Hope for Better Weather

It was official: I was going to strangle my sister. Her constant need to look for more ways to one-up me was annoying, but something I’d gotten used to her doing. Now though, she was dragging John into it and trying to prove why she and Patrick were a better couple than John and I. I understood that John and I weren’t even a real couple so I shouldn’t even care but it was still infuriating me.

She kept making snide comments about how he was a musician and didn’t have a “real job” but she said it all with a smile on her face to make you think she was being sweet and helpful. That was Carys though: the smiling bitch.

“So John, how are you going to support a family with the money you make from being a musician? I imagine it can’t be much since you aren’t as famous as Jay-Z,” Patrick spoke up which caused me to mentally add him to the list of people I wanted to strangle, right under Carys.

“Well Patrick,” John paused to take a drink before continuing and I knew he was thinking about the best way to approach this situation. He hated when people knocked The Maine because they weren’t played on mainstream radio but I knew he also didn’t want to cause a scene with my family. “It’s true that the band doesn’t make me a millionaire, or a billionaire as in Jay-Z’s case, but it gives me enough that I’ll be able to comfortably support my future family. We may not live in a mansion or drive BMWs but my parents always taught me that as long as you have a roof over your head, clothes on your body, food on the table, and you’re with the ones you love you’re doing better than many others in this world.”

“That’s an interesting approach,” Patrick said in a way that showed he thought it was anything but interesting. “But, I’d still rather give my family the best things money can buy.”

“Patrick, just because someone has different values than you doesn’t make them wrong,” I snapped.

“So John, how did you and Clark meet?” My mother cut in because she hated when anyone fought, especially at the dinner table, and she knew how ferocious I could be.

“My band actually played a part in us meeting so that’s something else it’s brought me instead of money,” John smirked. “Dirk Mai, who Clark works for, is the photographer for my band so we met when she started coming with Dirk to take pictures.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little tacky, Clark? Dating one of your clients?” Carys smiled at me.

“Well that was one of the hurdles we had to get through before we started dating,” John cut in to stop me from giving my sister a snarky response. “One of the first times I met Clark I knew she was special. I mean she’s beautiful, anyone can see that by looking at her, but she’s also smart, funny, independent, driven, and vivacious. She was in a room full of guys while taking pictures but was still able to hold her own which impressed me the most. I asked her out and she said no because she didn’t think it would be right since she was the band’s photographer. I didn’t give up though and she finally agreed.”

“I was just going to go on one date with him to shut him up but afterwards I realized I wanted to keep dating him and sometimes you have to just go with it even if other people think it’s wrong.”

“You should know all about doing something other people think is wrong for love, Carys,” Gabe nodded at her which earned him one of her patented “Ice Queen” glares. I shot him a look a thanks because that comment had finally shut him up.

“Well I don’t see anything wrong with it, John and Clark,” Henry spoke up. “As long as you two are happy, that’s all that matters.”

“Speaking of happy,” Carys started as she grabbed Patrick’s hand and I considered poking her eyeballs out with my fork, Oedipus-style. “Patrick and I have some happy news to share with you guys… I’M PREGNANT! WE’RE HAVING A BABY!”

As soon as she said those words I felt as if all the air had left my lungs but things started to piece together in my head – how happy Carys had been lately, not drinking wine at dinner last night, and, as cliché as it sounded, the way her face was glowing. Everyone else was gushing over Carys so I forced a smile and pretended like I was fine.

“Carys, that is wonderful! I’m going to be a grandmother,” our mom exclaimed. “When are you due?”

“Well, I’m just about three months along so I’m due around the end of June.”

“We’re both very excited,” Patrick said as he put an arm around Carys and hugged her closer.

“Oh Clark, we know it’s a little early to be asking but, we would love if you would be godmother,” Carys smiled at me but I saw right through it. This was her way of telling me that she had won for once and for all.

