‹ Prequel: Unexpected
Sequel: Just Hold On. ›
No Excuses
Chapter 6
Chapter 6
After practice, I drove to her office.
“Hey”
“Hey honey.” She stood walking over and kissing me softly on the mouth. I pulled back looking at her.
“What’s wrong?”
“Get out of jail free card, huh?”
Her face fell as she knew exactly what I was talking about. She looked down at the floor.
“It wasn't like that Max, I kissed him, which by the way I don't even remember.”
“You fucking made out with Giroux.”
“ No Max, making out would be a stretch, besides I thought it was you.”
“Why the fuck didn't you just tell me?”
“Spandex asked me not too.”
“Stop fucking calling him spandex.”
“Max, please. It was nothing and He asked me not to tell you, so I didn't.”
“Yeah, well I told you.” I looked down at her. A single tear was hanging on the edge of her eye.
“Would you have told me, if Stephanie, Sidney and Danny hadn't been there?” Her face contorted into anger, She wiped the tear from her face as anger made her straighten up and come face to face with me.
“I would hope I would have, but...”
“Fucking exactly. I will not apologize for something that honestly, was a mistake.”
“Did you like it?”
“Thats a bull shit question, I don’t even fucking remember.”
“I don't want to fight.”
“Then stop fucking talking, you are acting like a teenage boy with his first girlfriend.”
“You fucked up, with my teammate.”
“At least you know him, you fucked up with a cheap trick in North fucking Carolina. I am done with this conversation. Either we move forward or move on, your choice.”
I stood looking at her and she stood huffing at me. She raised her hand as I started to speak again.
“I’m sorry.”
“I am too.” I turned walking out of her office. I hit the button and and waited on the elevator.
Raven’s point of view
“Hello?”
“Danny, he knows about Giroux. He knows that I fucked up and he walked out.”
“Wait, What?”
“I got drunk, when you guys were gone and I tried to make out with Claude. He shut me down, locked me in Max’s room and slept on the couch. It was nothing and I don't know, he just walked out."
“Giroux” I heard him call over the phone.
I heard talking and then he was back on the phone. “I will be over there in about 20 mins, you sit tight, OK.”
I sat at my desk my head in my hands.
“Ray?”
I looked up and Danny was there. I walked over and he pulled me into a hug.
“It will be OK. He just needs to cool off, You should have just told him. What have we told you about G”
“I know I should have, I just thought since it was really nothing that it wasn't important.”
“Ray, stuff like that is always important.”
“We had a fight in my fucking office. I said some things I probably shouldn't have.”
“He loves you.”
“No, he doesn't.”
“He might not have told you but he does, I know it, I see it. Just give him some time.”
“Do I have any other choice?”.
“At this point no, you guys need to cool off and talk tomorrow.”
Max’s point of view.
I called Sid and he put me on speaker phone with Steph.
“I had a fight with Raven.”
“Are you OK?” Steph asked
“You need to talk to her.” Sid spoke.
“Not worried about it.”
“Of course you are.”
“Nope over it. She was so worried about me and she fucked around and didn't even tell me. Fucking Giroux would have kept it a secret, if he hadn't slipped up today before practice.”
“Call her.” Steph spoke again.
“No.”
“Call her tomorrow.”
“Nope and I am done talking about it.”
“What? You are going to just give up like that? You are a fucking pussy.” Sid blasted into the phone.
“She kissed Giroux.”
“And you kissed some bunny at a bar in Wilmington and news flash, she let it go.”
“I know, it really isn't about that. It is more about her not telling me, that bothers me so much.”
“Maybe your reaction is why she didn't tell you.” Sid pointed out.
“Maybe she didn't tell you because she knew you would freak out and act like an asshat.” Steph spoke again.
“It was fucking G, man. Fucking Giroux.”
“Did he fuck her?”
“No, he tossed her in my room and locked her in there.”
“So nothing really happened.”
“She made out with him. She got drunk after Pete showed up at the bar.”
“I think made out is a bit of untruth, Max.” Steph spoke again
“OK ,so she was upset and drunk and G was there. Raven told Steph that G threw her in the bedroom, after she called him Max.”
“What if he hadn't?”
“Does it really matter?”
“Yes, I mean no, fuck SId, I don't know.”
“Do you love her?”
“I think so.” I dropped my head knowing that he was making sense.
“If you love her then talk to her, I am sure this will blow over. I mean Steph still loves me and I am King Crazy Ass right now.” I could feel his smile through the phone.. He knew where I was and knew that I could fix this, fairly easily.
“I just need to think about this for a few hours.” My phone vibrated in my hand, so I looked at the message.
Call her.
Giroux
Raven’s point of view
My phone buzzed and I grabbed it off of the table.
Give him some time.
Steph
I miss him.
Raven
I know but be patient. He is scared and he loves you
Steph
I put my phone down, buried my face in my hands, thinking about the whole situation.
Max’s point of view
I walked up to the door and it opened.
“Hey Uncle Max.”
“Hey Cameron, your dad around?”
“Yeah, they are out in the pool.”
I walked through the house, laughing to myself as Cameron flew over the back of the couch and started his game back up.
