Hope for Better Weather

I groaned and opened my eyes. I’d had my nightmare again, so needless to say I didn’t get much sleep, which was unfortunate since I needed to be feeling as good as possible to make it through this evening. It was New Year’s Eve meaning it was the night of my mother’s huge party. I’d come down the day before which I’d quickly realized was a mistake because the mood at my house was less than welcoming towards me. Thank goodness I had Gabe and Henry here with me. They acted as a buffer between me and my mom, Carys, and Patrick, but I could tell trying to make everyone happy was wearing them out.

I’d spent most of my time locked in my room working on editing photos and talking to Henley. I’d called her to tell her about mine and John’s screaming match so she of course wanted to hear all the details about what went down. She scolded me for not being honest with John about my feelings. I’d replied that it was futile since John had Laci.

“Knock, knock,” Gabe said as he peeked his head in.

“Hey, what’s up?” I asked as I turned my attention from my computer to him.

“Your mom is leaving now to start getting things ready. She wanted me to tell you to be there by six p.m.”

“Of course she made you tell me instead of telling me herself,” I rolled my eyes.

“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger,” Gabe held up his hands in surrender. “So when is Joel getting here?”

“He said he’d get here around 3, so he should be here anytime. He wanted to get ready here because he didn’t feel like driving all the way from Phoenix in a tux.”

Gabe started to say something but the ringing of my phone cut him off. I looked down to see Joel’s name flash across the screen. “Well speak of the devil,” I muttered.

“Hey Joel. Are you on your way?” I answered.

“Hey Clark, Umm…that’s actually the reason I called…”

“I don’t like the sound of this,” I groaned.

“I’m really sorry but I can’t make it tonight. I’m sorry that it’s such late notice.”

“Why can’t you make it?”

“This..uhh…well this band thing came up and yeah,” Joel stuttered.

“Did John threaten you or something?”

“No, of course not! I just can’t make it. I’m really sorry, Clark. I promise I’ll make it up to you somehow.”

“It’s fine,” I sighed. “The band is important.”

“Thanks for understanding, and once again, I’m really sorry.”

I hung up and then turned back towards Gabe. “Well, I now have no date for tonight. I honestly don’t think this night could get any worse. How mad would mom be if I skipped it?”

Gabe gave a sarcastic laugh. “Don’t even try it. She’s so pissed at you right now that she’d probably disown you if you skipped her party. Even when we’re not one big happy family she wants us to pretend so people think that we are.”

“Fuuuuuuuck,” I groaned as I fell back onto the bed.

“It won’t be that bad,” Gabe tried to comfort me.

“You’re delusional. Everyone will be asking where my fiancé is and I’ll either have to lie or tell the truth. Neither option sounds good. Plus I’m sure I’ll be getting death glares from mom, Carys, and Patrick all night long.”

“Well you can hang out with me and Lauren.”

“Dang it. I forgot that you were bringing a date. No offense, but I don’t feel like being the third wheel all night long.”

“Well then just get really drunk,” Gabe smirked.

“You know that’s a bad idea, or have you forgotten that I become brutally honest and actually say my feelings when I get alcohol in me? I’d probably tell mom and Carys about how I asked John to be my fake boyfriend because they make me feel worthless but then it backfired because he made me feel worthless.”

“Well, it would add a little excitement to the evening. You know how boring these parties always are.”

I gave a sad smile and rolled my eyes at my step-brother.

Gabe noticed my sad smile and quickly walked over to give me a hug. “Hey, it will be okay. I know it sucks right now but I’ll help you through tonight and then we’ll just take it one day at a time.”

“Thanks Gabe, I seriously have no clue what I would do without you.”

“The feeling’s mutual, bug,” Gabe said rubbing his knuckles over my head and messing up my hair. I glared at him for that and for the use of my old nickname. “I have to go pick Lauren up because we’re going out to eat before the party starts, but we can come back by and pick you up before we head over to the banquet hall.”

“Showing up to the party dateless and with my brother and his date? Thanks but no thanks.”

“Fair enough,” Gabe laughed. “Call if you change your mind or need anything. If not, I’ll just see you there. Remember, six o’clock.”

“I got it. Have fun with Lauren. Don’t scare her away.”

