Wind-Up Doll

Agoraphobia, the fear of open spaces or more commonly; a fear of leaving the place the sufferer feels safest. Usually it's their home, or anywhere they can relax and not feel suffocated. The phobia causes the subject to experience intense fear of the outside world, making said person reclusive. Symptoms also include extreme panic attacks and, in some cases, for the suffer to lose consciousness.

Jack Barakat is a sufferer of Agoraphobia.

It's not like he has a valid reason, per se, it's just kinda developed over time. One day lead to another and, well, here he is. Aged 20 with a fear of leaving his house.. It was pretty pathetic really, or at least that was Jacks view on his condition. I mean, what kinda person can't even leave their own house without having a panic attack? It's ridiculous, but Jack dealt with it. He had to, its not like he had any choice in the matter.

The symptoms of this developed in the early stages of his teenage years. Jack was just an average boy. He had a functioning family, he had friends. Normal. He lived a perfectly normal and happy life. But, as Jack grew older, things started to get a little.. weird. He had just started middle school and some bully stole his favourite pencil case. No big deal to most, but to Jack, that incident was the cause to his life shattering. The doctors believe that the simple shove to the ground the boy received somehow triggered a reaction, thus causing his phobia.

Since he was house bound so early, Jack never really had the chance to make many friends in school. The incident happened on his first day and the symptoms showed almost immediately afterwards. His parents had no choice but to home tutor him instead, therefore Jack had no friends and little to no life. Again, pathetic.

Saying that though, before Jack left elementary school, his 'bestest friend in the whole wide world' Rian brought him a going away present. Jack and Rian were literally inseparable throughout their entire element school years. They were closer than most kids and did everything together. Through this, their parents became extremely close and their friendship developed to best friends status, just like their sons. Both families were very close, they even spent Christmas together and it almost felt like an extended family. I suppose they were, just without the blood line.

So you can imagine how heartbreaking things were when Rian's father got a new job in Texas.

Both Jack and his mother were devastated when they heard the news and the thought of saying goodbye to their best friends frightened them to the core. To Jack, Rian was his brother, and the same could be said about Jack. It was like losing a family member and to a certain extent, losing a second son to Mrs Barakat and Dawson. After much deliberation, the Dawsons decided it would be best to move to Texas with Mr Dawson. The money was good, after all and they needed the income. Even though it was tearing both families apart, they promised to keep in contact and never forget about each other. Rian especially assured Jack that he would always be there with him, in one way or another. Jack found it odd but never really commented on it, just accepted it as any child would.

3 months later, after a painful goodbye, the Dawsons packed up their lives into a moving van and headed off and all those promises to keep in contact were still valid. It was sad to think to this day, they never did.

Before they left though, Rian had taken Jack upstairs to his now empty room to say goodbye. In the mids of their tears, Rian gave Jack a gift. He said it would be his little way of looking out for him when he was gone. Jack didn't really understand but simply nodded, tears still rolling down his pink-tinted chubby cheeks.

Tiny fingers teared at the wrapping paper and the pure joy on Jacks face when he opened the small gift was priceless. Concealed in more tape than paper, was a small, almost Victorian looking wind-up doll, all polished and new. It was the coolest thing he'd ever seen. Even cooler than his transformer, and that was a big deal for Jack.

The doll had creamy, caramel coloured hair that sat brushing just above his shoulder. It looked like it would have been human hair, but it was most likely expensive synthetic. It was dressed in a red and black pin stripped suit and was wearing a top hat, which added to the victorian feel. They were stitched with such care and precision, it looked like it was done by hand. But then there was the detailing in its face. It was, to say the least, incredible. In fact, if it wasn't for the golden handle protruding from his back, it could have almost been mistaken for a real, mini human being. Wherever they had gotten this from, it couldn't have been cheap. It was a wonder why they had given it to such a careless child.

