Bulls in the Bronx

As soon as Tony had left, Chandler's smile began to fade as she slugged to her bedroom, and into her bathroom. She plopped on her bed and thought; she contemplated the thought that often popped into her mind...Why am I so unhappy...Why can't I just accept who I am when others do?...She was the type of person that when she looks in the mirror every single flaw she thinks she has screams out to her, and it gets magnified whenever she feels that someone looks at her too long...but then again, who wasn't these days?

She threw off her sweatshirt and stared furiously into the mirror, trying desperately to find anything she liked about her appearance. My eyes are okay...my teeth are pretty straight...but my smile is...and my nose...not to mention this...this... she grabbed her stomach...why do my thighs touch...where the fuck are my collarbones?

She could feel herself on the edge of tears and knew what she felt she had to do. Slowly, she walked to the toilet, knelled in front of it, closed her eyes and breathed in. She opened her mouth and forced her index finger to the edge off her mouth, tears bursting from her eyes from the uncomfortable feeling and the extreme self hatred that lead her to this. Finally, she gagged and violently threw up most of she had previously eaten.

Once she'd finished, she was weak and crying; feeling the sting of the stomach acids in her throat. After about five minutes of crying hysterically in front of the toilet, Chandler forced herself up, flushed the toilet, wiped her face with a rag and rinsed her mouth with water.

As she walked out the bathroom, still feeling as low as possible, and plopped on her bed. She sighed, "Someday, I'll look back at this moment and wonder why I did this.." before drifting off into a troubled sleep.

"WHY WOULD YOU HATE SEINFELD?" Chandler recognized the voice in her sleep belonging to Mike,"IT'S THE BEST SHOW EVER!"

"OBVIOUSLY NOT," She heard Mike's girlfriend, Michelle yell back.

'Urgh..why are these idiots in my house,' She thought.

She slowly opened her eyes and sat up to see Vic and Tony conversing at the end of her bed, as if it was casual; she didn't need glasses to recognize Tony tall figure compared to Vic's short muscly one.

"Why are you guys here so early?" She croaked while reaching for her glasses.

"Chandler, it's noon," smiled Vic heading towards the door...why was he so smiley?

"Listen Fuentes, when I wake up wishing I was still asleep, it's early okay," she replied, rubbing her eyes. Vic stood at the door for a moment, smiling at her then at Tony, who was very interested in the ceiling fan.

"Vic, are you okay?" she asked scratching her head. He just nodded and walked out, closing the door, "What's up with him?" she gestured toward the door.

Tony shrugged and looked at her,"Vic's an idiot..so, how'd you sleep?"

Chandler stretched,"I feel like death.."

He chuckled, "You look at death." He was joking but in a way, she did. What the dark circles under her dark brown eyes; they had a hollow feeling to them, as if her entire life had been a blank sheet of paper.

She shrugged, and heaved out her bed watching Tony walk to her bathroom. "So...why are you all here
again?" she began putting on her bra.

"Damn, we can't just drop by?" he asked while peeing.

"Tone, I was asleep," she struggled but snapped on her bra.

"Even so.." he flushed. She shook her head and threw on her multicolored beanie to hide her bed-head, and searched for her baggy jogging pants. As Tony walked out the bathroom, her backside was turned to him and she was in the middle of pulling up her pants. He blushed and smiled but didn't look away until she turned to him. He smiled and put both his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

"Water you so smiley about Tone-Tone?" she asked walking to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

"Nothing.." he smiled and went to sit on Chandler's bed. He caught a glimpse of the quote tattoo under her shoulders, it read: “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You” -Dr. Seuss. He smiled even wider, remembering the day he went with her to get it; she was crying all the while the artist was tattooing it but she wouldn't stop them "The sooner it's over the better".

He fidgeted on the soft bed and felt the covers, "Dude, your sheets feel like Heaven," Tone chuckled until his hand ran into something small, cold and...sharp. He felt a sick feeling as he held up the small blade.

"Is this from a pencil sharpener..?" he mumbled, examining it.

"What was that?" Chandler asked as she walked out the bathroom and immediately stopping. She slowly backed away into the bathroom when Tony stood up.

"Chandler," he sighed,"come on, come out here." She sighed and eased out.

He held up the blade,"You told me you'd stop." he mumbled

"I know." she mumbled refusing to meet his eyes.

"You promised--"

"I know, Tony."

They stood in silence for a moment, then he spoke.

"Pull down your pants."

She looked at him skeptically,"Umm..."

"Come on I'm not stupid, there's no way you'd wear a tank top if you cut your wrists, Chandler, I know you too well."

"Umm, sorry Tone, but I'm not dropping my pants.." She walked past him but Tony grabbed her waist. She winced but tried not to make a sound. Other than the sting of pain that Chandler felt, there was an exchange of electricity between them. He let go and she turned to him with glistening eyes.

"Chandler, you've been my best friend since 10th grade. The last thing I'd ever want is for someone to hurt you, so can imagine how...melancholy I was the first time I found out...that you were hurting yourself," he spoke slowly,"I don't want you to feel guilty or anything, but just know that I...still think you're beautiful...and I don't ever want to lose my best friend, okay?"

At those words, tears began streaming down her face. Tony gently hugged her as if she was a fragile piece of glass, but she squeezed him into her.