Hope Came With Wings

Gracie...
Why try?
Just give up.
No one loves you
No one cares.

I lay in bed, 1:37 am. God, why can't I sleep! This damn poem keeps running through my mind and won't leave! Everytime I close my eyes, I see him there, staring at me. His cold, blank eyes are staring right through me and I feel as if they are scarring me and I'll feel them there forever. It's almost as if I can hear his raspy voice calling me...

Gracie...

I think I wrote it in his point of view. Almost as if it's him saying this to me.
But he can't. He's dead. It's like he's living on in me, haunting me...

Your life's a joke
completely pointless.
so why do you continue
taking up space?

It won't stop. I feel like he's here and I just want to claw it all away!

you're crying inside,
I laugh at you.
You cry harder
through that fake smile.

Stop Gracie! He's dead, he can't hurt you! It's in your head!

Bad day today?
I'll make it worse
and you'll cut deeper
and i'll smiler wider.

An image of his eerie grin creeps into my head and it won't leave. A shudder runs down my spine and I want to cry out but I can't! Stop! Go away! You can't control me, YOU'RE DEAD!

You can't destroy me.
I'm here to the end.
I'm everywhere you look
and everything you feel.

No! It's not true! I did destroy you! You're gone! Just leave me the fuck alone, please!

I'm the voice in your head
no...
I'm the tears in you eyes
no!
I'm the scars on your wrist
No!
I'm the pills you take
NO! Damnit, just stop!
He's not here Gracie! Wake up! It's a nightmare! A fucking dream, just wake up!

I'm the pain you feel
and the sad songs you sing
STOP!
I'm here forever
No, stop this now!

Killing you slowly...

NOOO! I wake up screaming, sweat soaking my clothes. Another fucking nightmare. The air is too tight, I feel like it's choking me.
It was all too real, again...
I need to get out of here before I suffocate.
I get up and grab my favorite black hoodie and my ipod and head outside. My mom is passed out, she wouldn't care anyway. I head down the street towards my favorite park. I'm running, trying to escape the last bits of my nightmare.