Smother

I’ve decided to hang out with Peter, take my mind off things. He’s been sent out by Ally, he’s been obsessing over her pregnancy since they found out.

Peter and I are sitting in his older brother’s living room, waiting for a few other friends of ours to show up. Chris, Peters' older brother isn’t in town and won’t be returning for a few more days. Peter pops in twice a day to check on everything, making sure no one has broken in, stuff like that.

“We find out the gender of the baby in January.”

“That’s cool,” I pop open a warm can of Coke. “What do you hope it’ll be?”

“I don’t know. . .” He’s texting Rob to see where he and the other guys are. “I guess a girl, that way Ally will have someone to build a special bond with, or I’ll have a little Daddy’s girl.”

I let out a laugh, “your becoming a softie man.”

“Oh, says the guy who’s head over heels with a promiscuous girl.”

That makes me shut up and I nod, gulping down more soda.

Peter puts his phone down and sighs.

“Dude, sorry. I know that’s a touchy area. That was messed up of me to say.”

I shake my head, “nah it’s fine.”

Twenty minutes pass, it’s a little awkward for me, but then the other guys show up, so there’s less focus on me.

“Aye, guys!” Peter greets them at the door. “I haven’t seen you around in awhile, Todd.”

“Yeah man, I know,” Todd replies, making his way inside.

I’m not very close to Todd, he’s more reserved and quiet, I guess kind of like me.

Todd sits down in the chair next to me.

“Sup, Jett,” he says.

“Hey, not much,” I reply.

Then I hear Rob’s loud ass mouth, hyped up and excited. I also hear Cameron’s deep voice greeting Peter. They all walk in where Todd and I are, Peter leads Rob who is carrying two brownish plastic bags into the kitchen.

“Jett,” Rob says loudly, elongating the ‘e’ in my name. “Dude, how’re things?”

I stand up, bringing my Coke and join them in the kitchen. Todd follows behind.

“Things are straight.”

He nods puts the bags on the cream colored counter. Rob looks over at me.

“What are you drinking, freakin Coke?”

I raise my eyebrows and then my eyes go to his bags.

“We need to have some fun tonight. As we all know, very soon Peter will be tied down.”

“Haha,” Peter says sarcastically.

Rob pulls out two big plastic bottles of Vodka.

“Whoo,” Peter’s excited, clapping loudly.

To bring you up to speed on what happened, everyone pretty much got hammered, except me. I only nursed the glass Rob forced on me. I wasn’t really in the mood to get drunk, although I should’ve. It would’ve taken my mind off things, but with these guys, I didn’t want to let my guard down, I didn’t want to say anything I’d regret saying later.

I left the guys while they drunkenly argued about who else was going to end up getting a girl knocked up before the year was over with.

As much of a softie as it may make me seem, I asked for their keys and took them, hiding them in a vase in the kitchen on the counter next to the microwave so that they wouldn’t be able to find them. I plan on texting Peter, telling them where their keys are in the morning. There’s no point in anyone drunk driving.

I get in my car and drive to the same gas station as always. I fill the car up and just so happen, when I return from inside the store with a Mountain Dew, Leana is chilling on the hood of my car.

“Hey buddy,” she says in a hyper tone.

Her eyes are glazed over and I just roll my eyes.

“What Leana, what do you want?” I say harshly.

“Jeez, I only wanna ride home. There’s no point in wasting gas riding in two different vehicles, if were going to the same place.”

“We won’t be, if you walk.”

“The fuck is your problem?”

She is creating a scene, getting loud and an older man at a gas pump diagonally from us is staring.
“Jett, just take me home, please.”

She’s getting antsy and starts bouncing up and down.

“Leana fine, get in the car.”

“Yay,” she says in a child-like voice.

She slides off the hood, her skirt rising and when she pats her skirt back down, I see there’s a red cut on her arm, closer to her elbow, rather than her wrist. She gets in and closes her door. I get in too, and I drive us home. It’s a longer trip than I could ever want. I try not to say anything, but Leana starts talking.

“What’d you do today?”

“Not much, hung out with Peter.”

“That sounds like fun.”

When I don’t respond, she rolls down her window, takes out a half smoked blunt and white lighter from her bra and lights it up.

She inhales deeply, holds it in and then lets it out, slowly.

“What the hell are you doing?” I ask, irritated.

“What the hell does it look like?”

“Why are you smoking in my car? You didn’t even let me know, you just pull your shit out and start smoking. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Nothing, you’re the one with the problem.” She takes another puff and blows the smoke at me.
I make an annoyed sound and she rolls her eyes. “Chill out, I rolled down my fucking window and you have leather sits, your car’s not going to smell like weed.”

When we are down the road from the apartments, I park, but I leave the car running.

“Come on,” Leana says. Her nose sounds stuffy. “Tell me, why you’re mad now.”

“I’m not even mad, just stop smoking in my car.”

“You are mad, I can see it on your face. You are pissed. You act like I don’t know you.”

I turn the car off and sigh.

“Just tell me.”

“Leana, just shut up. I don’t have time for this and your attitude right now.”

“Stop being a prick.”

“Oh wow, I’m the prick?”

“Yeah, you are. Just come on, I can’t handle it when you’re mad at me.”

That sends me over the edge and I blow up.

“I don’t give a fuck about what you can and cannot handle, you don’t give a shit about how I feel and what I can deal with.”

“Yes I do,” she says innocently.

“No you don’t.” I yell. “You never have, because if you did you wouldn’t do the shit you do. You fucking come home late nights, whenever you actually decide to come home and you’re drunk or high on whatever and you just fuck me over. You’re covered in bite marks, hickies, scratches and bruises from other guys that don’t give a shit about you, all they want is a good fuck and you give it to them with no problem, every time. And you know how I feel about you, you know that I love you, yet instead of being with me, you throw yourself to the players and complete assholes.

You know that I can take care of you, hell I do now. When you come home unable to carry yourself to bed, who is here to pick you up? Me! When you have a fucking headache, or you can’t move, because you’re in too much pain, who fucking helps you and makes you feel better? Me! I could’ve left you at the fucking gas station, but instead I brought you home. It’s always me and for what, so that you can go and get fucked up again? So that you can get your brains fucked out, or swallow some dude’s coc-”

“Fuck you!” she yells back.

I sigh and shake my head, “whatever Leana.”

“No, not whatever!” she yells. “You act like you’re the only one that’s getting hurt! You act like I’m out there screwing guys and getting plastered, because I actually enjoy it. No, that’s not the case. I can’t stand to be around you, because I’m afraid of getting too close to you while being sober.” She’s in tears. “You act like I don’t have feelings for you, like I’m some slut who feeds off being trashy and likes coming back here to something so pure like you.

I can’t stand myself, I hate myself, because I- I’ve fallen for you, I love you, but I don’t want to. But, I can’t stay away from you for too long, because you’re like an addiction. I’m addicted to you, but I try to push you off, because I don’t want to hurt you. I’m not good enough for you.”

I stare at her, she climbs out of the car, blunt between her lips and when she’s out she slams the car door shut and stalks off.