Faithful

When April woke up the next morning she grinned wider than her small face could accommodate.

She scrambled out of her bed, feet tangling in her excitement to get to her closet. Her face landed in the rough white carpet of her floor and she grimaced, ignoring the pain and hurrying to get up. Flinging the door open, she looked expectantly inside.

And found only her clothes and the stuffed animals she never played with.

April frowned, confused. Pushing aside the clothes revealed nothing except the back wall. There was nothing under her bed either. Standing in the middle of her room, April let out a huff of frustration. Where was Loki? He’d said he would be there. The sounds of someone moving about downstairs spurred April to get dressed for the day. He would be back.

She needed to talk to Papa.

Once her pajamas were discarded and she was wearing one of her many summer dresses April hopped down the stairs, nearly bursting with her excitement. She could still hardly believe it was real. There was no one in the kitchen, so April doubled back into the living room. Papa was sitting in the chair in the corner. She hadn’t seen him. Why hadn’t he said good morning?

“Papa.” she called his name and walked towards him on her toes. The way he looked made her pause.

Usually Papa wore a long-sleeved button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, khaki pants with a leather belt, and shiny brown shoes, even at home. It was odd that he was still in his sleeping clothes by the time April woke up. Also his usually neat hair was disheveled, hanging into his face. His bloodshot eyes remained on the floor, even when April came closer and tentatively tapped his knee.

“Hello, Papa.” April kept her voice low. Something was wrong and she was beginning to feel scared. “Are you okay?”

Still Papa didn’t say anything. He didn’t seem to know she was there. April bit her lip and brought one hand up to tug on a strand of her long hair, something she did when she was nervous. It was so quiet in the house she could hear Papa breathing, a long and labored wheeze from somewhere deep in his chest. He had never acted like this before. Not so bad anyway.

Where was Mom? April looked around the room, her stomach starting to churn a little. The joy she had felt was gone, replaced by anxiety and uncertainty. Her parents had been acting strange for some time, but this appeared to be different. Papa hadn’t shaved, and he didn’t smell like the soap that he usually did. April looked at him and wasn’t sure if she knew him.

“April.”

Her head snapped back to Papa, who was now looking at her. April pulled harder on her hair, wanting to step away. But it was Papa, and he would never hurt her. Not ever.

“Come here, April.”

She knew to listen when Mom or Papa told her to do something, and she went to him. Papa cupped her face between his rough palms, looking into her eyes like he didn’t know who she was. The gray eyes that Mom had. Papa swallowed, his chapped lips opening to speak.

“Whatever Mom tells you…I love you, okay?”

April felt an overwhelming urge to cry, but she breathed through her nose until it went away. “Yes, Papa.”

“It isn’t that I don’t care…I care so much.” Papa sobbed, his hold on her cheeks tightening. April had never seen him cry, and it scared her more than anything else. Tears leaked out of his eyes so suddenly, as if he had barely been holding them back. “She doesn’t know what’s happening inside me…I don’t know…”

The young girl looked helplessly back at her father. The one who was supposed to guide her and couldn’t. He couldn’t even guide himself. April jerked her head back and out of his grasp suddenly, and Papa’s hands fell limply to his lap. He forgot her again. April ran into the kitchen and out the back door.

The backyard was large, a shed sitting in the left corner where Papa stored what little tools he had. Behind the shed was a clump of bushes that had grown about five feet tall over an old boulder, and that was where April hid herself. Her hair caught on the branches, but she disregarded the tug at her scalp as she crawled in and sat on the boulder. It was dark in her little cave despite the bright summer morning, and April relished the fact that she wouldn’t be found.

Her petite body was extraordinarily numb. April tucked her legs up and hugged them, resting her chin between her knees and breathing out slowly.

Was this her fault? Papa wasn’t Papa and the world didn’t make sense. It left her without any allies, because Mom was just Mom and she loved her but it was different. Would Papa come back?

“What are you doing back here?”

April gasped, eyes flicking over to see the man from her room. He was bent down to peer at her, face bemused at the way she was sitting. He looked the same as the night before, but it was different to see him in the sun. Very pale skin, jet black hair, eyes like blue ice, and weird green and black clothes. April scooted over on the boulder, bashfully patting the space next to her.

Loki’s expression was disapproving. “Really?”

A wordless nod was the only answer he received, and after a moment of pursing his lips Loki made a martyred face at her and used his hand to part the brush enough for him to crawl under. He had to hunch over quite a bit so his head wouldn’t be sticking right into the thickest part of the bushes. April faced forward again, her brow creasing in thought.

__

He didn’t know why he’d returned to the ugly white house. He was telling himself it was curiosity.

If Loki had said he genuinely didn’t want to see the child again he would have been lying. Yet he had spent the five days since he’d seen her last debating with himself over whether it was the right thing to do. His plan had been to never see her after that one night, fading into her juvenile memory as a dream. But she had made him promise. He hadn’t meant to promise anything, especially not to a meaningless human, but she had turned the full force of her doe eyes on him and he’d nodded where he meant to shake his head.

In the old times he had appeared to mortals quite a few times, but very rarely more than once. It hadn’t been as risky then, when the gods were worshipped as a part of every day life. Those were the days. Now, on the other hand, no one believed in the gods, and showing himself more at all could cause pandemonium if he wasn’t careful.

Well, no one believed in the gods except April. Maybe that was why he came back. Also, though the desire to do so was much less than his other reasons, Loki wanted to listen more to the girl’s parents. The way they shouted at each other fascinated him in a morbid way, so foreign to his ears. His own parents never fought in such a way, so spiteful and full of hate. If Frigga and Odin fought at all there was always a quiet and heartfelt apology, after which Loki could scarcely stand to be around them, their eyes constantly connecting, brimming with love.

