450 Species

I didn’t want to do this. I really, really, really didn’t want to do this. The presentations continued on as each student stated their project. My teacher was a bitch. She really was. I never wanted to do this, but she made me. God, I should’ve said no! I shouldn’t have done this.

I’m sorry. I’m being so rude. You have no idea what I’m ranting about. Let me tell you the story from the beginning. My teacher, Mrs. Wilborn, decided that she wanted us to do oral presentations about problems in modern society. No big deal. I can do that. Well, I did everything the project required. Like I said, no big deal. So, I’m content with my topic when my teacher decides that she wants me to do something different. She wanted me to do homosexuality and the lack of rights. No one in my school wanted to touch that subject with a ten foot pole. You know why? I live in the smallest town in Arkansas known to man. We are 100% homophobes.

That has never been a problem with me. They didn’t mess with me. I didn’t mess with them. That is, until Alex Smith came into town. Long story short, my teacher, a big shot from New York, saw me and him, well, being a little friendly than most students here. Okay fine, she saw us making out! I never said I was straight. That made her go on this entire trip about how I should be out and proud. That people who hate me for something that wasn’t my choice were the ones that had a problem.

She was a dreamer. I wasn’t coming out. Yeah, being with Alex made me really happy, and the times when we sneak around behind everyone’s back to be a little intimate made me ecstatic. But, that doesn’t mean I needed to tell the whole world. The people in this town were horrible to gays. Just look at Alex! He was out of the closet, and he had no friends, was bullied constantly, and people tried to beat him up constantly. The only reason they didn’t was because he was a total badass who was expelled from his last school for beating up the football team. I sure know how to pick them.

It was funny. When I told Alex about this, he was happy. He said something about being able to finally come out. I quickly crushed those dreams when I scoffed in his face and told him there was no way in hell I was going to do that. That made him a little unhappy with me. So, not only do I have to talk about the ways of gay people in front of my entire class, I also had to do it in front of whatever Alex is to me while he refuses to speak a single word in my direction. There was no doubt in my mind, that if he wanted to, he could knock me the fuck out. So, yeah, this was a little stressful.

I’m sorry. I know I’m ranting like a mad man, but my anxiety is through the roof. I have to present this thing today, and I’m scared as fuck. There may be a chance that I curse when I’m upset, if you didn’t notice.

“Chris, why don’t you go next?” Mrs. Wilbron suggested.

I ran my hands up and down my pants. The sweat coming off of my palms rubbing onto my jeans. Here we go. I stood in front of my class, notecards in hand. Just all of their eyes were staring back at me, it made me even more nervous. If that was even possible. Alex looked up at me un-amused before looking back out the window. Just great. He hates me now.

“My topic is . . . is the lack of rights concerning homosexuality.” I stated. Immediately I saw every single ear perk in my direction, just waiting for me to say something that they will just love. “There has been little improvement on behalf of homosexuals since the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Currently, there is only ten states in the U.S. that allow gay marriage, and there are countless countries that outlaw it completely, like 508 is trying to do in states like California. Since the 1980’s, there has been a spike in hate crimes, and there is little shown improvement in the amounts of bullying in schools towards gay students. If you best friend was gay, would you beat him up every day? If it was your bother, or sister? Any of your family? Homosexuality is found in over 450 species. Homophobia is only found in one. Which one is unnatural now?”

No one clapped. They all just stared at me like a freak. Alex didn’t even look at me. God, I have never felt like more of an idiot in my life. I just wanted to sink into the special pocket of hell reserved for me now. Why did I do this again? I don’t really need to pass English. Graduating is so over-rated anyways.

“Does anyone have any questions for Chris?” My teacher cut into the awkward silence again.

Of course, the biggest jock in the school raised his hand. “Does this mean you’re a fag?”

I just looked at him bewildered. What the hell? Did he just ask that? I didn’t know how to answer that. If I came out, I would get Alex, but I would get my ass beat every day of my life. If I didn’t come out, I lose Alex, and I’m pretty sure I would fail this.

“Does it fucking matter if he was?” Alex cantered back. He was still looking out the window. It didn’t even seem like he said anything, and I was surprised that he did.

“Yeah,” the jock said. “It fucking does.”

Why the hell is the teacher not saying anything? Is she just allowing this in her class? I thought cursing wasn’t allowed in school! My eyes shifted to the clock on the wall. There wasn’t any time left at all. I just had to wait for the bell, and I would be home free.

“Are you going to answer the question, fag?” The jock asked.

Alex didn’t come to my rescue that time. I couldn’t stop myself. “Um, yeah, you could say that.” I mumbled.

Maybe, I was suicidal. Maybe, I liked the look on Alex and my teacher’s face. Either way, it was done. I couldn’t help it. It was like this pent up aggression that I had to let out. The bell rang right after, so you can bet your mother I hauled ass out of there. I didn’t even stop when the teacher called out my name.

I can’t believe I did that. My ass is so dead now. Alex isn’t talking to me, so it isn’t like he can protect me from these crazy pyshos. I’m sure my parents will have a nice talking to me about how God will forgive me if I repent my sins and go back to my Christian ways. Everyone will have something to say. Just like the jock in my class who slammed me into my locker muttering “fairy” under his breath. All I could do was pick myself up and walk out of school with all of their beady looks and whispering tongues. Like I said earlier, this was my choice. It is natural.

I walked out of the school, ignoring all of them. It was only going to get worse, I told myself, because you couldn’t keep your damn mouth shut. What’s done is done. I can’t change it now.

Somebody put their hand on my shoulder, and I whipped around, attempting to hit whoever it was. If I was going to go down, I was going to go down swinging. They caught my arm, and I was thankful that it was only Alex.

“Whoa, calm down there, tiger.” He laughed.

I took a deep breath. “Sorry, I already got rammed into a locker, so I’m on edge.”

“I can understand that.” He replied. “It was brave, what you did. You know.”

“You’ve already done it.” I stated.

“Yeah,” he said. “But, it’s different. I didn’t do it in front of the biggest asshole in the school.”

I laughed. “Well, you should. It’s fun.”