Thunder

Abigail was running. She wasn’t sure where she was going, but she was running. She had packed up her few things from the Gaskarth home , dropped them off at her own home, and now she was just running. Luckily, Isobel hadn’t been home, so she didn’t have to answer any questions. Abigail was scared – no, she was terrified.

Seeing Alex’s face fall whenever she broke the news that she was leaving him broke her heart more than anything she had ever gone through. The teenager only felt as if were for the best, though. Alex had given her the world. He helped her through a lot of things that most people would not do. He stuck with her through horrible things. He put with the blood… the starvation… the abuse… and what had she done for him? Nothing. All she did was cause stress upon the boy. What good was she for him?

She would miss him like crazy; that was inevitable. Sooner or later, though, she would grow accustomed to not seeing him regularly, just like she had with the other people who left her in life. That was part of her plan. Leave Alex before he could leave her. It was one of “beat you to the punch line” type of plans.

Abigail kept running, almost as if she was scared someone might catch up to her and try to question her.

The seventeen year old finally stopped herself in her tracks when she ran into someone’s chest. Scared to look up and face the stranger, Abigail mumbled out an apology before trying to walk away once again.

“Hey, wait, what’s wrong? You seem upset,” the stranger spoke in a deep, raspy voice, startling Abigail at first.

“Um, no, I’m fine,” the girl lied. Men in general made her nervous for obvious reasons, let alone strangers. “I’m sorry, but I really have to get going.”

The man’s eyes fell to the girl’s wrist, which was only slightly visible due to the large hoodie she was wearing. He couldn’t help but wonder if the wounds were self-inflicted or not. Once his conscious decided that this girl was, in fact, a self-harmer, he let his lips form a smirk. The vulnerable ones were the ones who would usually give in the easiest. He could have fun with this.

“Hey, sweetheart, stop. You need to calm down, okay?” the mysterious man rested his hand on the girl’s arm, causing her to flinch. He was getting good at this façade. As long as he pretended to be sweet and caring, girls were like putty in his hands. “How about I buy you a burger or something? And you can just chill?”

Abigail’s eyes widened. The thought of a stranger taking her out to eat made her skin crawl. The more and more the guy talked, the more scared she became. She just wanted Alex.

“Do you talk?” the man joked with the girl, as she just stared back in response. Damn, he thought. This would be harder than expected.

“I don’t, uh… really eat out with strangers. I’m sorry,” the brunette finally choked out of her mouth.

Abigail could admit that the man in front was good looking. He was garbed in a black V-neck shirt, dark skinny jeans, and a worn out pair of Converse. He looked to be about her own age, but regardless, she knew nothing about this boy.

“Oh, I guess that would help,” he smiled sheepishly. “My name’s Nick,” he finally introduced himself. “What about yours?”

“Abigail,” the teenager forced a smile. Something about Nick seemed off. Maybe it was the way he kept looking her over.

“So, Abigail, do you want to go eat?” the boy flicked his blonde, shaggy hair out of his eyes, giving the girl what he thought was a comforting smile.

His plan was simple. He’d make her think he loved her then fuck her. And as soon as that was done, he would leave her. If she didn’t listen to the way he wanted things done, he’d just slap her around a few times, right? Right. That’s how Nick always took care of the girls he dated. It was the only way to keep them in line.

“Um, no, thanks…” Abigail trailed off awkwardly. Why was he so persistent? She just wanted to run away and shut out everyone.

“Why not?”

Because I don’t eat, she thought to herself, before pushing the thought to the side, trying to find another stupid excuse. Saving her from answering, though, her phone began playing the chorus of “Always” by Blink 182 – easily reminding her of Alex.

Pulling the black rectangle out of her pocket, Abigail saw Rian’s name and number light up the screen, causing her heart to fall just a little. Staring at the screen for a few seconds, she smiled weakly at Nick. “I have to take this. I’m sorry.”

“That your boyfriend?” Nick gestured at the screen, taking note of the name. Dammit, he thought. His plan was faltering.

