Randomness

“You should try and forget him you know” Emily softly spoke to me. Watching her from my seat by the window. “You should try and fuck off.” turning my back to her I look down to the city.

“I’ve had it with you Milagros, boo hoo he left you, end of fucking story. Grow the fuck up, open your goddamn eyes and realize that maybe he wasn’t the one for you.” laughing bitterly “Come on, you didnt really believe you guys would last.”

“Fuck you, simply fuck you. You dont fucking know shit, so please get the fuck out of my apartment.”

“Gladly! Hopefully you’ll fucking stop moping around.” I could hear her heels clicking against the wooden floor.

Emily fucking Perry what would she know. She has the perfect marriage, perfect family, perfect fucking everything. Since I started dating him, my life changed drastically. I dont regret what we had but its not like he ever loved me.

It was all a show, something for the fans. A favor for an old friend, but it meant so much more to me. Curse the fucking day Emily took me to an Falling In Reverse concert.

Ugh, who the hell is knocking.

“Milagros Sierra! Open the door, we have feeew little things to talk about!” maniacal laughter then followed the creepy voice. “Tick tock I dont have all day!”

Walking towards the front door, I began to think of who the hell could be here.

“Who the fuc-Jimmy?!” Oh my lord what. “What what who but you died what!”

“Well funny thing.. never mind I came here to speak to you. It involves a certain you know who.” wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive manner. Jimmy grabbed my arm, pulling me towards the living room.

But but how is he here, he fucking died. What the fuck did I take this morning.

“Oh child calm down, you didnt take anything, and no you didnt say that at loud. I read your mind silly duck. ANYHOW back to business. Why didnt you ever tell him your true feelings? Hmmm?

“I um I was afraid to and well he didnt love me ya know. So why risk whatever we had for something stupid like feelings.” looking down towards the floor, the tears started to fall.

“Milagros, I’ve been looking over you and your friend Emily for years. Yes you’ve fucked up here and there but that doesnt change the fact that you deserve love. And life is about taking risks, look at me I took shit ton. Didnt end so well but I had fun ya know. You’re too afraid to love and open up yourself to commitment. Dont be.” Jimmy took me into his arms. I couldn't help to start sobbing, he was right. Of course he was right, its Jimmy after all.

“I want you to trust me Milagros, close your eyes and hold my hand tight.”

“Why? not that I dont trust you but why?” wiping my tears away I looked up at his crystal blue eyes.

“I’ve learned a few tricks up in heaven.” winking at me, I took a hold his hand. “I’m taking you back to that day you’ve cursed. You will have the chance to do it all over again. You may choose not to go and cause your future to change completely. Or you may choose to do it the same just some small changes.”

“Its that even possible?”

“Sure is, all you gotta do is close your eyes and hold on tight.”

I couldn't feel anything other than Jimmy's hand. It seemed like I was flying. All of the sudden I was failing, screaming I fell on a soft bed. 

"Dude stop being lazy and get up we gotta go see FIR!" I opened my eyes to see Emily, she looked different. She looked younger. Getting to my feet I ran towards the mirror. My hair it was blonde, and long. Just like I had it five years ago. I looked around the room and realized I was in my old room back in Long Beach. 

"Bro hurry up, we gotta go now."

"Um yeah sure" 

"Wait so you are going?" jumps up and down excitedly. 

"Yeah I haven't seen Ryan in a couple years. Ya know."

"Woohoo!!" 

As we headed towards the venue I thought about what jimmy had said. I could change it and do it all over again. Would I want to change it, all of it. Jimmy where are you? I need your help. Jimmy what the hell dont leave me hanging dammit!

“Hey the fuck are thinking so much about?” cracking her knuckles on the steering wheel Emily turned her head towards me direction.

“Nothing, pay attention to the road” scoffing she turned her eyes to the road. She wanted to know something, she kept fidgeting and had turned down the music. “Hey, you know Ryan and Ronnie from back in the day dont you?” Shit she still has a crush on Ronnie, ahh damn how did she meet Tony again. Nooo how could I forget! Jimmy some assistance please.

“Oh um yeah I havent talked to Ronnie in a while though.” shit how did they meet again,shit umm Tony and Emily, Emily and Tony.. 

"Star wars!"

"What dude?"
"Are you still going to that Star Wars convention thing?" How could I forget she came home after that thing all happy and rainbows. 

"Yeah, hopefully if I can take a sick day" smiling at me. Sigh thank you baby Jesus. 

"Oh you will don't worry. Do you still wanna meet the guys backstage?”

