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The Little Common Word
Sebastian
Almost every day I wonder if I’m really gay. I basically am, since I’m in love with this guy. His name is Peter; we’ve been going strong for four months. We haven’t had sex yet, but I’m sure we are soon. This love is better this time than ever before, better than I’ve ever known. I want so desperately to be with him forever. I don’t know if he feels the same way, but I hope he does. I would tell him that I love him, but I don’t want to scare him off. We’ve been out six times already this week. It’s like, were inseparable. I then get a call from him, he wants to hang out tonight, now it’s the seventh time we’ve hung out this week! Maybe I should tell him tonight. Well, I might back out and say something ridiculous. Maybe I should keep it in until he says it. Yeah, I’ll do that. I’ll wait until he says it. But what if he’s waiting for me to say it? I hate the scenarios. I can’t find a way to say something without getting a million bad thoughts running through my head.
These feelings are like a symphony on replay in my head, beautiful, and amazing. I love everything about this feeling. I wish I could have this feeling every day. But that seems impossible. We have bad days, we have good days, but mostly bad days. We argue, we yell, we fight, but at the end of the day we love each other. And that’s a beautiful relationship to me. Yes, I would like an all romance relationship in which we never fight and all we do is love each other, but that seems like a pipe dream. Maybe I should tell him how I feel. I can’t seem to find the words or time whenever I really need to tell someone something important. I was judged for that in my household growing up. That’s actually the reason I’m so afraid to speak up now.
My life has been fucked up so far. My family practically disowns me, my friends never talk to me anymore, my boyfriend and I fight half the time, and last but not least, I feel like a failure. A failure because I failed my family, and a failure because I failed myself. Every day I wake up, I feel like giving up on everything, life, friendships, family, and relationships. I feel like an embarrassment to society. I just wish I had my friend from high school back. He knew how to make me feel ten times better. But, I’ll never see him again. This is something I’ll always be sad about. Maybe I should just end it, maybe I will… tonight.
These feelings are like a symphony on replay in my head, beautiful, and amazing. I love everything about this feeling. I wish I could have this feeling every day. But that seems impossible. We have bad days, we have good days, but mostly bad days. We argue, we yell, we fight, but at the end of the day we love each other. And that’s a beautiful relationship to me. Yes, I would like an all romance relationship in which we never fight and all we do is love each other, but that seems like a pipe dream. Maybe I should tell him how I feel. I can’t seem to find the words or time whenever I really need to tell someone something important. I was judged for that in my household growing up. That’s actually the reason I’m so afraid to speak up now.
My life has been fucked up so far. My family practically disowns me, my friends never talk to me anymore, my boyfriend and I fight half the time, and last but not least, I feel like a failure. A failure because I failed my family, and a failure because I failed myself. Every day I wake up, I feel like giving up on everything, life, friendships, family, and relationships. I feel like an embarrassment to society. I just wish I had my friend from high school back. He knew how to make me feel ten times better. But, I’ll never see him again. This is something I’ll always be sad about. Maybe I should just end it, maybe I will… tonight.