I choked back all the hateful words I wanted to say and instead faked a smile as I said, “Of course. I’m getting a little hot in here though so I think I’m going to go outside and get some air.”

I didn’t wait to be excused and just pushed out my chair. John tried to grab my arm as I stood up and I knew he was probably confused and concerned about me but I just shrugged him off. I went out to our back deck and took big gulps of the mountain air as I stretched out in one of the lounge chairs we had out there and willed myself not to cry. I wrapped my sweater tighter around myself; after living in Tempe for a couple years I had forgotten how chilly it got up here in the mountains.

“Hey, Gabe said you might need this,” John said as he sat down in the chair next to me and handed me a glass of wine.

I grabbed it from him gratefully and took a generous sip. “Thank you.”

“I also thought you might need some of these,” He said as he handed me Kleenexes.

I smiled at him and grabbed one to dab my eyes and blow my nose.

“So do you want to talk about it?”

I sighed and a few moments of silence enveloped us before I finally said, “Have you ever looked at something and thought, ‘that should be me?”

John glanced at me briefly before looking back at the mountains in front of us and I knew he was trying to put the pieces together of how my question related to the situation.

“I don’t think so,” John slowly said and for some reason I felt my heart sink. There was no way I would be able to make him understand what I was going through which made me surer that I shouldn’t tell him. “I mean, there was one time I had to sit out a baseball game in high school because I’d gotten in trouble and I was upset when I saw the JV player out there instead of me but I think what you’re asking refers to a much more serious situation than baseball.”

“Don’t let Henry and Gabe hear you say baseball isn’t serious because they live for the Diamondbacks,” I joked but even that felt forced.

John chuckled and said, “Yeah, but baseball doesn’t make me want to cry and drink wine out on the deck while looking at the mountains. Actually, I don’t think anything makes me want to do that because it’s a little gay for a guy to do those types of things.”

I smiled and rolled my eyes at his attempt to make me feel better. I began playing with a loose thread on my sweater as I debated over how much information I should tell John. Henley was the only person in Tempe who knew anything about my life in Flagstaff and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to open up to John yet.

“Clark, I understand that we’re not a real couple, but I’d like to think that we’ve become a special type of friend these past two days. I understand if you don’t want to tell me anything but I honestly just want to help you because it’s killing me right now to see you cry.”

“What if you can’t help with this situation? No one can,” I sarcastically chuckled.

“Many times just talking about it helps.”

I tried to figure out the internal battle that was taking place in my head but I finally decided that talking to someone who didn’t already know about the history between Carys, Patrick, and I would be good.

“Patrick and I were high school sweethearts,” I saw John give me a surprised look but I forged on because I knew if I stopped telling the story I most likely wouldn’t begin it again. “We began dating my sophomore year and his junior year. Patrick was the star quarterback at our school and nearly every girl wanted to date him. I figured he would go for Carys because she was a cheerleader whereas I was the art nerd who was always in the dark room. I was also on the dance team but that was mainly just to make my mom happy. He picked me though and we dated throughout high school and his freshman year of college. He went to Northern Arizona so even though I was a senior and he was in college we were still able to hang out a lot. I honestly thought I was going to marry him.

Things changed though when I went off to college. Patrick was annoyed that I had decided to go to ASU instead of NAU. ASU had the better photography program though and he accused me of picking photography over him. We agreed to do the long distance thing but then one weekend, about a month into the school year, he drove down to ASU and broke up with me. I was a complete mess after that happened. I was all alone at a school two hours away from home, I barely knew anyone, and the boy I thought I was going to marry had just shattered my heart.

I’d heard rumors that Patrick had started dating someone else but imagine my surprise when I went home for Spring Break my freshman year and found out he was dating my twin sister who had decided to also go to NAU. He proposed to her the next Christmas and then they got married the summer after that – I was the bridesmaid at the wedding where my sister married the guy I had dated for three years while at that time they had only been together a year and a half. Bitter didn’t even begin to explain how I was feeling. And that brings us to today where she announced her pregnancy.

So that’s what everyone was talking about last night when they said they were glad I was dating you because they all knew how heartbroken I was over the situation. Thankfully moving to Phoenix got me away from everything and helped but it still hurts when I come back here and see them. I’m no longer in love with Patrick, in all honesty I practically hate him, but I can’t forget about the betrayal.”

“Wow,” John said as he shook his head. “Honestly I just really want to go in there a punch him for what he did. I know it’s been a few years but he deserves to feel pain for what he did to you.”

“Actually Gabe already punched him. When he found out what happened he went to Patrick’s fraternity house and punched him. Carys was furious when she heard what Gabe did but when she went to yell at him he told her how disgusted he was with her.”

“So is this why you and Carys aren’t close?”

“We’ve never really been close. Growing up, Gabe and I were always doing things together and hanging out. We didn’t mean to leave Carys out but she hated sports and getting dirty while I didn’t mind it. I think she was always jealous that I was close with Gabe because she felt as if we should be close since we were twins. Our relationship completely deteriorated though after she started dating Patrick. When I found out, I yelled that she was no sister of mine and I was ashamed to be related to her. Then I went six months without speaking to her.”

“Wow. Sorry that I keep saying that but I just…I just wasn’t expecting you to tell me all this,” John said and I could tell he was still trying to fathom everything.

“It’s some pretty heavy stuff, I know.”

“Did Patrick ever explain why he did it?”

“He tried but I didn’t want to hear his excuses. The current relationship between Patrick and I is even worse than the one between Carys and I.”

“I don’t blame you. So have you not dated since this whole fiasco? I was honestly kind of surprised that you needed me to be your pretend boyfriend because I figured you could easily get a real one, but I’m guessing this is why you don’t have one.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I’ve been on a few dates here and there but nothing’s really clicked. It’s also hard because I’m so guarded thanks to what happened and suspicious that someone is going to hurt me again like Patrick.”

“I understand why you’re so guarded but I just want you to know that you are an amazing person and someday some guy is going to come along and show you just how great you are and give you everything you deserve.”

“If I’m so amazing why did Patrick dump me to date my sister?” I asked as I started crying again. I was trying to hold it in because I was a little embarrassed to be crying in front of John but it was no use.

“Hey, don’t talk like that,” John murmured as he pulled me over to his chair. The lounge chairs were big enough for the two of us to fit on one and I soon found myself wrapped in John’s arms and crying into his chest as he whispered comforting words to me. “Patrick made the biggest mistake of his life when he broke up with you.”

“You’re just saying that,” I mumbled.

“I swear to you that I’m not. You don’t even realize how special you are, Clark. You deserve someone so much better than Frat boy in there.”

I laughed as I heard John’s nickname for Patrick and a comfortable silence came over us.

We sat there for a few minutes just staring at the mountains until John said, “This actually explains some things about you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re such a mystery and barely open up to anyone. I realize why now but I don’t completely understand it.”

“What am I supposed to say when I meet people? Hi, my name is Clark and I was dumped by my high school sweetheart who is now married to my sister.”

John chuckled. “Maybe not right when you meet someone but I do wish your walls weren’t built up so high.”

I agreed with John but knew it would take a lot of work to break down my walls so instead I changed the subject. “We better get back in there. They’ll wonder what’s going on out here.”

John nodded and I stood up then held out my hand to help him up.

After he stood up, John pulled me into a hug and said, “Forget about Patrick and Carys. I’ll be right by your side the whole time.”

“Thanks.”

I wiped my eyes one final time and then grabbed his hand as we walked back inside. If someone had told me a day ago I was going to open up to John O’Callaghan and tell him all of my deep, dark secrets I would have scoffed in their face. Now though, I was glad I’d asked John to be my fake boyfriend because I couldn’t imagine having anyone else helping me with everything that was going on.