White Noises

Dr. Yates was really nice and always willing to see me. He talked me out of my fits when I couldn't stand it anymore. He saw me two or three times a day, and didn't mind. Dr. Yates calmed me down when I was screaming and threatening to hurt myself. Sometimes I was ok, I just went to talk to him because he was nice. Dr. Yates gave me his number so I could talk to him after school, but I never used it.

Dr. Yates was only a school thing. After school, I had to deal with myself on my own.

I slept a lot. I had a lot of nightmares. They usually involved me drowning. Drowning is my biggest fear.

When I was little I almost drowned and my parents didn't notice. Luckily there was a lifeguard nearby, but the experience was still awful.

Anyways.

I sometimes consider calling Dr. Yates and talking to him. I think I'm emotionally attached to him. If he got fired, or quit, or whatever, I don't know what I'd do.

It's ridiculous, I know. But my whole life is kind of ridiculous, so it's ok.

Dr. Yates talks to me about seeking therapy other than him. He says I need more than just conversations during school. He says I need meds.

He's threatened to call my parents and tell them a few times, but when I told him that it wouldn't do anything, he stopped.

My parents would just call me an attention seeker.

Oh, well.