When You're Lonely

The days following the game were slow. However, the nights were something entirely different. Gabriel and I would talk a bit in person but he'd always text me well into the night. It would start around 4pm when I got home from school and end somewhere around midnight.

Prom happened shortly after. And lucky me, my date ditched me two days before. My mother convinced my crying self to go anyways. She said would take me to get my nails and hair done.

"As long as you look good, you'll feel good," she told me. "If you don't go, you'll regret it."

There were points in that night where I actually did regret going. Because the limo broke down not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES leading up to our escort to prom. Once at my friends house, then when we got to dinner and when we tried to leave dinner. Roughly around 8:30pm, an hour and a half after prom had started, I stepped out of my friends mom's mini van and felt the cool night air on my skin. We were finally here...senior prom! And even though I was dateless, it was still exciting.

"Uhm honey, your dress..." my friend Kristina gave me a frightened look.

"Isn't it beautiful?" I smiled.

"The zipper...it broke."

"WHAT?!" I ran into the bathroom and turned around to the mirror to see my bare back and the zipper track split on my beloved dress. "Oh my god! You've got to be kidding me! Fuck this, I'm gonna call my mom and go home..."

"No you're not! It's your senior prom, girl! You have to stay."

As she played with the zipper, I dialled my home number and waited for mom to pick up.

"I FIXED IT!" Kristina smiled, and as I hung up the phone, I turned and saw the zipper in-tact again.

"Oh my god you did!! Thank you so so much Kristina!" I hugged her with a huge smile. Checking my make up one last time in the mirror, I took a deep breath. "Now let's go to prom!"

We walked out of the bathroom and all I could think of was Gabriel...I could only imagine how gorgeous he was going to look in his suit...and how equally as perfect Cassy was going to look...and then there would be me, dateless.

The set up was beautiful...a Night in Paris. I was desperate to find my friends, and as I searched the crowded gymnasium, I heard my name.

"Brianna!"

Gabriel waved at me from a distant table. I felt my cheeks burn red - thank god it was dark. Cassy sat a few seats over, in what looked like a deep conversation with someone.

"Hey," I smiled at him as we met.

"Hey you," he smiled back, opening his arms for a hug. I can't describe the way it felt when he had his arms around me, but I definitely didn't want to let go.

"You look...great, by the way," he spoke in a lower voice.

"Thanks, so do you."

He nodded, pressing his lips together. "So...would you..."

"BRIANNA!"

A slightly-intoxicated Rob Hall put his arm around my shoulders. "Damn, you look beautiful! Wanna dance?"

I laughed. Last time I'd talked to Rob we fought...but people change, and I was willing to forget that since it was prom. It was a time to celebrate. As he took my hand leading me to the dance floor, I turned to Gabriel. "See you later?"

He put his hands in his pockets. "You bet," he nodded.

***

By the time prom ended, our replacement limo was finally there and ready to whisk us off to the after party. As we all cranked up the music and sang at the top of our lungs, all I could hear were Gabriel's words in my head: "you look great." It probably meant absolutely nothing, but to me it meant practically everything.

As we stopped at a light, I looked out the windows onto the empty streets of downtown Salem. And beside us stopped a black Escalade...I knew who it was.

Gabriel was in the drivers seat, Cassy in the passengers. I watched as he took her hand and kissed it softly while stopped. The smile he gave her was so genuine and full of affection. My heart sank into my stomach - his words were really just friend to friend...

"GABRIEL!! WHAT UP!!!!" one of the guys in my limo yelled out the window. Gabriel just laughed, giving a slight wave and driving past us. I would have given anything to be that girl in the car with him.

At the after-party, I drank as many Bacardi coolers as my 17 year-old liver at the time could take. The party was great, but I kept my eyes on my phone the entire night. Gabriel was texting me from his party, telling me how awesome it was and how he wished I was there so we could have a few drinks together.

As my mother picked me up at 2am that night and asked me how prom was, my emotions were mixed. It was awful but amazing at the same time. When I got in bed that night, all I could think about was how Cassy was more than likely snuggled up to the one boy I wish I could've shared my prom with.

