Heartbeat

"Niall, please... please don't do this to me."

"I have no other choice, love..."

"Yes, you do! You have plenty of choices. Stay with me, here... forever. Don't go away."

"Baby, you have no idea how much I wish I could..."

This couldn't be happening. It had to be a dream, or a nightmare, rather. Niall and I were going to get married, we'd been seriously talking about it just a few weeks ago. He wasn't leaving me, there was no possible way. We loved each other, I loved him. This wasn't possible, he promised he'd never leave.

I looked at him, and he looked at me. In that moment I could feel everything slowly closing inside of me. His eyes held a firmness I'd never seen in him before. He'd made up his mind, he was leaving me. I started to wilt, almost collapsing into him. Every breath I took was a gasp, as I struggled to get the air through my closed throat. I didn't want to cry in front of him, but that was easier said than done as the tears quickly started falling from my eyes.

"But... I love you, Niall."

---

"I love you Niall, but there is no way I'm doing this."

"You got to, come on. We're already in line."

"Niall, please. I'm terrified of heights, you know that."

"Nevaeh, listen to me. If you don't go on this roller coaster, you are going to be sitting on your death bed all like 'wow, I really should have listened to my boyfriend and taken a risk.' So we're going on the roller coaster."

"I doubt that, considering if I go on this roller coaster, that will be why I'm on my death bed."

My boyfriend chuckled, shaking his head down at me. I looked up at him with a completely serious expression which he wiped off my face with a kiss. "Come on love, it'll be fun."

I was regretting letting him take me to an amusement park on our one year anniversary. At first I thought it was going to be just cutesy little rides, and he'd win me a stuffed animal at the ring toss. I expected stuff like that, but definitely not roller coasters. "If this is your definition of fun, I don't think this is going to work out."

"Oh baby, don't be like that. We're getting on the next ride, and you're going to have fun."

I shot him a quick glare, but nodded in agreement anyways. If Niall really wanted to go on some dumb ride, we would. As much as I liked to make a fuss, when it came down to it, if something made him happy, I'd oblige. I owed him that much.

It wasn't too long before the man working the ride ushered us on to it, strapping us in. "Niall..." I whined out, trying to clutch his hand, but the huge restraints of the roller coaster kept me from doing so. The ride hadn't even started yet and I was about to have a panic attack.

"Nev, baby, look at me," Niall said, his voice completely calm. I obliged, turning my head and meeting his eyes. "It's going to be okay. I won't let you fall off the roller coaster."

There was a jolt as the ride started, and we started moving upwards. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you."

He only laughed, as the roller coaster crept upwards. That bastard. We halted for a moment, before quickly escalating downhill. It felt like my stomach was being pulled to the back of my spine, and all of my blood was rushing to my head. I cried out, and in an instant Niall's hand found mine somehow, and he squeezed it tight.

It felt like a never-ending series of twists and turns and I shut my eyes so I didn't have to see how fast we were going. I kept hearing Niall letting out whoops of delight while I dug my nails into his palm.

The ride finally ended, and once the carnie lifted my belt I tottered out. Niall followed after me, offering a steadying hand. "I hate you, Niall Horan."

"It wasn't that bad, really..." he chuckled, kissing the top of my head.

"It was. I've never been more scared in my entire life."

He chuckled, shaking his head as we walked away from the ride. "I'm sorry, love. I thought you might like it."

"You know what I'd like? A nice, long bubble bath for two, rose petals on the bed... A nice massage... You know, normal anniversary stuff."

Niall rolled his eyes, guiding me towards an empty bench relatively solitary from the rest of the theme park. I sat, and he lowered himself beside me. "That'll be when we get home, baby."

I eased into his side and his arm hooked around my waist as I rested my head on his shoulder. "Promise?"

"I'll give you that and more. I love you so much, you know," he murmured, nuzzling his nose into my neck. We hadn't come across many fans or photographers at all, so a little PDA probably couldn't hurt.

"I love you, too."

And I did. Niall was everything in the world for me. The past year we'd shared together was blissful to say the least. Whenever I was with him, I was happy, no matter how horrible I'd felt prior. He was the sunlight in my life, so to speak. That day marked one year out of many.

His free hand cupped my face and his gorgeous blue eyes gazed into mine. "I'm never gonna leave you, you know that, right?"

I nodded slightly as his thumb stroked my jaw line. His lips parted and he averted his eyes down for a moment before he pressed a kiss on my mouth. Soft, slow and I felt his eyes squint, almost like he was in pain. He retracted slightly, our lips still brushing against each other, but the kiss had ended. My eyes cracked open and I saw his slowly opening. There was a sadness in them I hadn't ever seen, but it dissipated with a blink.

"Let's go home."

---

"I love you too, Nevaeh. So, so much..." Niall pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. He wouldn't meet my eyes, no matter how much I pawed at him, begging for him to look at me.

"Then why are you doing this? What... what did I do, Niall?"

"You didn't do anything, okay? Aren't you listening to me?"

I reached for him, and he stepped back. I was being ripped apart, scrabbling desperately for his hand, his waist, anything... "I don't understand!"

"I know you don't, Nev... Please, just let me go. You're making this harder..."

"I'm making this harder? For me? This is already hard for me, Niall. If you were trying to make things easy, you'd explain what's happening here..."

He was getting frustrated, I could tell. His cheeks were flaming red and his eyes were dark. He grabbed a tuft of his blonde hair in his hands, and turned his back. "What's happening, Nevaeh? I'm leaving you. There's nothing you can do, and if you don't stop asking this questions that I can't answer, you won't be able to even get a goodbye from me. Is that what you want?"

"Oh, so I get that option? That's what I get Niall? Oh, how generous!" I snapped, walking towards him. He took a step back in response. "I'd love to say goodbye to you."

"Nevvy... Please..." He finally softened, his eyes holding some compassion. I saw what could have been tears in his eyes, but I couldn't be sure. "Don't hate me, please..." He hesitated slightly, before reaching out to me. Immediately, I recoiled. I didn't recognize this Niall, this jittery, anxious mess. I didn't want him to touch me.

"Go. Just... please go..."

His lip shook for what couldn't have been more than three seconds, and his firm expression crumpled. However, it didn't take long for him to recover, as he regained composure, gave me a curt nod, and left.