“Yes! I really wanna meet Ronnie” her face flushed, nervously laughing I followed her lead and also laughed. Why? Emily if I didnt love him as much as I do this wouldnt be as difficult. Maybe I should get them together, Ronnie always did pay certain attention to her. But Tony, they have a life together, it would break my heart not seeing them together.

“We’re here!!” halting my thoughts of the complicated dilemma I smiled and cheered.
“Dude the line is so fucking long, gah damn groupies.” groaning she turned towards me, like always she forgets.

“Bro I’m a rockstar I can get you in there for free, why do you always forget.” chuckling I shake my head. Sticking her tongue out she responds sarcastically “Well miss rockstar if someone acted like one and released a new album I’ll remember.”

Oh yeah the band is on break, forgot about that, hmm I need to speak with Jimmy dammit.

“Yeah yeah, get yo ass over here I need to pee.”

Going towards the door I flashed my backstage pass to the security guard, which was unnecessary he recognized me anyway. Grinning as Emily mocked the groupies, I walked off towards the bathroom (I really did need to pee). After I finished my business I tried communicating with Jimmy “Dude if you can hear me for the love of stallion ducks can you come.”

“Whats up?”

“Ay guey fucking warn a girl dammit!” holding a hand on my heart. “Anyway I wanted to clarify some things with you.

“Potatoes”

“What? I dont even want to know. So I’m going to to re-do these next five years?

“Yes. Remember whatever you choose to do different will change in the future. For example if Ronnie and Emily get together, they will be happy and have a family.

“Oh” I had a feeling but that didnt stop from my eyes tearing up.

“You’ve always known that Ronnie was in love with Emily. Right?” those crystal blue eyes looking directly at me, I could feel his empathy.

“Yeah, I always knew never wanted accept it though.” running a hand through my hair I slid down the wall and sat down on the grimy bathroom floors. I felt Jimmy sit next to me, he wrap an arm around me.

“You have to understand that, you and Ronnie did love each other but you guys were never meant to be. Now Emily and Ronnie they go back to centuries, their souls have been reincarnating,somehow they always end up together.”

“So no matter what, I’m never going to be the one for Ronnie then?”

“I’m sorry, but you can’t break a soul mates bond. To be honest, I decided to bring you back because if I didnt you and Tony would’ve been heartbroken. The heartbreak would’ve been so strong it would lead to the unfortunate deaths of both of you. Emily does love Tony but that has never stopped her feelings for Ronnie. I wanted to let you do it yourself yet I’ve realized that you need a helping hand. It will hurt like a bitch but get Emily and Ronnie together in the end it will be worth it. You’ll get your happy ending, also will Tony.” with that being said Jimmy kissed my forehead, “Give em’ hell kid.” smiling at my savior I watched him disappear, all while I could hear his maniacal laughter.

Letting my face fall in my hands, I began to cry and laugh. Give em’ hell I can do that.

Its been three years since that day in the bathroom floor with Jimmy, I haven’t seen or heard of him but I know he’s out there looking after me. Ronnie and Emily did get together, have little Eli. I love that kid with my whole being, but there was something odd about him. Since he was days old, I’ll catch him gurgling and laughing as if someone was talking to him. Makes me wonder..

Anyway, the band finally got together again and wrote a new album, currently we are touring. Falling In Reverse, Sleeping With Sirens, Of Mice & Men, Natural Born Killers,Pierce the Veil, and lastly us. This tour is considered a dream come true, tons of crazy shit happens every night. Like Derek breaking Jacky’s foot, he finally got back at him after all these years. Apparently because I went to a health magnet, I became Jacks “tour bitch/nurse” . I dont care yet Jacky is always giving me these strange looks.

Jacky, for years we’ve had a strong tension between us, even before the whole reverse the past incident. We never became close, in a way we always avoid each other for some unknown reason. Now thinking about it when Ronnie and I used to be a couple he was never around us.

“MIRACLES! You go on stage in two minutes!” dropping my cigarette I see Jackson grinning at me like an idiot. Laughing I run back to the venue, when I get close to stage Michael my guitar tech hands me my cherry red guitar. Giving the whole crew a quick high five I skip on stage, my persona of bloodyvengeance coming out.

“ Good evening we are Jimmy’s Angels!” smirking at the cameras. “I would like to start off that this is not our song but it holds a special place in my heart. I asked the rightful owners and I received their blessings so..” taking a deep breath and a quick prayer to Jimmy.

“A withered past and a blurry future.My hearts on an auction,
it goes out to the highest bid..”