Pretty Little Messed up Head of Yours

ALEX'S POV

I had been here a full week now. A full week of no Internet, no phone, no friends, no hair straighteners, but worst of all, no guitar.

I literally needed my guitar, it's not that I'm some child guitar playing genius or anything like that. I mean, I can play, I'm not horrendously bad, but I wouldn't be good enough to become a guitarist in a band either. I was mildly average.

I needed my guitar so I could write. Writing was, in a way, my passion. Whenever I was feeling down, writing is what I would turn to. It was the same for any and every emotion I had ever felt.

I mean, I could write without my guitar, but that just made trying to find the right chords to match the tune I had in my head, later on, so much more difficult.

If I were to suddenly become famous, or as I personally would prefer, be in a famous band, then I'm pretty sure I would have like the first five albums or so all written out.

I wrote a lot. The only problem was that I didn't like others seeing what I've written. It was all personal, it was like telling them all my secrets.

Also, showing them to people would involve me singing to them, and in all honesty, I'd rather not do that.

It wasn't that I was a bad singer, singing was the same for me, if not a little better, than the guitar. Mildly average. It was just, whenever I had to do something like that my anxiety would kick in and I'd most likely go into one of those stupid panic attacks.

This bothered me. I didn't like how my problems were stopping me from doing the only thing in life I wanted to do. As I mentioned previously, I would love to be in a band.

Last year, me and my bets friend, Jack, went to go see Blink 182 live. It was fucking awesome. The atmosphere was amazing, I really loved how they connected with the crowd and how they just looked so content and happy being on stage. Like, they wouldn't trade their job for anything in the entire world.

That's I what I want. I want to be stood on stage, singing my heart out with millions of kids singing my lyrics back to me.i want to make a difference for some kids, I want to tour the world with my friends. Even if it is a tiny cramped bus.

I actually can't describe how much that lifestyle appeals to me.

But it could never happen.

My anxiety would make sure of that.

I was snapped from my thoughts by that dude. The one I was sure had a little beard thing going on yesturday. It's gone now.

"Hey kid" he whispered as if we were being watched.

I looked up, giving him a look telling him to carry on.

"You ok?" This was a bit unusual for me, I'm not going to lie. Usually, I'm never asked 'are you ok?', or as Bobby put it 'you ok?'. It was always, 'oh look, he doesn't look very well. It's probably just the typical Alex problems'. Someone actually said this to me once.

I looked at bobby, "uh yeah, I'm fine", he nodded.

"Good. I know it's hard being new and all, but trust me, you'll make friends soon enough. You already got one".

Huh? To my knowledge I didn't yet have any friends in this hell hole.

"Who?", he rolled his eyes.

"Charlie was right", he muttered. Charlie? Who's- oh wait. She's that girl I met in the group therapy session. Yeah, I distinctively remember bobby shouting her name as he strutted towards us.

"What do you mean she was right?" I asked, more confused than I was previously.

"She said all teenage boys are slow", I raised an eyebrow but decided to just go with it.

"So who's my friend?"

"Me. Your old -or new- buddy Billie Joe". Wait, Billie Joe? I thought his name was bobby. He looks like a bobby. In saying that though, he also looks like a Billie Joe. SO MUCH CONFUSION.

"Oh, right,cool" I said, not exactly knowing where to take the conversation next.

"So, Charlie's away to the canteen to talk to her friend that comes to visit every Saturday. Usually when she's away, I go play doctor, it's not exactly much fun on your own though".

*le time lapse*

"That was fucking awesome!" I said, out of breath, slamming the door shut behind me.

"I know right? Ah, poor Jacob though. Third time this month the bastards caught me and tried to catch me. He never does though" Billie Joe laughed, trying to calm down his breathing.

When Billie asked me to 'play doctor' with him, I was sure I was going to be raped or someshit. But, 'playing doctor' wasn't like that at all.

The psychiatric ward we're in is connected to a general hospital. The connection between the two however, does not mean patients from both areas can just wander around freely into the next building, or department. Whatever you want to call it.

Nah, Billie Joe had to bribe the janitor from next door with some kind of pill. I'm assuming its a drug, but I'm not entirely positive, it could've been a paracetamol for all I knew. But come on, what's the chances of that?

Once we reached the other department, front desk - which he had also bribed with some kind of medication - supplied us with scrubs. Like the ones nurses and doctors wore. Then we went on an adventure.

We spoke to a few patients and a few doctors. It was fun, Billie Joe was highly amusing and would do basically anything I suggested to him.

I dared him to start dancing in the middle of the room, he did so, catching Jacobs eye in the process. That's when we ran. I swear to god, I've never ran faster in my entire life.

It wasn't even as if I had any real purpose to be running, the worst that would happen if we got caught was a lecture. It was, however, in a strange way fun. It gave me a huge rush, one I had never experienced before.

We took off the lab coats and began to walk, when my eyes landed on someone I both didnt expect and didnt want to be here.

"Shit" I muttered, taking a step back. Billie Joe glanced from him to me, "sup?".

"T-that's my best friend", I said, my eyes still on him. He had t yet noticed me, he was too busy talking, or if I knew jack well enough, flirting with Charlie.

"Jack? Really?" He asked, shocked. I nodded, "wait how do you-", "he's the friend that comes in to visit my main stain Charlie over there, every week".

Why didnt I know about this? Why didn't I know he came to a mental institution every week to visit some girl? We're they together? Did he have some secret girlfriend he was t telling me about?

So many questions swamped my brain.

"Does he know you're here?", I shook my head. I told no one, only my parents and I knew. I was too ashamed and embarassed to tell them all where I really was, even though basically everyone in my town knew of my problems.

That's when he turned around. That's when he noticed me. Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit.
"Alex?" He shouted, Charlie looked over at me, then back to jack.

"H-hey" I managed to choke out, he just stood there, looking as confused as everyone else was.

A/N- I decided to continue. Tell me what you thought pls?

-holly xo