I Understand Now

I couldn't find the words to talk to Gordon. Eventually, as we drove in silence for a long time, I settled with addressing one thing at a time.

"I thought you weren't gay."

Gordon just snorted. He was fiddling with his hands, but he wouldn't light a smoke. His knees were bouncing. "I didn't think it mattered to tell you. I figured you'd assume it by the amount of female friends I had, not to be stereotypical or anything."

"You really need to think your plans through. That could've gone seriously wrong when you decided to kiss me there- hey, why don't you just smoke already? You're making me nervous."

"I think I'm going to quit," he said.

We continued to drive until we got to his house again. I pulled up and parked.

"Look," I said and looked at him, "I'm not even sure what I'm getting into here. I'm used to thinking things through before jumping into them."

"What do you mean? Getting into a relationship with me, or checking out the magical things in my backyard?"

My face burned. "Who said we were getting into a relationship? And I -I don't even know what's- I don't know-"

"Cool it, Mason." Gordon grinned. "There are too many things happening at once for you. But I guess it wouldn't hurt you to dive into things spontaneously."

"Fine." But as he started to get out, I stopped him. He looked over. I didn't say anything and just leaned forward and kissed him on the mouth.

"What was that for?" He blinked.

"I'm being fucking spontaneous. Show me what's in your backyard."

Gordon led me to his backyard. His little brother was playing with some butterflies around a little pond they had in a corner. That was when I realized how many bugs were actually in his yard. There were ladybugs, dragonflies, beetles, and many other insects crawling around the shrubbery. Gordon took a hold of my hand.

"Liam, will you show Mason KiTaka and YaHana?" he asked.

"Oh, Mason!" The boy's eyes lit up as he saw me. He rushed over to the pond and caught a butterfly in his hands. "This is KiTaka! She's really nice!"

He dashed over to me and opened his palms. At first, I only saw a blue butterfly. But then, as I looked closer, I slowly began to realize that this was not a butterfly and I saw the pale white figure underneath those blue gossamer wings and the dark eyes looking up at me.

"Oh my God!" I flinched back and the thing zipped away. Gordon only smiled and Liam yelped.

"Oh, you scared her!" he cried. "I have to catch her again!" Then the boy took off on his short legs to find the creature again.

My heart was slamming up against my ribcage. "Oh my God. Oh my God. Gordon, what the - what the fuck was that? Was that always there? Are all these bugs those things?"

"Not all of them, but most of them." Gordon squeezed my hand. "I'm glad you could see her. That means you believe."

"Oh my fucking God." I was shaking. "What was that? What the hell was that?"

"It was a fairy." I looked around and then I saw them, the fairies, fluttering around the pond where Liam was. They were white and slim, and their wings bloomed out if their backs just like their insect counterparts. I saw things that could've been praying mantises. I saw moths. I saw grasshoppers. "They've always been here under our noses," Gordon said. "Nobody believes anymore. It depresses them."

I saw the graves that Liam made.

"That's awful," I managed.

Gordon looked at me with his soft green eyes. "It is. But I need to tell you what happened to your mother."

"I'm listening."

"You need to know that there are good fairies and bad fairies. The good fairies look like butterflies and beetles to the unbelieving eye. The bad look like spiders and cockroaches. I think your mother was tricked into something by a bad fairy."

"Tricked how?"

"I don't know. But I know the good fairies can help. But your mother doesn't trust them. She doesn't know the difference."

I tightened my grip on his hand. "We need to show her the difference."

"Yes."

Then I felt an itching sensation on my back. I shivered and tried to scratch at it, but then I saw a dozen or so fairies zip around me. The itching stopped.

"Oh God, what-"

Gordon laughed and let go of my hand to examine my back. He chuckled some more.

"Looks like they healed your cuts," he said.

"Oh my God." I shuddered. "Oh my God."

Gordon slipped his hand in mine again. "Let's take a couple of these fairies and show them to your mom.