Crashing Down on Me

I remember being hit. Not with a fist. By a car, or an SUV, or whatever it was. It was raining, and we were all on the bus. I don’t know where we were, just somewhere between gigs. Maybe Alabama.
Anyway, there we were, traveling down the highway in the early night. I remember that I was sleeping curled up against Twiggy, and I could hear John and Ginger talking quietly in the lounge. Who knows where Pogo was. The bus was suddenly swerving, and I opened my eyes. I nudged Twiggy, who didn’t really wake up, and left him lying on the seat while I went to see what was going on. I don’t know why I left him, or even what lured me into leaving my seat. Maybe it was fate, if you believe in that sort of thing.
The sound of metal on metal and the thud behind me were so loud that they sounded like an explosion. I turned, and there was this great big vehicle, nose forward into the bus, right where Twiggy and I had been sleeping. John, Ginger, and Pogo suddenly all appeared. They were all unharmed, though they looked understandably shaken. My eyes darted around, searching for Twiggy. He must’ve been there with the others somewhere, right?
I heard John squeal, and my eyes followed his. I think I screamed. I don’t even know. I saw the pale arm, the black stocking and boot poking out from the destroyed part of the bus. Twiggy. Oh, God…he was under there. I ran to him, trying to figure how I could pull him out, to see if he’d been hurt.
“Don’t,” Pogo said, suddenly beside me, his hand on my shoulder. “Don’t touch him. If he’s still alive and you move him, you might hurt him worse.”
I nodded, and knelt beside my best friend. I wanted to see his face, but I knew that Pogo was right. “Twiggy? Twiggy, are you okay? Speak to me.”
I heard a small whimper. Thank God, he was alive.
John was on the phone, presumably with either the police or paramedics. I wasn’t paying much attention.
“Twiggy, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay. Just breathe. I’m right here. I won’t let anything happen to you, okay?”
From underneath the rubble and metal, I could hear him moaning and sobbing. I knew from his hushed noises that he was in pain. In all honesty, I couldn’t believe that he was still conscious. As minutes passed, the sobs grew softer, nearly stopping.
“Twigs, you stay awake, okay? You have to stay conscious. Talk to me.”
“It hurts,” he sobbed.
“Okay. What hurts?”
“Everything.”
“Does anything feel broken?”
“I…I can’t…I don’t…”
“Shh, don’t stress out. Stay calm, okay? I know it’s hard.” I shifted to sit on the floor a few feet away from the wreckage. I could hear the sound of sirens in the distance.
It felt like forever, before the fire department allowed the paramedics to come inside. Both teams were working, trying to figure out how to get Twiggy out. One of the paramedics was down on his stomach, trying to see underneath. I heard him curse under his breath.
“Twiggy?” I realized that it had been awhile since I’d heard him.
“Ahhhkkk,” he murmured softly.
“Look, I don’t know about this,” the paramedic said, sitting up.
“What?” I asked, fiddling with a lace on my boot.
“He’s really pinned under there. I can’t see half of his body. If we move either him or the vehicle, there’s a chance that we could sever him.”
“Well, you can’t just leave him!” Ginger cried out, burying his face in John’s shoulder.
“No. I think the best thing is to get the vehicle moved. We can cut it where we’re sure that your friend isn’t pinned down.”
I nodded.
“You and your friends need to evacuate the bus. You should all go to the hospital, to make sure you’re okay.”
“We’re fine,” Pogo protested.
The other paramedic shrugged, and must’ve decided that it was okay if we refused a check up, as long as we got out of the way. Unfortunately, the fire department guys weren’t as lenient, and they insisted that we all be examined.
Not wanting to leave Twiggy, I snuck back to the bus as soon as they were taking Ginger’s pulse. It was now very dark, and the only light besides the moon and the stars was the floodlight the fire department had set up, and the sparks from the machinery they were using to cut on the big shiny vehicle.
