Hope for Better Weather

“What’s your biggest fear?”

I looked up at John and put another bite of frozen yogurt in my mouth as I tried to buy some time to decide if I wanted to tell him my real biggest fear or make one up. After my breakdown on the back deck John had decided that we needed to get away from my house for a bit. I told my mom I was going to show John around Flagstaff. Her only request was that we were back in time to go out to dinner with them in celebration of my sister’s pregnancy. I wanted to be anywhere else in the world but at the dinner but knew the repercussions of missing it were too great. John and I were currently sitting in my favorite frozen yogurt place in Flagstaff and playing our own version of 20 questions.

“You don’t beat around the bush do you?” I asked, still trying to buy time.

John shrugged. “Life’s short, Henderson. You have to go after what you want.”

“And you want to know what my biggest fear is?”

“Obviously,” John said with a “duh” tone to his voice.

“Fine,” I sighed. “I’m afraid of being alone.”

“Like being single your whole life?”

“Kind of. I’m afraid of never having anyone – friends, family, a significant other. I have this reoccurring nightmare where I’m someplace I don’t know with people I don’t know. I feel completely alone in this dream and I keep searching for someone I know but I never find anyone.”

“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that answer.”

“I know, it’s weird to base a fear off of a night terror but I get it every couple months and it’s terrifying. I started getting it more frequently after Patrick broke up with me. I guess in the back of my mind I think, if it was that easy for him to leave me why would anyone stay? So what’s your biggest fear?” I asked, quickly changing the subject.

“That one day I will have to eventually grow up,” John laughed and I joined in. “Seriously though, I’m afraid that one day people won’t like The Maine anymore and I’ll no longer be able to do what I love. I always get a little sad at the end of every tour or with every album we release and think, what if that’s the last one we’ll ever do? So far it hasn’t been but people’s opinions of you can change quickly.”

“I guess both of us just want to be loved and needed.”

“I think that’s the main want of everyone in the world,” John agreed. “Enough talk about depressing subjects, though. What made you move to Tempe?”

“ASU,” I smirked, knowing John wouldn’t be satisfied with that answer.

As expected, John rolled his eyes. “I knew that. I meant what made you choose ASU over NAU and what made you decide to stay in the Phoenix area after graduation?”

“I chose ASU for its photography program but also because I love Phoenix. My family and I visited it a few times while I was growing up and there’s just something about it. This sounds kind of weird but I just feel like it holds so many possibilities. It used to be this terrible and run-down city but now they’re trying to build it back up and make it thrive again. I’d always thought about staying in Phoenix after graduation and the whole situation with Carys and Patrick plus Dirk offering me a job just solidified that idea.”

John nodded his head and I knew he understood. “I agree. There is truly just something about Phoenix. I’ve had the amazing opportunity to travel the world and see some great places but Phoenix will always be number one on my list.”

“Exactly. Phoenix may not be the prettiest or the greatest city in the world but it will always be my favorite.” I glanced down at my watch and noticed the time. “We better get going. I still have to get ready for dinner and heaven forbid we’re late for Carys’ and Patrick’s celebration.”

“Oh yes, we wouldn’t want to make Carys wait,” John joked as he opened the store’s door for me.

“Because the world does revolve around her,” I rolled my eyes.

John and I got back to the house with plenty of time to get ready but that didn’t stop my mom from checking on us every five minutes to make sure we were going to be ready in time. I’d had enough of her nagging that I finally told her John and I were just going to drive separately and meet them there.

John and I sat in a comfortable silence on the way to the restaurant, which of course happened to be Carys’ favorite one in town and my least favorite. As soon as we got to the restaurant John said he had to use the restroom and I promised to sit in the lobby and wait for him so we could walk in together. I was just sitting in the lobby minding my own business when Patrick approached me with a snarl etched on his face.

“Did you tell John?”

“Tell John what?” I asked, feigning ignorance because I knew that would make Patrick furious.

“Did you tell John about how Carys and I got together?” Patrick snapped and I knew I had struck a nerve.

“Maybe,” I shrugged.

“I know you did,” Patrick snarled. “John gave me a death glare as I was walking out of the bathroom as he was walking in and muttered something about me being a bastard.”

“Ok, so I did tell him.”

“I really don’t appreciate you telling people. Yes, I didn’t handle the situation like I should have but don’t you think we should be able to handle this like mature adults?”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “First of all Patrick, John is my boyfriend so I think he deserves to know about my past and all the assholes in it, especially since it’s obvious there is tension between you, Carys, and me. Secondly, if you don’t want people to know about it maybe you shouldn’t have done it.”