But Jack loved that doll to death. He treated it like a real person and over the years as Jack's health and phobia began to carve chunks away at his life, the doll became Jack's only friend. It was as if Rian knew that when he was gone Jack would need it after he was gone. Obviously he couldn't have know, but it was still an amazing coincidence. Needless to say, Jack owed Rian big time.

When it came to naming the doll, decided to stick with a traditional sounding English name. He found it hard to chose the perfect name for the doll and for a very long time he was stuck between 'Alexander' and 'William'. When he asked him mum for help, she simply suggested he name it 'Alexander William' for the best of both worlds.

Jack had no obligations.
Alexander William? Perfect.
*

Jack was sitting at his desk in his room that overlooked his neighborhood. He still lived with his parents, of course, so he'd seen this sight constantly for the past 20 years.

Way back before he developed his phobia, Jack would spend hours each and every day over on the miniature field opposite his house with Rian. The field held so many good memories, like the time when he and Rian played Pokemon for the whole day or when he lost his first tooth.

He sighed, his thoughts becoming cloudy as he reminisced on the times when he was still normal. All of this; it wasn't fair. Why was he cursed with this stupid phobia. Hell, why couldn't someone else have have it? He was a good person overall. He was always did his best to be polite and nice, caring about the people he loved and anyone else who was nice to him. He was never the naughty kid at school and he was always well behaved. He could feel himself becoming stressed and his angesty levels were rapidly rising. Taking a huge gulp of air, he stood up and walked over to his shelf. Carefully, he picked up the porcelain figure in his hands and examined it. Just holding the doll helped calm his nerves so he took it across the room to his bed and sat down, running his fingertips over the delicate features.
"Hey Alex," he muttered, fingers fiddling with the toys shoes.
"Hello Jack!"
"Sing me a song?" he asked, as if the small doll had much of a choice. But, in Jack head, he liked to think Alex was real. He imagined that Alex could talk to him and engage in an actual conversation. Maybe it was because he was isolated for such a long time, but sometimes Jack swore Alex was conscious. He was real and in Jack's head, Alex had a voice. It was soft, and his words slivered around Jacks ears, caressing them like velvet. It was sweet, yet had a slight huskiness to it. Almost like the voice that came from the doll itself whilst singing. Jack ran his hand up the back of the doll, fingers gripping and slowly twisting the golden key protruding from it's back.

He placed Alex on the floor below his bed and laid down. He wrapped himself in the duvet, not worrying at all about the doll on the floor. He knew it would be a matter of time until mother came put him back on his shelf, like she always did. But, right now, all Jack wanted to do was listen to Alex's lullaby sing him softly to sleep.

'Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams'

*
"Alex?"
Wind.
"Yes, Jack?"
"Why am I such a screw up?"
Wind.
"You're not a screw up, Jack."
Jack collapsed onto him bed let out a high pitched scream into his pillow.
"Then why do I feel like one?" he cried, fingers squeezing the soft fabric as tears frightened to escapes his eyelids.
"Your mind can be very deceitful, Jack."

*

Jack sat staring at Alex. He'd been in that position for a while now, just staring, taking in all of the small dolls features.
"Do you enjoy looking at me like that?"
Wind.
"Like what?"
"Like you're lifeless."
Wind.
"I'm a doll, Jack." Jack smiled and let out a short chuckle, shaking his head.
"I know.. I just- sometimes I forget."

