Unconditional

Vanessa sat on Tony's couch reading some lyrics she scribbled on a piece of paper the night before. She was thinking hard about the lyrics and sighed in frustration. She really hated where the song was going but she had to say everything she was feeling.
"Hey Ness? What are you reading? You haven't even heard a word I said have you?" Her brother asked.
She snapped out of her thoughts. "Sorry. I've just been looking over these lyrics." He grabbed the paper from her hand and sat next to her. He began reading them quietly and frowned slightly.

"Is this a song about-" He began.

"Yes." She interrupted. "I just feel like it's so raw and personal."

"And that always makes a great song, but you know if you don't feel like this song is meant to be sang, then don't sing it. I personally have never read lyrics so personal from you. Normally I get where they come from, but this-this is amazing shit." Tony sighed handing her the paper back.

"I want to sing it. It'll help heal the wound." Nessa spoke quietly. "I know it'll start shit, but I need to get it off my chest."

"Alright. Hey, did something happen between you and Phil?" He asked changing the intense subject.

She was caught off guard. "What? Why?"

He shrugged. "He says you haven't responded to his calls for the past week since you came home. He sounded worried. Something happened, I just know it."

She shook her head. "Nothing happened."

"Just tell him about how Phil kissed you and you freaked out." Tori said walking in on the conversation.

Nessa snapped her head. "But as my best friend you are suppose to keep your mouth shut."

Tori rolled her eyes. "Please it's no secret you and Phil are going to have sex soon."

"Wait-so Phil kissed you?! When the fuck did this happen?" Tony asked clearly confused.

"When she was in Philly, duh! Where have you been this entire time?" Tori asked surprised by his sudden outburst.

"Trying to understand what you two are talking about." He responded shaking his head. "Girls talk in code and I never know what is going on." He shrugged.

"Wow, that is the dumbest thing I've heard you say." Nessa laughed at Tony.

"Tell, he kissed you?" Tony asked ignoring her comment. he was hoping he could get some details out of her.

"Yes." She really didn't want to talk about it yet.

"And she kissed back. They made out!" Tori laughed.

"It's about time." Her brother sighed.

"True." Tori agreed.

"Wait-what?" she asked confused.

"You two are like perfect for each other." Her best friend told her knowingly.

"Yea. That dude has it bad for you, sis! After all this time y'all are FINALLY getting together." Tony smiled happily. "You deserve to be happy. I approve of Phil for sure."

Nessa shook her head sighing softly. "It's not like that with Phil and I. Yes, we kissed. It was an accident. He broke up with Maria and things with Joe are done. It was a venerable moment between the both of us. It was just something two friends did to feel something from someone else."

Tony and Tori both sat there stunned by Nessa's small rant. Then they looked at one another and started laughing uncontrollably. Nessa stared at them not amused at all.

"Wow. I just-I just-oh god I need to calm down." Tori tried to speak first. She stopped laughing. "First let me start off by saying you have thought about that shit too long and too hard. Secondly, you don't see how bad Phil has it for you. Lastly, open your eyes. You deserve to be happy."

Tony stopped laughing, "Yea, what she said." pointing at the small brunette.

Nessa stood up from the couch and stretched. "Whatever. I gotta go. I have to meet up with the relator." She grabbed her things and left the apartment.
She walked to her car, got in, and locked the door. Before starting it she placed her head on the steering wheel. Nessa couldn't understand the big deal of the kiss with Phil. She didn't want to get her hopes up that he felt something too. Nessa wasn't going to set herself for disappointment. The feelings she held for Phil were sacred. She only told her best friend about her feelings, Tori. What she didn't tell Tori was this wasn't the first time he had kissed her. He kissed her after her wedding dinner rehearsal. They were sitting on her parents back porch talking.

<I> "I'm making a big mistake, right? But I love him, and he loves me." Nessa told Phil softly as they sat on the patio at her parents home. "He actually wants to marry me. He loves and cares about me. This is going to be forever. I'm just getting cold feet. This is just- Fuck, I can't breathe." She stopped when she realized she was beginning to have a panic attack.