Gabe stuck his tongue out at me before walking out of my room. As soon as he left I groaned and put my face in my hands. I understood Joel’s commitments to his band and wasn’t mad at him, but I was still upset about the situation. I would have absolutely no buffer tonight at the party. Plus, I’d have people coming up to me all night asking where my “fiancée” was. Of course, that was assuming my mom hadn’t already told them that the engagement was called off or even telling everyone that it was fake. With the anger she felt towards me at the moment, I wouldn’t put it past her.

I was tired of doing work but didn’t feel like getting ready for the evening yet so I decided to watch some Netflix. I watched until the last possible second, but eventually got up and forced myself to do my hair. I put on the black dress I had just bought for the occasion – hoping the dark color would help me blend in for the evening. The last thing I wanted was to call attention to myself, so I was hoping the non-flashy dress would do just the trick. I was sure my mother would have some comment about how I shouldn’t be wearing black on New Year’s Eve or could have at least picked something with a bit of sparkle. She thought black should only be worn for funerals and business meetings.

Just as I was finishing applying my makeup, I heard the doorbell rang. I rolled my eyes and muttered to myself about how I was going to punch Gabe if he thought he was going to make me ride to the party with Lauren and him. It wasn’t Gabe standing on the other side of the door though when I opened it.

“What are you doing here?” I asked in disbelief with a bit of an edge to my voice.

“There are some things I need to talk to you about.”

“Well you’re a little late for that. If you want to talk you’ll have to wait because I need to leave for my mom’s party. And why the fuck are you in a tux?”

John ran his hand through his hair, a habit I’d quickly learned he did when nervous. “Yeah, that’s…uhh…that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I mean, I’m taking you to the party. I’m your date. I told Joel not to come so I could be your date instead.”

“No you’re not,” I spat.

“It was part of our deal, Clark.”

“You know what, John? You can’t just come swooping in to play the hero and expect me to forget everything.”

“That’s why I said we need to talk,” John said with exasperation.

“Fine, talk. I have to leave in five minutes though.”

“I messed up, Clark. I liked you. I mean I like you…a lot. I’m nowhere near good enough for you though. You’re smart, talented, funny, and beautiful, and deserve to be treated like a queen. All I am is just some guy in a band that’s gone for nine months out of the year. You don’t deserve a relationship like that. Plus I was worried that I would somehow hurt you. You don’t deserve to be hurt, especially after what Patrick did to you.”

“You did hurt me though,” I softly said, the pain of the situation coming back to me. “I felt as if my heart was breaking when you said you were getting back together with Laci.”

“I never meant to hurt you and I should have never gotten back together with Laci. She was the safe choice because I know her and I knew what to expect with her.”

“That’s the thing…she’s a bitch yet you chose her over me. Do you know how bad that made me feel? It brought back so many memories of me not being good enough,” I quickly swiped at my eyes. I could feel the tears beginning to fall but I didn’t want to mess up my makeup or cry in front of John again.

John reached out to pull me closer to him. “Choosing her over you will always be my biggest regret. I don’t deserve another chance but, damn it Clark, I want one. I want us to try again. I want us to try a relationship – a real one this time.”

“I want to, but I’m so scared,” I whispered but I knew John heard me.

“We can start out slow,” John gently lifted my chin so I was looking him in the eyes. “I promise that I’ll show you I can be the man you deserve.”

I hesitated and John could tell that I was still unsure.

“Hey, we don’t even have to put a label on it yet. We can just be John and Clark. Two people getting to know each other.”

“I…I just don’t know.”

“Clark, you have every reason to be scared of relationships, but please believe me when I say I will do everything I can to avoid hurting you.”

I wanted to give in to John and tell him that I wanted to try again, but I couldn’t let go of my fear.

“What will we say when people ask who you are…or ask what we are?”

John smirked, knowing that he was wearing me down. “We’ll just say that we’re Clark and John. That’s the truth and they don’t need to know anything more.”

“We’re going to be the talk of the town though, and I don’t feel like getting into that mess.”

“Clark, don’t start worrying about what people think of you now.”

I hesitated, trying to think of another argument.

“Just give me one chance…we’ll see how tonight goes and then you can decide if you want us to just be friends, try something more, or be nothing at all. It will kill me if we’re nothing at all, but I’ll take that chance, Clark.”

“Okay,” I softly sighed. “You can be my date tonight and we’ll see how it goes.”