I wondered for a moment about the driver of the vehicle, and our own bus driver, but the only thing really on my mind was Twiggy. I was scared for him. What if he didn’t make it out of this? If he died, and I lost my bass player? No. Not my bass player. My best friend. The person I loved more than anyone else in the world.
A team of firemen pulled away parts of the vehicle, and it was the first time I could see at all what things looked like. They worked for over an hour before I could see that in a pile of rubble, there was my Twiggy, arms and legs bent at odd angles, dark blood staining his light dress. I wished he’d changed into something else, so that he wouldn’t look like a drag queen when he got to the hospital. Professionals of any sort tended to frown upon a man dressed in woman’s clothing. I’d seen the prejudice all too many times, yet it never bothered him. He was completely comfortable with being who he was.
“Hey!” A fireman was suddenly inches from my face. “What are you doing here?”
I stared at him dumbly. “My…Twiggy…” I murmured, watching the paramedics come in to inspect the situation.
“Well, you can’t be here. You have to go.”
“Where?” I asked, gesturing at the highway. It wasn’t like I could walk anywhere. I did wonder, however, where the others were. Obviously, they’d gone somewhere without me.
“I don’t care. You just can’t be here. We have to move the last part of the vehicle, and when we do, there may be an explosion. I don’t need you in the way.”
“Explosion?” My eyes were back on Twiggy. I was feeling less and less like there was a possibility that he was going to make it out of this alive.
“Please, mister, just let us do our job.”
“I won’t leave him. I…please.” I was close to tears now. I didn’t want to cry. I never let anyone see me cry.
“Carl!”
The big, beefy paramedic was lumbering toward me. I sighed. I knew that they were going to make me leave. What could I possibly say that would allow them to let me stay?
“Come on, man,” Carl said sternly, his hand coming toward me.
“Look, I know it doesn’t matter to you, but the person lying there dying is my best friend. I love him more than anything, and if he doesn’t make it and I’m not there with him, I’ll lose my mind. So, what do you want it to be? Let me stay with him, or take a chance that I’ll go crazy and kill a bunch of innocent people?”
Carl looked at me curiously. “You really are crazy, man. But…okay. Just stay out of the way.”
I nodded. Of course, I wouldn’t really kill anyone, no matter what the outcome of this was. Well, not anyone except for myself. If Twiggy died, I wanted to be dead with him. We had promised each other that, years ago. If one of us died, the other would follow. It was a sick promise, but the two of us were so close that we’d become one, and neither of us felt that we could really go on without the other.
Carl rejoined the other paramedics, and the firefighters, all of whom were now trying to free Twiggy from his prison of rubble.
I watched while they worked together, slowly cutting through metal with a blowtorch, the popping of a can opener type thing distracting me while they started to clear enough of the wreckage away to be able to safely pull Twiggy out.
“Okay, we can get…him…out of here,” Carl said in a confused tone.
So, he’d figured out that Twiggy was wearing a dress. I would have laughed, had I not been so worried.
Together, six firemen and paramedics crowded in, counted to three, and had Twiggy out of there. While three paramedics settled him on a stretcher, the firemen were ready to hose down the vehicle or the bus in case of an explosion as they separated the ruined hunks of steel.
I watched them take Twiggy over to the grassy embankment. They worked for a few minutes, and then carried him to the ambulance. They’d put an oxygen mask on him. That had to be good, right? He was still breathing.
Carl climbed back down from the ambulance, and came to where he’d left me, where I still stood. “Okay, man. You coming, or not?”
I nodded. I was surprised that they were going to allow me to ride in the ambulance. Usually, that privilege was reserved for blood relatives and spouses only.
Carl helped me up into the ambulance, and allowed me to go and sit on what looked like a tackle box beside Twiggy’s stretcher. “He’s got broken bones, so don’t touch.”
Twiggy, who seemed to have become alert to the fact that I was there, used up what must’ve been all of his energy to raise his pale hand, grasping at the air. I knew that he was searching for my hand.
“Please, can I hold his hand? He’s scared.”
“Gently,” Carl warned.
