My Mind is a Worrier, My Heart is a Foreigner

It was one of the best things in the world; waking up next to the person you love most. Lou may not have noticed but I was awake long before he woke up.

He was curled up in my arms like a little kid and honestly it was the most adorable and lovely thing I ever saw, his breath was steady and it was hitting my neck in a rhythmical manner. I stayed still like that, watching him for a few minutes before he turned around in my arms so he was facing away from me. Since that was the perfect opportunity I curled around him, hugging his small waist tightly and breathing in the crisp vanilla scent of his hair. It was perfect. This moment was just like a dream and I hoped it would last forever, but of course it couldn't. After some peaceful minutes passed by I felt Lou slowly waking from his deep slumber. He didn't even stiffen when he felt my arms around him, just tried to wake me carefully, I didn't want to. I wanted him to stay in my arms, to feel his lithe and warm body against mine but I couldn't pretend to be asleep forever. So I stopped pretending, wished him a good morning and rather quickly got up to go to the bathroom. What I was really in need of now was a hot shower.

As I made my way to the kitchen I heard a loud and familiar voice sound through the whole flat, which meant just one thing; Niall and Liam have arrived. Entering the kitchen I immediately cough sight of Lou being strangled by Niall like usual. Since he and Styles have become a couple, Niall and Lou have become really close and even developed a real bromance like he and Harry had during the beginning. It makes him boil with jealousy when he sees them so close. Of course it doesn't leave me unaffected either but I know how to hide my feelings, I have learned it well.

"Good Mornin' Nialler. Had a good nights sleep?" immediately Niall's mop of blond hair turned to me "Zayn, mate, haven't even heard you come down. What are you a ninja now? I was just about to ask Lou if you were behaving yourself, but I guess you were since he didn't complain." Lou just shrugged him off and prepared the tea cups, Liam entered the kitchen quietly, heavy bags under his tired looking eyes, and took it to himself to make us breakfast since Louis was a really bad cook and so is Niall.

"Come one you two get out of the kitchen. Zayn could you help me please." I nodded briefly at Liam while Lou tried to pull Niall out of the kitchen, the greedy little pig really can't wait till breakfast is ready.

When the door to the kitchen closed and I was alone with Li I turned to look at him with a questioning gaze, "Everything all right, Li? You look as if you didn't sleep a wink." Liam let out a long sigh and leaned on the counter "Yeah that's probably because I didn't. When I got home last night I found Danielle in bed with one of her supposed close friends. Yea, I can see exactly how close these two were..." For a few seconds all was quite in the room then finally my mind wrapped around what he just said. "Are you serious Li? She fucking cheated on you? On YOU? What the actual fuck was she thinking? Was she thinking at all? What did you do?"

I tried not to raise my voice but it was kind of hard. Liam was one of the nicest and gentlest people I know he loved that bitch dearly. He would die for her and that's how she pays him back?

"I didn't do anything really. Threw him out right away and when I looked at Danielle for an explanation, anything, which would ensure that she won't do it again, do you know what she did? She just said sorry and left...She just left Zayn, like she didn't care about me at all..."

Liam was strong so of course he didn't start crying even though his heart just got broken, still I hugged him and stood still for a few moment before he broke away again "Thanks Zayn and do me a favour, no word to Lou or Niall ok? Now, let's prepare breakfast before Niall eats Lou and then Harry will kill us."

The breakfast was quiet this time; Niall and Lou were watching telly, Liam was watching his tea and I was watching Liam and Lou, for different reasons of course. Liam, because to be honest I was waiting for some kind of angry break down and Lou because...well, because he is Lou. He looked so cute when he was watching telly, his usually feathered hair was hanging slightly in his face and I wanted to desperately reach out and brush it away, his mouth was slightly agape and his eyes were widen as he watched the screen in utter fascination. I don't think I ever saw something cuter than him. Suddenly Liam cleared his throat in a way he always did before he announced something "Sorry guys, but I've gotta go now. Got some things to take care of and yeah..." He was avoiding Lou's and Niall's confused faces. I knew that he just wanted to get away for a while and surely he also wanted to be alone, but I was sure as hell not planning to leave him alone "Yeah, he has some things to do and I have to help him with it."

