Love & Verses

Home. I hadn’t been home in a little over a year. I had avoided the suburban outskirts of Seattle to avoid the past for so many reasons.

But when my mother calls to say my dad is sick and getting worse, I knew I couldn’t hide anymore.

I sat in the Seattle airport, waiting for my sister, Abbie to come and get me.

But she was late, as always.

Not wanting to sit in my terminal, bored, I went to the Starbucks to grab coffee.

“Addison?” It didn’t even take ten minutes in Seattle to be spotted and to be seen by the one person I avoided for over a year. I took a deep breath and turned around.

There he was. Taller than I remembered. Far more ripped than before as well. His hair was kind of short and his Asian complexion was perfect.

“Hi, Nathan,” I said awkwardly. Nathan gave me a huge grin and pulled me into that extremely familiar hug.

Even at 5’8,” I still felt short next to Nathan.

And even after a year apart, his hug still felt great and painful all at once.

“What are you doing back here?” He asked awkwardly. He was acutely aware for the reason of my disappearance.

“My family, they need me,” I explained, unable to look him in the eyes, unable to say much.

“Shoot, Addie, I heard about this, I’m so sorry,” he frowned.

The conversation was making me uncomfortable and sad all at once. Of all people, Nathan Adrian was the one I sought to avoid.

“It’s okay, Nate, but, I need to go, Abbie is going to be here shortly” I smiled slightly to walk away.

“Addie, wait. Look, I know our break-up was the worst and I do believe and still feel what I said and I want you to know, I’m here, still two blocks away,” he said to me earnestly, always caring for me in a way I didn’t diserve.

I nodded slowly, unsure of how he wanted me to answer.

All the reasons that we broke up came flooding back.

A year ago, Nathan was on his way to making it to London. The talk of use getting married was also in the works after five years of being together. He was at Berkeley and I was also a short hour away at Stanford. Through the long distance of being away at school, Nathan and I were stronger than ever, always being understanding of our busy schedules and always seeing each other when we could. It also certainly helped that we lived two blocks away.

And while Nathan was busy with swimming, we agreed, when the dream was lived, we’d progress on in our lives together and get married.

“It’s you and me, Addie, just wait for me,” he smiled, giving me a Tiffany’s diamond to wear around my neck on a chain until the time came for me to finally wear it on my finger.

I was thrilled that after London, I would finally be Addison Adrian. Wanting everything to be perfect when that day came (though it was a year away), I wanted to have everything perfect and laid out so we could go ahead in the most timely way possible.

I was so thorough that I even went to the OBGYN to make sure everything was okay.

That’s when I got the devastating news. That I would never be able to have children.

Unable to do such a thing to Nathan, I quickly broke it off, breaking both our hearts and telling Nathan that it just simply wouldn’t workout forever without any explanation.

Nathan never yelled, never told me he hated me like he should hate me. Instead, he told me that he would one day prove me wrong and that we would work out. Instead of going through having to face him, I stayed away in Stanford and never looked back.

And still, five years later, Nathan was still so sweet and kind to me though I didn’t deserve any of it.

“Thank you, Nathan,” I smiled.

“Listen, if Abbie is on Abbie Wilson time, I can take you home, we are neighbors,” he offered.

That we were, since we were twelve years old.

My sister was on Abbie time which was always at least an hour late. I sighed uncomfortably.

“Yeah, I would like to get home. Did you just get in as well?” I asked.

“Yeah, I was just coming in from Berkeley for a weekend away. My dad left his car for me. He had to fly out on a trip,” Nathan led me to his father’s BMW, carrying both our bags.

“So, Stanford, you’re done right?” Nathan began to make small talk.

“Yes, but I’m back in school, medical school,” I shared.

“I’m really proud of you for deciding on med school,” Nathan smiled.

While we dated, I always went back and forth between going to school for medicine and PT school.

“Thank you, Nae, and you, PAC-10 athlete of the year and the Olympics, Nate it’s amazing,” I smiled as he also smiled.

“Thanks, Adds, you know, no one calls me Nate but you,” he mentioned.

“And no one calls me Adds but you,” I said in response.

I looked out the window and watched as the city disappeared behind me.

“How long are you here then?” He asked.

“The weekend. But I’ll be back for the holidays,” I explained.

“Hey, we’re the same, I’ll be back for the holidays as well, that’ll be fun. My mom did say our families would join for Thanksgiving,” Nathan smiled.

