Thunder

“Of course I’ll stay. Abigail, when I told you I loved you, I wasn’t just saying it just because I could. I said it because I meant it,” Alex confessed, surprising even himself. How could one girl change him so drastically?

“How many other girls have you told that, though?” Abigail blurted out, her chest heaving up and down. It was a thought that had been gnawing at her insides for days. How many other girls had Alex told that he loved them? How many girls had he said it to just to fuck them and be done with it? The thought was what was causing Abigail to question the amount of trust she had put into Alex.

Biting his lip nervously, Alex’s face temperature rose a few degrees . He wasn’t sure how to get around this. He had told a lot of girls that he loved them; most of the time he said so he could get a quick “fix” and leave. As true as that was, none of those girls had ever made him feel like Abigail did. “A lot, but-“

Abigail quickly cut the teenager whose arms were wrapped around her off, sitting her body straight up and trying to wipe the remaining tears, despite the fact that they kept falling down her unnaturally pale cheeks. “That’s what I thought. How am I… How am I supposed to trust you, Alex? It’s scary.”

Abigail wasn’t sure where all of these words were coming from. Any other time, she’d cower in her corner and let herself be fucked over a million times. Possibly, she thought, it was because this time she saw it coming. The entire time she had been with Alex, there was a small piece of her that held on to the fact that at any moment, he could screw her over, and just leave. And at this point? She wasn’t quite sure she could handle that.

Alex’s eyes widened. He was appalled, to say the least. What had made his girlfriend begin questioning the trust in their relationship? That scared him more than anything, because if this ended the way he thought it was going to end – nothing good was going to come from it. He needed her. In the short time they had been together, she had changed him for the better. She had done what no one else was able to do.

“Abigail, no… don’t say that. You know you can trust me. You’ve been able to for so long now. Please don’t second guess that. Please, I need this… I need us, more than you know. Please,” Alex couldn’t help but feel pathetic. But, to most people’s disbelief, beneath his bubbly attitude, pin straight hair, Converse, skinny jeans and hoodies – he needed someone to save him from himself just as much as the next guy.

“I’m not second guessing anything… I’ve always thought that… that trusting you was scary. I’m always going to…”

“No, you’re not. I’m going to change your mind, Abigail, but you have to let me,” Alex inched his body closer to his girlfriend’s, as she had begun moving away from him. “Please,” he asked, knowing the look of desperation in his caramel eyes would make him seem even more pathetic.

“I’m content with the walls I’ve put around myself. I’ve been working on the fourth one for a while… It’s all I need to shut everyone out,” the girl smiled bitterly. It was almost as if she everything all planned out – and not in the good way.

“Abigail, no… please. I don’t like where this is going. I really don’t.”

“Alex, you deserve so much better than me…” the seventeen year old’s voice cracked as she spoke. Abigail knew the second she walked away from all of this… the tears would fall, even harder than ever before. “You can get so much better than me. Someone you don’t have to run halfway across town for. Someone who doesn’t set themselves up for disaster. Someone who can be there for you, just as much as you are for them. I can’t even do that, ‘Lex. I’m too fucked up and selfish to stop and be there for you. Hell, for all I know, you could be hurting just as much as I usually am-“ she was cut off by a pair of soft lips on hers.

Alex pulled away slowly, pleading the girl with his eyes. “Please, don’t do this. We can help each other. I want to fix you.”

Abigail let out a small laugh with a roll of her eyes. “You don’t get it. I can’t be saved, ‘Lex. There’s no saving me anymore. You’ve done all you can do. I’m going to get all my stuff out of your house, and I’ll just live in my house until all the power gets shut off… then I’ll go from there. It’s for the best,” the girl spoke as she stood up and did her best to hide her falling tears. She had to pretend she was strong, just for now.