*
Jack picked up his guitar and began tuning it. It'd been awhile since he last played but his mother had just brought him the new Blink 182 album and his fingers were in dire needed to learn the songs. As he twisted the pegs, he looked around for his electric tuner and spotted Alex sitting on his pillow. He couldn't remember putting him there but to be fair, Jack doesn't remember a lot of things nowadays. It came with his phobia, he tended to block things out alot. Jack always referred to himself as a freak but his mother would just scold him for saying that. Instead of admitting that her son was, in fact, a freak, she'd simply referee to him as 'special'

He walked over to his bed and grabbed Alex, smiling as the light seemed to catch on his small, porcelain eyes.
"Hey Alex, how did you get there?"
Wind.
"Magic." he giggled. Silly Alex, magic only existed in Harry Potter and fairy tales.
*

Jack had been.. debating with himself over this for a long time. He's gone over it in his head a million times now it almost feels as if he's already done it. This time though, he was going to do it. He'd decided he'd had enough of this. He had enough of being isolated and he had enough of being the weird kid that never left his house. No, today he made a promise to himself and he was determined to keep it. He was leaving his house, he couldn't stand to live this way much longer.

Pulling on his grey sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, he went in search of shoes to wear. He wasn't even sure if his household held any shoes in his size anymore, since he didn't really need them anymore. After a while he found his fathers black kickers and decided they were better than nothing, even if they did look a bit odd.

Both Jacks parents were working right now, so he was home alone. He'd purposely waited until they left to do this, because he knew the reaction from his mother would be bad. She'd stop him and remind his of all the reasons why it would be a bad idea. Honestly, Jack really didn't want to hear it so that's why he decided now would be the best time. There was a downside of this though, he had no one to convince him he was being stupid.
But he was going to do this. He hadn't left this place in almost 7 years and needed to get out. It was suffocating him and if he died, which even he would admit was a bit over the top, at least he wouldn't die cooped up inside his house.

He looked around his room once more before he took a deep breath and yes, he was going to do this. He was going to prove to himself that he could. Nothing could possibly stop him now and he was ready, he was oh so ready to do this. But as he was getting ready to leave, a certain object caught his eye before he turned and walked out of his bedroom. It was Alex and Jack smiled. He walked over to the doll with a smile and excitement bubbling up in his stomach.

"Alex!" he smiled fondly at the doll, "I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna leave the house!"

"I believe in you, Jack! Have fun" Alex's voice in Jacks head exclaimed, Jack could only smile. In this moment though he was so overwhelmed with excitement that he forgot he didn't wind the doll.

"Thanks, buddy!"

*

He was outside. For the first time in 7 years, he was finally outside of his home. It was a strange sensations, everything felt so.. Fresh? The fresh air was filling his lungs as he walked, the feeling of anxiety ever present, yet it seemed dulled by the high Jack was currently on. It wasn't even that bad! He could have left his house years ago but no. He was confined and trapped by his fear that just seemed so silly now.

He continued walking aimlessly for a while, simply enjoying being outside of his house for once. It was exhilarating, and so very exciting. The things most people saw every day just seemed so interesting to Jack and he examined them all closely. The trees, the cars, hell even the birds that flew overhead interested the man and before he knew it, he was entering into his city's town.

It seemed to be exactly how Jack remembered it to be like when he was little. There were clothes shops and restaurants everywhere. Clearly, he'd come on a day where things wasn't so busy because it was pretty empty. He counted himself lucky on that part, if the place was more crowded he would have surely felt more uncomfortable.

As he entered into a little slip road that took him towards the city park, he noticed a man walking towards him. He was stumbling around and if Jack thoughts were correct, he looked like he was drunk. The guy stopped in front of Jack, swaying side to side and snickered, looking Jack up and down.

"Wooow, n-nice shoes faggot, did your mom buy them for you?" he slurred, his voice wobbling but still holding a sense of venom. Jack froze.

The man looked as if he was beginning to get annoyed with the boy and Jack took a step backwards, feeling his breath coming out in short, fast bursts.
"Not gonna answer me, bitch?" the man giggled, but shortly after his face twisting into a snarl. "Fuckin' answer me, freak!" Jack didn't know what to do. He physically felt as if he couldn't move his body and as the man in front of his raised his fist, his eyes screwed shut. He waited there for the blow but nothing came. Slowly, he opened his eyes and saw the man looking at someone who was quickly walking towards him, he shut his eyes quickly once again.

