Love & Verses

Why did I go over there and kiss Nathan? Why did I go over there and try to hurt him again? I felt like such an idiot.

I was laying in bed, thinking about everything that had occurred in the last twenty four hours when I heard talking and laughter from downstairs.

I sat up and straightened my Stanford long sleeve t-shirt out and put on a pair of workout leggings. I pulled my dirty blond hair into a quick updo and fixed my face a little before heading downstairs.

It seemed that avoiding Nathan would be much harder than I thought it would be.

Downstairs my mom and dad were laughing along with Cecilia and Nathan along with Abbie about something. Having breakfast together.

This was a norm since we moved here. I figured it would have stopped when Nathan and I stopped. Of course my parents wouldn’t end a long friendship with the Adrian’s because of me.

“Oh Addison, there you are, sit, have waffles and fruit,” my mom handed me a plate.

“Here, Adds, want the peanut butter,” Nathan smiled handing me peanut butter, knowing me well and knowing my love for peanut butter.

“Thank you,” I said, unable to look him in the eyes.

“So, Abigail was just telling me that she was nominated for the Panhellenic board at Washington, what’s new with you at Stanford?” Cecilia asked. I spread the peanut butter on my waffle and shrugged.

“That’s awesome Abs, I’m sure you’ll rep Gamma Delta well, as for me, I’m just studying, working at the Stanford hospital to get some time in observing,” I explained.

“Yes, that’s wonderful, Addison, I knew you were in medical school now, James and I were so proud to hear,” Cecilia smiled.

I was shocked by how much the Adrian family also still loved and welcomed me as a friend even though I hurt their son and brother.

“How are Donella and Justin?” I asked, wanting to move away from me.

“They’re great. Justin is in Seattle with his wife and Donella is with her husband and Max in Arizona,” Cecilia shared.

“Max?” I asked.

“Donella’s son,” Nathan explained. I glanced at him momentarily and nodded. I forgot she was pregnant while we were together.

“Justin took me to lunch last week, it was awesome,” Abbie said sipping her orange juice.

“Did he?! Oh that’s great, Cecilia, he’s always looking out for Abigail in the city,” my mom said, happy that someone was watching out for Abbie.

“Yeah, and we went to the farmers market, he told me that I couldn’t eat the junk that was in the d-hall,” Abbie laughed.

“I wish he would have done that for me at Berkeley,” Nathan complained.

“Oh please, I use to drive the hour to make you breakfast,” I rolled my eyes in a joking manner, immediately regretting that I allowed room to reminisce.

“Only on Fridays and Saturdays!” Nathan retorted. I heard our parents laugh at us.

“Addie, you never told us that,” my dad chuckled smiling. I looked over at his high spirits.

“Yes, that was very kind of you,” Cecilia smiled gently over at me. I looked over at Nathan who smiled widely at me.

“And you never cooked me breakfast, we’re even Nathan,” Abbie shrugged.

“Did you ever make Addison meals? It’s only fair,” my dad raised an eyebrow to Nathan.

“Well, I made a pretty good after workout snack,” Nathan suggested. I choked on my orange juice.

“Addison, what on earth?!” My mom shrieked as I spewed out a little bit of orange juice. Abbie began laughing uncontrollably.

Our parents were wildly confused.

“Guys! Why on earth is an after workout snack so funny?! After a workout it’s important to eat, doctors said chocolate milk especially is good, Nathan has chocolate milk after every run,” his mom said to us in her confused voice.

Abbie kept on laughing loudly as I hit my head on the table.

“Sometimes I would just eat chocolate during the workout,” Nathan smirked.

“Now that’s not healthy, I know you’re burning a lot of calories but Nathan, you can’t eat and work out,” my mom shook her head.

“Can we please not talk about this?” I begged. My dad looked between the three of us and began to chuckle.

I was beyond mortified that my father was laughing about a sex joke involving me and my boyfriend.

“Adam, it’s not a serious matter but why are you laughing at this!?” My mother was getting frustrated how she wasn’t getting the joke.

“I’m sorry, Ads, I shouldn’t have said anything,” Nathan looked at me, holding back laughter.

“Oh my gosh! Nathan Adrian, that is not how I raised you!” Nathan’s mom hit him on the head, mortified. Suddenly it clicked with my mother as well.

“Well, Nathan, I believe you have a real workout to do,” my mother stood up and straightened her clothing.

“Yeah, I need to get a swim in, a run too,” Nathan stood and hugged my mother.

“You know what, Addison could go for a run too,” my mother pulled away from Nathan and tugged at me to stand up.

“Oh I don’t need a run, I’m good,” I stated, going to get a glass of water.

“Nonsense, Addison, you never go a day without working out and you would always work out with Nathan, you should go,” my dad said from his seat.

They didn’t get it, I wanted to get my space from Nathan, to stay away and do nothing. But I also saw that gleam in my parents eyes. I saw my dad look happy, something I wanted to seem right now. I looked to Nathan who just shrugged, leaving the option up to me.

“I just need to get ready,” I sighed, looking at everyone.