Standing up rather quickly, Alex reached for the girl’s hand, but became heartbroken when she pulled it away just as fast as he had stood up. “Abigail,” Alex spoke, his own voice cracking now. “Please. I love you. You just told me to stay, why are you leaving me? Don’t do this, please. I need you so-“

“I told you to stay because, well… I can’t tell you that. You’ll try and stop everything. You don’t need me. Nobody does. And you may love me, Alex… I don’t know. I know I love you, but you deserve better. Me getting out of your life will give you the chance to do that. So, don’t dwell on this,” the girl smiled sheepishly. “Go find someone who can give you just as much as you give them. And don’t look back, okay?”

Without waiting for a response from her now ex-boyfriend, Abigail walked off in the direction of the Gaskarth home to gather up the very few things she had to move back into her own home.

The part that broke Alex’s heart more than anything? She never looked back.

——-

The minute Abigail was out of eyesight and far enough away, Alex screamed. He screamed louder than he could ever remember screaming.

The one girl who had the power to change his old ways had just walked away from him, and didn’t even give it a second thought.

He knew he couldn’t get better than her. The thing she didn’t understand was that there was nobody better than her. She was the only girl for him.

By no means was she perfect, but neither was he. The thing about Abigail, though, was that she was perfect for him, but she just refused to see that.

“What if she does something fucking stupid?” Alex thought out loud. “What if she fucking dies of starvation or fucking kills herself?” the words that were now eating away at his thoughts were spilling out of his mouth.

For the first time since his own brother’s death, Alex Gaskarth cried. He cried just as hard, if not harder, as when Tom had passed away.

The one person he needed more than anything just walked out of his life and there was not a thing he could do about it.

Without hesitation, Alex pulled out his cellphone and dialed his best friend, Jack’s, number. He waited anxiously as the familiar dial tone played through his ears, almost as if it were taunting him.

“Hello? Alex?” Alex heard his lanky best friend’s voice fill through the speakers.

“She… she left me, Jack,” Alex did his best to get the words out. He hated saying them. It just made it all so much more real than he wanted to believe me. “Abigail left me.”

“Wait, what?” Jack asked his best friend in disbelief. He had to be joking… He was joking, right?

“She fucking left me. She thinks I can do better or some bullshit like that. I can’t, Jack. I can’t fucking do this without her.”

“Wait, chill for a second, ‘Lex. You can’t do what?” Jack became more panicked as he recognized the tone in Alex’s voice. That tone always meant something bad was about to happen.

“I can’t… I don’t know. I don’t fucking know anymore. One minute she loves me, and the next minute she doesn’t know if she can trust me. It’s my God damn reputation again. For fuck’s sake, half of that shit isn’t fucking true and-“ Alex was cut off by the soothing voice of his best friend.

“Alex, fucking chill. You’re expecting the worst. Just think of it this way… Abigail may have just needed some time to think to herself or something. She’s not out of your life, Alex. She fucking lives with you,” Jack stated, as if everything was obvious in this situation.

“Not anymore. She’s moving her shit out right now. She’s going back to live at her house… and when the power gets shut off, she said she’ll go from there. I’m so fucking scared, Jack. Jesus fucking Christ… I haven’t been this scared in a long time, Jack…” Alex trailed off, not wanting to say it.

And now it all made sense to Jack. Alex had the idea that Abigail may or may not be contemplating suicide again. Now that he had come to realization, Jack, too, was worried. “What else did she say?”

“She told me to stay, but she couldn’t tell me why she asked that, because I’d tried to put everything to a stop. Jack, I’m fucking freaking out. I can’t do this,” Alex’s mind raced nonstop. How did she expect to go his entire life without her, if he could barely last half an hour knowing she wasn’t coming back?

Jack’s thoughts immediately went south. What the fuck did that mean? “Alex, just… calm down. I’ll get Rian to call her later or something… and he’ll find out what the fuck’s going on, okay?”

“Okay, whatever… just… call me if you hear anything, okay?” Alex had to be assured that he wasn’t going to be out of the loop during all of this.

“Of course; just don’t let your thoughts get the best of you, okay? Stay safe,” Jack said in a fatherly tone before hanging up his phone, leaving Alex in silence, except the sound of the river water swishing back and forth.

During the entire conversation with Jack, one thought had been killing Alex on the inside.

When Abigail had told him to stay, did she mean to not follow her if she committed suicide…?