Life Happens
Broken
Blood...that is all I see. Blood running down my legs.
I stand frozen in the doorway of the bathroom. Kiernan is scooping me up into his arms, rushing me into his parent’s car. My tummy was tightening. It was painful. My mind was racing. My creature! My little alien! What is wrong with it? Is it something that I did? Kiernan fastened me into the seat and I stared at him with uncertainty. He gave a weak reassuring smile.
"It's probably just a quick fix Nola" he spoke softly as he darted over to the driver’s side. My head felt dizzy and the lights whipped by us as we made our way to the hospital. The lights only made my head spin more.
More blood gushed
"Kiernan hurry up! I think something is wrong!" I shouted as I gripped my tummy tighter. My insides clenched and it felt like I was dying. I rubbed my rounding tummy and I felt the tears rolling down my face. I did everything that I was supposed to. I actually listened. Why is this happening to me? I blew out a breath that I had been holding in.
Redness covered everything
Kiernan parked the car horribly and he helped me out of the car. I felt weak and my legs almost collapsed under my own weight. Kiernan scooped me up and he ran into the hospital. The bright lights made me feel sick and I had the strongest urge to vomit. I was admitted into the hospital almost instantly. I guess my condition was quite serious, according to the nurse. Once the IV was placed into my arm I was bombarded with questions.
"How many weeks are you?" Have you been drinking?" "Did you have a fall?" one by one the questions flew and I didn't care to answer any of them. Just fix me! Save my little alien...my heart. Another painful clenching happened and I squeezed my belly. The doctors and nurses checked to see if I was dilating. I was. I was completely dilated. My heart sank.
"Do something! Save my child!" I pleaded as the tears ran down my cheeks. Kiernan squeezed my hand and I looked at him. I shook my head.
"NO! I did everything right! I took my vitamins! I went my appointments! I ate correctly! I did it for my baby!" I howled. I sniffled, my face turning red from crying. I was becoming frustrated. Why wouldn't they save my alien?
"Honey! There is nothing we can do! You’re going to have to deliver." she spoke to me as she rushed out to get a doctor. I held my stomach caressing it slowly. My tears continued to run. They leaked off of my face and on to my belly. This was happening. This is how it's going to be. I am losing my baby, when I am 20 weeks pregnant. The doctor enters and I was way too tired to put up a fight.
"Alright sweetheart, I’m going to need you to push with all your might!" the doctor exclaimed as if this was a normal delivery. It wasn't normal...this was the death of my love. I did as I was told and I pushed. I pushed with all my might and it was one of the most painful things that I have done. The doctor held up my small creature and I turned my head, sobs rocking my body. My chest ached.
"Ms. Reedy, you had a baby boy." the nurse spoke placing a hand on my shoulder. I gasped for air as I turned to look at what Kiernan and I had created. I looked at my son...my angel. I held out my arms and I accepted the young infant in my arms. My tears dripped down onto his small head. I looked up at Kiernan and I sniffled. His face was damp with tears; he bent down and kissed my forehead, before he excused himself from the room.
~*~*~
His name is Beau. Kiernan and I had come to the decision when picking out baby names. The doctors told me I had miscarried due to stress. Though I didn't feel stressed, this has been the most stressful time of my life. Kiernan and I lay in my newly sterile hospital bed and he held me. He held me because every time I close my eyes, I saw Beau...and it caused me to scream. When I awake from my nightmares I can only see Beau's face when I stare into Kiernan’s. I just want the nightmare to end...sooner rather than later.
I stand frozen in the doorway of the bathroom. Kiernan is scooping me up into his arms, rushing me into his parent’s car. My tummy was tightening. It was painful. My mind was racing. My creature! My little alien! What is wrong with it? Is it something that I did? Kiernan fastened me into the seat and I stared at him with uncertainty. He gave a weak reassuring smile.
"It's probably just a quick fix Nola" he spoke softly as he darted over to the driver’s side. My head felt dizzy and the lights whipped by us as we made our way to the hospital. The lights only made my head spin more.
More blood gushed
"Kiernan hurry up! I think something is wrong!" I shouted as I gripped my tummy tighter. My insides clenched and it felt like I was dying. I rubbed my rounding tummy and I felt the tears rolling down my face. I did everything that I was supposed to. I actually listened. Why is this happening to me? I blew out a breath that I had been holding in.
Redness covered everything
Kiernan parked the car horribly and he helped me out of the car. I felt weak and my legs almost collapsed under my own weight. Kiernan scooped me up and he ran into the hospital. The bright lights made me feel sick and I had the strongest urge to vomit. I was admitted into the hospital almost instantly. I guess my condition was quite serious, according to the nurse. Once the IV was placed into my arm I was bombarded with questions.
"How many weeks are you?" Have you been drinking?" "Did you have a fall?" one by one the questions flew and I didn't care to answer any of them. Just fix me! Save my little alien...my heart. Another painful clenching happened and I squeezed my belly. The doctors and nurses checked to see if I was dilating. I was. I was completely dilated. My heart sank.
"Do something! Save my child!" I pleaded as the tears ran down my cheeks. Kiernan squeezed my hand and I looked at him. I shook my head.
"NO! I did everything right! I took my vitamins! I went my appointments! I ate correctly! I did it for my baby!" I howled. I sniffled, my face turning red from crying. I was becoming frustrated. Why wouldn't they save my alien?
"Honey! There is nothing we can do! You’re going to have to deliver." she spoke to me as she rushed out to get a doctor. I held my stomach caressing it slowly. My tears continued to run. They leaked off of my face and on to my belly. This was happening. This is how it's going to be. I am losing my baby, when I am 20 weeks pregnant. The doctor enters and I was way too tired to put up a fight.
"Alright sweetheart, I’m going to need you to push with all your might!" the doctor exclaimed as if this was a normal delivery. It wasn't normal...this was the death of my love. I did as I was told and I pushed. I pushed with all my might and it was one of the most painful things that I have done. The doctor held up my small creature and I turned my head, sobs rocking my body. My chest ached.
"Ms. Reedy, you had a baby boy." the nurse spoke placing a hand on my shoulder. I gasped for air as I turned to look at what Kiernan and I had created. I looked at my son...my angel. I held out my arms and I accepted the young infant in my arms. My tears dripped down onto his small head. I looked up at Kiernan and I sniffled. His face was damp with tears; he bent down and kissed my forehead, before he excused himself from the room.
~*~*~
His name is Beau. Kiernan and I had come to the decision when picking out baby names. The doctors told me I had miscarried due to stress. Though I didn't feel stressed, this has been the most stressful time of my life. Kiernan and I lay in my newly sterile hospital bed and he held me. He held me because every time I close my eyes, I saw Beau...and it caused me to scream. When I awake from my nightmares I can only see Beau's face when I stare into Kiernan’s. I just want the nightmare to end...sooner rather than later.