"Oi, Zack, leave him the fuck alone!" a familiar voice sounded.

"Or fuckin' what?" 'Zack' stopped, still swaying as the other man simply smiled and leaned in closer.

"Or, I tell Vinny and Evan" the man smiled, causing the other to flinch.

"Fine" he said, raising his hands in defeat before turning on his heel and stumbling away. By now, Jack was seated on the sidewalk, eyes screws shut with tears somehow leaking from beyond them. His whole body was shaking and his breathing had become fast paced and uneven. He was having a panic attack and at that moment so many thoughts were running through his head. 'Why was I so stupid?!' 'I knew this was gonna happen' 'You're so fucking stupid'.

The mysterious man with the familiar voice rushed over to the shaking boy now on the side of the road. His eyes darted over his body and he felt his stomach churn at the sight. The man crouched down next to the sobbing figure and wrapping him in his arms, not really knowing what else to do but soon realizing that the boys breathing became alot steadier in his embrace.

"It's okay, kid. It's okay, he gone now." Jack breathed a sigh of relief but still kept his eyes shut as the stranger asked him to open his eyes. He quickly dismissed the comment by shaking his head frantically. The stranger sighed. "Agoraphobia," Jack whispered, "I can't leave my house.. W-with my eyes s-shut, I'm s-still h-home." he stuttered. The stranger frowned, but shuffled closer and increased his grip on the boy. He dipped his head down towards the shaking boy and stroked a stray piece of hair away from his ear.

"C'mon man, you're safe. You know you're safe with me" the man whispered sweetly, making Jacks insides feel fluttery. He was so caught up in the moment when he realized what had just happened. The voice was a voice he had undoubly heard before, but the question was, where from? He quickly snapped his eyes open.

"W-what did you just s-say?"

"Hey, see, there you go. You look a lot prettier when your eyes are open." the man smiled softly down at him but Jack could only stare in awe.

The sight in front of his make his heart quicken, both with relief and distress. This man, this beautiful man looked just liked a doll.. Just like his Alex. His lips were the perfect tint of Rose red and his eyelashes were even more delicate than the ones he'd grown to adore over the ears. They e shared the same hair colour and the same soft smile his doll supported every moment of everyday. As well as this, he was almost identically. He wore the same pinstriped suit and top had with a red rim. But, on top of that all, he had exactly the same voice as the one Jack was sure he had created himself. He was dumbfounded. This had to be a dream, it just had to. There was absolutely no other explanation for this, there couldn't be. His best friend wasn't actually real.

After a moment or so of Jack starting, the stranger looked himself over and giggled.
"Is it the suit?" he asked, not waiting fo ran answer "I'm a street performer!" he stated calmly, a smirk playing on his lips, "I sing to the public." and even though the explanation seemed perfectly logical, there was no way Jack could take all of that it. It was too identical to be a coincidence. But at that moment, all Jack could do was nod while the man offered his hand for the other to take. "Do you need me to call anyone for you?" the man asked, and Jack simply nodded.

"T-thank you." Jack stuttered, still completely in awe of the man before him, "C-can you call my mom to come pick me up?" he asked weakly and pulled out his phone. The stranger simply nodded, almost like knew the situation and took the old Nokia from his pocket.

Jack shakily read out the number to the stranger to call his mom and he explained were they were and what happened. He waited a few minutes before his mother arrived, thrusting her son into her car. She looked terrified, but that was to be expected. Given the circumstances, anything could happened to her son and she was quite obviously worried out of her mind. Conscious of Jack in the car, she spoke to the stranger quite quickly.

"..you see. He can't leave the house without having a panic attack. I-I don't know why he left or how he managed to get this far, actually. You must have calmed him down alot considering he held up so well this time." she sighed and looked at the ground.

"I guess tend to have that effect on people." he smiled and Mrs Barakat returned the favour.