“Well let’s go then. We wouldn’t want to make your mom mad by being late.”

“She’s already going to be mad when she sees you’re at the party,” I smirked.

John laughed. “I can handle her…I think.”

I got into John’s car and all the worries I’d had over the past week seemed to go away. I hated that John had this power over me, but he did. I felt better by just being in his presence.

“You’re smiling. You must be somewhat happy that I’m your date tonight,” John smirked.

“Watch it, mister. You’re on probation,” I jokingly scolded.

“Ok, sorry,” John chuckled, but he leaned over and grabbed my hand anyway.

John and I arrived at the party with only seconds to spare. My mom must have been waiting and watching for me to come in because she was by our sides as soon as we walked in.

“John, what a lovely surprise to see you,” My mom said with a tone of voice that implied it was anything but lovely and a forced smile. “I didn’t expect to see you here considering your relationship with my daughter was fake and you’re dating your ex again.”

“Mom,” I gasped, surprised that she said all of this.

“Our original relationship was fake, Mrs. Lewis, but I’ve realized what a mistake that was. I’m no longer with my ex and I’m here because I’m trying to fix things with Clark. I want us to have a relationship – a real relationship.”

“Well, just don’t cause a scene at the party and everything should be fine,” my mother huffed before walking off and greeting other people who had just walked in.

“I’m so sorry for her,” I sighed.

“That actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. She’s just doing that because she cares for you, you know.”

“Well she has a funny way of showing it,” I mumbled.

John just chuckled and leaned over to kiss my forehead.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

I turned around to see a very angry Carys and Patrick standing behind us.

“Carys, stop,” I warned.

“No, Clark. John completely screwed you over and you’re just going to let him walk into your life again?”

“Since when have you cared about people screwing me over? Or is it fine when you and Patrick do it, but not okay when others do it?”

“Would you get over that?!” Patrick asked. “You’ve obviously forgiven John, so why can’t you forgive me?”

“I’m trying, Patrick. It’s just going to take time. Let’s go, John.”

John and I started to walk away but Carys came running up and pulled my arm to lead me a few feet away from John.

“Clark, I know what I did to you when I started dating Patrick and married him was terrible. I regret that I had to hurt you in the process of finding love. I know our relationship will never be fully mended, but I still care about you and don’t want you to get hurt.”

Although it was long overdue, and not nearly enough was said, this was the closest Carys and I had come to having a heart to heart or talking about what had happened. It was nice to know that she still cared for me and was watching out for me.

“Thanks, Carys. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine though.”

Carys still seemed hesitant but nodded. “Ok. And next time you’re home do you want to maybe get dinner or something. I think we have a few things – or years – to talk about.”

“Umm, yeah. That’d be great, Carys.”

I must have had a weird look on my face as I walked back to John because he took one look at me and asked. “What’s wrong?”

“I think Carys and I just had a heart to heart. And she asked if we could hang out and talk about things the next time I’m home.”

“That’s good,” John reassured me.

“Yeah…unexpected but good. I guess me blowing up on them on Christmas must have done something.”

“Sometimes families need to fight to work things out.”

“Like Ross trying to punch you?” I smirked.

John laughed. “I deserved it. The mistake I made was teaching him how to punch. That kid has a mean right hook.”

I was too busy listening to John to notice where we were going. When I looked up I realized that we were in the middle of the dance floor. “John, what are we doing?”

“I’m trying to dance with the prettiest girl at the party.”

“Do you know how to dance?”

“Well enough,” John shrugged.

I laughed and shook my head at him but grabbed his hand and put my other hand on his shoulder anyway. The rest of the evening was spent dancing, eating, and talking to my mom’s guests. Whenever anyone asked who John was I just simply said that he was John. They didn’t need to know anything else, and frankly, I didn’t even know what else to say. The whole situation was complicated yet perfect.

We were in the middle of the dance floor again when people started counting down from 10, signaling that it was almost midnight.

10!

9!

John turned to look at me and I could see some panic along with confusion written all over his face.

8!

7!

“You don’t have to kiss me if you don’t want,” John quickly said.

6!

5!

“I know it’s tradition to kiss someone at midnight but…”

4!

3!

“We’re still trying to figure out what we are and I don’t want to pressure you.”

2!

1!

I smirked before grabbing him and kissing him.