Heartbeat

"I just can't stand it, Li... Everything hurts. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I can barely breathe, sometimes. He won't answer my calls... I don't know what I did wrong."

"You didn't do anything, Nev. He hasn't been talking to me either. I think he's going through something personal and doesn't want us involved. Don't think it was you."

Heart to hearts with Liam were one of my favorite things. Once in a while, I needed to vent to someone that wasn't Niall... sometimes I talked to Harry, but Liam really got it. He offered great advice all the time, not to mention I just enjoyed spending time with him.

I'd sort of appeared unannounced at his doorstep in tears a few hours previous. It had been two days since the break up, and I was absolutely in pieces. I thought maybe it'd get a bit better over a few days, but it only felt worse. I felt like there was a constant tightness in my throat, and tears behind my eyes. Everything I did reminded me of him, I couldn't escape it.

"What if it was me, Liam? I can't help but think I did something wrong..."

"You didn't. Niall loved you so, so much. He never shut up about you," Liam said, chuckling slightly. He ran his hand over his short hair, shrugging his shoulders. "You'll be okay. I'm sure he'll call you back at some point."

"I hope so," I said, frowning. I took a sip of the tea Liam had given me, thinking about the various phone calls I'd made to Niall's cell since the break up. Every single one went straight to voice mail, like his phone was off. "I can't figure out what could be wrong, you know? I guess I understand getting rid of me, but all his friends?"

"I know, Nev. We're all pretty worried... this isn't like him."

"He hasn't talked to any of you? At all?"

Liam thought for a second, then shook his head. "No, I don't think so. I've talked to the lads, no ones heard from him."

I nodded slightly. Now I was really worried. He wasn't the type of person to just shut himself off. He loved his friends, he loved me... well, I thought he did. What would make him just disappear? And why couldn't he talk to me about it? We shared absolutely everything... why not this?

I wouldn't have judged him, or loved him any less... and now he was gone. I couldn't reach him no matter how hard I tried. I had urges to just stop by his flat (which he was almost never at anyways) to see if he was there. I didn't want to disturb him, though... No matter how heartbroken and lonely I was, if he didn't want to see me, he didn't have to... as much as it killed me.

"Liam, could you do me a favor?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"If you see Niall... talk to him... please, just tell me. I won't call him and harass him. I just want to know he's alright."

Liam smiled sadly, and nodded, wrapping me in a hug. "Of course, Nev. The second I hear from him, I'll call you."

"Thank you," I mumbled into his shoulder, resisting the urge to cry.

Niall was such a sweet, loving person. His friends were the absolute world to him. The Niall I knew would never, ever stop talking to them for any reason. I think that was what worried me the most. I got to the point where I cared more about him than myself.

I had many theories. The one that was sticking out to me at that moment, though, was that I had really been the one that messed up. He knew how close I was with the boys, and figured if he talked to them, they'd talk to me about it. Maybe, he didn't want to talk to them until he was absolutely sure that I wouldn't know about it.

Strangely enough, I liked that theory. It meant he was okay.

I had a dizzying array of others though, some so horrifying that I couldn't even bring myself to mention them to Liam. He seemed quite upset too, however, so I probably wouldn't have even if I was strong enough.

"I should get going, though. I have a few errands to do," I said to Liam. It was a lie, as much I hated being dishonest towards him. I had nothing to do but mope, and that's exactly what I didn't want him to see. I was already on my way to falling apart entirely.

"Are you sure?" Liam asked, looking worried. I hated lying to him, because he nearly always saw right through me. "You're more than welcome here."

"I know, Li... I'll come over again soon, I promise."

He nodded slightly, forcing a smile as I got up and headed towards the door. "Well, I'll see you soon then, Nev. And don't hesitate to call or text me."

"Don't worry, Liam. I'll see you soon," I say, waving as I open the front door and start heading out. "Bye!"

He waved in response, flashing me a clearly fake smile. I closed the door before I could see his expression falter. It hurt to see Liam, or any of my friends like this. I felt like I should be happier to make them happier.

However, I had a feeling that until Niall was talking to us all again, none of us would feel that great at all.

---

As soon as I entered my flat, I broke down.

My chest heaved with sobs as I collapsed onto my bed, sending tremors through out my body. I could hardly breathe, as the crying made my throat rough and dry. Everything hurt, and it felt almost like I was going to be sick.

I wasn't even thinking. I was so caught up in my pain I almost forgot why I was upset. I simply did what I usually did when I was sad. I grabbed my phone, and dialed the one number I knew by heart.

I didn't even hear the promising drone of the dial tone. It went straight to voicemail.

"Hey, it's Niall. I can't get to the phone right now, but leave a message and I promise I'll get back to you soon."

Beep