The Little Common Word

Desperate sounds like a horrible word. But it describes everything about me right now. Am I to up front? Am I too stubborn? I hope not. In some ways I’m proud to fall fast, it lets me know I still know what love is. Was I destined to find the right one? I hope so. I want someone to love; I want someone to love me back as well. It’s hard to find right now. And I wish it was simpler. But right now, it seems impossible. Every girl I’ve ever loved seemed to hurt me in some way, rather it be not loving me back, embarrassing me in front of everyone, and also acting like they loved me then walk out on me the next morning. There was one girl though, one girl who had everything I’ve ever wanted. She was my college sweetheart. She was everything I ever wanted, beautiful, caring, sweet, and outgoing. I’m saying was because she was killed in a car accident. A drunk driver hit her. It was a Thursday night, it wasn’t raining, she was on her way back to our apartment. Her name was Lily; Lily Meredith Sparkman. The most absolutely beautiful name, for the most absolutely beautiful girl. She had the darkest brown hair, the most amazing green eyes, average weight, perfect. She was perfect, we had the same taste in music, food, everything. We loved each other so much, until she was wrongfully taken by a careless college student. I will never forget her, she will always be in my heart. I’ve since then moved away from Boston. I passed her crash site every morning on my way to school and it was just too much. I visit her grave on our anniversary. I only have one picture of her, one. It’s of me and her, kissing, be wild and crazy like we always were. I sometimes wonder if she’s ever with me, if her spirit is around me. I sometimes feel her spirit. She always livened the room, and whenever I walk into my room, it feels brighter, happier. Like she’s lying in bed asleep or something. She was always the cutest thing when she was asleep. I wish I could fall in love again so I can wake up happy again. She will always be in my heart, but who says I can’t have two girls forever in my heart?
In my heart… It’s my heart, why should I feel bad about forgetting about Lily? I think she would want me to be happy. I will always love her, and she will always have a big part of my heart, but I need someone to fill the other part of my heart. Someone new, someone who will love me the way Lily loved me. In some ways, I want to move on. I’ve been sad for too long. Yes, I miss Lily, but she’s just a memory, a memory that you always think about whenever you see or hear your favorite song and you know it was her favorite song as well. Good memories, sometimes have to fade. This is how I feel about this situation now.
I woke up this morning; I look at the picture of me and Lily. Her smile wakes me up the most. Her beautiful smile made everyone’s day when she was still with us. I turn on my TV and watch the show that me and Lily watched every morning. I make some breakfast and head off to work. As I get to work, something astonished me. Something amazing caught my eye. It was so amazing it caught me off guard.