Dead But Breathing

Alex sat with Jack and Matt and the others at lunch, which was slightly awkward as they had a lot of inside jokes and Alex didn’t know what they we’re talking about most of the time, and Rian was constantly taking the piss out of Alex’s accent when he did rarely try to join in with the conversation. Jack kept giving him apologetic looks, but they didn’t make Alex feel any better. In the end, he decided to leave the table and go to the bathroom, he needed blood anyway. He tried to slip away quickly without anyone noticing, but Jack grabbed his arm and looked at him questionably when he tried to get up.

“Where are you going?” He asked

“Bathroom” Alex muttered, wishing Jack would just let go of his arm, because now the conversation at the table had stopped and all eyes were on him, and if there was one thing Alex hated, it was being the center of attention

“Oh, do you want me to come with you?” Jack offered, and Alex shook his head quickly before pulling his arm from Jack’s grip.

“No, I’ll be fine,” He said, before making his way out of the lunch hall, glancing back quickly to see Jack had turned back to the table and was laughing with his friends again. As soon as he got out of the hall, he instantly regretted declining Jack’s offer to go with him, because he actually didn’t have a clue where the bathroom was. He decided to wander the halls in the hope he would find it, but even if he couldn’t he wasn’t really that bothered. Truthfully, he just wanted to get away from the others, and away from Jack. He felt horrible saying that, but he just found it so tiring how nice Jack was to him. Alex had never had someone be so nice, and it was taking him a while to get used to. Also, when he was around Jack, he felt weird. His stomach ached and his head spun and he found it unusually hard to form sentences. It was just tiring being around Jack. He finally gave up trying to look for a bathroom and headed through double doors at the end of the corridor, which to his surprise led him outside into a small courtyard. There didn’t seem to be anyone else there, so Alex leant against one of the brick walls and pulled his rucksack from his back, reaching in and retrieving the bottle of blood. He unscrewed the top and started to down the contents, leaning his head against the wall as he drank because it felt so good to calm the burning in his throat. He was about three quarters of the way through the blood when he heard a voice. He stopped drinking and looked around him, pulling the bottle away from his lips, but he couldn’t see anyone.

“Hello?” He said to no one, and feeling incredibly stupid afterwards. Did he really expect anyone to reply to him? He screwed the lid back onto the bottle and returned it to the bag, before making his away along the wall in search of where the voice had come from. He walked around the corner of the building and came face to face with a muscly guy that he vaguely recognized, taking a long drag on a spliff of what looked like weed (not as if Alex had ever seen weed before however).

“Sorry, I was um…” Alex failed to come up with an excuse as to why he was creeping around the back of the building. The other guy just blew out smoke and laughed, swinging his arm around Alex’s shoulder and making him jump slightly. The guy was a lot bigger than Alex, height and muscle wise, and he seemed to be leaning all his weight onto Alex’s small body.

“Duuuuuuude” the guy drawled, taking another drag and blowing smoke into Alex’s face before erupting into a fit of laughter for no reason whatsoever. Alex tried to shrug him off his shoulder but he was to heavy.

“I um, need to get back inside” Alex said quietly, looking up at the guy who had finally stopped laughing and now looked as if he was about to cry.

“No! I need you to stay” He wined, sliding down the wall onto the floor and pulling Alex down with him before pulling him close and sobbing into his shoulder. Alex sat there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. He had a guy he didn’t know who was high on cannabis crying into his shoulder This wasn’t the way he had expected to spend his first lunch at high school. He reached an arm around and patted the guy on the back in an attempt to comfort him, and the guy pulled away to look at Alex.

“What’s your name?” He asked, tears still staining his face although he had now stopped crying.

“Alex” Alex smiled weakly, “Yours?”

“Zack” The guy took a closer look at Alex and raised an eyebrow, “Hey, don’t I recognise you from somewhere?” Zack said, slurring his words slightly.

“Um.. I don’t know” Alex shrugged.

“Yes! You’re that guy Matt says is his cousin” Zack grinned and slapped Alex on the back.