I slipped my hand into Twiggy’s. “You’re going to be okay. I’m right here. Don’t worry. I won’t leave you.”
Carl was hooking Twiggy up to all kind of machinery. “Keep him awake, if you can. I can’t properly assess the damage here, but my guess is that he’s got internal injuries. If we can keep him conscious, there’s a better chance that he’ll make it.”
“You hear that, Twigs? You need to stay awake.”
He fought to keep his eyes open at first. They weren’t his eyes, though. Of course they weren’t someone else’s, but they weren’t his. His eyes were beautiful, wide, sparkling, and always full of wonder and happiness. These eyes were dull, pained, and frightened. There was no trace of the usual gold sparkle in them. I’d always loved that about him, the way his eyes would shimmer with gold flecks when he was happy.
By the time we were pulling up to the emergency room, his eyes had shrunken down to slits, and I could tell that even though he was trying to hide it for my sake, he was in a lot of pain. I let go of his hand as doctors and nurses came to take the stretcher. I quietly thanked Carl for his kindness, and followed the troop inside.
I was put in a waiting room that was more or less empty. Of course, it was the middle of the night by now. Maybe close to dawn. I didn’t know. I didn’t care. All I cared about was Twiggy being okay.
Anxiety eating at me, I popped open the ring I always wore, and took out a little blue pill. I washed it down with some of the foulest coffee I had ever encountered. Of course, I had never been a fan of coffee. I wondered, briefly, if it was decaf, or if it would keep me even more awake than I already was.
I didn’t have to wonder long. The next time I was aware of anything, sunlight was streaming into the room, and a doctor was standing over me, shaking me awake. I struggled to focus my eyes and sit up.
“You came in with the bus crash victim?”
I nodded.
“He didn’t have any identification on him. I’ll need you to answer some questions.”
“Okay.”
I verbally answered what felt like an endless string of questions, some of which I had to use my best guess on. Though I knew Twiggy better than anyone, when would family medical history come up? I knew some about his mother, but even he didn’t know who his father was, much less what his medical history might’ve been.
“You’ve been very helpful. Do you have a phone number for a blood relative who might be able to answer the rest of these?”
I shook my head. “His mother doesn’t know who his father is, either. I mean, you could call, but I think it’s safe to say that I’ve answered everything that she could. He spends his time with me, not her. Besides, she’s so far away…”
“Yes, but there will come a point when we have to have a blood relative to make medical decisions for your friend.”
“Why?”
“I think we’d better talk.”
I nodded, swallowing deeply. I knew that this wasn’t going to be good news.
“Your friend was basically crushed in the accident. His limbs are all broken, most of his ribs are broken, his hips are broken, and his pelvis is shattered. There’s damage to his liver and kidneys. I’m hoping to keep him going with the transfusion and antibiotics, but this is very serious. He’s lost a lot of blood, and there’s the possibility for more damage to present itself now that we’ve got the internal bleeding under control.”
“If I hadn’t left him on the seat,” I said in a soft whisper.
“Look, if you’d been beside him, you’d be in this shape, too. You’re lucky.”
“Am I? Am I lucky if my friends and I walk away without a scratch, and Twiggy dies? Is that lucky, having to spend the rest of my miserable life wishing every moment that it had been me and not him? I know what you must think, looking at him, but you couldn’t possibly know. He’s the sweetest, kindest, most wonderful person. He doesn’t deserve this. He’s not built for pain.”
“You two are very close, aren’t you?”
“You have no idea. He’s the other half of me, like identical twins. No…conjoined twins. We’re rarely ever apart. It’s been that way for so long. I don’t know what I’ll do, if I lose him.”
The doctor sat down Twiggy’s chart. “I feel really badly for you. I wish that I could tell you something that would ease your concern, but I don’t know what it would be. I guess the best news that I can give you is that his heart, lungs, and brain are all looking good. If we can keep that much of him going without a problem, there’s a much better chance that he’ll come out of this.”
