Toxic.

I was almost howling with laughter as I took another drink from my bottle. Gerard was dancing in front of me, and he was without doubt the worst dancer I’d ever seen in my life. Oh sure, he can head bang like nobody’s business and thrust like a nymphomaniac onstage; but right here he looked ridiculous.

“Are y-you laughing at me?” he smirked.
“Not at all, babe.” I sniggered, tossing the now empty bottle to one side and pulling him into my arms. I leant down and he let me kiss him for a few seconds before pulling away and snatching up the glass bottle from the floor. He looked extremely disappointed when he found it empty.

“I want more.” He snapped, looking around. We seemed to have drunk all our supplies. Well, I say we, it was more Gerard than I. I was tipsy; he was… hammered.

I could see him starting to scowl. I couldn’t help but love it when he did that- he looked so adorable. I slid my arms around his waist again and pulled our mouths back together, kissing him again and again. He responded… well, less than enthusiastically.

“Bert!” He hissed, pulling back. “I’m not happy with this, I need more to drink.” He complained loudly.

I shrugged helplessly. He was crazy sometimes. I knew I was considered the crazy, maniacal drunk out of the two of us but he drank more than I did these days.

His hazel eyes swept over me, glittering, and I remembered that I didn’t care. I didn’t care about his drinking habits. As he leant up and kissed my neck softly, before running his hands up the inside of my shirt, I remembered that it didn’t matter. I gasped as he bit down on the skin of my neck, making me shudder.

He pulled back, much to my disappointment, and looked me in the eye again.
“Bert,” He said steadily, “Go get me a bottle of vodka.”
”But-”
“You have to do it, Mikey keeps whining that I drink too much.” He told me, never breaking my eye contact. I realised that I had been wrong. He wasn’t hammered. He was barely even drunk. He drinks so much that it takes him a lot to be as far gone as he wants.

I looked into those eyes again, and saw a desperate need. He needed the alcohol, every fibre of his being cried out for it. I should have insisted against it. I should have told him no.

But I just couldn’t.

“Ger, can’t we…” I stepped forwards and softly kissed his nose. He looked up at me and saw the desperate need in my eyes. He pulled me to him and kissed me, softly at first then becoming stronger, rough even.

It wasn’t hard for him to seduce me. Hell, I was ready for it every time I laid eyes on him. We fucked right there on the floor of his hotel room. Every second was raw, dirty… beautiful.

Eventually he rolled over and sat up against the wall, lighting up a cigarette. As he blew smoke from his mouth I stared up at him, wondering how he had managed to take all of me.

I didn’t know how he could be so calm, so composed afterwards. Every time it was the same. Gerard would light up; inhaling his much loved nicotine and blowing toxic smoke through the room, while I shook and tried to stop sweating and swearing. I was like a junkie who’d finally managed to get a fix.

“Bert.” He spoke finally, making a whole sentence out of my name, using it to break the silence that had previously only been punctuated by my ragged gasps for air and the click of his cigarette lighter.

I turned to face him properly, my head spinning. I was practically burning up.

“Booze. Now.”

I nodded and shakily stood up, scrambling for my clothes.

“Here,” he said, throwing me his shirt. I pulled it over my head, happy I was sharing his body heat. I finished getting dressed and left the room, stealing one last look at him before I shut the door behind me.

Walking into the hotel bar, I spotted two familiar faces out of the corner of my eye. Oh, shit.

“Bert!” Grinned Jeph, as he and Mikey walked over towards me.
“Hi guys,” I mumbled stupidly, nodding at the barman to give me two bottles of vodka.
“Are you hittin’ the bottle tonight then?” Jeph laughed as he said it, but I saw a little concern flicker across his face. I just smiled awkwardly and turned to leave.

Mikey followed me out, and once we were around the corner he abruptly cut in front of me, so I couldn’t get past.

“Er… Mike-”

Quite unexpectedly, he slammed two hands down on my shoulders and pushed me back against the wall. He was a skinny thing and I could probably take him in a fight but he had taken me suddenly by surprise.

“I don’t know,” He growled, glaring at me, “Who you think you are, but you have got to leave my brother alone.”

“Hold on one fucking second!” I protested, irritated. “What-”
“It’s easy to see you’re in a downward spiral. I am not going to let you drag Gerard down with you!” He spat, angrily.

I stared at him.

“This is nothing to do with you.” I said simply, and pushed him away from me before heading back to the room.

I re entered the hotel room and saw the man who I had grown to think about constantly. He grinned as I crossed the room to meet him, our hands brushing against each other as I handed him his favourite poison.

I watched him breathlessly as he absorbed the intoxicating drink like a man dying of thirst. I watched his beautiful face shudder as he swallowed it, his hand wobbling a little as he wiped his mouth.

“What?” He asked blearily, when he realised I was watching him.

“Baby, can’t you see?” I sighed and turned round, hurt that he was just staring back at me expressionlessly.
“I’m falling.” I muttered.

I don’t know how it happened but suddenly he was there. Kissing my neck, stroking my back and sending a shiver down the spine. I’m burning up from what you do. I tried to pull away… this couldn’t work any more.

Too high, can’t come down. It’s in the air and it’s all around.

With the taste of his lips I was there again. I gasped as he ran his hands through my hair. Love, lust, or whatever it was I was feeling was hitting me. He was wrong. I was wrong. We were so wrong, so bad, so dangerous.

I was loving it.

“Gerard,” I groaned as he undid my belt again.

“I’m addicted to you. But you know, you’re toxic.”