I was looking straight at Lou when I said it and so I couldn’t miss the hurt look on his lovely face "I thought we would spend some time together today Zayn." his voice was timid but even and in an instant everything around us vanished, I wasn't thinking about Liam anymore and also didn't care that Niall was here, I could just see his intense and calculating gaze. Missing this opportunity to spend time with Lou really wasn't something I wanted to happen but Liam was always there for me and he was the only person who knew about my love for Louis and I couldn't leave him in such a fragile state "I'm sorry Lou maybe next time?" his jaw clenched immediately at my answer and he averted his eyes from me with a deep furrow on his forehead.

Under normal circumstances, Liam would have protested and insisted I stay and he would be fine, but when I turned to look at him there was just an absent look on his face and he was awfully silent. Niall who must have noticed my statement making Lou's demeanour change tried to brighten up his mood again "Don't look like that Lou, we'll just spent the day doing something fun, ye? How about the zoo? You like it there right? Yeah, let's to that!" Louis just nodded and smiled gently at the Irish blonde and got up, most likely going to change clothes.

When he was out of earshot Niall turned to us with a frown on his baby face "Just what the fuck Zayn? When Lou was talking to me the other day I thought he was just overreacting but now I think he's kinda telling the truth!" to emphasise his statement he threw a pillow at me, right in my face (I hope for him that my hair isn't ruined) then turned to the still silent Li, "Liam, what's with you mate? Why are you sitting there all quite?"

Thirst thing I had no idea what the little greedy pic was talking about and I will choke his with that pillow if he throws one at me ever again, second he didn't even care to elaborate on his irrational chatter and thirdly he didn't even had the decency not to scream at Liam while it was obvious that he was feeling unwell, stupid little wanker. Before I got to lash out at him for throwing that pillow and screaming at Liam, Li he spoke up for himself. "Danielle cheated on me. Yesterday when I got home I found her in our bed. With another guy..." of course the expected happened right then; Liam burst out in tears. It was out of the question that I had to get him to my flat as fast as possible.

Niall and me had an agreement; he would care about Louis, so he wouldn't be alone and I would try to cheer up Li, hopefully I could manage. After the break down I bought him to my flat. Honestly, his own flat wouldn't do him any good now and we didn't want Lou to worry any more then he already is. Li was currently settled down on my couch drinking a soothing tea and watching telly, I was out on the balcony, for I was in a strong need of a smoke.

A few minutes passed before the balcony door behind me opened and closed again and Liam was standing beside me watching the scenery "I really appreciate what you did for me Zayn. I know you would have much rather stayed with Louis so really, like, thank you a lot."

I had to think of all the things he did to me and that it was just a natural that I would help him too "What are you talking about? Its fine!" I exclaimed.

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"What are you talking about? It's not fine!" I exclaimed. It was simply not fair! Of course I noticed there to have been something off with Liam and as I was changing upstairs I heard him wail quite pathetically so I didn't want to accept the fact that Niall knew what was going on but I didn't.

Now when I heard the cry I couldn't just run downstairs and see what happened that seemed kind of rude, so I stayed upstairs and waited for a little while, but when I got down Niall was there alone watching telly. He refused to tell me what happened and instead dragged me off to his car. Since then I haven't stopped bugging him to tell me what happened.

"Just calm your pants Lou. It's no biggie and when Li's ready, he'll tell you." The little wanker just told me off like that. What a...a wanker. The drive took us about 20 minutes (which I spend being loud and annoying and desperately texting Harry who wasn't answering).

We tried to stay undercover and not get noticed as we walked the few meters to the entrance of the zoo. Luckily we didn't get mobbed; the few fans, which recognised us, were just quietly standing some distance away from us and minding their own business.

"And I can't believe you still forced me to go to the zoo! I mean, seriously Niall? The zoo?! Harry is refusing to answer my texts, or he isn't reading them, same with calls. Something's going on with Liam and I don't know what because no one would tell me. I'm in such a bad mood not even the cutest fucki- OMG look how cute that baby panda is! Look Niall isn't it adorable?"

