The Sky Under the Sea

[Kellin's POV]

It was early morning, and I was already out of the bus and wandering around the empty venue.
There was a show tonight in Chicago, but I couldn’t think about that.
All I could really think about was the fact that I told Vic I loved him; what a piece of bullshit.
The moment had seen right, and I couldn’t just not tell him…right?
Fuck!
That’s all I’m good at, isn’t it? All I’m capable of is fucking everything up. God damn it, Kellin!
Can’t you do anything right for a change?
You know what really sucks though? The reason I didn’t want to go out with Vic in the first place was because I was afraid of trusting!
Now I’m the one lying to him about how I feel in this damn relationship!
It’s for the best, though.
Imagine how hurt he would feel to know the person he loved didn’t return the feelings as well.
I was just trying to protect him.
In a small part in the back of my mind, I knew I felt something for Vic. You could probably call it love.
If you dug a little deeper, that is.
I was afraid to really recognize those emotions. What if I fell in love with him, and then he broke up with me?
Wasn’t one heartbreak enough for me?
Did I have to go through it again? Not if I refused my feelings for Vic, then I wouldn’t have to suffer again.
Stuffing my hands into the hoodie I was wearing, I tried to focus.
If I didn’t want to lie to Vic, I would have to avoid him.
It was that simple.
Speak of the devil; my phone vibrated gently as it alerted me about an incoming text message.
Unlocking my phone, I could see it was from Vic.
“I’m coming onto your bus in five, baby. I was thinking we could have breakfast together. :)”
Fuck.
I didn’t want to go on another date with him…
They were a lot of fun, and I loved spending time with Vic, but I couldn’t keep lying about what I felt.
Thinking about it, who was I lying to?
To Vic, or to myself?
Without coming up with an answer to my question, I pocketed my phone without replying and rushed back to my bus.
Jack and Jesse were in the back room, while Gabe and Justin were nowhere to be seen on the bus.
Pulling off my pants and Toms, I replaced my skinny jeans with a pair of sweatpants and threw my hoodie over a chair.
“Kellin?” Jack called out, coming out of the back room.
“Yeah?” I croaked out, pouting slightly.
Sitting down on the edge of my bunk, I ran my fingers through my hair and purposely messed up.
“I thought you left the bus.”
From the window, I could see Vic walking towards the bus.
“I feel really sick.” I blurted out, pushing Jack out of the way and locking myself in the tiny bathroom.
After a minute of silence, I heard the door open and Jack greeted Vic.
“Hey, Jack! Is Kellin here? He didn’t return my text this morning and I wanted to take him out…”
Groaning to myself, I listened carefully.
“He’s in the bathroom.” Jack shrugged. “I think he’s sick, actually.”
There was a hint of worry in his voice, letting Vic know he wasn’t kidding.
“I should see if he’s okay…” Vic mumbled.
Panicking, I dropped to my knees in front of the toilet. Sticking my fingers down my throat, I gagged around them.
“Kellin?” Vic’s worried voice drifted through the door.
“Vic?” I mumbled pathetically, still attempting to purge anything up.
After a second, I managed to bring up yesterday’s food and into the porcelain bowl.
“Kellin Baby, are you okay?”
“Yeah?” I mumbled, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.
After cleaning myself up, I unlocked the door and gave Vic a sheepish smile; letting him follow me to my bunk.
“My poor baby, are you okay?” Vic frowned, feeling my forehead.
Making myself throw up left me lightheaded and shaky, causing my body temperature to skyrocket.
“You’re burning up…and you’re pale as fuck.”
“I know.” I grumbled.
“I was going to take you out for breakfast, but I don’t think that’s a good idea after all.” Vic mumbled.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry.” He smiled. “Let’s just stay in and cuddle, yeah?”
“You don’t have to!” I panicked.
The whole point about faking sick was so I wouldn’t have to spend time with Vic! It was terrible, I know.
“I want to.” Vic smiled, pressing his lips against my forehead.