“All of the broken bones…”
“His limbs have all been set, and he’s going to be in surgery most of the day to put pins in his hips and to have his pelvis worked on. When we’re sure that everything’s as good as we can get it, he’ll be casted up either tonight or tomorrow morning.”
“You didn’t put him in casts now?”
“No. We’re going to do a body cast, from the chest down.”
“You’re going to make him a mummy?”
“Of sorts. Keeping everything immobile is the best thing we can do for him.”
“Well, how’s he supposed to do anything? Doesn’t he have to eat and…”
“He’ll be on an IV for several weeks, and when he leaves the hospital, he’ll have to have a home nurse until the cast comes off.”
“He’s going to hate not being able to move.”
“Likely, he’ll be too tired to want to move much. He’ll be sleeping pretty much of the time, while he’s healing. His body will require a lot of rest, and the pain medication will keep him pretty lethargic.”
“What happens when the cast comes off?”
“A lot of intensive physical therapy. Not right away, though. First, he’ll be in a wheelchair for awhile. We’ll work him up to crutches, and at that point, we’ll start on pretty mild physical therapy.”
“But, you think he’ll walk again?”
“If things don’t change, his spine seems to be in good shape. There’s some swelling, but it shouldn’t be anything that hurts him.”
“That sounds promising.”
“Yes, but I do hope that you understand he’s going to require a lot of patience and care. He’ll need someone with him at all times.”
“I can do that.”
“It’s not a one person job. You will need to hire a nurse.”
“Well, not here. We’ll worry about that once he’s home.”
“And home is?”
“California. We share a house.”
“I see.”
“I can take him home, can’t I?”
“Not right away, but once I’m convinced that it’s safe for him to travel and that he will have proper medical care, yes.”
“Until then, I kind of…need somewhere to stay, don’t I?”
“You’re welcome to stay here, if that’s what you’d like. We can set up a cot in his room.”
I smiled weakly. “Yeah. Of course I want to stay with him.”
The doctor picked up the chart again. “One more thing, and then I should go see how they’re doing with him. I’ve looked through the family information you’ve given me, but I don’t see anyone named Brian. While we were attempting to put him under to set his bones, he kept pleading for a Brian.”
“That’s me.”
“Oh…I guess I should’ve figured that myself.”
“But, what do you mean that you attempted to put him under? Didn’t you knock him out to do that?”
“We tried, but he didn’t seem to respond to what we gave him. Don’t worry, though, he passed out from the pain by the time we were working on the second limb.”
“Good God, you let him suffer like that? What kind of hospital is this?”
“Hey, it’s not like that. I assure you, Mr. White is getting excellent medical care.”
“Yeah. Sure. Whatever.”
Frowning, the doctor stood, and turned to leave. “I’ll send a nurse for you once you’re allowed to see him.”
I nodded, and took out my phone, which, of course, had a low battery. I called John, wanting to update him on Twiggy and to find out where the rest of my band had gone to.
We talked for almost an hour, when my battery finally gave out. I sighed, shuffled to the bathroom, and realized that my stomach hurt from a combination of stress and not having eaten in hours.
In the cafeteria, I ate a few bites of what they called turkey, and tossed the rest in the trash, going back to the waiting room.
Hours passed. John came with a charger for my phone, and one suitcase. He explained that the three of them were taking a flight home, and to call if Twiggy or I needed anything. I stood to hug him goodbye, and watched him go. As soon as he was gone, I let down my walls and cried. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried, but I knew that it had been a while.
By the time the sun had gone down, I was convinced that no one was going to bother to come and get me. Maybe Twiggy had died, and no one had wanted to have to be the one to tell me. I left the room, and went to the nearest nurse’s station. I was politely told to please go back to the waiting room, so I did.
Finally, a nurse did come. She presented me with a clear plastic box containing a sandwich, an apple, and a juice box. “I’m sorry that you’ve been here all alone for so long. They’re finishing up with your friend now. It won’t be much longer.”
