Thunder

To say Abigail was furious would be a large understatement. She couldn’t even handle all of the emotions inside of her. The entire school knew her deepest, darkest secret and they were all basically taunting her for it.

Jack’s coffee brown eyes bounced between his three friends. It seemed as if everyone at the lunch table had known about Abigail’s not-so-secret secret except for him. “So, wait… is it true…?” Jack asked slowly. He knew that his luck would be that it wasn’t true and he made himself look like the biggest prick in the world.

Abigail didn’t know what to say to the lanky boy sitting across from her. There was a ninety-nine percent chance that he already knew the answer.

Alex placed his hand over his girlfriend’s, doing his best to comfort her. He was still trying to process the new information himself.

At first the eighteen year old wondered why Dakota would do such a cruel thing to someone she most likely had never talked to.

Then it clicked. Dakota and Alex had been a thing the prior year. Things had ended badly, to say the least. Alex told her he couldn’t deal with her bullshit anymore and that she was a manipulative bitch, and they hadn’t spoken since.

The small voice in Alex’s mind told him this was the blonde’s way of seeking revenge on him.

“Babe,” Alex’s voice shook, leaving Jack’s question unanswered. Alex couldn’t help but notice the expression that had seemed to be permanent on the seventeen year old’s face. “Just ignore it. I bet there’s no one saying anything about it.”

Abigail ignored the soothing voice of her boyfriend. She knew he was just saying that. The four friends all knew everyone was talking about it. Everyone was saying crude things.

“Abigail,” Rian, too, tried to comfort the girl, but, much like his friend, he had no luck. “Alex is right. I bet nobody’s talking about it…” his voice sounded unsure.

Jack, inferring that the rumor was, in fact, not a rumor, offered his own words. “You can’t let Dakota get to you, Abigail. She’s just being a bitter bitch,” the skinny teen said in reference to his own best friend’s past with Dakota.

Even in her thoughts, Abigail couldn’t come up with anything coherent. Moving her hand away from Alex’s, she pushed away her tray, that she had only taken a few bites out of the food on it, trying her best to hold in the tears.

“Abigail, what are you doing?” Alex asked, shaking the flyaway hairs from his eyes. “Abigail,” the boy repeated as the girl just stared blankly at the table in front of her.

“I’m… I’m not hungry,” the girl didn’t even recognize her own voice. “I’m going to, uh, go to the restroom really quick… I’ll be back,” she said, throwing her body up, and ambling into the girl’s restroom, leaving a hurt looking Alex, a stressed looking Rian, and a very confused Jack, only to be faced with the “bitter bitch”, as Jack put it, herself – Dakota, and a few of her friends.

“Oh, hey, sweetie,” the blonde girl’s voice dripped with bitchiness and a hint of bitter. “You look a little flushed. Something wrong?” Dakota added a bitter smirk.

Before Abigail could get a response in, Dakota’s auburn headed friend, Lauren, butted in. “So, is Alex dating you because he feels sorry for you? Or did you sleep with him?” the girl asked in a snarky tone.

“I… I didn’t sleep with him… he doesn’t feel sorry for me, either…” Abigail managed to get out between her ragged breaths. She knew what she wanted to do. She had to do it.

“Obviously he does. You’re a freak,” Dakota’s other friend, a redhead named Grace, spat in the brunette’s direction.

Dakota let out a bitter laugh, before stepping towards the girl. “Now the whole school knows you’re a freak, too,” the blonde chuckled at her own insult, shoving past the fragile brunette.

“A fat freak, too. I bet that’s why you wear those huge clothes all the time,” Lauren swung her pin straight auburn hair around her shoulder, making sure it hit Abigail in the face, before walking out of the restroom behind Dakota, with Grace trailing behind, making sure to hit Abigail’s shoulder as hard as she could.

Abigail felt the first tear fall from her eyes just as she heard the bathroom door slam shut.

——-

Lunch was nearing an end, just as Alex, Rian, and Jack all saw Dakota and her two friends exiting the same restroom Abigail had entered around ten minutes before.

“Dude, where the fuck is Abigail?” Alex asked, growing worried. He was containing himself well, but seeing the familiar trio of friends exist the bathroom – his worry only grew larger.

“Calm down, Alex. She’s probably just trying to get herself together,” Jack said unsure of himself, as well.

“Jack’s right. She probably just… broke down in tears in there…” Rian bit his lip nervously. He couldn’t help but be worried for the girl, as well. “She’s probably just trying to clean herself up.

“Maybe you’re right…” Alex trailed off, not taking his eyes off of the wooden door of the bathroom.

——-

Abigail felt the familiar throbbing in her knees return as she slammed onto the ground in front of the toilet.

She knew Alex and the boys were probably wondering where she was, but she’d have an excuse ready for that later.

Before she could think any more about her friends, the seventeen year old already her finger down her throat, feeling the familiar burning sensation in her mouth and throat, and the food was coming right back up.

The tears fell just as hard as the food continued to come back up. She knew it was wrong, but she didn’t care. Abigail didn’t care about what was wrong or right anymore.

