I Understand Now

Gordon, Liam, and I went inside and the muddy boy sucked on a Popsicle like Gordon would his cigarette. Gordon and I made conversation. I hated to admit it, but he wasn't too bad once I got past the irritating part of him.

"Oh hey." Gordon's eyes pointed at my neck. "What is that? Is that a scar?"

I scowled. I'd have to take that back; Gordon was truly irritating. "It's a port-wine stain," I said. "It's a birthmark."

"Ah, I first thought it was something painful. It doesn't hurt, right?" He reached up to touch it, but I moved out of the way. "No wait, let me look at it! It's really cool!"

I wanted to cuss, but Liam was right there with his orange Popsicle in his mouth. "No," I said. "I'm not going to be a specimen for you to look at and get enjoyment out of."

"I won't understand if I don't see it," he said. "I want to understand it."

"Fine, whatever." Gordon just grinned and I inclined my neck for him to get a good look. I had a large, red, ugly mark covering a fourth of my neck. It looked horrible and I knew it. Just another thing for me to hate about myself.

Gordon drew his hand up and grazed it with his fingertips. His touch startled me. When I looked over at him I saw he wasn't grinning; his expression was kind and soft.

But then he said, "It kind of looks like Nigeria if you look at it from a certain way."

I shook his hand off. "Yeah. There's a reason I cover it up."

"Why? Nigeria isn't even a bad country."

"That's not the point." I looked away. I could still feel Gordon's damn fingers on my neck and my face burned. "The point is I hate it."

"I think it looks cool," Liam said.

"See? Liam likes it too. Why don't you go a day without your scarf for once?"

I looked back at him. "Why don't you go without smoking for a day?"

Gordon just laughed. "But you're not addicted to wearing scarves. That's not even fair."

"You know what? You don't even know what it's like to wear a nice wool scarf."

I meant that as a jibe but I realized it didn't come out as that when Liam and Gordon both started busting up laughing. Liam's high-pitched giggles rose over Gordon's low gravelly ones and both brothers doubled over laughing. The orange Popsicle smeared onto the side of the kid's face. Tears streamed down Gordon's face.

"Hey!" I said indignantly. "Stop that! It wasn't that funny!"

They just laughed harder.

"Gordon! Hey!"

After ten seconds they settled down to a reasonable level. I stood there with my hands clenched at my sides and my face burning. Gordon wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Oh my God, Mason," he wheezed.

I felt like throttling him. "It wasn't that funny."

"You need to lighten up, grumpypants." Gordon took a hold of his brother's sticky hand. "Liam, you've got orange all over you face. Let's get you cleaned up, okay?"

"Okay." Then we went to the kitchen to clean the boy up.

---

When 4:45 rolled around I told Gordon I had to go. I lived about fifteen minutes away and my mom would probably be paranoid if I didn't show up. Even though I was a legal adult, she still had a curfew for me. "You live at my house, you live by my rules," she'd said.

We'd played a few video-games with Liam and joked around before I had to go. Maybe, just maybe, I'd allow myself to like Gordon a bit after that day. He wasn't that bad. He had his moments when he was actually somewhat normal and decent. But I wouldn't allow any more of his personality to edge into a permanent residence in my mind.

Gordon smoked and walked me back to my car. "Gordon," I started. "This might be a weird question, but, does your brother normally talk to bugs?"

"You mean LeeKee?" he asked. I nodded. "Well, I guess you could say that. Why?"

"I don't know. I mean, I know he's a kid and all, but..." For once I was a loss for words. I didn't want to tell him that it kind of made me feel strange on how serious the kid was for his beetle friends, that could've been insulting, but something about Liam and the beetle stirred something in me. This wasn't a normal imaginary friend scenario. What beetle wanted to commit suicide?

Gordon only smiled. It was almost one of his snarky grins with the gleam in his eye, but it wasn't. It was a little off, a little more mystifying and curious. Then he blew out smoke and scraped the butt of the cigarette on the ground.

"Do you believe in magic?" he asked.

"I told you, I don't," I said.

'Well then you won't understand."

"What do you mean?" His comment took me aback. "I understand a lot of things. I can certainly understand this."

Gordon laughed. "You don't get it."

I felt insulted. "What do you mean I don't get it?"

The dirty-blond haired boy took a step nearer toward me and smiled. I could smell the smoke on his breath and that made my stomach twist with butterflies. He was close. His sensual curve of a smile put that cute dimple in his cheek and for a second, I couldn't think. The only thing running through my head was God damn, Mason, pull it together, what the hell are you doing?

Gordon leaned in and put his lips against my ear. "You probably will get it later," he whispered.

Then he pulled away and he still had that smirk on his face. He didn't know what he just did to me. I didn't even know what he just did to me. All of the sudden that damn boy left my heart racing a thousand miles and hour and me speechless in its tracks. I only knew him for three days and half the time I hated him. Maybe the full time I hated him. I definitely hated him now.

"See you Thursday," he said. "You ought to be heading home now."

"Yeah. See you, Gordon." I unlocked my car and got in the drivers side. He even had the stupidest name. Stupid Gordon.

I saw him light another cigarette as I started up the engine and drove out. He waved. I waved back even though I kind of wanted to punch him. Stupid fucking Gordon.

I drove home with the strangest feeling in my heart.