Phil calmly reached up grabbing her shoulders, and looked directly into her eyes. "Take three deep breathes with me" He instructed breathing in with her. After the third one Nessa realized how her anxiety left quickly. He had seemed to be one of the few who could do this to her.

She looked deeply into his eyes, and felt so naked. The feelings she had for Phil were hard to ignore at that very moment. His hazel green eyes were intoxicating. It felt as if they were staring at one another forever. Phil looked down at her lips and then back at her eyes. before she had a chance to think, he kissed her. Her first reaction was shocked. For a couple of seconds she couldn't move, until his tongue grazed her lips begging for entrance. She closed her eyes and opened her mouth to let him in. Their mouths moved in unison instantly. She wrapped her arms around Phil's neck pulling him closer to her body. His arms went around her waist. The kiss was tender, passionate, and felt.....right. This should have been the man she should be kissing for the rest of her life.
Not the man she was marrying the next day.

The kissed seemed to get heated quickly.

Before things could go any further, Phil pulled away too soon for her liking. "Wait, Nessa. Open your eyes, please." He asked softly. She did as he asked. She was hoping this was the big moment. This was it. He was going to reveal how much he wanted her. "Don't get married." He said softly. Soon after he pulled his body away from her completely.

It wasn't exactly what she was expecting him to say. "Why?"

"I just-fuck." He sighed angrily. he pulled his body away from hers. "He's not good for you Nessa." He couldn't bring himself to say what he really was trying to say to her. "He's going to break you. He's going to hurt you. I just have a feeling he's not who you think he is. "

Vanessa was confused with his words. "I-Phil-What the hell are you saying?" She needed to get to the bottom of this.

He stood up and began pacing. "He's an asshole Ness. He's going to break you. Take you for granted. You need someone who's going to be your partner, and Joe isn't it. You two are fucking fighting all the time because of his jealousy. He's holding you back. You can find someone better."

"Like?" She wanted to hear him say it. She NEEDED to hear him say it. He stopped walking and took one look at her. He knelt down to her level taking her hands in his.

"I wish I could give you what you want. I-I don't think I could do that right now." Phil began explaining. "I've got a lot of work to do, before I even think to settle down. Do you understand that?"

Vanessa began to form a large lump in her throat. This wasn't the way the conversation was supposed to go. "I don't know what you're saying." She said softly. She couldn't understand where he was saying with his words.

"My life right now IS wrestling. I have a lot to accomplish. Being in a relationship right isn't ideal. I have too much to focus on. I wouldn't ask you to wait for me. It wouldn't be fair." He said making himself clear. "I don't know when I could get serious with someone. You deserve someone who is going to give you the attention that you need. I'm not the guy who is going to be able to give that to you. Fuck, I really wish shit was in place. Then this conversation would be different."

She felt her face get hot. A lump began to form in her throat. She didn't want to hear this from him. Not after the kiss they shared. But before she could even say a word, her mother opened the sliding door and peeked her head out.

"Nessa? It's 2 in the morning! It's time for bed! You have to be up by 7!!" She scolded. "Philip, I think it's time for you to leave."

They both looked at one another. "Go ahead. Just think about what I said. Don't forget who you are. I'll see you tomorrow." He smiled. He stood up and nodded towards her mom. "See you tomorrow Mrs. H"

"Goodbye Philip. Come on Vanessa." Vanessa listened to her mother and went inside.</I>

To this day Vanessa didn't understand what that night meant. She married Joe the next day, but Phil never brought up the subject again. It was as if they tried to forget it ever happened. She thought about that night a lot. Over thinking each line he said. She concluded he wasn't interested in taking their friendship any further.

It was hard to take that. But Phil was right about one thing, she did deserve better than Joe.

Vanessa deserved Phil, and all she needed to do was prove to him what he was missing.