Danny and Claude were sitting on the side of the pool, talking.
“Hey, Max.
“Hey Danny, G.”
G looked a little worried.
“It’s all good, G it’s all good.”
“Max give her a break, she was drunk.”
“She lied, that is why I am mad.”
“You have never lied, huh?”
“Danny that's not the point.”
“It is the point. She forgave you and you owe her the same.”
“I think I love her, I figured this out over the last few hours and I don't want to lose her but I can't stand the thought of her lying to me.”
“Consider it a half truth. She told you everything, well except that part. You knew G was there.”
“Yeah, I guess you are right.”
“I am right, I know this is hard but sometimes people make bad decisions when they are worried about someone elses feelings. She didn't want you and G fighting.”
“Yeah, well.”
“You are fucking pussy.”
“Thats not the first time I have heard that in the last twenty four hours.”
“At least someone will call you on your bullshit.”
“Sid always does.”
“Fucking Crosby.” G smirked.
“You two really don't like each other.”
“He is a fucking whiny baby.”
“He has a ring.”
“Yeah, fuck off Talbo.” he grinned
As I was driving through Philly, I stopped at the florist and bought some daisies. I wanted to say so many things and I knew that I had to fix this.
I grabbed the door and slipped into the complex not wanting her to know I was there.
I knocked and Sam opened the door.
“Mas.” he ran to me, hugging my legs..
“Hey buddy, your mom here?”
He grabbed my hand and told me about the peewee hockey team he was going to be playing for. He chattered away about practice today, as we walked down the hall.
“Sam who are you talking to?”
“Hi.” I gave her a small wave.
“Sam, you should not be opening the door.” She corrected him.
“I sorry mommie.”
“It is OK, go play in your room.”
He turned running down the hall. She didn't speak until he was talking away in his room.
“What are you doing here?”
I raised the flowers to her. “Apologizing to my girl, for being an ass.”
“Max, I just...”
I cut her off. “I love you. I don't want to lose you.”
“Wait, what?”
“I don't want to lose you.”
“No, you love me?”
“Yes, I do. I love you Raven. I want you and all of this.”
“You can't love me Max.”
“Why not?”
“You just can't.”
“Of course I can and I think you love me too.”
“That is beside the point. I do love you. I want you and I want us to be together. I just can't deal with the controlling behavior, I made a mistake and you lost it. I can't take those chances anymore, I will NOT do that to Sam. You are just his buddy right now, it just has to stay that way.”
“I am sorry for being a dick. I am new to this and I don't know how to handle all of these feelings. What can I say other than I am a work in progress.”
“I can't help you be that man, Max. You have to do that on your own.There can't be any double standards, if we are together than we are together. That is what I want from you. I can love you for the rest of my life, but it doesn't mean that you are what is best for me or Sam.”
“I want to be that man, I want to be that man for both of you. Raven, I love you. It scares me and I am nothing but a stupid man, that has no idea how to do this. I have floated through life as a hockey player, I want to be more than that.”
“I want you to be more than that too, even if we are not together.”
“Can we start over? Can we just move forward and forget all of this. I can make promises of who and what I will be, but unless you give me the chance...”
She crossed the room and kissed me gently on the mouth.
“Max, I love you.”
“ Je vous aime aussi, aujourd'hui est le premier jour de notre à jamais” (I love you too, today is the first day of our forever.) I whispered against her mouth.
“I hope so, now say something else in french.”
“Maybe later, there is a little four year old in the other room that has hockey practice in an hour. Can I go with?”
“Sam..” she yelled for him. “would you like Max to go with you to hockey practice?”
“Yay, Mas come too.”
His smile was infectious, we were both grinning down at him as he ran down the hall and grabbed his bag. He grabbed my hand as I walked by and started chattering away again.
We rode to the rink in silence, feeling confident in it.
“Mas, you skate too?” he looked up at me.
“No, you practice and I will skate after, promise.”
He took off after the other boys, there was just something great about kids that small playing hockey.
“He really loves it you know.”
“Loves what?”
“That he gets to hang out with the Flyers.”
“I am glad he enjoys it. He is a good kid and I hope to be there with you when he gets drafted.” I smiled over to her.
“Max, I don't want to push him hard, I don't want to end up making him do something he doesn't want to do.”
“Hockey isn't something boys have to be pushed to do, either they like it or love it.”
“As long as he is happy, it makes no matter to me.”
I reached out taking her hand in mine, a normal everyday thing between us, but not today. I was holding her hand because I wanted her, not because she was my girlfriend and I was supposed to.
Raven’s point of view
I watched as Sam skated around the little orange cones the coaches set out. He fell about five hundred times but he was smiling.
“Mas, you skate now.”
“Alright buddy. let me get my skates.”
I watched as Max pulled his skates on and walked over to the rink. As he stepped out onto the ice one of the coaches skated over.
“Max Talbot?”
“Yes” he answered very quietly
“What gives us the honor of having you here.”
I watched as he pointed to Sam.
“That little boy over there is my buddy.” He smiled to the man and skated off. It was amazing how he could just shut people down, just leave them standing there watching him.
