Winter.

I hit the snooze button and decided I don't want to go to school. Not yet, anyway. I wasn't in the mood. Today would be rough, I could tell. I'm not to sure why I don't just end it. There isn't anything for me here, anyway. Snow, my pure white kitten with on green eye and one blue, my best friend and only companion, could scince how I was feeling and nuzzled my chest.

But it was true. I'm feeling awefully depressed today. What makes today any different, though? I suffer from depression and I self harm, sometimes two or three times a day. My life sucks, really. A few years ago, my loving, trusting, parents found out I was gay and had depression. At the same times. Thought therapists weren't supposed to tell your parents shit, right? Well, that's a big fat lie.

Well, Dr. Mongle told them everything. I got shunned by my family, even my sister. They couldn't have a 'freak' or a 'faggot' running around. They needed to keep their popular reputation clean. They didn't want their sweet, perfect, son to be the talk of the next dinner party. It would ruin them for sure! But what's more important? Your popularity? Your reputation? Or your children..?

Well, I guess we can all see what decision they made. Here I am, 1,000 miles away from home. They bought me a little house in the down side of town in ninth grade. I've lived here all alone since. They gave me a debit card and fill it with whatever, whenever. Once a month, usually. The only companion I have is Snow. He loves it here, though.

He loves sitting by the little fire place, watching television with me or watching while I play on the computer. I usually get him a little ball of yarn to chase around. He loves my room, laying with me while I sleep. It's nice to have a big bed, sharing it with only a kitten.

Sometimes I get lonely though. Sometimes, the lonliness drags through the night when I can't sleep. The silence follows through the house like a ghost in the walls. The darkness around creeps and waits silently until suddenly, it hits without notice. It makes tears form in my eyes, down my face. It cases the blade to cut deeper. It causes my heart to tug and pull until a lump forms in my throat.

It hurts so much, being alone. I have no friends, no family to turn too. Everyone who once loved me is now gone with the changing of the seasons. The holidays are the worst. There is no thanksgiving or christmas or new years. There's no one to spend the happiest time of year with. No one except Snow, of course.

Winter is such a lonely season. The trees are bare and the animals no longer come out to play. No one is around. There are no laughs of the neighbors children or birds singing in the sky. But when it snows, I feel so alive. I feel the cold whipping at my skin, the clouds of breath coming in and out of my lungs. It helps me know that I'm still here, still breathing, still living.

***

I hadn't wanted to get out of bed for this exact reason. Second period was coming to an end in this Hellish place. I hated this school. I hated these people. I hated my life and every aspect of it except for my kitten. She kept me going. She kept me breathing. But not for long.

Quiet time was now. Quiet time was the time at the end of class that my crazy English, Mr. Borden, teacher made up. Though, no one was quiet at all. Everyone was loud and obnoxious. But it gave Mr. Borden just enough time for a ten minute nap between classes. Great teacher, huh? Quiet time for me was the worst time of the day. See, Nikki, a 'popular' boy, uses this time to torture me in front of the class.

The thing about Nikki, though, is that I don't think he's really that mean. I think he doesn't want to be mean, but he's also all about his reputation. His reputation is why he throws those harsh, harsh, words at me.

Just then, the unfortunate happens. I let out a quiet sneeze, drawing attention to myself.

"Aw, bless you faggot." Nikki says. The guy behind him gives him a high five as they laugh. This is rediculous. That wasn't even funny.

"Good one." One of Nikkis friends laugh. "That kids a worthless piece."

That one hurt. I say nothing and lay my head on the desk. One thing I've learned in this school, if anything, is to never let them see you cry.

"Aw, what's wrong, queer? Gonna cry? Why don't you just kill yourself already?" Nikki says, standing from his desk, which is just across the room from mine. "It's not like anyone loves you. Or wants you. Or needs you breathing their air."

What hurts the most, is that all the things he say, are true. Every harmful word he mutters, is true. I am worthless. I don't have a place in this world. And it hurts more then every cut, every burn, every time I've starved. But that's okay. Because I have a plan.