I Don't Do Lonely Well

“Alex! Fuck off!”
“No, we’re talk about this, Virginia,” I insist. She groans loudly in irritation as she tries to push me out of my bedroom. I cross my arms over my chest and let her wear herself out. She gives up after about thirty seconds and sits on my bed with her back towards me. “Why don’t you want to talk about this?”
“Why didn’t you want to talk about your brother?” she snaps.
“That’s a hell of a lot different, and you know it.”
“She was my friend for years, and you’re being so fucking insensitive about it!” She stands up and faces me.
“Insensitive? She’s the reason we broke up the first time. She’s a manipulative bitch.”
“And it’s people like you that caused her to do this,” she mutters. “I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
“Yeah, well, we’re talking about it right now. I’m not going to sleep with a fight on my shoulders.”
“Well, you’re going to have to tonight. I’m fucking over talking about it. Let me be.”
I purse my lips tightly. “This is the reason you had the same problems you did in high school, you know. You can’t trust anyone, and you can’t even fucking trust me! I’m your boyfriend! I know you better than any single person out there, and you’re pushing me out just because something hits a little too close to home for you.”
“Alex, shut up.” I ignore the warning tone in her voice.
“No, I really think this is something you should hear.” Before I know it, her phone is airborne and sailing towards me. I dodge it, and it clatters against my wall. “Are you serious, Virginia?” She just purses her lips and crosses her arms. “Wow. This is what our relationship is coming to.”
“That was your fault,” she challenges.
I feel my eyebrows rise in shock. “For fuck’s sake, you don’t think I feel like shit enough for that? Damn it, Virginia! I do all I can for you, and this is the thanks I get for it? You know what, if this is what we’re becoming, I don’t know if I want to be a part of it anymore.”
I watch her try to hold her composure. She stands there and debates for a moment as well. “Just get out.”
“This is my room.”
I’m well aware of the fact that intentionally pissing her off isn’t going to do me well in the future, but it’s what she’s doing to me, too.
“But my all means, take advantage of one more thing.”
“You’re being an asshole.”
“Well, if you won’t tell me how you feel, I’m going to tell you how I feel.” She takes a seat on my bed and crosses her legs. “I feel pretty fucking used. You don’t trust me, and we’ve been together for almost, what, three years?”
“What the hell are you talking about? I don’t trust you? I opened up the hardest part of my life to you, Alex.”
“Yeah, after two years of dating you.”
“And you’re telling me there’s not a thing I don’t know about your life?”
“Yes, that’s what I’m telling you. I don’t try to keep anything from you because I can’t.” I watch her roll her eyes. “Why am I even trying? I’m so sick of putting all this effort into getting you to trust me.” She stays quiet, and I let out an appalled laugh and nods. “Well, I’ll be on the couch tonight. Have fun sleeping alone.”
I watch her face fall. She hates sleeping by herself. “Wait, Alex—“
“No, Virginia. I’m an asshole remember?”

I flip through the morning news, my morning coffee sitting in my hand. I hear the stairs creak, and I turn to towards the stairs. Virginia is wearing one of my t-shirts and a pair of shorts, her hair tugged up messily, and her eyes are red and swollen. “Can we talk?”
I nod. “I’ll be right up,” I inform her. She turns around, and I wait until I hear the door close.
I head for the garage and rummage through our random shit before pulling out a baseball bat and a football helmet.
I push open the door—baseball bat slung over my shoulder and helmet over my head. Virginia looks up at me, and small smile graces her lips. “I deserve that,” she laughs.
I smile and set down the bat before pulling the helmet off of my head. I drop it next to the bat and sit next to Virginia on the bed. “What’s up?”
“I’m sorry.” She looks down at her hands. “I was wrong to treat you like that last night, and it’s not that I don’t trust you, really. Talking about it just brings me back to places I never wanted to go again.”
I nod in understanding. “Babe, you know that I’d never let that happen, right?” She nods.
“But, like you said, I don’t want you to think I’m using you.”
I sigh and shake my head. “I don’t think that. I was just being a dick.” She scoffs, and I shrug, wrapping my arm around her and pressing my lips to her forehead.
“When you said you weren’t sure about wanting to be in this relationship anymore…” She looks up at me, searching for an answer.
“I was really upset,” I admit, “but that doesn’t justify what I said.” She nods slowly. “I want to be with you.”
She takes a deep breath. “So, I guess you want me to tell you.”
“I’d like to know what’s bothering you, but if you’re not comfortable with it—“
“I’ve been ignoring Rachel’s calls for a week,” she interrupts. “And then I find out she overdoses on her medications…”
“You feel guilty,” I conclude. She nods and crosses her arms tightly over her chest.
“I feel extremely guilty…I always told her I hate the type of people that give up their friends because they’re so obsessed with their boyfriends, and I don’t think I’m that type of girl. I still go out with my friends, I still go out with our friends.”
“I don’t think you are. If you ask me, this is a pretty serious relationship. Isn’t that kind of expected from someone you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with?”
She smiles a little. “You want to spend the rest of your life with me?”
“It’s something I’ve seriously considered before.” Her smile grows some. “Have you?”
She nods. “Absolutely, but I didn’t want to be the first one to bring it up.” I laugh and wrap my arm around her, pulling her closer to me and pressing my lips to the top of her head. “So, you’ll stay?”
“I was never gone.”