The two of them raced around the ice, laughing and just enjoying the atmosphere.
“Mommie, Mas skate fast.”
“Yes honey, he does.”
“Bud, you are much younger than I am, you will be able to beat me before long.”
Max was huffing at the exercise.
“You tired old man?” I laughed up at him
“Nope, just harder to keep up with a little one. He sure has a lot of energy.”
“Yes, and it never ends.”
He smiled lifting Sam into his arms. “You ready to get out of here?” Sam kicked his skates back and forth as he thought about it.
“No, can we stay and skate longer.”
“If your mom will, we can.”
“Max, I didn't bring my skates.”
“Sure you did.” He said as he pointed over to his bag. The black toe of my Bauer skate was sticking out.
“Oh right.” they were still in his bag after our trip to the training facility last week.
I pulled on my skates and then joined them on the ice. We skated for a bit and Max noticed that people were starting to gather. “Let me go take care of this, so you guys don't have to wait.”
I watched as he skated over coming to an abrupt stop and showering the crowded people with ice. They laughed and giggled as they brushed the shaved ice from their clothing.
“Mommie, can Mas come over and spend the night. I want him to have a sleepover with me.”
The question caught me off guard.
“Baby, I don't think Max would want to sleep over yet. You have only been friends a short time.”
“But you have sleepovers with him.”
His eyes were shining and I realized that maybe, he was smarter than I gave him credit for.
“Sometimes adults have sleepovers.”
I didn't know what else to say.
Max signed autographs for about fifteen minutes, he grabbed me as I was skating by, lifted sam and shuffled off the ice, into the back training room. One of the rink employees had grabbed Max’s bag and taken care of it for us.
“It is stinky in here.” Sam said as we walked into the training room.
“You had better get used to the stench little man, hockey pads reek.”
I laughed watching Max squatted down on his skates talking to my son. He had a smile that told Sam he was enjoying himself. Sam asked question after question and Max answered each one, never losing patience. When Sam was out of questions Max scooped him up and took him into the other room. I stood and waited and when he came out he was running across the floor still in skates. The orange sweater was ten times too big for him, but Max had tied it up in the front so his name still covered the back.
“Mas, gave me his sweater, It is so orange.” we both laughed as Sam continued to swim in the Sweater.
“Orange and black, best colors in the world.”
I jabbed him in the side and laughingly said. “You looked better in black and gold, just saying.”
“Eventually, I will bring you over to the dark side.” he smiled down to me, I knew he wanted to kiss me but he refrained.
After we had dinner, Sam spoke up from the back seat. “Mas, you should sleep over with me, I am way more funner than Mommie.” Max turned and looked at me raising an eyebrow. I just smiled shyly and shrugged.
“I am sure you are, but I can’t tonight.”
“Awww man.” Sam groaned from the back seat.
After Sam was tucked in bed Max waited for me, on the couch.
“That was fun.” he gave me a broad smile.
“Yes, but exhausting.”
“I could imagine. I have nieces and nephews but they are older now.”
He pulled me against his side and flipped on the TV. “I want to prove to you that I can do this anyway I can.”
“Just be here, with me and be good to Sam. That is all I can ask.”
He pulled me closer to him, so I snuggled into his neck.
“Mimi is going to pick up Sam tomorrow after daycare. Can we hang out and have adult time?”
“Hmmm. adult time.” he rumbled into my neck.
Three Months Later
“Do we have to have this conversation now?” She asked.
“We are going to have to talk about it sooner than later. The lockout is happening. I have to make some decisions as to what I am going to do. I need to play.”
“You mean, you need to play more than you need to be here.”
“That is not what I meant, I have to play, keep up on my game. I am getting older and I have to work twice as hard as the young kids.”
“You are not that old.”
“Twenty eight is getting up there, love. I started in the AHL when I was twenty and floated back and forth between the AHL and NHL for a few years before I became a permanent roster player for the Penguins. You realize that Sid started in the NHL when he was 18.”
“He was only eighteen? Thats really young.”
“Exactly, I don't want to leave you and Sam, but I may have too. It will only be for a short period of time.”
“Max, I don't know how that is going to work.”
“Come with me.”
“What? Have you lost your mind.”
“Maybe, but I want you two with me.”
“Max, that would be impossible. I cannot just up and leave for a year.”
“Hopefully it won't be for a year.” I said it but I knew it was a good possibility.
“Where exactly are you going?”
“Looks like Finland. Maybe, I really don't know. It all depends on the lockout.”
“So, we still have a few weeks before anything is final.”
“Yes.”
“Then, lets just enjoy what we have now. If you have to leave, then we will cross that bridge when we get there.”
“OK, I just don't want it to be a surprise. We are in this together and I want it to stay that way.”
“Thank you for that.”
I smiled and pulled her to me. Mimi had taken Sam for the afternoon so we had some time to ourselves.
“Hey Ray.” Danny smiled “Oh and Hey Max.” he grinned over to me.
We exchanged pleasantries, walking into the growing group of people.
We talked and walked around greeting everyone. I knew that Raven was going to have a hard time with this party. It was a going away party for Claude and Danny, as they were leaving for Germany.
