The Many Faces of Evil

They were hot on my heals. Gah, no time for puns. Had to keep swimming. Urebor and his revolutionaries were unrelenting, always grabbing at my ankles. Luckily, I knew of a service tunnel beneath the lake. I came up for air and screamed in pain once again as I dove down into the blood, performing a quick circle to throw my pursuers off my track for a moment before feeling around the bottom for a handle.

Nothing!

Dammit, had to be here somewhere. Shit, it was further to the north. I adjusted my position, desperate for a breath, and began groping the floor. Again, I felt a hand grasp my boot. I twisted my ankle about to shake them off.

Aha!

I grasped the metal handle of the hatch and pushed downward. Gah, it was impossible to see down here. Once again groping about for the ladder, I passed through the thin barrier of magic that held the blood from flooding the tunnel.

There was a clunk as I bypassed the ladder and landed on the floor. I curled up in a ball and closed my eyes, covered in burns and steaming blood.

***

Urebor stood at the banks as the vapors drifted off of the lake. One of his followers rose from the boiling liquid and approached his master.

"Where is he?"

The lesser demon panted for a moment; he was unscathed by the heat, but the exertion of swimming through something as thick as... well, blood tended to tire one out.

"Slipped through our fingers," he answered his master. "Tricky bastard he is."

Urebor nodded, slit the failure's throat, then pushed him into the lake, the black sludge pouring out into the dark red soup, then walked away.

***

"Daniel!" Beelzebub called out. "Fuck! What happened to you?"

I hobbled over to my mentor, wincing with every slight movement.

"Urebor," I answered, my neck and face screaming from the movement. "Replace Baal. Bad things. Revolution."

That was all he needed to hear.

"Oh, would you like a towel?" the fly added. "A hot shower, maybe?"

In my haze of pain, I shook what I thought was my index finger at him, but was actually my middle finger, which before now, everyone thought as useless.

"What's that mean?" Beelzebub asked, genuinely confused.

"Ah, fuck you," I muttered, hobbling off.

***

Urebor sat over the fireplace in the union headquarters. It was more of a fire pit, but the concept of chimneys was a little ahead of their times.

"Brother," Etasiel, Urebor's right-hand man, exclaimed, shaking his boss by the shoulder. "Our friends need to know our next move."

Urebor looked up and closed his eyes, stretching his arms out to crack his back before he stood.

"We go after Daniel again," came the answer. "He shall be destroyed as we kill each of the Seven Princes of Hell. Once they are all toppled, we shall seize the power."

Etasiel nodded and exited.

***

Lucifer paced around the table, throwing his hands up in panic while the other six sat in their chairs with Satan at the head.

"I'm an actor, goddammit!" Lucifer cried. "I never agreed to being one of the leaders of this stinking pit!"

"Yes, you did," Mammon pointed out. "You accepted the position before Satan finished asking if you wanted to."

Lucifer stomped and scoffed dramatically.

"Now," Beelzebub announced, "we need to figure out what we are going to do about this crisis. Any suggestions, Belphegor?"

The demon awoke from his nap, mumbling a few curses before falling back asleep.

"I say hightail it out of here," Asmodeus suggested. "If there's one thing I know about humans, other than that they're perverts, is that in a revolution, they destroy power. The proles, about as human as demons get, see us as power, and they will destroy us. We get out before they get us."

"Brilliant!" Lucifer cried, thrusting his right arm into the air.

"What do we do with Daniel, then?" Satan asked. "We can't just leave him wounded down here. He can protect us when we run. And how do we rule when we're gone?"

"We leave Daniel behind," Leviathan stated. "When the proles take our thrones, the bastards, Daniel will be our inside man. He takes them down and makes examples of them, eliminating the new government of our thrones."

Beelzebub looked around for any more suggestions, finding none. This was the best plan they had...

"It's settled then," the Lord of the Flies sighed. "We hide in Heaven while Daniel destroys Urebor and his revolution. Damn. I never thought shit like this would happen."

***

I sat in the hospital (I use that term as roughly as possible) on Mount Purgatory, waiting for the bandages to be removed.

"Well, Daniel," the doctor said, walking into my room, "it seems that you have a message." The angel handed a clay tablet to me.

"I can't read with these damn things on," I stated, my complaint muffled by the cloth.

"Oh," the medical professional exclaimed. "Right. Let me just... there you go."

I scanned the tablet, biting my lip as I took in the disturbing details. Satan had given up and was sending me in to the dirty work. Fucking wonderful.

"When can I get out of here?" I asked, lying back. The wounds were bad, but those rough bandages were worse.