Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart

“I can’t do this right now Anna!” Zayn said irritably thought the phone before he hung up on me. I groaned and threw my phone against the couch cushion. I don’t even know what we were even fighting about anymore.

It was Christmas Eve, and what was usually my favorite time of year was becoming a nightmare. Zayn and I have been together for a little over a year now, but lately we’ve been having… little intense fights for over a month now.

He was always gone, and when he was home I was busy with work, especially around the holidays. I spent most of my free time singing and playing guitar at the children’s hospitals through London. It was my passion, and giving it up to spend more time with my boyfriend wasn’t an option for me. It was just starting to eat away at our relationship. I loved him so much, but I don’t know how much more of this I could take.

I sighed, running a hand through my short hair before getting up to finish wrapping my gifts to take to my mom’s house tomorrow. I wasn’t even going to see Zayn tomorrow either, and it killed me. He was spending the holiday with his family in Bradford, while I was staying here in the city.

I poured myself a glass of wine and turned up my iPod doc and got to work wrapping gifts. I put off Zayn’s present until it was the only one left.

I sighed as I picked up the small box. I opened it and looked at the platinum Rolex I had got him. He had been talking about wanting one ever since Harry had gotten his, and when I saw it while out shopping a few months ago, I knew I had found the perfect gift for the boy I loved.

But now it just felt like a sad reminder that Zayn and I probably wouldn’t last much longer if we kept doing what we were doing for each other.

I whipped away a stray tear before it had the chance to fall and placed the lid back on the small box and wrapped it. I left it on my coffee table away from the others, where it would sit until I saw Zayn next… whenever that would be.

I stacked up all the gifts for my family by the door before I sighed and headed off to bed.

*****

I pushed the thoughts of Zayn out of my head and tried to enjoy Christmas with my parents and younger sister Ella.

All through the day I had gotten calls from all my friends wishing me a happy Christmas. Eleanor and Louis had called me at an obnoxious hour of the morning to be the first to wish me a good day. We all made plans to get together the next day to exchange gifts.

I was really close with all the boys and El, they were almost like family. I was scared that if something happened between me and Zayn I’d lose them too.

The only person I didn’t hear from all day was Zayn. Not that I had called him either. But it was eating away at me.

I thought I had done a good job at hiding it, but after dinner and presents, my sister pulled me out to the back deck to talk to me.

“So what’s wrong with you? You’ve been kind of off all day.”

I gave her a small smile. We have always been close. She was my best friend. Even though she was 17 and 3 years younger than me, I felt like she was wiser than any person twice her age.

I shrugged, “I don’t know. Zayn and I had a fight again last night. I don’t even know what it was about.”

She gave me a sympathetic look. She grabbed my hand, “You know I love Zayn. He’s been an amazing boyfriend to you and I know he’s made you really happy since you’ve met him… but I can tell lately that that’s not the case anymore.

I just shrugged and looked down at out interlocked hands, “I don’t know what happened to us,” I said softly. I could feel the urge to cry coming on, but I held it back.

“You guys just need to talk. Really talk. No bickering, and in person. Make time for each other.”
I sniffed, “Yeah. It’s just hard with our schedules.”

“Have you even talked to him today?” I shook my head. She sighed, “Well maybe you should call him. Wish him a happy Christmas, and tell him that maybe you guys need a day to talk.”

I nodded, “Yeah, I should call him. You’re right.”

She kissed my cheek, “I know I am!” She laughed, “I’ll leave you too it, yeah?”

I watched her walk back into the house as I leaned against the deck railing.

I sighed before pulling my phone out and calling him.

He picked up on the last ring, “’Ello?”

“Hey,” I said lightly, “Happy Christmas,” I put as much cheer in my voice as I could.

There was a pause on his end, “Yeah… You too.” He didn’t sound happy to hear from me at all.

I ran a hand through my hair, pulling it slightly, “Well I guess I’ll let you go then,” I bit my lip. When he didn’t say anything I continued, “Do you think we can get together tomorrow night, after we exchange gifts with everyone, and just talk?”

“About what?” He sounded like he was getting defensive.

“About us,” I said trying to stay calm.

“Are you really going to do this on Christmas, Anna?”

I shoved my free hand in my pocket, “I’m not doing anything, I just want to talk to you.” My voice broke a little at the end. “I don’t know what’s happened to us Zayn.”

He sighed, “I don’t either.”