“No. It’s just my friend,” Abigail said awkwardly, before walking away and pressing the answer button. “H-hey, Rian…”

“Abigail? What the fuck is going on?” Rian jumped right into the conversation. He was always the blunt one of the group of friends.

“Um, nothing,” the teenager lied. She didn’t like lying to Rian, but she had to. She was trying to avoid hurting anyone else. She’d hurt Alex enough already.

“Don’t bullshit me, Abigail. Why are you running away from your problems?” Rian interrogated his now best friend. “Look, we’re friends, Abigail. We’re close. Friends tell each other things. Why are you running away from Alex?”

“He doesn’t love me,” she bullshit another answer to her friend.

“Bull fucking shit, Abigail. You and I both know damn well Alex loves you more than anything in this world. Why are you running away from all of this?” Rian kept repeating his question, despite that he wasn’t getting an answer.

“I’m scared, okay? That’s it. I’m a fucking pussy, Rian. Look, I really have to go now, I’ll talk to—“

She was cut off by her friend. “Abigail, no. I’m not letting you run away from me, too. Where are you at? I’ll drive by and pick you up and we can just talk,” he offered, praying she would agree.

Letting out a sigh of defeat, Abigail reluctantly agreed. She knew one way or another, Rian would find her and make her talk; might as well get it over with. “Sure, whatever. I’m…” she rattled off her location to Rian before hanging up.

A part of her wanted to start running again, but she couldn’t do that to Rian, so she walked back over to Nick. “Hey, um,” she started awkwardly, sitting at the nearby bench beside her and Nick.“I’m going to go for a ride with my friend, so I can’t go eat with you… I’m sorry.”

“When’s your friend getting here?” Nick asked, persistently.

Damn, he doesn’t give up, Abigail thought to herself, giving the boy a strange look. “I’m not sure. He’s on his way now.”

“Oh, well, I’m sure that gives us a few minutes to, you know… mess around or something?” Nick winked at the girl, making her feel even more uncomfortable before.

“Um… what?” Abigail asked in disbelief. This had taken a turn she wasn’t anticipating. All of a sudden, she was hoping Rian would come sooner.

Nick sat down on the bench and moved closer to the girl, sliding his hand on her inner thigh. “Come on, it’s not that a big a deal, right? It’s just a little fun.” Nick knew he was moving too fast with his plan, but what else could he do? He hadn’t been laid in a while. He needed some kind of fun. “So, just loosen up, ‘kay?”

Abigail’s pulse began racing. She was getting flashbacks. The last thing she wanted/needed right now. “Please, just stop…”

“Don’t tell me to stop, Abigail. I know you want this,” the boy said with a devious smirk playing on his lips. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to Abigail’s forcefully.

Pushing him off of her, Abigail tried to catch her breath. She stood up from the bench and stared at the boy in front of her. “Stop, okay… I don’t want this.”

Nick rolled his eyes, seeming a bit pissed off. He stood up in front of Abigail, his 5’8 frame towering over her slightly smaller 5’3. Shoving her back a bit, he smirked. “Yes, you fucking do. If we don’t do anything now, don’t think I won’t find you later,” he smiled, a bit of evil shining in his eyes.

“Please stop…” Abigail pleaded once more, backing away from the ominous man. “My friend will be here any minute now…”

This response earned a familiar feeling of a slap in the face, followed by a hard punch. That was going to leave a bruise in the morning and she knew it. “If you tell him anything, I swear to fucking God, I’ll find you.” Nick spat at her before shoving her forcefully to the ground, and giving her a sharp kick in the ribs. “Next time, just fuck the guy, babe. This won’t happen.”

Abigail laid on the cold, cemented ground until she knew that Nick was out of complete sight. She wasn’t sure what she had done that made the boy snap like he did, but she was scared.

After she had regained composure and sat up, she began seeing the flashbacks again. All of the hurt… the pain… all of it. Her father and her rapist.