Loki doubted there had ever been any true love between April’s sires.

When he entered the house this time he cloaked himself in his magic, invisible to any mortal’s eyes. He walked into the living room and saw a man slumped over in an armchair, realizing that he probably could have strode through the house as visible as could be and the man would have done nothing. Loki studied him for a moment, deciding that there was something wrong with him, and then proceeded up the stairs towards April’s room.

Soft noises were coming from the room at the end of the hall, and Loki paused to listen. It was the girl’s mother, speaking to someone and crying. “I never thought it would get this bad.” she whispered.

Shaking his head slightly, Loki pushed on the door to April’s room. It opened with a quiet creak Loki was confident no one would hear, but he frowned upon gaining the knowledge that April was not inside it. Her bed was unmade and the lavender nightdress she’d been wearing was on the floor. Loki shook his head again. Messy child.

The house was ominously silent besides the background noise of April’s mother, and Loki began to wonder with a rather uncomfortable feeling in his chest if something had happened to the girl. She had asked him for help after all. Something told Loki to look out her window, and he did so just in time to see her long auburn hair flying like a cape behind her as she dived behind the little square building in the back yard.

Sighing, Loki twitched his fingers and landed on the slightly moist grass of the fenced in area. He walked the same path she had run, baffled when he found nothing but a large clump of bushes. What mortal could disappear into thin air? It took him a moment of staring and a small movement from inside the shrub to make him understand that was where April had hidden.

Unsure if he should be more entertained or concerned, Loki went closer to the thick plant and bowed to gaze inside. April sat on a large rock that was disguised by the brush, wearing a bright yellow summer dress and holding her knees to her stomach. Loki watched her a second longer before announcing his presence.

“What are you doing back here?”

A little noise of surprise escaped the girl, her round white face turning sharply towards Loki. She stared at him for a moment, like she was inspecting him, then her cast down again. Loki watched her scoot over and pat her hand on the space next to her. He realized what she meant and made a reproachful face.

“Really?”

April only nodded. Loki was about to refuse and either wait for her to come out or leave, but he noticed the slight downward twist of her lips and he stopped.

Why did she keep doing this to him?

Putting on his best suffering countenance, Loki pushed some of the branches out of his way and crumpled himself down so he would fit in next to April. His spine was curved rather uncomfortably, his legs were sticking out of the bush, and the boulder was very harsh on his bottom. Loki sighed in defeat, bowing his head so the leaves wouldn’t tangle in his hair.

He looked at April from the corner of his eye, fairly surprised she wasn’t speaking yet. The night they met she hadn’t closed her infernal mouth for over an hour, blathering about books she had read and things her father had taught her. It had made Loki slightly sentimental, recalling the way he had idolized his father when he was a boy. How easily clouded the eyes of a child were.

Loki was better at being resentful than sentimental.

Still, the long silence was a source of apprehension for him. He wasn’t one for conversation unless he wanted something, so he had been counting on the girl to provide it. Just before he could open his mouth to try and coax something out of her when an almost inaudible whimper came from April as she flung her arms around Loki.

Horror didn’t begin to describe how the god felt as the little girl buried her face in the material of his shirt and sobbed. His arms coiled away from her, but he managed not to jump away by telling himself that she would land face-first on the rock. And the last thing he needed was a blubbering Midgardian girl with a bloody nose.

“Um…” he looked around powerlessly, now completely at a loss regarding what to do.

Through her weeping she was saying something. About her father, the way the house sounded, and her nightmares. He hadn’t the slightest clue what she meant, but it was obvious she was distressed. What was he supposed to do? He had been a child once, hadn’t he? He should know this. Loki thought of what Mother had done when he was upset, and despite how embarrassed he knew it would make him feel, he also knew it would be better than just letting her wear herself out.

“There, there.” Loki said stiffly, his left arm gingerly moving so it was sort of hovering just an inch away from her back. “It’s alright.”

April snuffled loudly, leaning even more against him. Loki glared upwards for a moment, unable to curse any god but himself as he let his arm rest against her. But the effect was instantaneous, the girl’s sobs beginning to slow. Loki glanced at her askance again, only able to see the top of her chestnut hair. He could feel her breathing, and the hummingbird beating of her heart.

He would not have admitted it under any amount of duress, but it was calming.

When Loki considered his situation he was confused. This helpless little being was looking to him for comfort. The god of lies and mischief, one feared or respected, occasionally admired, but never any source of relief to anyone. Not even his own family. And it was nice to be needed. Even by a mewling human.

After a few more moments April was breathing almost evenly and her tears had stopped. She rubbed her face on his jacket, which Loki grit his teeth and accepted, not exactly pleased with the fact that he was being used as a tissue. Her bout of sadness mostly over with, April turned her face up to look at him.

His nostrils were flared and his eyes were guarded, but he didn’t seem angry with her. April sat up, Loki’s arm automatically sliding away from her and back to his side. The girl wiped her face on her arm, taking a few more shuddering breaths. Loki watched her, finding himself almost charmed by the sight.

Her eyes red and puffy, tears clinging to her dark lashes, her nose and lips pink. She was a tricky mortal. At the same time he wanted to shout at her he wanted to stroke her hair. Such a surprising feeling.

Loki was glad when she spoke, removing him from this line of thought that made him restless.

“Stay here…I’ll get you that carrot cake now.”