That would certainly make things interesting and it became even more realistic that I would not be avoiding Nathan any longer.

Nathan pulled into my driveway and got out to help me with my bags. My mom came out to greet me and give me a hug.

“Oh Addie, its been too long and Nathan, thank you for bringing Addison home from the airport. Abigail is such a late one,” my mom laughed.

“It’s no problem, Anna,” Nathan smiled.

“Well, Addie, when you’re ready,” my mom nudged me and took my bag inside.

Nathan and I stood there awkwardly for a moment.

“Thank you for driving me home, Nathan,” I was still shocked at what a true gentleman he really was.

“So, I know you’ll be with your dad and I know you still think, well whatever you think about us and whatever but can we maybe hang?” He asked.

“Oh, Nathan, you know-” I began to say but he stopped me.

“It’s okay, Addison, you be with your family. I will still be here,” he smiled before getting back into his dad’s car.

I really didn’t deserve the care he gave.

Once I got into my house, I went and found my sister Abigail and fell into her arms to cry.

“Hey, Addie, it’s okay, dad’s strong,” she said, rubbing my back.

“Why can’t I just be with Nathan?” I cried to my younger sister, feeling guilty and selfish that I wasn’t even crying over my sick father.

“Oh Addison, why don’t you just tell him? He know he would love you and be with you through it. You left him and to this day, he has not given up He hasn’t even dated since you,” she encouraged.

And it was true. Nathan had yet to give up on me. He would still send me letters and emails telling me it would always be me.

“He wants a family, Abbie,” I sat up and rubbed my eyes, “tall, Asian, swimming babies,” I laughed a little.

“He wants you more,” she explained.

“Abigail, I’m here for daddy, anyways,” I said not wanting to talk anymore.

I went to my dad’s sitting room and saw him staring out the window, with an IV in his hand.

“Hi daddy,” I said softly. My dad turned around and smiled.

“Addison, darling, it’s so good to see you,” I went over and hugged my dad.

He was much more pale than I remembered. He had some grey in his hair and tired eyes. This is what cancer did to people. Significantly aged people.

“Is the nurse doing her job?” I asked, checking his fluid bag.

“Oh Addie, she’s great. And my vitals are fine. And, if you forgot, I am a doctor too,” he grinned.

“I know, daddy, I’m just, you know, I wanna know you’re okay,” I shrugged.

“It’s okay. Now, did I see you out there with Nathan Adrian? Addison, are you talking to Nathan again?” My dad grinned.

“No dad, I, I mean we, it can’t work,” I tried to explain.

“Addison Wilson, you need to talk to him,” my dad said sternly.

“Dad, my situation, it won’t work, I need to let him go,” I sighed.

“Is that why you still wear that ring?” He asked, pointing to my chain that was tucked into my shirt. I pulled at my chain and looked down. On it, the diamond ring remained.

“You know, he’s come home every weekend since his mom told him I was sick? Your mom and I thought it was to some way get you back but he kept coming back, helping your mom, making sure Abbie was okay at UWash, certainly can’t be good for his swimming,” my dad said.

I felt so guilty that it was Nathan picking up after me even more. Caring for my family for me. I felt so much hurt for how simple I made it look dismissing Nathan when we broke up.

“I’ll be back, daddy,” I kissed his cheek and went downstairs to walk outside and two blocks away.

I don’t know what was coming over me.

I rapidly knocked on the Adrian’s door.

“Addison! So lovely to see you,” Cecilia said to me as she answered the door.

“Hi, is Nathan around?” I asked, giving her a hug.

“Oh yes, he’s in his room,” she said, hurrying me up the stairs as I made my way to his familiar door.

I didn’t bother knocking or pausing, I busted open his door and found Nathan on his bed, he sat up and stared at me.

“Addie, what are you doing here?” He questioned.

I allowed my take over me and pushed Nathan down and kissed his familiar and soft lips. I pushed myself firmly against him, feeling those perfect lips mold onto mine. Nathan wrapped his arms around my waist. I pulled away and lifted his shirt off. Nathan went to take my shirt off when I stopped, realizing what was happening.

“Addie, I, I really don’t understand,” he said confused.

“I, just, I don’t, just thank you, but I have to go,” I felt my face flushed and my breathing was still heavy.

I could not hurt Nathan again. So while I was here, I should probably try and distance myself from him.

This would not be easy.