What she did know was that she had to get out of there. She wanted to be gone – to be alone. Waiting impatiently for the lunch bell to ring, the girl gave it a good five minutes before exiting the restroom.

Making sure no one was left in the cafeteria or the commons area, Abigail made break for the double door of the high school.

Once she was out of the door, she swung her backpack on her back and began running. She didn’t know where she was going, exactly – but that didn’t stop her from running.

——-

“Where the fuck is she?” Alex shouted, as he and his two best friends walked down the hallway to their fourth period class. “I’m pretty sure if she was just pulling herself together she’d be back by now,” he said, angrily, trudging down the hallway. Despite his anger manner, he couldn’t help but be worried.

“Maybe she just needed some time to herself?” Rian offered his friend, running a hand over his shaven head. “You need to calm down and stop thinking the worst,” Rian said hypocritically.

“Rian’s right,” Jack nodded in agreement, his thin, black hair falling in his eyes. “If you expect the worst, the worst will happen.”

Alex let out a heavy sigh. He knew no matter what he said, his friends would try to get him to be optimistic, so he gave up for the time being. “I guess,” he shrugged, trying his best to shake it off, as the three walked into their fourth class.

——-

Much to Abigail’s surprise, she ended up near a deserted lake a good thirty to forty-five minutes away from the high school. She didn’t know she could run for that long without stopping, but she was sure glad she could.

Abigail slung herself on the ground by the river bank, and brought her knees up to her chest, sobbing into her dark jeans.

After sitting in that position for a few minutes, Abigail began to feel her left leg fall completely asleep. As she unfolded her legs, she got an idea.

She swung her book bag off her back and began digging through its contents frantically. Finding what she was looking for – her simple black binder – she threw the folds open and began digging through its pockets, until feeling what she wanted – a shiny, silver blade.

The brunette had hid it in there so that Alex nor Isobel, or even Rian could find it, if they ever happened to go through her things. She knew she would need it, so she always kept a spare.

Abigail shoved the sleeve of Alex’s hoodie up her arm. Taking the blade to her skin, Abigail heard the familiar, degrading voice inside of her head. You’re so weak.

Once the voice spoke, Abigail dug the piece of metal into her wrist, directly above her vein. The teenager couldn’t help but feel comforted by the sight of the red liquid oozing from her veins.

You’re ugly. The voice spoke again.

Repeating her prior steps, the skinny brunette dug into her vein yet another time, this time earning a bit more blood.

You’re fat.

One more cut.

You’re worthless.

Just one more.

Nobody loves you. Alex just feels sorry for you.

One more cut won’t hurt, right?

As soon as the voice stopped speaking, Abigail’s arm was covered in red liquid. She felt relieved. The green eyed girl knew it was sick to say such a thing, but she couldn’t help it.

After a few minutes, she realized the blood hadn’t stopped yet. Her eye sight began fading in and out, as she realized what was occurring. She was losing too much blood, much like her last suicide attempt.

During the blood loss, Abigail lost feeling in her arm, causing her to sob uncontrollably and throw the hoodie’s sleeve down. She felt weak. She felt absolutely pathetic.

Using her free arm, the brunette fumbled for her cell phone. Checking time – 3:20pm –she realized that school had just let out for the day, just a minute ago. She knew the call she was about to make would cause her to feel even worse, but she couldn’t help it. It was like someone else was controlling her arms.

She needed Alex. She never needed anyone before and nobody ever needed her. Alex was different, though, she had grown to learn.

Managing to pull Alex’s number up in her contacts list, Abigail’s thumb pressed on the ‘send’ button, bringing the black rectangle to her ear, hearing the monotonous dial tone.

“Hello?” Alex’s voice finally rang through the other line of the call. “Abigail? Where are you?” his voice sounded frantic.

“Alex…” the girl choked out, feeling the blood drip down her arm as she spoke. “I need you.” The girl’s body lurched forward as she tried to steady her breathing.

Alex noticed the tone in the girl’s voice. It was a familiar tone, but he couldn’t exactly place it. “Where are you?” he asked almost immediately, as he began pacing back and forth on the school’s sidewalk, while the passing students talked about meaningless things to their friends.

Abigail gave her location to her boyfriend, trying to stop her crying. She told him that she had run after lunch, but she left out the part about throwing up and cutting. He could figure out the part about cutting when he got there. She just wanted him there and fast.

Alex recognized the girl’s location. He, Zack, Rian and Jack used to go to that lake when they were freshmen in high school, but he hadn’t been there since.

What Alex also knew, though, was that this lake was a good half hour away walking distance, and Rian and Jack had already left the school. The only way to get to the lake was… walking. Fuck.

“I’m coming, Abigail,” Alex reassured the girl, who’s breathing seemed to get heavier and heavier, just as the buses all pulled out of the school parking lot. “I’m on my way. Give me a half a hour. I promise, it’s going to be okay.”

Abigail wanted so badly to believe Alex, but she didn’t have it in her. Everyone had told her it was going to be okay, but it was hopeless.

Abigail said the only thing she could manage to say to her boyfriend. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Alex spoke, as he began taking off in the direction of the lake.

“I need you…”

“I’m on my way.”