"I guess so.." she trailed off for a moment, "Thank you, so much for looking after my baby. I don't know what I would have done if he had gotten hurt." she exclaimed, throwing her arms around the stranger. The man didn't protest and simply squeezed the lady's shoulders back comfortingly.

"It was no problem, really. Here's my card. If you ever need anything, anything at all, just give me a call" he answered, thrusting a business card into the Mrs Barakats hand. She nodded gratefully turning to her car.

"Oh, thank you, dear. Honestly, thank you so much." she said while getting into the drivers side of the car and waving him off as she started the engine. The stranger waved and called out "Goodbye Jack!" as the car began moving and Jack could have sworn he saw the man wink before his mother drove off.

*

While driving at the maximum speed Mrs Barakat could without getting a ticket, she scolded her son for being so stupid but also asking relentlessly asking him how he managed to do it. Jack ignored all the questions she was asking and reached for the mans card that his mother had left on the dash. They were silent for a moment longer before his mother spoke up yet again.
"Oh, I cannot believe it! I never asked that young mans name.."
Jack thought about it and sighed, he neglected to swap names with the fellow and oh. Oh. They never swapped names.

Then how did he know Jack's?

He swallowed thickly and slowly looked down at the business card in his hand and froze.

'Alexander William Gaskarth, street performer."

*

When they finally reached his home, Jack ran upstairs to his bedroom and looked for his Alex. This was strange, something weird was going on. There was no way he was dreaming, this all felt to real. The man's touch and voice felt too real. He slammed his bedroom door open and headed towards his shelf but he stopped, his stomach feeling unbelievably sick. He wasn't there. Alex's place was missing and he wasn't on his floor by his bed either. He lifted up his bedsheets and checked there too, before completely destroying his room looking for the doll.
He simply wasn't there anymore, what the fuck was going on? This was all too strange and it made his head hurt. His hands were now shaking and e must have been looking for an extended amount of time because before he knew it, his mom entered his room with a worried look on her face.

"Jack, honey, what're you doing?" she asked, concern lacing her voice as she placed a hand on Jack's shoulder as he frantically looking though his closet. He simply shrugged her off.

"I'm looking for Alex. Have you seen him, mom?" and by now his eyes were red raw with tears as he turned to face his mother. His breaths were frantic and his eyes were opened impossibly large with panic. His mother simply sighed and held back her tears as her son came toppling down into her arms. Not this again, anything but this.

"Jack, sweetie. You've had a very long and stressful day. You need to rest, you're always like this when you relapse and you need to keep calm. C'mon, to bed." but Jack chose to ignore that comment. It made no sense in his head anyway.

"No, mom. Alex. I need to find Alex." he cried but she shook her head.

"Jack, listen to me. We can talk about Alex tomorrow. Bed, now." and Mrs Barakat proceeded to gently coax her son into bed and pull his duvet to his chest.

"But mom, Alex.." she shook her head once more an placed a kiss on her sons temple.

One she had left the room and shut the door, she collapsed. This again? Why did it have to be her son suffering like this? Was it punishment for something she'd done in the past? All these questions raced around in her head but there was only one thing she was sure of; Jack surely didn't deserve any of this. No one deserved it less than her Jack but there was nothing she could do about it and that completely broke her heart.
*
After a moment or so of gentle sobbing, she her her husband enter from downstairs. She stood up, trying to compose herself the best she could before going downstairs to talk to Jack's father. She had to be strong right now, she needed to be. For Jack.

Jack stared at his door. He was replaying his mothers words in his head.
Relapse?
*

He couldn't find him anywhere.
*

As Jack's moms car drove away, the stranger shook his head, a small, tender smile gracing his lips. Today had gone so perfectly well, he could hardly believe it. Though it was awful to see Jack in such a state, it needed to be done. He sighed, pulling out his cell phone and sent a quick message before carrying himself back down the road towards his house.

"Rian, it's Alex. Your plan worked after all."