My lip started to shake, but I wouldn’t let the tears fall, “I love you, but all we do is fight. And-“

“I have to go,” he cut me off before hanging us.

I physically felt my heart break then. He’s never hung up on me like that. And the tone to his voice the entire phone conversation all but killed me.

I shoved my phone back in my pocket and stayed outside until I could compose myself enough to go back inside and enjoy the rest of my night with my family.

“Anna! Just in time for dessert honey!” My mom said happily as I walked back in.

I painted a big smile on my face, “Best part of Christmas!”

My sister eyed me, asking me so many things with one look, but I just shrugged her off with a smile.
I spent another hour or so with my family before I excused myself to go home.

My sister helped me load all my gifts into my car, “Are you okay?” she asked as we put the last new things in my trunk.

“Yeah,” I brushed her off, “I’m fine.”

She sighed. I knew she didn’t believe me, but she let it go. I said goodbye to my family and headed home.

I changed into warm pajamas as soon as I got home and made hot chocolate and settled in my bed and watched Home Alone.

About half way through the movie though, there was a knocked on my door. I paused the movie to make sure I heard it right, and the knocks came again.

I got up and went to the door. When I looked through the peek hole I froze. There, at my door, was Zayn.

“Anna, open up!” He said and knocked frantically again.

I pulled the door open then, “Zayn what are you doing here?”

He rushed in and closed the door, “I’ve been driving since I got off the phone with you.”

“What? That’s like a 4 hours drive!”

He pulled me into my living room, “Well I couldn’t sit in my mom’s house while you broke up with me over the phone. I’m not letting you do that.”

“I don’t- I wasn’t-“ I didn’t know what I wanted to say. He sounded so indifferent on the phone, and yet here he was looking frantic.

He pulled me down on the couch with you, “I love you, Anna. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. I can’t let this rough patch destroy us.” He looked at me with such intense eyes that I couldn’t find my voice.

He licked his lips and scooted closer to me, “I know that we’ve been fighting about literally nothing, and all the time apart is getting to us, but I can’t just let us go.” He reached into the pocket of his leather jacket and set a black velvet box into my hand.

My heart beat sped up and I started to panic, “Zayn! What-“

“It’s not an engagement ring!” He said noticing the worry on my face.

I took a deep breath and opened the box. Inside was an infinity ring. On the inside of the band ‘I love you’ was engraved.

I looked up at the boy in front of me, “Zayn…” I choked out.

“It’s a promise ring, kind of. I bought it for you a while ago. I want you to know that I’m in this for the long haul. I know we’ve been on rocky ground but I love you, and I know we can get through this.” He babbled on, “And I want to start going to the children’s hospitals with you, and I’ll even hide in the back at café’s when you play them. I just want to be with you. I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want our schedules to ruin us. I’m not letting you go that easily.” He took a deep breath when he finished.

There were tears in my eyes, and I didn’t know what to say. I looked from him and back to the ring.
“Say something please,” he urged.

“I love you,” I choked out. The tears poured out then. I couldn’t hold my emotions back anymore.
Zayn’s hands cupped my face, “I love you too. And I’m sorry I’ve been such a twat lately.” I laughed through my sobs, “So will you wear it?” He asked, glancing down at the ring in my hands.

“Yes,” I said shakily.

He smiled, and let go of my face. He took the box out of my hands and pulled the ring out. He grabbed my right hand and slipped the ring onto my ring finger. When it was secure in place at the base of my finger, he brought it to his lips and kissed it.

He looked up at me and laced his hands with mine. “I don’t want you to cry anymore,” He murmured and reached up and whipped my tears away.

I sniffed and cleared my throat, “I don’t want us to hurt each other anymore,” I added.

“We won’t. Tonight we’re starting fresh, yeah?” I nodded and smiled up at him. “I’d really like to kiss you now,” he chuckled.

I laughed, “I’d really like you to kiss me now too.”

The love that bubbled through me when his lips touched was more intense then I had felt in a while. I knew we still had things to work through, but I was hopeful that we could make it.

I moaned into his mouth when he tongue danced with mine.

This day has done a complete 180 from when I woke up this morning. I woke up thinking my world was going to crumble out from under me, to being hopeful for the future.

“I have something for you too,” I said against his lips.

He kissed me again, “Later,” he tugged my bottom lip with his teeth, “I just want you right now.”

“You have me,” I promised.