Dead But Breathing

Alex woke up to the sun shining brightly through the thin cotton blinds. He though how stupid those things were, they didn’t block out light and they looked horrible, what was the point in them. Alex turned over to face the room, noticing that Josh’s bed was empty. He guessed he was just trying to avoid Alex, and he was glad of that. Alex grabbed his iPod from the bedside table where he had left it last night and checked the time; 10are. Shit, he had missed breakfast and the care workers would be pissed at him, but Alex didn’t really care. He got out of bed and pulled off his trackies and t-shirt that he had slept in, and changed them for a pair of black skinnies and a white t-shirt. He pulled on a hoodie because the house had shit heating. He didn’t want to go downstairs, he wanted to spend the whole day in bed, he actually wished he could spend his whole life in bed, but he knew he couldn’t. He would have to see his counsellor, and he knew Mr Reed would want to speak to him too. Alex unwillingly pulled himself out of the room and down the stairs, where he could hear shouting coming from the ‘games room’, which wasn’t really a games room, more like a room with a shit TV, PlayStation 2 and a few coffee stained sofas. He looked into the room as he walked past, noticing a pile of boys on the floor, Josh in the middle. No one noticed him, and he was glad, he wasn’t in the mood for talking to anyone, he never was.

He knocked on Mr Reed’s office door, and the woman from last night was the one to open it. Alex couldn’t really tell how old she was, she looked around 40, but it was as if she was trying to look younger with her blonde hair and red lipstick. Alex didn’t know what to think of her yet.

“Take a seat, Alex” Mr Reed said, he was sat behind his desk, like always. Alex shuffled forwards and sat down in the chair opposite, looking down at his hands as he didn’t know where else to look.

“It’s nice to have you back, Alex” Mr Reed said softly, but Alex laughed, he knew he was lying.

“You don’t mean that, and really, it’s not that nice being back” Alex said and sat back in his chair. Mr Reed sighed, he was used to Alex’s attitude.

“You know , Alex, things wouldn’t be as bad for you here it you at least attempted to talk to people, or maybe even make friends. There’s a new boy, Max, and I’m sure you would get along” Mr Reed sighed.

“I don’t want to talk to them, if they talk to me they’re only pretending to like me, I’d rather have no friends than fake ones.” Alex replied bluntly, and it was true. He always felt like an outsider here, everyone got on most of the time except Alex, no one made an effort with him, no one cared enough too.

“Suit yourself, Alex, but I don’t know how long you’re going to be here, so get used to it.” Mr Reed said, and Alex knew what he meant by that; He didn’t know if he would find anyone stupid enough to want to foster Alex.

"Can I go?" Alex asked.

“Yes, there’s food in the kitchen and Mary would like to speak to you.” Alex got up and tucked the chair into the desk before leaving the room and making his way for the kitchen. There was cold toast on the table left over from breakfast, but it looked like that was the best Alex was going to get so he took it anyway. He left the room still eating his toast and headed upstairs. Seeing as everyone seemed to be in the game room it was a good opportunity to look around a bit. He jogged upstairs and started to peek into people’s rooms. There we’re 7 rooms in total, each with 2 beds, but not everyone had to share. Alex noticed that this was in fact the first time he had been here were every room had been occupied, he couldn’t remember it ever being this full. He recognised most of the rooms and who owned them, except from one room at the end of the hall. He walked up to it slowly before pushing the door open. He was shocked to see a boy around his age sat cross legged on the floor, wearing a Foo Fighters t-shirt and listening to music on his iPod. Alex started to back away from the room when he heard the boy shout.

“Not heard of knocking” The boy asked. Great, Alex had already pissed his off without even having to say anything.

“I-I’m sorry” Alex stuttered, standing in the door frame, looking at his hands and shaking his head.

“I’m not pissed off, dude, come inside, I’m max, by the way” Alex was relived the boy was ok with him; he must be the new kid that Mr Reed had told him about. He seemed alright, so Alex moved slowly into the room, pushing the door shut behind him.

“Alex,” He replied as he took in his surroundings. There were posters on the walls of all Alex’s favourite bands, and that was a good start, music taste was important in any person. There was an acoustic guitar leant up against one of the walls, and sheets of paper lying next to it, which shocked Alex, he hadn’t been allowed to bring his guitar with his last time he had been here.

“You play guitar” Alex asked. Stupid question really, he thought, why else would he have a guitar if he didn’t play it?

“Yeah” The boy nodded, glancing at the black acoustic in the corner.

“Me too” Alex smiled, “But they made me get rid of mine last time I was here, I’m surprised they let you bring it” He added.

“Aw man that sucks, they let me keep mine, I guess they’re more relaxed with thing like that now” Max shrugged before going back to the game he was playing on his iPod.

“Could I um, play it?” Alex asked shyly “It’s just I haven’t played in ages and I kind of miss it, not having my own guitar and stuff” Alex cursed to himself, he had only just met Max, someone who seemed to genuinely want to speak to him, and now he was asking if he could use his stuff? He hoped Max wouldn’t be pissed at him.

“Sure, go ahead, it must kill to not be able to play.” Max nodded and smiled, which released Alex. He walked over to the acoustic and picked it up, running his long fingers over the strings. He was itching to play, and didn’t waste any time sitting back on the un used bed and strumming slowly. It felt so good, and he started playing random chords, softly, and messing around with strum patterns. He didn’t care that it probably sounded shit, I just felt nice to play. He realized that he had zoned out, and came back to reality suddenly, Max sat on the floor staring up at him.

“I’m sorry-“ Alex started, but Max interrupted him.

“Don’t be sorry dude, I know what it feels like, you’re like, really good by the way.” Max was smiling again, which made Alex smile and blush slightly.

“Thanks. “He said and they fell into a silence. Alex stood up, if it was one thing he hated, it was awkward silences. He made his way over to the corner of the room and leant the guitar up against the wall, before heading towards the door.

“I’m gunna go and shower” He smiled weakly at Max, “I’ll see you later?”

“Sure dude, I’ll be here most of the time, I don’t particularly enjoy wrestling matches with the other guys downstairs” Max laughed, and silently Alex agreed with him. He smiled and left the room. Maybe his time here wouldn’t be so bad, at least someone was finally talking to him. He was still smiling as he walked into his room and sat down on his bed.