Nodding, I climbed into my bunk and wrapped my blanket around me. Vic followed suit, placing an arm around my waist.
Resting my head against his chest, I closed my eyes.
“Sleep, Kells.” Vic hummed quietly. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
Faking a yawn, I focused on keeping my breathing even as I pretended to be asleep. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
I was supposed to avoid him!
Fuck!
If I didn’t spend time with him, I wouldn’t fall in love. If I didn’t fall in love, I wouldn’t be left heartbroken again.
It was only logical.
I could feel Vic’s hand brushing my bangs out of my face, humming underneath his breath.
His fingers trailed down my chest and he picked up my hand.
After a second, I could feel his gentle touch lingering along the recent cuts, still red and swollen from yesterday.
There were a few more since he caught me with Justin.
I couldn’t help it.
I had to keep adding; it was the only thing that helped me feel.
It wasn’t something I thought he could understand.
“Kellin…” Vic whispered. I could feel his lips against the inside of my wrist. “I wish you didn’t feel the need to do this baby. You’re perfect the way you are.”
I tried to fight the smile off my lips.
“I’m always going to be here.” He continued. “You might think you’re alone, but you can always come to me, Kellin. You can trust me completely, because I’m never going to turn my back to you when you need help. I know what it’s like to feel the need to hurt yourself…”
He trailed off before humming again, softly singing a verse to his own song. It was one I hadn’t particularly noticed before.
“But you don’t know what it’s like, to wake up in the middle of the night…scaring the thought of kissing razors.”
His fingers went back to playing with my hair as he kept singing.
When he finished the song, he sighed softly.
“I’m completely in love with you, Kells. You mean more to me than anyone could ever imagine, and I haven’t known you very long. I fervently hope you completely trust me, because there isn’t a reason you shouldn’t. You can count on me for anything, babe. I love you.”
He stopped talking then, playing with my hair.
It wasn’t long before I actually fell asleep, taken into restless dreams.
Vic was always just a few feet away, but no matter how much I ran, I couldn’t reach him. He was always too far away from me.
“Vic!” I would call out, but he would turn away and ignore me.
“I thought you loved me!” I pleaded, reaching out.
“I never would.” He sneered, glaring at me. “You mean nothing to me, Kellin. Nothing!”
“Kellin? Kellin?”
Someone was shaking me awake, pulling me out of those lonesome dreams.
“What?” I mumbled sleepily, sitting up.
“You were having a bad dream or something.” Vic whispered, holding me close and kissing my forehead.
The dream left me trembling and clammy.
“You’re still warm…” Vic trailed off, pushing himself off me. “Jack?”
I could hear footsteps as Jack came out of the backroom and towards my bunk.
“Yeah?”
“Do you guys have any medicine we can give Kellin? He still has a fever, and I’m getting kind of worried.”
The concern in his voice was adorable.
“Of course!” Jack promised, leaving and returning with a bottle of Tylenol and a glass of water.
“Thanks.” Vic smiled gratefully.
Unwillingly, I took the two pills before curling back on my bunk and cuddling against Vic’s side.
The unneeded chemicals hazed my brain and let me fall asleep.
A couple hours later, I woke up on my own.
It was almost six, meaning tonight’s show was going to start in an hour and a half. Just enough time to get ready.
“Kellin?” Vic smiled, looking over.
I had forgotten he was still in my bed; he was listening to music.
A blush crossed my cheeks when I realized it was my demo CD, currently playing Fall Down, Fall Down.
“Hey Love.” I yawned, stretching.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m feeling better, well enough to do the show tonight actually.” I decided.
“Are you sure? You looked like hell this morning.”
“Thanks.” I mumbled sarcastically, knowing it was true. I felt like shit too, just not in the way he thought.
“You know what I mean, baby. You were really sick, and you got better pretty fast…”
“I guess I had a really great boyfriend to help me feel better faster.” I smiled, hugging him from the side.
“I guess so.” He trailed off, unconvinced.