“How you holding up Ryan?” I heard Raven ask her
“It is what it is.” she shrugged.
“We arent going to be gone that long.” I spoke and they both turned looking at me.
“What?” I asked.
“A week is one thing Max, A few months is a whole different situation.”
“You knew it was coming.”
“I know but it doesn't make it any easier.”
“Let’s talk about this later, just enjoy this.”
She walked away taking Ryan’s hand and sat out on the patio.
Raven’s point of view.
“So things going well with you and Claude?”
“For the most part, we have been arguing a lot these last few weeks. I think he is just grumpy because of all this lockout stuff.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. Max has been back and forth between leaving and not.”
“Claude wants to go.”
“What about you?”
“What about me, we aren't in a committed relationship. I mean yes we are dating but not married. He has to do what he has to do. I will wait and if it doesn't work then it doesn't work.’
“I don't know if I can do that with Max. Either he is here or he isn't.”
“If you love him, you have to let him continue with his career.”
“I know that, but I don't want to lose him, just when things are going so well. I don't know if either of us can handle it.”
“Have you talked about it?”
“Just once and it didn't go very well.”
“Look Raven, You are one of my best friends and I love you but come on. You are dating a professional athlete. These things happen. If you love him then you will wait or go.”
“I can't take Sam halfway around the world.”
“Then don't, stay here and be a good girlfriend. I am sure you could visit and he will come home anytime he can.”
“I don't know, I just don't know what to do.”
“Hey can I borrow you for a few minutes?” Danny interrupted my conversation with Ryan.
“Yeah sure.”
I stood walking, he took my hand and pulled me into the house and down the hall.
once we were in his bedroom he turned and closed the door.
“What’s going on? Max seems upset.”
“I don't know what you are talking about.”
“Really? You think I can't see that something is going on, come on Ray.”
“I don't want to talk about it.”
“OK, well you don't have an option.”
“You are not my father...”
He raised his hand cutting me off. “No I’m not, I am your friend and I care about you and Max. I know all of this is hard but it is what we have to do.”
“I don't have to do anything.”
“Do you think it is going to be fucking easy for me to leave my kids? I don't want to go to Germany any more than Giroux does, but we have to do what we have to do.”
“You shouldn't leave your kids..”
“And you shouldn't judge me for what I am having to do.”
I watched Danny as his anger flared.
“You sit here on your shiny little stool of I have always done the right thing. I would like to know when you had to make a decision about getting a paycheck so you could feed your kids or not working?”
“Danny, I...”
“You have no clue how hard this is for any of us. G doesn't want to leave Ryan, I don't want to leave my boys and Max sure as hell doesn't want to leave you and Sam.”
“I don't want him to go, if he leaves now, I don't think I will be able to continue this.”
“He doesn't have a choice, making him choose between you and his job isn't going to get you any brownie points.”
“I don't want him to have to chose, but at the same time, I don't want to have to chose either.”
“You are going to have to work with him on this or let him go for good. You cannot continue to drag him along.”
“That is not my intention. I want to enjoy what time I have.”
“This is my opinion. You love him, he loves you right?”
“Yes.”
“So why not give it a shot and see what happens.”
“He kissed a chick 500 miles away, what the fuck is going to happen when he crosses the pond?”
“You kissed G.”
I wanted to hit him. I knew he was right Danny fucking Briere was always right, no wonder he is divorced.
“Look don't break his heart. He is happy and committed, that in itself, is amazing.”
“I just, I don't think I can do long distance. I don't think Sam can do it.”
“Sam will be happy to see Max, be happy. He loves that kid and you know it. He wants to be there and this lockout won't last forever, I bet we are home by Christmas.”
“And what if you aren't?”
“Then you wait, surprise him for Christmas.”
“I can't take Sam across the world to see Max.”
“Don't fucking use that kid as an excuse. You are scared, admit it.”
“OK ,I am fucking terrified of what is going to happen. I don't know if we are strong enough to do this.”
“I think Max feels the same way, which is why you need to talk to him. Talk not yell, fight or break up.”
“It makes it real if we have that conversation Danny, I don't want it to be real.”
“Ray, if I could take it all and make it better I would.” He pulled me against his chest and rubbed my hair. I felt comfort in his arms, safe and secure.
Max’s point of view.
The party dried up around 1 and we said our goodbyes. I hadn't told Raven yet that I was going to sign with the team in FInland, I was scared of what would happen. I knew she had talked to Danny, I saw them come out of his bedroom.
“You OK?”
“Yeah, I am going to miss Danny Boy like crazy, I wish you guys could get this together so none of you have to leave.”
“They offered me a contract in Finland.”
She stiffened, looking over at me.
“And?”
“I need to do this hon, I just have too.”
“I know.”
“I don't want to leave you or Sam, I want us to be able to do this. Choosing between you and my job has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I don't have to go.”
“Max, I don't want you to go, but if you don't you will come to regret us. I will never forgive myself for making you do that.”
“SO what do we do?”
“We try, that is all I can promise.”
“Then we try.”
He smiled over at me and I hoped this was the worst of it. The tension in the car was thick and I knew that he was as uncertain as I was. I was going to try and that was the best I could offer.
