Exhale

Timmy and I met when we were in fifth grade.

See, I was never one of those little girls you see on the play ground with the painted fingernails and glossed lips from whatever kind of cotton candy flavored lip gloss they all used. No, I was the little girl who played tag with all the boys, and whipped their asses 90% of the time. It's kind of cliche, I know, the tomboy turning out to be the one that likes girls, but whatever, it's how things were. I had a few other girl friends back then and they were all either super-athletic or just not into pink and ruffles. We had a good time at recess, playing tag or foursquare or basketball or whatever our little hearts desired.

Timmy came into the picture one day when the fingernail polish lipgloss girls were making fun of me. We've all been the subject of elementary school drama at one point, haven't we? It's a pretty common occurrence when we're young to pick out someone that's different and point it out for everyone to see. Anyways, one day on the play ground these girls were teasing me because I got ketchup on my white shirt at lunch that day. Pretty lame, huh? Only to fifth grade me, it was a big deal because everyone was laughing at how sloppy I was. Most kids cry when they get picked on, but my first reaction was to get totally pissed off and start throwing punches.

Which is where Timmy came to the rescue. Even at ten years old Timmy was crazy and funny, but true to his character, he always tries to keep the peace. Just when I thought I has no other choice but to break the nose of little miss Courtney Lynn, Timmy jumped into the scene pointing out that he too had a ketchup stain and successfully diverted my attention long enough to calm me down.

After that day we pretty much became inseparable because somehow the spastic goof of a kid had a calming effect on my fiery moods and I was able to keep him from horsing around too much when it actually mattered. Trying to keep him in line doesn't always work though, kind of like now. We just got to theater and Timmy is bouncing off the walls, flitting around like a little bird from person to person waiting for Mrs. Alexander to get to class.

"Hey Emily," a soft voice says as a girl plops down in the desk in front of me. "Should we tell Timmy that I know what play we're doing, or let him go crazy with worry until Ms. A gets here?"

The girl in front of me is named Grace. She's one of the actresses, and she's quite pretty, albeit plain. Not that I'm interested in her of course. If any of the girls in theater are definitely straight, it's Grace. She's dating a guy that graduated last year, big time actor. He's on a scholarship to act at a college about 1.5 hours away, which is pretty impressive because most actors/actresses we turn out here only get offers from the junior college 15min away if they get anything at all. Grace is one of my friends in here. Outside of theatre and practices we don't talk much, but inside we're all pretty much on the same level, and we're all pretty much friends.

"Hmm," I muse as I watch Timmy flit around the room and bounce on the balls of his feet. "I think we should wait. You know, watching him is so much more entertaining than telling him. We're doing Her Senior Year, right?"

"Yeah, it should be pretty fun. I mean, if you can make a play about death fun. The thing is, I don't really know who we'll have for the lead girl. This is not only a little female heavy, but it's a female lead. Obviously Timmy is going to get the male lead, Kyle, but after Lindsey graduated last year I don't know who we'll have for the female."

"Maybe you?" I offer. Grace did have a pretty good part in our play last year and if you ask me her acting is much more real and much better than pretty much every other girl in the class. At my suggestion, however, Grace turns bright read and shakes her head.

"No, no, no. I mean, thanks and all, but I don't want a lead role. I'm not one hundred percent sure I'd be able to handle it if we're going to be honest. I'd rather just stick to a supporting part. I really want to be Ami this year."

I nod like I know 100% what she's talking about, but in reality I'm still halfway lost. If I'm not mistaken Ami is the waitress at the restaurant where the whole play takes place. I just glanced through a script one day when it when it was laying on Mrs. Alexander's desk, so I'm pretty fuzzy about the parts.

What I do know, however, is there are five female parts and three male parts, along with however many extras Ms. A feels like casting to prevent from hurting feelings. I kind of thought Grace was a shoo in for Blaire, the main girl role who I know dies in the end, but if she doesn't want it I don't know who will. The junior girl, Lexi may get the part, but I don't know if she'd be able to pull it off. Don't get me wrong, I love Lexi like I love everyone in my class, but it's just no the kind of actress she is. She'd do much better in the part of Blaire's friend.

But if she's lead, then we have that part to fill, plus Mavis, the restaurant owner, and Kellie, Blaire's little sister. The problem isn't that we don't have enough girls in class to fill the spots, but we don't have enough skill from the ones here to be competitive at competition.

The guys, however, are easier to cast. Kyle is really the only huge guy part, and the other two can be pulled off by the talent we have. Take it down to the fact we only have four guys that actually act, and the decision won't be too hard. I think Timmy will get the part of Kyle and the other two guys will be filled by Nathan, a sophomore who is quiet but loud when he's on stage, and Tomas, a junior that spouts of so many sexual innuendos it's a wonder someone hasn't hit him hard enough to send him sailing. See? That was easy. One, two, three, done. Guys cast, voila.

Back to the girls though, suppose Lexi is cast as Blaire and Grace gets Ami. I think that will probably leave Andrea, the tall girl in my grade as Mavis because she looks older than all of us, and the sophomore Michaela as the little sister due to the fact that she has some promising talent and she has a baby face that could pass her as a freshman onstage. Still, that's one girl short, and if you ask me, none of the other girls in our class need to be onstage.

