Leather-bound Secrets

My thoughts wandered freely as I stared out of the window at the trees that surrounded the school. Not a single leaf could be seen as they fled from winter’s harsh cold air. The leaves knew what winter meant, and followed the birds south to a place where warmth reached out and grabbed a hold of all in its path.

“Mary, Mary? Are you paying attention?”

I looked up to hear the shrill voice of the teacher. Her glasses were hung by a delicate chain around her neck. She looked over at me over the top of her glasses, her eyes piercing me like knives. Her hair was turning grey, and not a hair was out of place from the severe bun that lay atop her head. She reminded me of a vulture with her neck so long and her noise pointed. Her body was thin, and her frame towered over even the tallest of students.

“Umm, yes?” I said, unsure of what to say.

“Then answer the question, “she replied with a smirk, as if she were out to humiliate me.

I quickly glanced at the board to see what we were doing in order to come up with the question she could have asked. It was a long shot, but I believe she wanted me to determine the meter.

“Anapestic Pentameter,” I said.

She looked at me, surprised. Then her face took on a stony look. “Yes, that is correct. Next time, pay more attention to me when I am speaking.”

She always had to speak properly, as if contractions were malicious creations. I honestly did not understand why she acted like an old school teacher. If she could, I bet she would bring back the old method of punishment through rulers. To add to my frustrations, she utterly hated me. I guessed it was my ability to look out of a window and be able to answer her questions with limited hesitation. In all seriousness, I was one of her best students. She just couldn’t handle the fact that there was no reason to fail me.

As soon as she turned her back, I rolled my eyes, and began writing in my journal. I scribbled along the page mindlessly, writing whatever I felt.

My journal kept me sane. Without it, I would explode. Nobody cared enough about me to become my friend. My words were my only friends. I surrounded myself with them.

The door to the classroom opened, and I immediately turned my head.

In the doorway, there stood an unfamiliar boy. He was clenching the book in his hand as if he would die if he were to let it go. His eyes were downcast, and his hair was a mixture of blonde and brown, as if he were growing the dye out.

He walked up to Mrs. Faller, and handed her a slip of paper. She scanned over it with a scowl.

“Class, we have a new student. Please introduce yourself, Mr. Horan.”

The class looked up for a second, but quickly went back to their notebooks, having lost interest. I, on the other hand, kept my head up. He was holding his book tightly because he was trying to stop his hands from shaking. He was afraid. Of what, I was uncertain, but he was afraid of something. He refused to look up.

I was about to return to my writing, but his voice stopped me.

“I’m Niall.”

It was beautiful. He had an Irish accent that seemed to melt my heart…

I shook my head. He was just another guy. I wasn’t going to get my hopes up just because he was a new kid. He would soon realize the social hierarchy of the school, and disappear from my sight forever.

“Niall, take a seat by Mary. Maybe if she had someone to share her book with, she would pay more attention in class.”

"What?” I asked, surprised.

“My point exactly. You are sharing a book with Mr. Horan, seeing as you already have the book we are reading in your possession,” Mrs. Faller said mischievously, as if she wanted to make my life a living hell. I wouldn’t put it passed her.

“I heard what you said,” I whispered under my breath as I opened my book, and scooted my desk over so that Niall could fit his chair next to me.

“We are going to be reading Hamlet for the remainder of the semester. I would like you to get a book, if you have not already done so, and bring it to class everyday…” she said before I stopped listening.

“She’s something, isn’t she,” Niall whispered beside me.

“You’re telling me. She’s a total bitch,” I replied without inhibition.

“I can tell, and I’ve only been here for five minutes. She reminds me of those evil nuns who secretly hate children, and would place them in a bucket, and reel them down the well for punishment,” he whispered rapidly with his cute Irish brogue.

I snorted with laughter and Mrs. Faller gave me a death glare. It made my skin crawl.

I felt someone staring at me, and my eyes flitted to my open journal. I quickly closed it when I saw Niall’s eyes scanning the page. Luckily, I wasn’t writing anything that would cause his eyes to widen.

“What was that?”

I didn’t know how to respond. It was personal. Nobody knew about my journal. Then again, nobody really knew anything about me.

“Just a notebook,” I replied with a fake smile.

He looked at me as though he didn’t believe me. He didn’t push me.

It was my turn to be confused. Nobody ever did things like that for me. They pushed me until I couldn’t take it. He took the book from my desk, and opened it to where we were supposed to be.

Apparently, he could carry on a conversation and listen to the teacher simultaneously. Stupid multitasker… It was not fair that some people were able to focus on more things than one at a given time. It would make it easier for me to space out if I could also bother to actually listen at the same time. If anybody gives me more than one thing to do at the same time, I run around like a chicken with its head cut off.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” he asked as he continued to stare toward the direction of the teacher, the occasional enthusiastic grin placed on his face, to play the part of the studious student.

I realized that I was probably narrowing my eyes at him in a somewhat hostile manner, so I lowered my gaze.

“Sorry, just spacing out.”

“Whatever you say, love,” he said sweetly.

Honestly, I was getting quite annoyed by his interest in whatever I was doing. And who the hell gave him the right to call me, “love”? He needed to stop. I couldn’t handle any more betrayal. Letting him in would let the chance of getting hurt rise exponentially. The best thing for me to do was to close myself off, and become another star in the vast expanse of space. I couldn’t let myself be happy. If I allowed myself that moment of happiness, then all of the bad would come rushing at me like a plague. I didn’t want to feel my heart break into a million pieces again. Walls are there for a reason, and letting them down would lead to an even greater fall.

The bell rang and caused me to jump. I felt someone grab my arm.

“Are you okay?”

I looked up into a pair of blue eyes. They were beautiful. They were like ice, a pure blue like the sky at twilight during winter. The color was solid and I felt myself getting lost in them.

“Mary?”

I shook my head. “Y-yeah. I’m fine. I- I just have to go.” I picked up my books and left him staring after me as I rushed out of the door.

I was scared. Every part of me was afraid. I heard him yelling my name from down the hall, but I kept running. I was a coward, and running was the only way I could face the world. I didn’t want to let anybody in. Betrayal and hatred was all I was subject to. My heart ached for something more than complete rejection, but I couldn’t allow it.