Better Than Christmas.

When Miranda was done reading the first few paragraphs, she closed the book, and turned to Mikey. "This is a bit much, Mikey."
Mikey took the book from her and flipped through the pages. "Gerard's the planner, what do you expect."

"True," Miranda admitted.
"You know what I think about sometimes?" Mikey let the book fall into his lap. "I think about getting old. Not like, Gerard-old, but really old." he explained.
Miranda laughed. "Gerard isn't that old."

Mikey smiled slightly and continued. "One day I'll have grand kid's, and when I show them the wedding pictures I want to hear them say, 'Wow, Gramps. You looked amazing in that skeleton tux!'"
Miranda just closed her eyes, smiled and stifled a laugh. "Skeleton tux. And I presume Kelly will be wearing a feather boa of some kind as well?"
"Actually I'm supposed to--"

"Skeleton tuxedo's and feather boa's for wedding attire is exactly why no one in their right mind should allow Gerard to be in charge of their wedding day." Miranda said.

Mikey looked down at the cover of the large book that Gerard had used to sketch down ideas for their wedding clothes, write down ideas and plans and everything he thought he'd need to plan his brother's wedding. "Jamia and Frank," he said. "They've been together for a long time now..."
"Yep. They're made for each other. Such odd characters at times, too, you know? There was this one time when I went to visit them and I swear it looked like Frank had--" Miranda stopped talking when she saw the look on Mikey's face. Her excited smile dissolved. "What's wrong?" she asked.
Mikey looked over at her. "Do you think I have that?" he asked softly.
Miranda looked down, and started picking at her fingernail polish. "I'm not gonna get involved in your personal life, Mikey."

Mikey let out a sigh, and nodded. "It's just… you're always there for me.. And I wanted your opinions on this. You're good with advice, Mira. You know that." he told her, looking hopeful.
Miranda was quiet, and flicked away her chipped nailpolish slowly, and took a moment to bite her nail. She dropped her hands back into her lap, looked up, and said, "So.. So, why are you getting married exactly?"

Mikey just stared at her. "Exactly?"

Miranda nodded. "Exactly."
Mikey stared, looking like he'd been asked to prepare a speech for a room full of critics without any kind of prior research on the subject. "Because..." He waved a hand, as if that explained everything. "You know...."

"Are you doing it because Kelly wants it?"
"No.. I mean, not exactly.."
"Are you doing it because Gerard really wants to plan it?"
"Of course not," Mikey said with a scowl.
"Are you doing it because you want mini Mikey's?"
Mikey looked down at his hands.

Miranda tapped her fingers together. "Are you doing it because Frank got married, and now he's happier than ever.. And you think that if you get married, you'll be happy, too?" Miranda asked, her voice soft. "And you miss hanging out with him.. And you think that if you're both married you guys will go back to being like you used to? And you won't be alone then?"
Mikey turned away and dropped his head.

Miranda sucked on her lower lip, looking helplessly upon Mikey's retreating figure. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Mikey?"
Mikey swallowed hard, and blinked a couple of times. "I'm sorry.." he said. "I know it's stupid, but I just… Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone.. Especially standing on stage in front of all of those people… For some reason I feel despite the thousands of people around like I'm by myself. I feel like I'm drowning and I look at Frank and I know that he won't ever feel that.. Because he has Jamia. He has a floatation device to keep him from going under in that sea of people, and it's hard, Mira. It just get's so fucking hard sometimes to try and hold yourself up.. When you're alone.." He talked fast, swallowing lumps in his throat, and shaking his head, he shielded his eyes with the palm of his hand. "And Gerard. He's getting married too. And after that.. You. You're next. And then, and then..."
Miranda reached out and pulled Mikey's arm down gently, and took his hand in hers. "I'm not getting married any time soon, Mikey. I don't even have a boyfriend… and I'm never gonna leave you all alone, you'll always have a floatation device with me.." she said.

They stared at each other, both in awe of that strange look they had on their faces, being mirrored back at them through pairs of shining eyes. And it occurred to both of them much too late that this look, this new, soul shattering look, was not the kind of look that one would give someone who was afterall, just a friend…
Their gaze broke off with sounds of awkward laughter, both looking away briefly, shyly.
Mikey smiled weakly. "So… I take it these are the wrong reasons to get married."
"Well… they aren't the right reasons."

Mikey opened his mouth, he wanted to ask her What are the right reasons?, but he had a feeling that him not knowing the answer was an answer itself.