After practice, I drove to her office.
“Hey”
“Hey honey.” She stood walking over and kissing me softly on the mouth. I pulled back looking at her.
“What’s wrong?”
“Get out of jail free card, huh?”
Her face fell as she knew exactly what I was talking about. She looked down at the floor.
“It wasn't like that Max, I kissed him, which by the way I don't even remember.”
“You fucking made out with Giroux.”
“ No Max, making out would be a stretch, besides I thought it was you.”
“Why the fuck didn't you just tell me?”
“Spandex asked me not too.”
“Stop fucking calling him spandex.”
“Max, please. It was nothing and He asked me not to tell you, so I didn't.”
“Yeah, well I told you.” I looked down at her. A single tear was hanging on the edge of her eye.
“Would you have told me, if Stephanie, Sidney and Danny hadn't been there?” Her face contorted into anger, She wiped the tear from her face as anger made her straighten up and come face to face with me.
“I would hope I would have, but...”
“Fucking exactly. I will not apologize for something that honestly, was a mistake.”
“Did you like it?”
“Thats a bull shit question, I don’t even fucking remember.”
“I don't want to fight.”
“Then stop fucking talking, you are acting like a teenage boy with his first girlfriend.”
“You fucked up, with my teammate.”
“At least you know him, you fucked up with a cheap trick in North fucking Carolina. I am done with this conversation. Either we move forward or move on, your choice.”
I stood looking at her and she stood huffing at me. She raised her hand as I started to speak again.
“I’m sorry.”
“I am too.” I turned walking out of her office. I hit the button and and waited on the elevator.
Raven’s point of view
“Hello?”
“Danny, he knows about Giroux. He knows that I fucked up and he walked out.”
“Wait, What?”
“I got drunk, when you guys were gone and I tried to make out with Claude. He shut me down, locked me in Max’s room and slept on the couch. It was nothing and I don't know, he just walked out."
“Giroux” I heard him call over the phone.
I heard talking and then he was back on the phone. “I will be over there in about 20 mins, you sit tight, OK.”
I sat at my desk my head in my hands.
“Ray?”
I looked up and Danny was there. I walked over and he pulled me into a hug.
“It will be OK. He just needs to cool off, You should have just told him. What have we told you about G”
“I know I should have, I just thought since it was really nothing that it wasn't important.”
“Ray, stuff like that is always important.”
“We had a fight in my fucking office. I said some things I probably shouldn't have.”
“He loves you.”
“No, he doesn't.”
“He might not have told you but he does, I know it, I see it. Just give him some time.”
“Do I have any other choice?”.
“At this point no, you guys need to cool off and talk tomorrow.”
Max’s point of view.
I called Sid and he put me on speaker phone with Steph.
“I had a fight with Raven.”
“Are you OK?” Steph asked
“You need to talk to her.” Sid spoke.
“Not worried about it.”
“Of course you are.”
“Nope over it. She was so worried about me and she fucked around and didn't even tell me. Fucking Giroux would have kept it a secret, if he hadn't slipped up today before practice.”
“Call her.” Steph spoke again.
“No.”
“Call her tomorrow.”
“Nope and I am done talking about it.”
“What? You are going to just give up like that? You are a fucking pussy.” Sid blasted into the phone.
“She kissed Giroux.”
“And you kissed some bunny at a bar in Wilmington and news flash, she let it go.”
“I know, it really isn't about that. It is more about her not telling me, that bothers me so much.”
“Maybe your reaction is why she didn't tell you.” Sid pointed out.
“Maybe she didn't tell you because she knew you would freak out and act like an asshat.” Steph spoke again.
“It was fucking G, man. Fucking Giroux.”
“Did he fuck her?”
“No, he tossed her in my room and locked her in there.”
“So nothing really happened.”
“She made out with him. She got drunk after Pete showed up at the bar.”
“I think made out is a bit of untruth, Max.” Steph spoke again
“OK ,so she was upset and drunk and G was there. Raven told Steph that G threw her in the bedroom, after she called him Max.”
“What if he hadn't?”
“Does it really matter?”
“Yes, I mean no, fuck SId, I don't know.”
“Do you love her?”
“I think so.” I dropped my head knowing that he was making sense.
“If you love her then talk to her, I am sure this will blow over. I mean Steph still loves me and I am King Crazy Ass right now.” I could feel his smile through the phone.. He knew where I was and knew that I could fix this, fairly easily.
“I just need to think about this for a few hours.” My phone vibrated in my hand, so I looked at the message.
Call her.
Giroux
Raven’s point of view
My phone buzzed and I grabbed it off of the table.
Give him some time.
Steph
I miss him.
Raven
I know but be patient. He is scared and he loves you
Steph
I put my phone down, buried my face in my hands, thinking about the whole situation.
Max’s point of view
I walked up to the door and it opened.
“Hey Uncle Max.”
“Hey Cameron, your dad around?”
“Yeah, they are out in the pool.”
I walked through the house, laughing to myself as Cameron flew over the back of the couch and started his game back up.
Danny and Claude were sitting on the side of the pool, talking.
