, before she started throwing up blood, then dry heaving. She felt weak. She felt alone again. She felt hopeless.

She wanted to die. She had to die. She knew everyone would be better off without her.

Slamming her head against the bathroom stall door, Abigail felt her breathing get heavy as well as the sobs.

Everyone would be fine if she were gone. Her father would, without a doubt. Alex would be able to live his life without worrying about her. She could get away from all the taunting. Everyone knew her secret now, but they all thought she did it for attention.

Rian knew that she had attempted suicide the night before, and he was bound to tell Alex. Alex couldn’t know. She didn’t want Alex to worry. That’s all she was good for – causing stress, worry and more issues.

Abigail knew she had hurt Alex, and that made her feel even more like shit than anyone else ever had. She needed Alex more than anything.

Then Abigail realized something else. No matter how many times she swore to herself that she would never love someone or that she didn’t believe in love – she was in love with Alex Gaskarth. It only took two days for him to show her that love was real.

But thanks to her father for threatening Alex, herself for pushing him away and shutting herself down – it was too late.