Open Your Heart

A soft knock came from the other side of the wooden door, the only thing separating me from the world I did not want to face; from the people I wanted to be isolated from. “Ben?” The familiar voice of our tour manager reached my ears, causing my train of thought to dissipate.

“What?” I asked with an exasperated sigh. This had been the first time I had had any time alone to think things through since those…“feelings” started to take over my life. And of course, someone just had to ruin it.

“The band needs to be on stage in 15 minutes. Just a heads up.”

If I had been agitated before, this news only made me sink lower in my seat and make me feel even more aggravated. I bit the inside of my cheek and shook my head, willing the obsessive thoughts away. I needed to focus on what was important right now: I had a show to play. And the very four people I was avoiding most, were the ones I was about to about to spend 40 minutes or so sharing a stage with. It was time for me to stop whining and suck it up for now, business came first.

I could only hope I was able to turn off my emotions long enough; able to resist long enough. I took a few deep breaths as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I felt as though one look at me, and my best friend would be able to read all my thoughts, as if they were written on my forehead. And I had reason to be concerned; Danny could read me better than my own mother. He knew me to a t.

“Get it together, Ben.” I told myself, straightening out my tee shirt and pushing some hair out of my eyes. I couldn’t hide in the dressing room forever. I reluctantly walked to the solid white door; turning the brass knob and feeling anxiety tie my intestines into a knot.

“There you are! We were looking all over for you.” I looked up and found myself staring back at an annoyed James, who was suddenly pulling my arm and dragging me out to find the rest of our band. I could feel a weight pressing down on my chest as we rounded a corner and Sam, Cameron, and Danny came into sight.

Sam and Cam were deep in discussion over God knows what, and Danny was pouring several shots of Jack. Typical Danny, I thought turning my head to hide my smirk. “I found him. He was hiding in the dressing room,” James announced to the others, shooting me a glare and retrieving a shot glass from Danny.

“He must have been wanking.” Danny replied nonchalantly, winking at me subtly. My breath caught in my chest and I forced out a dry laugh.

“Yup, that’s exactly what I was doing, mate.” I quickly averted my gaze, finding my shoes suddenly a whole lot more interesting. I could feel Danny’s eyes burning a hole through me. In any other circumstance, I would be playfully joking with him and sharing shots. But not today, not now. Because I would get carried away and my feelings would get the best of me. The feelings I’m so desperately trying to lock away. And then I would do or say something stupid and I would jeopardize everything I have…or worse, I would lose Danny.

I could feel tears burning my eyes; all those thoughts alone were enough to break my spirit and tough exterior. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, attempting to calm myself before someone noticed. I took a chance glancing up at Danny. He caught me at just the right moment, and our eyes locked on each other’s for a minute. I looked away quickly, a blush creeping up my neck to my cheeks.

“Let’s go guys, it’s time.” Sam’s voice broke the silence and I nodded, following him, Cameron, and James to the stage. Danny wasn’t far behind.