"There are worst reasons for getting married, dude. I know that it get's hard sometimes, being the only one flying solo when everyone else is in pairs. Believe me, I know.. But marriage is.. Serious. It's a big commitment, and if you love her and you're sure of that and you know that this is what you need, than you do it, and don't let anyone else tell you different, especially not me. I don't want to sound lame, or cliché, but look inside yourself, and I'm sure you'll be able to tell if they are the right reasons or not. You'll find the answer you need. Cause I really don't want to give you the wrong one." She smiled sympathetically, and patted him on the arm.
Mikey just nodded, and flicked at a piece of lint on his jacket.
"You sure you're okay?" Miranda asked.

"Yeah I.. Just have to.. I have to figure stuff out, talk to Kelly, you know."
Miranda nodded.
"I don't know how the hell I'm going to be able to say this to her.. She's been so happy about everything. This'll ruin her." Mikey sighed.
Miranda slanted her mouth to one side, and placed a hand on his back. "Everything'll be fine. You'll see."
Mikey nodded. "Thanks for everything today, Mira. I mean...you're a really good… friend."
Miranda pulled him into a hug. "That's my job," she said. She released Mikey and sat back, looking at him.

"Can I say something?" Mikey asked. His head was down, but his muddy brown eyes were looking up from behind his designer glasses, and from under his ridiculously straight hair. He looked ashamed, and almost afraid.
Miranda looked at him, expectantly, biting on her lip ring.
Mikey smiled shyly, and his eyes flickered to the floor for a moment. "You'd look really beautiful in a feather boa."

Miranda's eyes lit up making the dark flecks in her light eyes less visable through the shimmering green-grey color, and for a moment, she almost laughed.
She gently pushed Mikey's arm, smiled, and he looked surprised. "What?" he asked.
"I'm not the solution to stop Gerard's bitching when he figures out he doesn't get to plan a wedding." she said. "I fell for that trick once. I'm not going to be his living mannequin so that he can have someone to play dress up with. You have no idea how embarassed I was whenever he made me try on his rendition of Dr.Frankenfurter's outfit. I was mortified! It was Halloween and I was still so embarrassed! That's how bad it was!"

Mikey looked almost hurt. "No, I didn't mean it like that.. I.." He placed a hand on his forehead, shielding his eyes from her. "I.. Nevermind."
Miranda snapped out of that horrible memory, her brows raised. "You know if you need to talk about something, I'm the girl to talk to." Miranda said, placing a hand on his knee.
Mikey put his hand over hers. He wanted to say 'I know' he wanted to be able to look at her, straight in the eye, and tell her exactly what it was that had really made him feel so alone in the first place. He wanted to show her that he was sincere, and that he was feeling things.. Things that confused him, and he wanted to explain, but when he saw that look in her eyes, so honest, and even innocent, he couldn't. "It's ok," he forced a smile. "Nevermind."
Miranda nodded. "Well if you need to talk about it, I'm here. I worry about you sometimes, you know."

The room fell silent for a while with no sounds but their breathing, and the buzzing traffic on the street, outside of Mikey's apartment.
He quietly drummed his fingertips against his leg. "So let me ask you something."
"Sure."
"There's something I've been wanting to say to someone for a long time.. And.. I don't know if I can, because I don't want to mess things up, but, I feel like if I don't say anything I'll regret it later on in my life, you know?" he looked sideways at Miranda.
"If it's something you'll regret if you don't do it," Miranda said. "Then you should most definitely tell them. You only live once."

Mikey nodded. He opened his mouth to speak again, but it took a few seconds before he could say the words, and when they came out, they were too soft, almost timid. "Are we friends?"
"What?" Miranda made a noise that was something between a scoff and a laugh, and just a pinpoint away from being a snort. "Of course we are. Best friends! You know that. I don't know what I'd do with out you. We were like the freakin' Goonies in high school, you can't break stuff like that. Don't you remember?" she smiled.
Mikey let out a sigh of a small laugh. "I try not to remember highschool, MirandaPanda."
Miranda rolled her eyes. "Look, bub. We're like peanut butter and jelly, except tastier, and less sticky." she explained.
"PB&J?" Mikey said.

"Yeah," Miranda said. "It's like we classically go together except we aren't in the same jar and we aren't sticky because.. Well.. We just aren't and--"
Mikey leaned forward and kissed her.
It was a short kiss, virginal even, their lips barely parted, and only pressing together for one brief moment.
Mikey leaned back and looked at Miranda, who was staring like she was either about to burst into tears, or have a heart-attack.. Or both.
Miranda swallowed hard, and Mikey could hear it. Her hands had began trembling, and Mikey didn't know whether to laugh or be afraid of her sudden timidness, but then again, he was nervous, too.
"I.. That… we.. You.. Oh my gosh." Miranda stuttered, for some reason breathless. "Could you.. Do that again?"

