The Hardest Part of This Is Leaving You

Turn away, If you could get me a drink of water
‘Cause my lips are chapped and faded.

“Kellin, darling. Can you get me some water? I’m parched.” Vic said hoarsely.

“Of course babe, I’ll be right back.” Kellin faked a smile and walked out of the hospital room.

He couldn’t stand to see Vic looking so weak. His usually tan skin looked so pale and his lips, oh those perfect lips, once so pink and plump were now chapped and faded.

It had been six months since Vic had told Kellin that he found out that he had terminal lung cancer, and the chances of him surviving were really slim. Kellin couldn’t bare the thought of losing Vic, but Vic had always insisted that he would be fine and he would beat this cancer. Kellin prayed to God that Vic was right.

Kellin walked to the vending machine and got his boyfriend a bottle of water and took it back to the room. He could hear Vic coughing as he got closer to the room.

“Here you go babe.” Kellin said handing Vic the water.

“Thank you so much.” Vic said between coughs.

Kellin just smiled and sat down in the chair next to Vic’s bed and grabbed his hand.

Call my aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favorite colors.

Kellin was sitting next to the hospital bed talking with Vic when his cell phone started ringing.

“Who is it babe?” Vic asked

“Oh, it’s your aunt. One minute I’m going to go see what she needs.” He said walking out of the room. “Hello?”

“Kellin, hi this is Marie, Vic’s aunt. I have a favor to ask of you.” She said sweetly

“Uhmm, okay? What’s up?”

“Well I know you know Vic better than I do, and I know we are all rooting for him to beat this cancer, but there’s still a chance that he won’t beat it. So can you come over and help me pick out his clothes, just in case he doesn't make it.” She sounded scared, like she thought Kellin was going to yell at her.

“Of course! I already know exactly what he wants, I’ll be over in a few.”

“Okay, thanks Kellin. See you later, bye.”

“No problem, bye.” Kellin hung up the phone and walked back into the room.

My sisters and my brothers, still
I will not kiss you
‘Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

“Vic, I’m going to go help your aunt with a few things.” Kellin said, walking back into the room. “Oh, hey Mike!”

“Okay babe, I’m going to visit with Mike while you’re gone.” Vic said while Mike just waved at Kellin with tears in his eyes. Mike hated seeing his brother in this bad of shape.

“Alright, bye guys.”

“Bye” They both said in unison.

While Kellin was gone, Vic and Mike had a really nice visit. They laughed and talked about when they were little kids, and all the stupid things they would do. They talked about how they would ride their old bikes up to the cliff near their house, then they would ride as fast as they could towards the ledge and jump off their bikes right before they went over the edge and watch as their bikes tumbled down the cliff.

“Oh my God, we could have died so many times!” Vic choked out between hoarse laughs.

“I know, we were so stupid!” Mike laughed

“Why were you so stupid?” Kellin asked as he walked in the room with a bag of Vic’s clothes.

“Well, when me and Mike were ki-“ Vic started, but ended up in a coughing fit.

Kellin and Mike sat Vic up in bed and started patting his back. Five Minutes later Vic was still coughing, he couldn’t breathe and started to cough up blood. Kellin and Mike got really scared and Mike ran to go get a nurse. He came back a couple minutes later with two nurses behind him. The nurses ended up wheeling Vic out of the room and down to the examination room to check his lungs.

“Oh God Mike, I’m so scared!” Kellin cried.

“Me too Kels, but Vic is strong he’s going to fight this.” Mike said pulling Kellin into a hug.

The nurses brought Vic back about twenty minutes later and said that Mike and Kellin should leave and let Vic sleep.

“I love you Vic, I’ll be back really soon.” Kellin said hugging Vic and kissing his cheek.

“Love you too Kels.” Vic said hugging him back.

“Love you, bro.” Mike said hugging Vic.

“Love you too, bro.” Vic replied.

Now turn away
‘Cause I’m awful just to see
‘Cause all my hair’s abandoned all my body.

*Two weeks later*

“Vic you still look gorgeous. Stop!” Kellin said pulling Vic’s hat off.

“No Kellin, I really don’t! I have no hair, I look like a goddamn alien. I’m like E.T” Vic argued

The chemo Vic had been going through, in hopes to make him better, had made him lose his hair. But Kellin still thought he looked like the same Vic he fell in love with.

“I don’t care if you have no hair!” Kellin half yelled. “You are still my amazing and sexy boyfriend, hair or no hair. Okay?”

“Okay, if you say so Kellin.”

Oh my agony, know that I will never marry
Baby I’m just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go
It just ain't living

“Kels, I’m in so much pain.” Vic said clearly in agony.

“I know baby, I feel so bad. If the chemo is that bad, why don’t you stop it?” Kellin asked.

“I did.” Vic confessed. “About three days ago.. Kellin I know I fought all I could, but I just don’t know if I’m going to beat this.” He now had tears running down his face.

Kellin just stared at Vic with a shocked look on his face, he couldn’t believe what he just heard.

“Vic, you have been doing so good though, we were supposed to get married.” Kellin said fighting back tears.

“I know Kels, I know, but this pain is just so unbearable. It would mean the world to me to be your husband, but unfortunately I know I’m just counting down the days to go.”

The pain in Vic’s voice was too much for Kellin to handle and he just broke down crying hysterically. Vic looked at him, crying as well, and pulled him into a hug. After they broke apart the nurse came in and told Kellin that Vic needed to rest. Kellin gave Vic a quick kiss and told him he loved him, and Vic did the same before Kellin left and went home.

And I just hope you know
That if you say, Goodbye today
I’d ask you to be true
‘Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you
‘Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.

The next day Kellin walked in the hospital room and Vic was nowhere to be seen. Kellin ran to the nurses’ station almost in tears.

“Vic Fuentes, where is he?!” He asked slightly panicking.

“Oh, Mr. Fuentes. He had a panic attack last night from a nightmare and is now in ICU.” She replied.

“Oh my God! What room?” Kellin was now in tears.

“Room 374”

“Thanks”

Kellin took off running towards room 374. He burst through the door of the room Vic was in and saw in laying there looking so helpless and he couldn’t help but cry even harder. Vic looked over at Kellin with tears in his eyes and grabbed his hand.

“Babe, I know this is hard to see and this is going to be hard to hear. It’s hard for me to say, but I think we might have to say goodbye today.” Vic said crying.

“I-I-I can’t say goodbye Vic. I can’t live without you”

“You have to Kels, you have to keep living for me. I want you to join that band and sing for my memory.” Vic explained. “Whenever you feel sad, like you can’t go on, write lyrics. Please Kels, for me.”

Kellin nodded, silent tears falling from his eyes once again.

“Come up here and lay with me.”

Kellin climbed in the bed next to Vic, intertwined their fingers and laid his head on Vic’s chest. “I love you so much Vic.”

“I love you too Kellin.” Vic said leaning down and kissing his boyfriend.

Kellin kissed him back and gave his hand a squeeze before closing his eyes and falling asleep to Vic’s heartbeat.

Vic looked down at his sleeping boyfriend and cried silently. “The hardest part of this is leaving you” He whispered. He kissed Kellin’s head before laying his head back and closing his eyes, knowing that they would never open again.