"Okay Grace, I'm thinking about casting, right? Timmy, Nathan, and Tomas as guys. But when I get to the girls I see you, Lexi, Andrea and Michaela. The problem I'm having is that you four are the only ones I can think of can handle the parts in the play. Who would be the fifth?" I ask her as she gazes around the room thoughtfully. Mrs. Alexander came in about a minute ago so everyone is in their desks, easy to be accounted for. I glance over everyone again, wondering if I missed an able actress along the way, but once again I can only count four. There's no way someone totally inexperienced could handle this.

"I don't know who else, actually," Grace admits, turning back to me. "But I do have a friend trying out today that's not in the class. She can totally get in the class if she gets a part though." I look at her a little skeptical. I may not be an actress, but being in theater for an extended period allows you to be able to pick out good and bad actresses pretty easily, and from what I know you need to be in the class, actively acting pretty much all the time if you want to be any good on stage.

"She acted in middle school," Grace explains when she sees my look. "You might remember her even though you didn't help out back then. Her name's Bentley and she's a redhead. She was the lead girl in John Lennon and Me in seventh grade and also in I Never Saw Another Butterfly when we were eight graders. She's really good, and I told her we were kind of short on talent and convinced her to come audition."

"We'll see," I manage to mumble before Mrs. Alexander calls us to attention, announcing the play and making Timmy bounce even higher in his seat. I remember Bentley, if only faintly. She was a good actress, and maybe she'll be the missing piece we need. I sigh and lean back in my seat, zoning out as Ms. A outlines the rules for auditions. Another reason why I'll be prop master. So much less work.

***

If I feel like being in a really mean mood, I'll admit that auditions for One Act are a little comical, even when one of the monologues being read is about death. The reason why they're pretty entertaining is because of all the terrible people that try out. I think this when I see a couple of pieces performed, but I immediately feel bad and hope they get the part as an extra because honestly, some of the freshman are super cute and I feel sorry for them.

The ones I feel the worse for are the people who are visibly shaking when they get up to read parts. I know what stage fright's like. It's getting up to sing a song at a gala when you're five years old and throwing up all over the stage, singing the song anyways, and vowing to never return to a stage. At least, that's how it is for me, and I refuse to be on stage unless I'm ordering people around or setting up props. Get me in front of some friends and I'm fine, but me and acting in front of people just don't mix, at all.

That's another reason I like doing stage work, because there's no auditions. I mean, how exactly would you show that one person is better at handing out props than another person? You can't exactly measure that so all of us in theater that either don't act or don't get a part end up doing behind-the-scenes work. We're the lights and sound, props and set, stage manager and publicity type people, and I love it. Not only does it give me freedom, it lets me sit in the crowd and watch everyone else audition while I chill behind my propped up knees and bottle of sprite.

There's no shock when Timmy does Kyle's piece the best, but it's kind of a toss up for the other two guys between Nathan, Tomas, and Seth, a freshman boy who really surprises me by looking just as good, if not better on stage than Nathan and Tomas, both of whom have more experience than Seth.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Grace wringing her hands and bouncing a little in her seat while she murmurs to herself, looking so out of place in this nervous state. Grace is normally smooth and relaxed, comforting people who are scared or nervous. She's not this girl sitting beside me going over her audition lines over and over again with her eyes close and hands on her face.

"Grace, you're gonna get the part you know," I whisper as I nudge her with my elbow. "You can like calm down, cause it's gonna be fine." Grace blows air out through her nose and takes a deep breath, biting her lip as if she doesn't believe me.

"Thanks, but I'm still nervous," Grace replies with a whisper matching mine. "I just wish I knew where Bentley was because if she doesn't show I'm going to kick her ass. That, and the nervous wouldn't be as bad if I knew where she was. I think part of me is just afraid she won't show up. This is the last time I get to do one act play, you know? I want to share it with my best friend like I share her sports with her."

I guess I do understand, but from the way Grace is talking, it doesn't sound like Bentley wants to audition, and I'm a firm believer in not doing something if you don't want to do it.

"Female number three, Grace Winters," Melissa, our stage manager calls out. Grace gives me a surprised look before rushing forward to the stage with a new confidence in her step.

"My name is Grace Winters. I'm a senior and I will be auditioning for the part of Ami," Grace says when she gets on stage, starting the formal progression of the audition. Full name, grade, and part, followed by reading for the part you're auditioning for. In class we're all so laid back it's weird for the formality of auditions, but I guess in a way Ms. A is getting us ready for real world auditions. Well getting them ready. I'll never act.

Grace starts reading, but from behind me I hear chairs being quietly moved aside as a bag is set down on the cafeteria table. Whoever's here is late if they want to audition and they better hope they can get on the list before all the girls read or they're done.

"Shit. How late am I?"

I turn around to tell who ever it is to shut up because they're talking to loud, and when I turn I'm met with the sight of a vibrant red head. She's wearing mustard yellow skinny jeans and a beige sweater with brown combat boots on her feet. Her face has that half made up half natural look that comes after working out, and her hair flows in waves around her face looking like it used to be curly before it was in ponytail. She's pretty in a way that says she's naturally that way, something I have a feeling can only be appreciated in her after-workout condition when the unneeded makeup and hair products have been sweated off. And even though I didn't really pay attention to the plays when I was a middle schooler and I'm about 99% her hair used to be a softer shade of red, I know the girl in front of me is Bentley Sikes.