“Hey, Max.
“Hey Danny, G.”
G looked a little worried.
“It’s all good, G it’s all good.”
“Max give her a break, she was drunk.”
“She lied, that is why I am mad.”
“You have never lied, huh?”
“Danny that's not the point.”
“It is the point. She forgave you and you owe her the same.”
“I think I love her, I figured this out over the last few hours and I don't want to lose her but I can't stand the thought of her lying to me.”
“Consider it a half truth. She told you everything, well except that part. You knew G was there.”
“Yeah, I guess you are right.”
“I am right, I know this is hard but sometimes people make bad decisions when they are worried about someone elses feelings. She didn't want you and G fighting.”
“Yeah, well.”
“You are fucking pussy.”
“Thats not the first time I have heard that in the last twenty four hours.”
“At least someone will call you on your bullshit.”
“Sid always does.”
“Fucking Crosby.” G smirked.
“You two really don't like each other.”
“He is a fucking whiny baby.”
“He has a ring.”
“Yeah, fuck off Talbo.” he grinned
As I was driving through Philly, I stopped at the florist and bought some daisies. I wanted to say so many things and I knew that I had to fix this.
I grabbed the door and slipped into the complex not wanting her to know I was there.
I knocked and Sam opened the door.
“Mas.” he ran to me, hugging my legs..
“Hey buddy, your mom here?”
He grabbed my hand and told me about the peewee hockey team he was going to be playing for. He chattered away about practice today, as we walked down the hall.
“Sam who are you talking to?”
“Hi.” I gave her a small wave.
“Sam, you should not be opening the door.” She corrected him.
“I sorry mommie.”
“It is OK, go play in your room.”
He turned running down the hall. She didn't speak until he was talking away in his room.
“What are you doing here?”
I raised the flowers to her. “Apologizing to my girl, for being an ass.”
“Max, I just...”
I cut her off. “I love you. I don't want to lose you.”
“Wait, what?”
“I don't want to lose you.”
“No, you love me?”
“Yes, I do. I love you Raven. I want you and all of this.”
“You can't love me Max.”
“Why not?”
“You just can't.”
“Of course I can and I think you love me too.”
“That is beside the point. I do love you. I want you and I want us to be together. I just can't deal with the controlling behavior, I made a mistake and you lost it. I can't take those chances anymore, I will NOT do that to Sam. You are just his buddy right now, it just has to stay that way.”
“I am sorry for being a dick. I am new to this and I don't know how to handle all of these feelings. What can I say other than I am a work in progress.”
“I can't help you be that man, Max. You have to do that on your own.There can't be any double standards, if we are together than we are together. That is what I want from you. I can love you for the rest of my life, but it doesn't mean that you are what is best for me or Sam.”
“I want to be that man, I want to be that man for both of you. Raven, I love you. It scares me and I am nothing but a stupid man, that has no idea how to do this. I have floated through life as a hockey player, I want to be more than that.”
“I want you to be more than that too, even if we are not together.”
“Can we start over? Can we just move forward and forget all of this. I can make promises of who and what I will be, but unless you give me the chance...”
She crossed the room and kissed me gently on the mouth.
“Max, I love you.”
“ Je vous aime aussi, aujourd'hui est le premier jour de notre à jamais” (I love you too, today is the first day of our forever.) I whispered against her mouth.
“I hope so, now say something else in french.”
“Maybe later, there is a little four year old in the other room that has hockey practice in an hour. Can I go with?”
“Sam..” she yelled for him. “would you like Max to go with you to hockey practice?”
“Yay, Mas come too.”
His smile was infectious, we were both grinning down at him as he ran down the hall and grabbed his bag. He grabbed my hand as I walked by and started chattering away again.
We rode to the rink in silence, feeling confident in it.
“Mas, you skate too?” he looked up at me.
“No, you practice and I will skate after, promise.”
He took off after the other boys, there was just something great about kids that small playing hockey.
“He really loves it you know.”
“Loves what?”
“That he gets to hang out with the Flyers.”
“I am glad he enjoys it. He is a good kid and I hope to be there with you when he gets drafted.” I smiled over to her.
“Max, I don't want to push him hard, I don't want to end up making him do something he doesn't want to do.”
“Hockey isn't something boys have to be pushed to do, either they like it or love it.”
“As long as he is happy, it makes no matter to me.”
I reached out taking her hand in mine, a normal everyday thing between us, but not today. I was holding her hand because I wanted her, not because she was my girlfriend and I was supposed to.
Raven’s point of view
I watched as Sam skated around the little orange cones the coaches set out. He fell about five hundred times but he was smiling.
“Mas, you skate now.”
“Alright buddy. let me get my skates.”
I watched as Max pulled his skates on and walked over to the rink. As he stepped out onto the ice one of the coaches skated over.
“Max Talbot?”
“Yes” he answered very quietly
“What gives us the honor of having you here.”
I watched as he pointed to Sam.
“That little boy over there is my buddy.” He smiled to the man and skated off. It was amazing how he could just shut people down, just leave them standing there watching him.
The two of them raced around the ice, laughing and just enjoying the atmosphere.