When I turned to look at Niall while pointing at the cutest little baby animal I have ever seen he was wearing a smug expression, which screamed 'told you so'. Ok, so maybe the zoo was a good idea to calm my nerves and force some other thoughts into my head. Harry was probably just busy and Liam was probably just feeling a little moody. But still.

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But still. I would have thought that Li could deal better with this shit then insisting to drink some highly alcoholic shit at, oh look at that, 3 o'clock in the afternoon. "Please Liam just give me the fucking bottle back before I have to hurt you." The other boy just shot me an unfocused glare and I could easily take the bottle out of his weak grip and place it back on the kitchen counter.

"Liam please, it's not worth your health. I do know that you have two kidneys but still, drinking this much won't help at all and you know it." The only response I got was a short snort before Li just sunk unto the kitchen floor and buried his head in his hands. I pitied him, of course, but I didn't know how to help him. Hell I don't even know how to help myself most of the time, let alone a friend and even less in such a situation where the only thing, which could change anything, was time. The other boy looked so defeated that I walked over to where he was sitting and sat down beside him. I wasn't good at comforting but tried to rub circles over his back till he calmed down a little.

"Just tell me Zayn, what did I do wrong? I must have done something wrong for her to simply leave me like that, right?" I could hear and feel heavy sobs wrecking his whole body and I thought of how unfair it is because I knew that Liam would never be the same person again. "You're wrong man, it's not your fault at all. You are a great person and were a great boyfriend and shit, I'm really bad at this comforting stuff. Don't you wish that Niall was here? Then he could give you his special hug." A snotty and brief laugh was all I got in return but it was enough for now.

"Come on now Li, let's get you into hot and comfy bath so you can relax, k?" Liam looked at me, his face was scrunched up but he managed a shaky smile and a weak 'ok'.

I got Li into his bathroom and prepared his bath while he tried to take off his t-shirt and as I watched the water slowly fill the tub I started to think about the thing Niall said. What did he mean with 'he thought Lou was overreacting the other day but now he thought he said the truth'? What did Lou tell Niall that had to do with him? This is getting really complicated.

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This is getting really complicated. Harry wouldn't pick up his phone or answer any of my texts except one where I wrote how worried I was and how much I loved him and his answer to that was 'ok'. An 'ok' was all I got after hours of trying to reach him and it was annoying me and also confusing me to no end! Niall and I already arrived at home; the tour to the zoo kind of got cut short after some fans wouldn’t stop following us and seemingly informed so more fans after which we got mobbed. All in all, it got only worse when Niall got a phone call from Zayn, telling him that he should come over and the Irish blond left me at home alone.

I hated being alone; I loathed it with every fibre, every molecule of my whole body. It was simply a nightmare for me, especially in Harry’s and mine big flat where everything reminded me of him. Since the I can remember I have never really been alone; at home I first had my parents, then my sisters, then my friends, since X Factor also the guys and of course Harry. I was never completely alone, not like this.

Deciding the best thing I could do right now is take a shower and change into one of Harrys t shirts, that was exactly what I did and admittedly it helped a bit.

So here I was now, sitting in the living room, drinking some Yorkshire tea and zipping through the channels till something caught my interest. It was the documentary about an old English poet and instantly I had to think of Zayn.

I really wasn't sure what to think of him; sometimes it looked as is we might become close friends but sometimes he seems to avoid me like the plague. When I first pointed it out to Harry he said I'm imagining things and when I told Niall some days ago he said I was overreacting and that it was just how Zayn was, but I didn't believe that. The rare times that we would be together I would see a different Zayn, one that the others didn't know; he was gentle and his every movement and word seemed carefully chosen, yet he also seemed kind of wild and dangerous at the same time.

It was a mystery to me. Actually I wanted to spend some time together with him so that I could get to know him better, but it seems he talked himself out of it.

My thoughts were interrupted when the sound of the doorbell rang though the whole flat and my heart stopped for a second. I wasn't expecting a guest but decided to look who it was, in case it was Niall who had forgotten something again.

When I opened the door a person with dark hair greeted me.