“Great, I’ll meet you in fifteen minutes,” Nathan flashed another large grin. I held my breath as I went upstairs and changed.

This is quite the opposite of what I wanted.

[Parents-Anna]

We all looked at one another and smiled.

“The one thing I want to see is Addison happy again. And with Nathan,” Adam said, smiling as the nurse came in to check his vitals.

I cleared my throat and looked away. As I prepared myself for what was to come with the cancer, it still made things incredibly hard.

“I just wish she would tell Nathan the reason, I find it so hard not to just blurt it out, but I know it’s not my place. James has come so close to spilling too,” Cecilia frowned. I knew it was incredibly painful for Cecilia to keep this secret.

“I don’t think Addison wants to be miserable forever, I don’t think she will be able to hold it in, especially during the holidays,” Abbie spoke up. I looked at her and pulled her into a hug.

She was such a good girl, coming home every weekend along with Nathan to help out with the family.

No one blamed Addison for keeping her distance, she was just as her father was and he fully understood.

“We just need to keep pushing them together, every time they’re in town, it’ll bring up all the past,” Cecilia added.

I nodded.

We all just wanted to Adam to be able to be there with Addie as she got married to the only man she had ever lover. And we would do whatever it took to make it happen.

“The golden goggles are coming up, I’ve got a plan,” I said, ready to pull all the big guns out.

[Addison]

I came downstairs in a similar outfit as before. Workout leggings and a long sleeve shirt. I wore an expensive laser swimsuit under my clothes that Nathan had gotten me when we worked out together on a regular basis and I put my hair in a ponytail and grabbed my phone and headphones.

Nathan was downstairs waiting for me in workout pants and a Berkeley swimming shirt. I smiled his way as we walked out the door.

“So, I was thinking we’d just run the 4 miles to the pool and do the swim workout there, then we could do a cool down walk back,” Nathan explained.

“Yeah, that works out fine,” I smiled, putting my headphone in as we ran.

I was glad we both played music as we ran. We didn’t have to have awkward conversation and we didn’t have to look at each other because we were so focused on running to our destination.

It felt good to be running next to Nathan again. He always challenged me in all ways possible. Working out, thoughtfully, emotionally. Literally all ways.

It also felt nice to just be next to Nathan once again.

We got to the pool center and I was sweating heavily from the four mile run with the slight altitude.

“You good?” Nathan panted, asking me. I pulled my water out and caught my breath.

“Yeah, I’m good, so let’s get in here in swim,” I said, trying to focus only on working out.

We got into the pool and I took off my clothes to remain in my swimwear. Nathan took his clothes off and I was thankful he was in his Jammer and not the speedo he usually worked out in.

Nathan adjusted his swim cap and goggles and looked at me.

“Did you forget a cap and goggles?’ Nathan asked. I nodded.

“I can go capless, it’s not a big deal,” I shrugged. Nathan pulled out his extra cap and goggles and handed them to me.

“I never leave without a spare anything,” Nathan grinned.

“Thanks,” I said awkwardly. I put on his swim cap from Berkeley and his spare goggles on and grabbed two kickboards and went to the lane Nathan secured for us.

“So what’s the workout?” I asked, ready to do what Nathan did.

“Adds, it’s intense, you can tone it down,” Nathan wet the kickboard and put his workout sheet on it.

“Great, challenge accepted,” I grinned, jumping into the water and doing the same workout as Nathan.

I was hurting, badly. Nathan’s workout had gotten insanely harder and I hadn’t swam since we stopped dating. I grabbed onto the edge of the pool, feeling all the muscles in my body.

“I’m impressed that you kept up,” Nathan said, I turned and looked at him.

“I do what I can,” I smiled, slowly climbing out of the water and removing Nathan’s cap and goggles. Nathan sat down next to me and drank some gatorade.

“So, are you going to talk to me about why you waltzed in and kissed me last night?” Nathan finally asked. I looked down at my feet, unable to look at Nathan.

“Nate, I’m sorry,” I sighed, I knew he at least earned an explanation for this.

“I just, I heard that you were helping my family and all this, I don’t know, emotion caught up with me, Nathan, I don’t deserve all that you’re doing for me, for my family,” I said awkwardly.

“Addison Wilson, will you please look at me?” Nathan said, I slowly looked up at Nathan and looked at him nervously.

“I love you. I don’t want you to say it back but I know you love me too. And through loving you, I love your family. Your dad is my second father, your mother is my second, maybe third biggest fan next to my mom and possibly still you. I of course am going to help out all I can, especially in your place since I know it sucks for you to be here with me,” Nathan’s eyes never left mine. I felt my eyes beginning to water as he spoke.

“Nate, I don’t deserve all this,” I said to him earnestly. He smiled and touched my face for a moment.

“No, Addison, you deserve so much more and I keep my word, I’m going to give that to you one day, you’ll see,” Nathan got up and walked out of the pool to the locker room to change.

Nathan was right, I was still deeply in love with him. But I would have to fight my feelings, I wouldn’t be the reason Nathan would never be able to have children.

We simply just could not be.