“Mommie, Mas skate fast.”
“Yes honey, he does.”
“Bud, you are much younger than I am, you will be able to beat me before long.”
Max was huffing at the exercise.
“You tired old man?” I laughed up at him
“Nope, just harder to keep up with a little one. He sure has a lot of energy.”
“Yes, and it never ends.”
He smiled lifting Sam into his arms. “You ready to get out of here?” Sam kicked his skates back and forth as he thought about it.
“No, can we stay and skate longer.”
“If your mom will, we can.”
“Max, I didn't bring my skates.”
“Sure you did.” He said as he pointed over to his bag. The black toe of my Bauer skate was sticking out.
“Oh right.” they were still in his bag after our trip to the training facility last week.
I pulled on my skates and then joined them on the ice. We skated for a bit and Max noticed that people were starting to gather. “Let me go take care of this, so you guys don't have to wait.”
I watched as he skated over coming to an abrupt stop and showering the crowded people with ice. They laughed and giggled as they brushed the shaved ice from their clothing.
“Mommie, can Mas come over and spend the night. I want him to have a sleepover with me.”
The question caught me off guard.
“Baby, I don't think Max would want to sleep over yet. You have only been friends a short time.”
“But you have sleepovers with him.”
His eyes were shining and I realized that maybe, he was smarter than I gave him credit for.
“Sometimes adults have sleepovers.”
I didn't know what else to say.
Max signed autographs for about fifteen minutes, he grabbed me as I was skating by, lifted sam and shuffled off the ice, into the back training room. One of the rink employees had grabbed Max’s bag and taken care of it for us.
“It is stinky in here.” Sam said as we walked into the training room.
“You had better get used to the stench little man, hockey pads reek.”
I laughed watching Max squatted down on his skates talking to my son. He had a smile that told Sam he was enjoying himself. Sam asked question after question and Max answered each one, never losing patience. When Sam was out of questions Max scooped him up and took him into the other room. I stood and waited and when he came out he was running across the floor still in skates. The orange sweater was ten times too big for him, but Max had tied it up in the front so his name still covered the back.
“Mas, gave me his sweater, It is so orange.” we both laughed as Sam continued to swim in the Sweater.
“Orange and black, best colors in the world.”
I jabbed him in the side and laughingly said. “You looked better in black and gold, just saying.”
“Eventually, I will bring you over to the dark side.” he smiled down to me, I knew he wanted to kiss me but he refrained.
After we had dinner, Sam spoke up from the back seat. “Mas, you should sleep over with me, I am way more funner than Mommie.” Max turned and looked at me raising an eyebrow. I just smiled shyly and shrugged.
“I am sure you are, but I can’t tonight.”
“Awww man.” Sam groaned from the back seat.
After Sam was tucked in bed Max waited for me, on the couch.
“That was fun.” he gave me a broad smile.
“Yes, but exhausting.”
“I could imagine. I have nieces and nephews but they are older now.”
He pulled me against his side and flipped on the TV. “I want to prove to you that I can do this anyway I can.”
“Just be here, with me and be good to Sam. That is all I can ask.”
He pulled me closer to him, so I snuggled into his neck.
“Mimi is going to pick up Sam tomorrow after daycare. Can we hang out and have adult time?”
“Hmmm. adult time.” he rumbled into my neck.
Three Months Later
“Do we have to have this conversation now?” She asked.
“We are going to have to talk about it sooner than later. The lockout is happening. I have to make some decisions as to what I am going to do. I need to play.”
“You mean, you need to play more than you need to be here.”
“That is not what I meant, I have to play, keep up on my game. I am getting older and I have to work twice as hard as the young kids.”
“You are not that old.”
“Twenty eight is getting up there, love. I started in the AHL when I was twenty and floated back and forth between the AHL and NHL for a few years before I became a permanent roster player for the Penguins. You realize that Sid started in the NHL when he was 18.”
“He was only eighteen? Thats really young.”
“Exactly, I don't want to leave you and Sam, but I may have too. It will only be for a short period of time.”
“Max, I don't know how that is going to work.”
“Come with me.”
“What? Have you lost your mind.”
“Maybe, but I want you two with me.”
“Max, that would be impossible. I cannot just up and leave for a year.”
“Hopefully it won't be for a year.” I said it but I knew it was a good possibility.
“Where exactly are you going?”
“Looks like Finland. Maybe, I really don't know. It all depends on the lockout.”
“So, we still have a few weeks before anything is final.”
“Yes.”
“Then, lets just enjoy what we have now. If you have to leave, then we will cross that bridge when we get there.”
“OK, I just don't want it to be a surprise. We are in this together and I want it to stay that way.”
“Thank you for that.”
I smiled and pulled her to me. Mimi had taken Sam for the afternoon so we had some time to ourselves.
“Hey Ray.” Danny smiled “Oh and Hey Max.” he grinned over to me.
We exchanged pleasantries, walking into the growing group of people.
We talked and walked around greeting everyone. I knew that Raven was going to have a hard time with this party. It was a going away party for Claude and Danny, as they were leaving for Germany.
“How you holding up Ryan?” I heard Raven ask her
“It is what it is.” she shrugged.