“Um yeah, I’m Matt’s cousin, you were at that party?”

“Yeah!” Zack took another draw on the spliff before holding it out and offering it to Alex.

“Uh, no thanks” Alex declined, shaking his head, “I don’t think smoking weed on my first day in a new school is a good idea”

“C’mon dude, it won’t cause any harm, and I bet you don’t have anything better to do”

“Actually, I should get back to my friends” Alex said, starting to get up, but Zack pulled him back down.

“Your ‘friends” He scoffed, “C’mon Alex, the only friend you have here is Jack and I bet he hasn’t even noticed you’ve been gone” Zack’s words were true, Alex wouldn’t consider any of the others as friends, and Jack had probably forgotten about him by now anyway. He leant back against the wall, giving in.

“Whatever” He said, taking the spliff off of Zack who was now grinning. He took a drag on it and practically choked, coughing and spitting on the floor. Zack laughed at him which angered Alex, he could do this just as good as Zack could, so he took another draw, this time, not coughing and actually inhaling the smoke properly, blowing it out through his mouth. It felt good, he felt calm for the first time since he had come to America.

“Feel good?” Zack said, taking the spliff back, and Alex nodded, closing his eyes. They sat like that for 15 more minutes until the spliff was done and the bell rang signalling the end of lunch.

“C’mon dude” Zack said, pulling himself up and waiting for Alex to join him, but Alex stayed sat on the floor, shaking his head and pouting.

“Don’t wanna” He mumbled, “School sucks dick” Zack look concerned and slightly angry.

“Dude, you have to, or people will realise you’re missing and come and find you and then we’ll both be in shit, you need to go to your lesson and act sober okay?”

“Fiiiiiiine” Alex groaned, pulling himself up and stumbling slightly, his head was spinning and he felt like he was going to throw up.

“C’mon then” Alex followed Zack back inside the school where students were milling in the corridors and making their way to lessons. Alex was too high to realised he was being pushed and shoved around, and he didn’t really care.

“What lesson do you have?” Zack asked. Alex didn’t understand how Zack was acting so normal when he could barely see 3 feet in front of him and his head felt empty and he just wanted to fall asleep right there and then.

“English” Alex managed to spit out, grabbing onto Zack’s arm for balance.

“Give me your schedule for fuck sake Alex” Zack was getting annoyed now, he regretted giving Alex the weed in the first place, he hadn’t realised Alex would react like this. Alex tugged the schedule out of his pocked and handed it to Zack.

“You’re in the same class as me” He said before handing it back and pulling Alex over to a nearby classroom and pulling them in. Alex stumbled into the classroom and looked around, and thankfully there were only three other students in the class. Unfortunately, one of those was Jack. Alex sighed deeply before dragging himself over to the desk Jack was sat at, catching his gaze on the way over, his eyes full of concern. Alex dropped down into the seat and rested his head on the desk, hoping to just go to sleep, but he could feel something sharp sticking into his shoulder. He snapped up his head and saw that Jack was poking him with a pencil.

“Fuck off” Alex snapped, attempting to snatch the pencil from Jack but missing because his movements were slow and his reactions delayed.

“What the fuck is wrong with you man? Where did you go at lunch?" Alex shrugged and put his head back on the desk.

“Seriously Alex! I was worried” Jack pleaded.

“Why?” Alex snapped, eyebrows furrowed, Jack looked confused and Alex sighed before continuing, “Why were you worried? You barely know me or anything about me, you have friends that are obviously more important than me, so why the fuck would you worry about me”

Alex looked up to see Jack staring at him with disbelief and sadness on his face, and Alex instantly felt bad.

“Jack I-“

“I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you right now Alex, but speak to me when you’ve sorted yourself out.” Jack quickly stood up and grabbed his books before making his way over to a desk on the other side of the room. Jacks words were sobering to Alex, and he could feel tears springing to his eyes. He just acted like a total prick to his only friend, and he had ruined everything.