I Don't Do Lonely Well

Sitting cross-legged on my bed, I stare at the opened box. My phone sits in my lap, but I can’t bring myself to call.
We haven’t spoken since he left last night, but I haven’t stopped thinking about him. Maybe it has come off like he doesn’t make me happy anymore, but he does. If he wouldn’t have been by my side through all of this, there’s a good chance I wouldn’t be here. I know that’s a thought that terrifies him.
But it’s true.
My fingers are scrolling through my contacts to Alex’s name. It rings and rings and rings.
“Hey, this is Alex. I guess I’m pretty busy or sleeping at the moment. So, leave me a message,” his voice replays.
The tone screeches loudly through my phone, forcing me to pull the speaker away from my ear. “Hey, it’s me. Just give me a call when you get this.” I hang up and drop the phone next to me. I take the pillow off of Alex’s side of the bed and curl up with it.
It looks like I’ll be spending another night alone.

My alarm goes off at 7am in the morning to wake me for class. I pick up the phone, hoping to see a missed call or a text or something…but nothing. Not one notification from anyone other than Cody telling me he took five dollars for lunch money.
So, I pull myself from bed, tie my hair up in a bun, throw on leggings and one of Alex’s sweatshirts, and drag myself to class.
Sitting through my Counseling class is physically sickening, and the second it’s over I make the drive over to Alex’s.
The house is silent when I enter, and I’m convinced that everyone’s still asleep. It’s only 9:30, after all.
But Rian’s sitting at the kitchen table drinking is morning coffee. “He’s not here,” he informs me.
I sigh. “Where’d he go?”
Rian shrugs. “I think he spent the night at his parents, actually.”
“Thanks, Rian.” I turn towards the door.
“Hang on.” I stop and look at Rian. “What happened?”
I look down at my feet for a moment. “We’re struggling, and it’s my fault.” Rian frowns. “He bought me a ring, Rian.”
“I know.”
“I have to fix this.”
“Did you try calling him?”
“He didn’t answer me.”
Rian nods. “Go get him, Gin.”

I take a deep breath and knock on the front door. It takes a few moments, but the door pulls open. “Virginia,” Peter greets in shock. “It’s nice to see you.”
“You, too,” I respond, forcing a smile onto my lips. “Is Alex here?”
Peter’s face overtakes with an expression of understanding. “Yeah, he’s upstairs in the guest room.” He opens the door so I can enter. I kick off my shoes and make my way upstairs, greeting Isobel on my way.
I push the door open slowly, and Alex is dead asleep and sprawled across the bed. I close the door behind me and take a seat on the edge of the bed. “Alex.” I rub his back until he stirs awake. He unburies his face from the pillows and looks up at me. “Hey.”
He inhales deeply and rolls over to face me. “Hey.”
“I left you a message last night…”
“I know.” I look down immediately as an awkward silence overtakes us. I play with the corner of the blankets between my fingers.
“When did you buy it?” I look back at Alex.
“About two weeks ago when you came over for dinner with my parents. I told them I had to run a few errands and went to the jewelers. As soon as I saw the ring, I knew I had to buy it.”
“It’s perfect, Alex.”
I watch him refrain from smiling. “Doesn’t seem like it.” I sigh and shake my head, already getting pissed off at him. “Do you want to marry me?”
I’m answering before my head even has time to wrap around the question. “Yeah, but not yet. I want to graduate, pay off my bills, start a job other than bartending...” Alex stays quiet for a moment and then just rolls over. “Seriously?” He stays that way for another thirty seconds or so before rolling back over and sitting up.
“Or because you don’t want to make the same mistakes as your parents. You’re afraid to be like them, and I get that. But you could at least admit it to me. You call me your best friend, but you’re not being entirely honest with me.”
“I don’t want to end up like them,” I admit. “Alex, I’m so happy with where we are. What if things change?”
His face softens, and he actually shows signs of smiling. “That’s all you’ve been holding back?” I nod, chewing my lip nervously. “I’m kind of scared, too, babe, but not all change is bad.”
“And I don’t want you to think you don’t make me happy. Alex, you make me happier than anyone I’ve ever met. I can’t imagine my life without, most likely because I probably wouldn’t have one.”
“Don’t say that,” he pleads, resting his hand on my knee.
“It’s true…before you think you’re not making me happy, just remember you’re the reason I’m still alive.”
He looks over my face for a moment. “Would you have tried again if you were still with Jordan?”
The speed of my answer is what scares both of us the most. The ability for the word, “absolutely,” to slide past my lips before his question is finished makes me stop for a second and think to myself if I really would. “Probably,” I correct.
“Wow.”
“That’s why I’m with you. I can’t wait to wake up and spend another day with you, to wake up with your arms around me, to fall asleep with my head on your chest…You make me happy to be alive.” My lips tug into a small grin at the thought of how he makes me feel.
His lips finally pull into the smile he’s been resisting this entire conversation. “So, someday, but not quite yet?” The childish excitement in his voice makes me smile wider. I just nod in response. “I think I can live with that.”
He presses his lips to mine softly, and I cup his cheeks, the two-day stubble itching my fingers. “Could you live with me?” I question against his lips before kissing him again. He pulls away to make eye contact with me.
“Like with you as in the same home or as in around you every day?”
“The same home. Move in with me?”
“Yeah, absolutely.”
I smile widely. “Really?” He nods, and I throw my arms around his neck and press my lips to his. “I love you, Alex, so fucking much.”