***

"He obviously likes you," my friend Anna said as we sat in class one June afternoon. "If he doesn't, then...you can have my car."

"Well, thanks for the new car!" I laughed. "He doesn't like me. None of his friends do, they make my life hell, so why would he even consider being with someone like me when his friends don't approve? Just doesn't make sense."

"Let's make a deal," Anna leaned over to me, turning her voice down to a whisper. "You tell Gabriel Christensen at graduation in two weeks that you have feelings for him. That way, you'll find out that I'm right."

"Anna I can't, he's still with Cassy! And she's a real sweet girl..."

"But she's not you."

***
how did you not know? i was so obvious about my feelings for you.

I thought back to all of the things I constantly overanalyzed in high school. His smile. Him telling me to break up with my boyfriend. Catching him looking at me in class. Making fun of the Rangers...

i did it all so i'd get an excuse to talk to you.

you were never obvious I typed back. and you always had a girlfriend, so how was I supposed to know?

it was everything about you, bri. the way you dressed, how you did your hair and makeup. i noticed it all. and your body...that beautiful body...i just wanted to hold you every time i saw you.

Tears stained my pillow as I laid in bed alone, hearing things from Gabriel I'd waited so long to hear.

***
The last two weeks were all exams and final reviews. He was in my accounting class and every once in a while I'd catch him looking at me. I thought it was a sign of what Anna had told me, but it wasn't possible; if it's too good to be true it usually is, you know?

Graduation creeped up fast and I was so happy to finally say good riddance to that dreaded school and all of the people who made my life hell for that last years.

They seated us in alphabetical order and I was lucky to be beside my friend Dylan for the ceremony. As I fixed my lipstick, someone whispered my name.

"Hey, Brianna..."

Gabriel's eyes and mine locked.

"Hey," I smiled.

"Sport management eh...you're gonna run the Leafs," he winked. "I'm gonna cheer the loudest for 'ya."

I tried to hide my smile but it was impossible...this was one of the last days I was going to see this boy and my feelings for him was uncontrollable now. I remembered the deal Anna and I had...today was the day.

My turn to get my diploma and walk across the stage was up. My parents, sister, aunt and cousin were there to see my biggest accomplishment yet.

"Brianna Evans," the teacher announced. "An Ontario Scholar, Anna graduates on the honour roll. The recipient of the award for International Business. Brianna will continue her studies next year at Brock University in the Bachelor of Sport Management program..."

I heard my family cheering for me, Dylan, Anna and Kristina all clapping and yelling my name.

"Hockey!!!"

Gabriel stood from his seat clapping and smiling at me; he would yell out something so random like that. Even if I fell down the stairs coming off the stage, nothing else mattered now...Gabriel had cheered for me in front of the entire graduating class. And, I had graduated high school!!

I hated goodbyes. As I bid goodbye to all of my amazing teachers and even more incredible friends, I felt emotions coming on.

"Did you tell him yet?" Anna asked as we were about to part ways.

"I haven't seen him."

"Don't you dare chicken out!! Deal's a deal," she replied as he hugged one last time. "Text me and let me know how it goes!!"

I began walking down the hallway after handing in my gown. In my above the knee strapless white dress and matching wedges, I saw Gabriel coming towards me in his suit.

"Evans..." he smiled. "I'm gonna miss pickin' on 'ya."

This was it; I had to do it. "I guess I might just miss it," I laughed as he pulled me into a hug.

My cheeks burned...I knew what I had to do.

"By the way, I wanna tell you something kind of crazy."

"What's that?" he smiled, blue eyes shining in the light of the hallway.

"I..."

Just as I was about to say what I'd so badly wanted to say for almost two years, I saw Cassy coming down the hall towards us.

"Gabe!" she waved to him. But he didn't look back.

"I...I'm gonna miss 'ya!" I smiled, and hugged him again.

As I walked out of the school, I regretted not saying what I promised Anna I would. I guess I would never know...

Until my first year at Brock.