Heartbeat
Fantasy
Is it strange that I thought she was beautiful when she cried?
She had this loss of inhibitions, she was pure emotion. Nothing guarding her, nothing keeping her back. It was purely Nevaeh. In her more vulnerable, human form. I felt closer to her when she cried, I felt like maybe I could help her. She was beautiful when she cried... but then again, she was always beautiful.
It was fair to say I had a little crush on Nevaeh. I had since I met her, but she immediately gravitated towards Niall. It hurt, I guess... but seeing her so happy with him made up for that. Now that they weren't together, I had a strange surge of hope, as sick as it was. I knew she was hurting, and I had a feeling Niall was too after seeing him, but I had a little fantasy that we'd end up together. I didn't even consider how that'd betray him, because I was in a dream. Nev and I together... there was nothing I wanted more.
She was amazing in my eyes. Everything about her, in every single way. It was stupid and cheesy, but she could absolutely do no wrong. Nevaeh was an angel... I guess that's why her name spelled backwards was "Heaven".
Maybe saying I had a little crush on her was an understatement... even saying I had a big crush on her was. I was in love with her. I'd never admit it to anyone else, but I was.
Completely, and totally in love with one of my best friend's now ex-girlfriend.
And I don't think anything was going to change that for quite some time.
---
Somehow, I'd fallen asleep midday while thinking of Nevaeh. I was shaken out of a dream about her in a wedding gown by my phone buzzing loudly on my bedside table.
I let out a low groan as I reached my phone, answering it without even looking at the caller ID. "Hello?"
"Hey, Hazza!" Louis' voice greeted me far too energetically for my liking. "How are you?"
"I'm okay... tired. How are you?" I asked, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I glanced at the clock, and noted that it was about three. I hadn't slept for too long, only about two hours.
"I'm okay. Just got off the phone with Liam..." His tone changed considerable then, into one more serious. All of the lads were in a bad mood since Niall dropped off the face of the earth. "He hasn't heard from Niall. Zayn hasn't either."
"Have you?" I asked curiously. It seemed like I was the only one he'd talked to, and I had no idea why that would be. What was so insignificant about me? Nevaeh talked to the rest of the boys as much as me- sure we had a bit of a tighter bond, but not by much. Considering my feelings for her, I thought I'd be the last one he'd come to.
"No, not for a while... I was wondering if you had."
I don't know what compelled me to do it. I had no reason to lie as far as I knew, but I felt maybe like I was protecting Niall. If he'd only spoken to me, maybe that was the way he intended it to be. "No, I haven't heard from him."
"Okay..." Louis said slowly. There was a long pause, neither of us sure of what to say. "Why do you think he's not talking to anyone?"
"I really don't know, mate..." I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. Truthfully, I didn't. This whole situation was really strange in every way. I didn't have the slightest idea what could be bothering him, and why it went to such extremes.
"Okay," Lou said quietly, "I gotta go, but let me know if you hear from him. We're all worried..."
"Yeah, I will. Seeya, Louis."
It was weird lying to him like that. I didn't even know why I was, and that made it worse. I felt like a traitor at all angles, to everyone. I couldn't really figure any of this out. Everything was wrong, things I thought would never happen, did. It was like a dream.
I got up, wandering out into the living room and flopping down onto the couch. I turned on the TV, but didn't watch anything in particular. I stared down at my phone, waiting for Nevaeh's name to pop up, but I had a feeling it wouldn't. All I really wanted was to talk to her, but I knew she was in too much of a state to talk to anyone, really.
A knock on my door interrupted my thought process, and I wandered to the door. I didn't even bother thinking about who could be knocking, I just opened it.
Niall was standing there, looking even more disheveled from the last time I saw him. He hardly even looked like himself. It was almost like his eyes had changed from blue to a dull gray, he'd lost at least twenty pounds if not more... He looked unhealthy, and it frightened me to the point where I was speechless for about thirty seconds.
"Hi?" I finally said, stepping to the side to let him in.
Once again, he just stormed into my house without any warning, asking the same question as before. "Can you do me a favor?"
"Niall, we're all really worried about you. You gotta call the lads back... Everyone's freaking out..." I tried to insist, but Niall waved me off, looking at me seriously. "...What's this favor?"
"Give this to Nev?" He asked, thrusting another note into my hands. I sighed, and nodded. Somehow, I felt the importance in this. I had no idea why it was so important, but Niall wouldn't just insist on something like this unless it was.
"Yeah, sure," I agreed, sighing. "Niall, please... What's going on?"
He smiled then, but if I was being honest, I'd never seen a more heart broken smile, and I didn't know how to respond to it. "Nothing, nothings going on. I just need a little space right now."
"Can I tell the lads I saw you?" I asked, but I somehow knew the answer before he said a word.
"No."
"Why not?"
He simply shrugged then, taking a few step backwards towards the door.
"Niall, don't leave. I need to know what's going on-"
"Seriously, mate... I gotta go. Just... give that to Nevaeh soon, okay?"
I nodded, sighing. "When?"
"You'll know, I told you that."
With that, he was gone.