“Clark, you truly are…” Patrick started but was interrupted by John coming up behind him and putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Is there a problem here, Patrick?”

“No,” Patrick grumbled.

“Great. Well let’s go join everyone else,” John said as he grabbed by hand.

Patrick rolled his eyes and turned around so he could make his way into the dining area.

“Hey Patrick,” John called out and Patrick turned back around to face him. “Next time you have a problem with me how about you approach me about it like a man instead of harassing my girlfriend, ok?”

“Sure,” Patrick said before stalking off.

“Thanks,” I said as I squeezed John’s hand.

“Of course. Patrick really is a douche.”

“Tell me about it. I can’t believe I dated him for nearly four years and wanted to marry him.”

“We all make mistakes and believe people we shouldn’t.”

I nodded in agreement and then pasted on a smile as we sat down so my family wouldn’t know about the almost fight that had just occurred in the lobby. I didn’t have to worry though because half the people at the table didn’t even notice me. Patrick was too busy sulking, Carys and my mom were talking about everything they’d have to get ready for the baby along with baby names, and John, Henry, and Gabe were talking about baseball. John would break away from the conversation with Henry and Gabe occasionally to talk to me but I still felt miserable. I was pretty sure I would have felt miserable no matter what though thanks to the reason for us celebrating.

While we were eating dessert John cleared his throat and began speaking to the whole table. “I was going to wait to do this but since we’re already celebrating I figured we should add one more reason to celebrate.” John turned to me and I have him a confused look because I had no clue what was going on. “Clark, ever since the first time I saw you I knew you were unlike any other girl I had ever met. I love how you scrunch up your nose when you’re mad, I love how you still eat your cereal with a spoon even though you don’t put any milk in it, I love how you never feel intimidated even if you’re in a room full of guys, but most of all I love you. Clark Kent Henderson, will you marry me?”
I stared at John in shock. I heard my mom gasp and could feel everyone looking at us but I was completely speechless. This was not in our plan.

“Well…are you going to say something?” John asked and I could see his eyes telling me to just trust him and go along with it.

“Umm…yes…of course,” I said and John slipped a ring on my finger. I noticed it was a claddagh diamond ring instead of the normal diamond engagement ring.

“Wow John, this is the first time I’ve ever seen Clark speechless,” Henry laughed. “You truly are the perfect one for her.”

“I’m just so happy for the two of you,” My mother said with tears in her eyes and I rolled my eyes at her dramatics. “We need to start planning your wedding immediately.”

“Let’s slow down a little, okay? John and I need to enjoy our engagement for a while before we rush into wedding plans. I’m actually still trying to take this all in actually so if it’s alright with everyone I think John and I will just go home.”

“We’ll make sure to take our time here to give you and John plenty of time to celebrate,” Carys said with a smirk and a wink.

I glared at my sister as John and I both stood up and began making our way towards the door. He held my hand as we left but as soon as we were out of my family’s eyesight I ripped my hand from his and stomped off to the car.

“What the hell was that in there?” I asked after a few tense moments of silence.

John looked over at me from the driver’s side because he had insisted he drive because it was chivalrous or whatever. “A proposal.”

“I know that,” I snapped. “I meant why did you propose to me? That wasn’t in the fucking plan.”

“I was trying to help, okay?” John said with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“Help?! How is that going to help? Now instead of telling my family about a break up I’ll have to tell them about a broken engagement.”

“Alright, maybe this wasn’t the best plan but I couldn’t stand to see your mother fawn over Carys and act like you were invisible. I thought maybe this would bring you guys closer.

We had pulled into my driveway and I knew I should just keep my mouth shut but I couldn’t help but to get the last word in. “You should just stick to subjects that you actually know…like music.”

As I walked in the house I heard a car door slam and I knew I had succeeded in pissing off John. I smirked to myself as I made my way into my bedroom.

“Are you insinuating that I’m dumb and don’t know about anything except music?” John asked with fire in his eyes.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Interpret it how you want.”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t do this plan the exact way you wanted but like I said, I was just trying to help. You don’t have to be such a bitch.”

“Good thing we’re not really engaged then, right? Have fun sleeping on the floor, fiancé,” I spat as I threw a pillow at John.

“Oh I will, sweetheart,” John snapped back.

I huffed as I turned out the light and lay down. I tried to think through how I was going to clean up this mess. My mother was already planning my wedding and in a couple weeks I’d have to tell her to stop because the engagement was off. In the back of my mind though I couldn’t help but wonder what it’d really be like to be engaged to John…and I hated myself for those thoughts.