“We arent going to be gone that long.” I spoke and they both turned looking at me.
“What?” I asked.
“A week is one thing Max, A few months is a whole different situation.”
“You knew it was coming.”
“I know but it doesn't make it any easier.”
“Let’s talk about this later, just enjoy this.”
She walked away taking Ryan’s hand and sat out on the patio.
Raven’s point of view.
“So things going well with you and Claude?”
“For the most part, we have been arguing a lot these last few weeks. I think he is just grumpy because of all this lockout stuff.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. Max has been back and forth between leaving and not.”
“Claude wants to go.”
“What about you?”
“What about me, we aren't in a committed relationship. I mean yes we are dating but not married. He has to do what he has to do. I will wait and if it doesn't work then it doesn't work.’
“I don't know if I can do that with Max. Either he is here or he isn't.”
“If you love him, you have to let him continue with his career.”
“I know that, but I don't want to lose him, just when things are going so well. I don't know if either of us can handle it.”
“Have you talked about it?”
“Just once and it didn't go very well.”
“Look Raven, You are one of my best friends and I love you but come on. You are dating a professional athlete. These things happen. If you love him then you will wait or go.”
“I can't take Sam halfway around the world.”
“Then don't, stay here and be a good girlfriend. I am sure you could visit and he will come home anytime he can.”
“I don't know, I just don't know what to do.”
“Hey can I borrow you for a few minutes?” Danny interrupted my conversation with Ryan.
“Yeah sure.”
I stood walking, he took my hand and pulled me into the house and down the hall.
once we were in his bedroom he turned and closed the door.
“What’s going on? Max seems upset.”
“I don't know what you are talking about.”
“Really? You think I can't see that something is going on, come on Ray.”
“I don't want to talk about it.”
“OK, well you don't have an option.”
“You are not my father...”
He raised his hand cutting me off. “No I’m not, I am your friend and I care about you and Max. I know all of this is hard but it is what we have to do.”
“I don't have to do anything.”
“Do you think it is going to be fucking easy for me to leave my kids? I don't want to go to Germany any more than Giroux does, but we have to do what we have to do.”
“You shouldn't leave your kids..”
“And you shouldn't judge me for what I am having to do.”
I watched Danny as his anger flared.
“You sit here on your shiny little stool of I have always done the right thing. I would like to know when you had to make a decision about getting a paycheck so you could feed your kids or not working?”
“Danny, I...”
“You have no clue how hard this is for any of us. G doesn't want to leave Ryan, I don't want to leave my boys and Max sure as hell doesn't want to leave you and Sam.”
“I don't want him to go, if he leaves now, I don't think I will be able to continue this.”
“He doesn't have a choice, making him choose between you and his job isn't going to get you any brownie points.”
“I don't want him to have to chose, but at the same time, I don't want to have to chose either.”
“You are going to have to work with him on this or let him go for good. You cannot continue to drag him along.”
“That is not my intention. I want to enjoy what time I have.”
“This is my opinion. You love him, he loves you right?”
“Yes.”
“So why not give it a shot and see what happens.”
“He kissed a chick 500 miles away, what the fuck is going to happen when he crosses the pond?”
“You kissed G.”
I wanted to hit him. I knew he was right Danny fucking Briere was always right, no wonder he is divorced.
“Look don't break his heart. He is happy and committed, that in itself, is amazing.”
“I just, I don't think I can do long distance. I don't think Sam can do it.”
“Sam will be happy to see Max, be happy. He loves that kid and you know it. He wants to be there and this lockout won't last forever, I bet we are home by Christmas.”
“And what if you aren't?”
“Then you wait, surprise him for Christmas.”
“I can't take Sam across the world to see Max.”
“Don't fucking use that kid as an excuse. You are scared, admit it.”
“OK ,I am fucking terrified of what is going to happen. I don't know if we are strong enough to do this.”
“I think Max feels the same way, which is why you need to talk to him. Talk not yell, fight or break up.”
“It makes it real if we have that conversation Danny, I don't want it to be real.”
“Ray, if I could take it all and make it better I would.” He pulled me against his chest and rubbed my hair. I felt comfort in his arms, safe and secure.
Max’s point of view.
The party dried up around 1 and we said our goodbyes. I hadn't told Raven yet that I was going to sign with the team in FInland, I was scared of what would happen. I knew she had talked to Danny, I saw them come out of his bedroom.
“You OK?”
“Yeah, I am going to miss Danny Boy like crazy, I wish you guys could get this together so none of you have to leave.”
“They offered me a contract in Finland.”
She stiffened, looking over at me.
“And?”
“I need to do this hon, I just have too.”
“I know.”
“I don't want to leave you or Sam, I want us to be able to do this. Choosing between you and my job has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I don't have to go.”
“Max, I don't want you to go, but if you don't you will come to regret us. I will never forgive myself for making you do that.”
“SO what do we do?”
“We try, that is all I can promise.”
“Then we try.”
He smiled over at me and I hoped this was the worst of it. The tension in the car was thick and I knew that he was as uncertain as I was. I was going to try and that was the best I could offer.