As she felt her chest tightening up and her breathing began getting ragged and short, she recognized Rian’s familiar truck and stood up.

Racing to the passenger side of the automobile, she slung herself in the car, hiding her face with her hair, hoping that her friend wouldn’t see the forming contusion beneath her eye.

Unfortunately, the other teenager in the driver seat had seen it. “What is that beneath your eye, Abigail?” Rian asked, cutting off the car’s engine, facing his friend.

“I don’t know.”

“Abigail, stop with the bullshit. I’m your friend and you can trust me. What is that?” Rian asked again, toying with his set of keys.

“Um, some guy that was here with me… he, uh, tried to get me to go out to eat with him, but then you called and I got out of it… then he said waiting for you would give us enough time to mess around and he kept putting his hand inside my thigh… and he kissed me…” for some reason, Abigail began sobbing. It finally hit her how much she missed Alex. Hell, it hadn’t even been an entire day and she was a wreck. “I told him… I wasn’t into him or anything, and he slapped me, punched me, shoved me to the ground, then kicked me in the ribs…”

Abigail saw the color in Rian’s face flush before turning a dark shade of red. He was pissed. No, pissed was an understatement. He was infuriated beyond belief. “What?” he asked, trying to make sure he had heard everything correctly.

“Please don’t tell Alex,” was Abigail’s first response.

“I’m going to fucking tell Alex, Abigail. You can’t keep that from him.”

“Yes, I can. Alex and I aren’t together; it’s none of his business… Please don’t, Rian,” Abigail ran a hand through her messy hair, biting back the tears. “Rian, I had a lot of flashbacks…”

Furrowing his brows, Rian thought back to everything he knew about Abigail. Then it hit him. “Oh my God, Abigail… look, we’re going to go see Alex, okay?” Rian asked, even though he was going to go despite her protests, shoving the key into the ignition and pulling out of the what seemed abandoned road they were on.

“No, Rian, please no. I can’t see Alex. You don’t get it. He’s better off without me and—,” Rian brought the girl’s sentence to an abrupt stop.

“Don’t fucking say that, Abigail. You don’t get it, do you? I know you don’t think so, but Alex thinks the world of you. He’s fucking head over ass for you. I can tell just by the way he looks at you. He’s a fucking wreck without you. Abigail, you had that guy fucking crying. I’m not talking about one or two tears. I mean, full on sobbing. He called Jack freaking out because you left him. Whether you want to believe it or not, Abigail, Alex Gaskarth is unconditionally in love with you and you can’t avoid him forever.”

Before Abigail could protest to this, the pair was already in the Gaskarth driveway. Abigail didn’t even realize where she was had been so close to where she was trying to get away from. Had she really not gotten that far?

Abigail would’ve recognized Alex from a million miles away, but he seemed unfamiliar as he sat perched on his doorsteps. His face was pale and he looked tired.

“Rian…” she began, but he just waved her off, unlocking the car door.

“Go talk to him. Just hear his side of the story.”

“Fine,” she let out a loud, overdramatic sigh as she self-consciously pulled the sleeves of the old hoodie she was wearing over her arms.

Without saying a word, Abigail took a seat next to Alex on the doorsteps, watching Rian pull out of the driveway.

The ex-couple sat in an awkward silence before Abigail finally spoke up. “Hi…” was just about the only thing she could really get out.

“Hey.”

“Alex, look… I’m sorry I left, okay? But you don’t get why I did it…” Abigail tried her best to fix the torn seams of the relationship, but she knew she had fucked up everything for a while.

“No, I get it. You don’t get it, do you?” Alex finally spoke a full sentence, turning his gaze to the girl beside him.

“Get what…?”