“Okay.” I opened the box, unwrapped the sandwich, and took a bite. I knew that I had to eat. I had to stay as strong as I could for Twiggy.
“You know, that young man is very sweet. He’s so good about letting the doctors poke and prod him. He’s certainly optimistic.”
“Yeah. That’s my Twiggy.”
She gave him a curious smile. “I thought his name was Jeordie.”
“Oh…it is. We just call him Twiggy.”
“Well, he certainly is thin. I’m sure that didn’t help matters any, with the accident.”
“He’s been the perfect patient. Although it did throw us for a loop when he started asking to see people. I understand that you’re Brian, but none of us knew who this Marilyn was that he kept talking about. Does he have a girlfriend?”
I couldn’t help it, I laughed. “No. I’m Marilyn.”
“I thought you were Brian.”
“Yes. We’re in a band. His stage name is Twiggy, and mine is Marilyn.”
She looked him up and down. “Well, that explains the makeup, I suppose.”
I winked at her, which seemed to startle her.
“Wait…I think I know who you are. My niece went to see your show last night. She lives about two hours away.”
“That sounds about right.”
“You’re that Antichrist guy, aren’t you? You kill animals and have sex on the stage.”
“No…those are rumors. Well, the killing, anyway. I’ve had oral sex on stage a few times, mostly with Twiggy.”
“Are you two…”
“We’re…best friends. We love each other. Neither of us has any shame or regret. We do what we want, and if we want to kiss or give each other a blow job, we do. We’re not gay. At least, I don’t think we are.”
She gave me a small smirk. I was sure that she was judging me, that she was judging Twiggy, too.
“I love him. I’m not going to deny it. I always have, and I always will.”
“I’d say that the feeling is mutual. It shouldn’t be long before they’re done with him. Maybe you’d like to come to the room and settle in?”
I nodded, and stood, stretching out.
“Don’t worry, I won’t say anything to anyone about who you are.”
“I don’t care if you do.”
“Well, it would be in Twiggy’s best interest to not bring it up. Some of the staff here is pretty…”
“Unwilling to accept us? Yeah. We face that everywhere. People either love us or hate us.”
“I’m not going to say that I approve of what you do, but I believe that you should have the right to do it.”
“Thanks.”
We stopped outside of a fairly large white room with an empty bed, a small cot, and glass windows.
“Here’s your stop.”
I heaved my suitcase inside, and propped it against the wall. I was sitting on the bedside chair when they brought Twiggy in. He was very pale, but his eyes were open.
“Brian!”
I smiled. “Hey, Twigs.”
“You’re here!”
“I’ve been here all along.”
He smiled, and the minute they had him in the bed, he was searching for me.
“Wow, that’s a cool mummy suit you’ve got there.”
“Maybe I’ll keep it for Halloween.”
I laughed. “You seem happy enough.”
“They gave me the good drugs. It doesn’t hurt at all.”
“That’s good.”
“I broke, like, everything.”
“I know.”
“I got pins in my hips. Now, when I go through a metal detector at the airport, it’s gonna take them like an hour to clear me.”
I shook my head, gently flicking his dreadlocks. “You know, you scared me.”
“I did?”
I nodded. “I thought I was going to lose you.”
“You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
I leaned forward, and kissed his forehead. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too.”
“John and Ginger and Pogo all love you, too.”
“I know.”
“And your mom, and your brothers.”
“I know, Brian. Everybody loves me. Everybody in the whole world.”
I stroked his hair for a little while, until his eyes became heavy, and I knew he was about to fall asleep again.
“Brian?”
“Hmm?”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For saving my life.”
“I didn’t, Twigs.”
“Yes, you did. You kept me calm. You told me that it would be okay. And it will be. I’m going to be okay.”
“Yes, you are.”
He settled back into the pillow. As I watched him drift off, I realized that I was still smiling. I would say that it takes a near tragedy to make you realize just how much you love someone, but that wasn’t really the case, here. I’d known all along how much I loved my best friend. I just understood now that always and forever, he would be the most important one in my world.