Mikey took her shaking hand into his own, and looked her in the eyes.
He felt more safe than he ever had before. And he wanted to tell Miranda everything. He wanted her to know why he had intended to marry Kelly. Because he felt like he could never be good enough to marry Miranda. And he wanted to explain to her that that was why he had been depressed for half of the tour, and that he had found what he was looking for, that it did exist, only he never knew he could have it, and that he did remember high school, and that she wasn't just a solution to Gerard's daily PMS-like state of panic, and bitchiness.
He wanted her to know exactly what was going on inside of him at that moment, and how she made him feel when she smiled. But he didn't quite know where to start. So he just leaned forward.
They started kissing again, much more grown up, and personal this time. Miranda, with her hands on either side of Mikey's face, her eyes closed tight, and her heart beating rapidly.
Mikey, with one hand on Miranda's ribs, and the other on her hip, trying to pull her closer against him. Feeling, grabbing, floating..

This was his floatation device. This was his lifeline. This was the missing piece. Her body.. Her being.. Her everything.

And oh God, did he know this body. These were the lips that gave him innocent pecks on the cheek, and told him everything would be ok for him in the end. The hands that held his own, most of the time. The legs that he made fun of, for not being able to keep up with his long strides, as he was much taller than her, and the feet that would kick him for it. This was the face he knew like life, the hair that always seemed to smell so nice, and the arms that tended to wrap themselves around his waist.

This was his best friend, his muse, his first actual love, his MirandaPanda, the peanut butter to his jelly, all jumbled up into one being, all wrapped in the same skin, and kissing her was the best feeling in the world.
When they pulled apart, both seemed breathless, weightless, and completely void of reality.
"I love you," Mikey said. He hadn't even meant to say it, but nothing else made sense at that moment. Not the hard wood floor underneath them, that felt too solid, too rough, and too real at that moment, not the shadows blanketing the room, or the sketch book abandoned near the couch.
"I love you too," Miranda said.

***

Two years later, Miranda and Mikey were sitting in the living room of their home.
Miranda's younger sister was sitting on the floor, playing rock band with Frank.
"Mira! Frank's cheating!" her younger sibling called out.
"What? That's not even possible!" Frank interjected.
"He keeps yelling into the mic when I'm singing." she said.
"He does that." Mikey said. "Right, Panda?"
"Right." Miranda agreed.

Frank stuck his tongue out at Miranda's little sister.
"You're so stupid, Frank!" Miranda's sister pouted, crossing her arms over her chest.
Miranda just laughed. "You two are like a bunch of kids."
Frank shrugged. "What? You never heard of back up vocals?"
A beeping sound went off, and Frank grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket. He smiled. "Jamia's bringing me food." he said.
Miranda's sister sat the controller down in front of her. "You guys are so lucky," she said. "I can't wait until I grow up and get married."
Frank just laughed. "Trust me, you can."
"What do mean?" she asked.

"My wife beats me." Frank said, a completely serious look on his face, but his eyes danced in a mischeveous way.
"Liar!" she said, smacking him with the controller. "Ow! Girls are--Girls are fucked up, man!" he said, looking at Mikey. "Girls are mean!"
Miranda's sister took another swing at Frank, and Frank leapt up, and sat down on the arm of the couch.

"Anyway, Jamia only beats you up because you're crazy."
"He's not crazy, he's just nieve sometimes." Jamia said from the door way.
Frank just pouted, and folded his arms across his chest.
"What?" Jamia asked. "I just meant that I love you even more because you're kind of retarded. That's all," she shrugged. "I brought you fries."
"Don't listen to Frank." Mikey said. "Marriage is great."
Miranda smiled. "Yeah.. It's the best feeling in the world."
"Is it as good as Christmas?" her sister asked, eyes scanning across the brightly shining lights and holiday decorations around the room.
"Nope." Miranda leaned her head against Mikey's. "It's better."

"Wow."
Miranda nodded. "And it gets better and better every day. It's like sometimes, you think you couldn't possibly love someone that much, and then you do. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be so full of life that I'll combust. And when he's not around.. It feel's like drowning... I never thought I'd be this happy." She looked over at Mikey with a slight smile on her face. "And every day it only gets better."