Alex laughed awkwardly before continuing. “You’re honestly the only person who’s been able to break through my walls, Abigail. I’ve been fucked over plenty of times myself. Maybe not as much as you have or to the extent you have – but I’ve been in your position. I know what it’s like to blame yourself for everything that goes wrong. I know what it’s like to be scared that everyone will walk out on you. I know what it’s like to not want to live or be scared of everything. Abigail, when you left me today… that scared the fucking Hell out of me. I cried like a fucking baby. I haven’t cried since I lost my brother. I know you seem to think that I don’t have a clue what I’m talking about when I try to talk you out of these things, but how do you think I lost my brother? He killed himself, Abigail. Losing you the same way, or any way, really, is terrifying as hell. I know you think that nobody needs you… but I need you more than anything. Before you came in my life… for fuck’s sake, I was the biggest prick in the world. I fucked everyone over and I didn’t care. Then when you left me there at the lake... I felt like you didn’t care or something—,” before Alex could finish the emotional monologue he had somehow come up with to express his feelings, the seventeen year old beside him cut him off.

“That’s what you think? That I left you because I didn’t care?” Abigail asked in disbelief. She second guessed herself. She could see why he thought that.

“That’s what it seemed like.”

“I didn’t leave you because of that, Alex…” Abigail trailed off awkwardly.

“Then why?”

“Because it’s so damn hard, Alex, to know that you could leave at any moment you wanted to… and just get anyone else. Anyone better than me. All I was doing was hurting you… I caused you stress and worry and hurt you constantly. I left you because you mean so much to me, Alex,” Abigail finally got out of her system, feeling guilty for causing even more hurt upon Alex.

“You know I love you, right?” Alex said absentmindedly, taking his gaze off of the girl and back into the scene in front of him.

“I love you, too…” Abigail hesitated. She wanted to tell Alex about the day’s events. She felt guilty, though. She had kissed some other guy. Regardless they weren’t together anymore, she knew it would hurt him. Before she gave it a second thought, Abigail blurted out, “Alex, can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

Abigail blurted out what had happened with Nick, averting her gaze from Alex. She didn’t want to see his reaction. What if he blamed her? What if he thought she was a whore?

As soon as she finished, Alex faced the girl next to him. “I’m going to fucking kill that motherfucking asshole,” he said, without skipping a beat.

Out of instinct, Abigail grabbed Alex’s hand, “No. Please don’t… I’m fine,” she lied.

Alex knew it wasn’t the time, but when she had touched his hand he felt like his insides had exploded. Absentmindedly, he laced his fingers between hers, smiling weakly.

Abigail shot her ex-boyfriend a faint smile back. She was entirely confused. She still loved Alex… but she didn’t want to keep hurting him. “I think I should go…” Abigail stood up, brushing herself off, trying her best to ignore the hurt look on Alex’s face.

Standing up after her, Alex tried to ignore the pang in his heart as he watched Abigail walk away for the second time in one day.

Before she was out of the driveway, Alex called out her name. “Abigail, wait!” he yelled, watching her hair swing around as she faced him.

“Alex, I really—,” before she could protest staying any longer, Alex ran up to the one girl he had ever loved, and locked her fingers between his.

Before another word came out of Abigail’s mouth, Alex put his hands on both sides of her face, and pressed his lips onto hers.

This was simple kiss. No tongue. No sexual motives. It was full of emotion. Love. Pain. Caring. Every bit of emotion that they had experienced together was now coming out in this one kiss.

Abigail just couldn't do this, though. She had a plan and she had to stick to it. The only way to go through with this plan was to push Alex as far away as possible.

Breaking apart the kiss, Abigail opened her eyes to Alex. "I... I love you, Abigail," Alex mumbled almost incoherently.

"I.. Alex, I..." Abigail wanted so desperately to kiss the boy in front of her again, to tell him she loved him too; to pretend like it was all okay. The kiss was the reassurance that she had pined for; that everything WOULD be okay eventually. It wasn't okay, though. "Alex, I'm sorry. I can't do this," she said through her tears, tearing herself from the older boy's arms, ignoring Rian calling her name, ignoring the saddened look on Alex's face.

Alex felt a hole in his chest open up. She had left again. She walked out on him and she didn't have any plans on coming back.