She had this loss of inhibitions, she was pure emotion. Nothing guarding her, nothing keeping her back. It was purely Nevaeh. In her more vulnerable, human form. I felt closer to her when she cried, I felt like maybe I could help her. She was beautiful when she cried... but then again, she was always beautiful.
It was fair to say I had a little crush on Nevaeh. I had since I met her, but she immediately gravitated towards Niall. It hurt, I guess... but seeing her so happy with him made up for that. Now that they weren't together, I had a strange surge of hope, as sick as it was. I knew she was hurting, and I had a feeling Niall was too after seeing him, but I had a little fantasy that we'd end up together. I didn't even consider how that'd betray him, because I was in a dream. Nev and I together... there was nothing I wanted more.
She was amazing in my eyes. Everything about her, in every single way. It was stupid and cheesy, but she could absolutely do no wrong. Nevaeh was an angel... I guess that's why her name spelled backwards was "Heaven".
Maybe saying I had a little crush on her was an understatement... even saying I had a big crush on her was. I was in love with her. I'd never admit it to anyone else, but I was.
Completely, and totally in love with one of my best friend's now ex-girlfriend.
And I don't think anything was going to change that for quite some time.
---
Somehow, I'd fallen asleep midday while thinking of Nevaeh. I was shaken out of a dream about her in a wedding gown by my phone buzzing loudly on my bedside table.
I let out a low groan as I reached my phone, answering it without even looking at the caller ID. "Hello?"
"Hey, Hazza!" Louis' voice greeted me far too energetically for my liking. "How are you?"
"I'm okay... tired. How are you?" I asked, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I glanced at the clock, and noted that it was about three. I hadn't slept for too long, only about two hours.
"I'm okay. Just got off the phone with Liam..." His tone changed considerable then, into one more serious. All of the lads were in a bad mood since Niall dropped off the face of the earth. "He hasn't heard from Niall. Zayn hasn't either."
"Have you?" I asked curiously. It seemed like I was the only one he'd talked to, and I had no idea why that would be. What was so insignificant about me? Nevaeh talked to the rest of the boys as much as me- sure we had a bit of a tighter bond, but not by much. Considering my feelings for her, I thought I'd be the last one he'd come to.
"No, not for a while... I was wondering if you had."
I don't know what compelled me to do it. I had no reason to lie as far as I knew, but I felt maybe like I was protecting Niall. If he'd only spoken to me, maybe that was the way he intended it to be. "No, I haven't heard from him."
"Okay..." Louis said slowly. There was a long pause, neither of us sure of what to say. "Why do you think he's not talking to anyone?"
"I really don't know, mate..." I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. Truthfully, I didn't. This whole situation was really strange in every way. I didn't have the slightest idea what could be bothering him, and why it went to such extremes.
"Okay," Lou said quietly, "I gotta go, but let me know if you hear from him. We're all worried..."
"Yeah, I will. Seeya, Louis."
It was weird lying to him like that. I didn't even know why I was, and that made it worse. I felt like a traitor at all angles, to everyone. I couldn't really figure any of this out. Everything was wrong, things I thought would never happen, did. It was like a dream.
I got up, wandering out into the living room and flopping down onto the couch. I turned on the TV, but didn't watch anything in particular. I stared down at my phone, waiting for Nevaeh's name to pop up, but I had a feeling it wouldn't. All I really wanted was to talk to her, but I knew she was in too much of a state to talk to anyone, really.
A knock on my door interrupted my thought process, and I wandered to the door. I didn't even bother thinking about who could be knocking, I just opened it.
Niall was standing there, looking even more disheveled from the last time I saw him. He hardly even looked like himself. It was almost like his eyes had changed from blue to a dull gray, he'd lost at least twenty pounds if not more... He looked unhealthy, and it frightened me to the point where I was speechless for about thirty seconds.
"Hi?" I finally said, stepping to the side to let him in.
Once again, he just stormed into my house without any warning, asking the same question as before. "Can you do me a favor?"
"Niall, we're all really worried about you. You gotta call the lads back... Everyone's freaking out..." I tried to insist, but Niall waved me off, looking at me seriously. "...What's this favor?"
"Give this to Nev?" He asked, thrusting another note into my hands. I sighed, and nodded. Somehow, I felt the importance in this. I had no idea why it was so important, but Niall wouldn't just insist on something like this unless it was.
"Yeah, sure," I agreed, sighing. "Niall, please... What's going on?"
He smiled then, but if I was being honest, I'd never seen a more heart broken smile, and I didn't know how to respond to it. "Nothing, nothings going on. I just need a little space right now."
"Can I tell the lads I saw you?" I asked, but I somehow knew the answer before he said a word.
"No."
"Why not?"
He simply shrugged then, taking a few step backwards towards the door.
"Niall, don't leave. I need to know what's going on-"
"Seriously, mate... I gotta go. Just... give that to Nevaeh soon, okay?"
I nodded, sighing. "When?"
"You'll know, I told you that."
With that, he was gone.
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry this chapter is a bit short. I've got a lot of things to update, and this is pretty much just a filler chapter.Let me know what you think, however (: