Status: Just starting. It may take a bit but please read it
Snowfall
Worthless
I am quiet throughout the meeting. I listen to Mel, who has moved to sit next to the older woman running the group, tell her stories. I like listening to her. She had been coming off of heroin, too. She'd lost a lot. And she told her side honestly.
Matt has his chair against mine and he is staring at me. My heart is in my stomach, simply because I can feel attraction and I've been denying myself human contact thus far.
I nudge him with my elbow and he smirks. It reminds me of someone and I feel a sharp pain in my chest. I settle for staring at my feet for the rest of the meeting.
I'm starting to realize that being alone is not helping me any. That it only serves to further break me down emotionally. I have to put my fears aside and at least try.
The rest of my time in the hospital is non-monumental. I helped take care of other patients who were alone or seemed not to talk. I read and wrote with Mel and even made temporary friends. My mom visited once on Valentine's Day and Matt made me a card. Before I left, the other patients that I'd taken care of wrote me notes and Mel printed my favorite poem of hers. I left with cartons of cigarettes bought for me or won through gambles, a hat knitted by a patient and lots of mind numbing meds that I didn't want.
I thought, maybe it will work this time. As I walked home the day I left, I didn't think of how much time I still needed. My forementioned best friend called me as soon as I turned on my cell phone again.
Matt has his chair against mine and he is staring at me. My heart is in my stomach, simply because I can feel attraction and I've been denying myself human contact thus far.
I nudge him with my elbow and he smirks. It reminds me of someone and I feel a sharp pain in my chest. I settle for staring at my feet for the rest of the meeting.
I'm starting to realize that being alone is not helping me any. That it only serves to further break me down emotionally. I have to put my fears aside and at least try.
The rest of my time in the hospital is non-monumental. I helped take care of other patients who were alone or seemed not to talk. I read and wrote with Mel and even made temporary friends. My mom visited once on Valentine's Day and Matt made me a card. Before I left, the other patients that I'd taken care of wrote me notes and Mel printed my favorite poem of hers. I left with cartons of cigarettes bought for me or won through gambles, a hat knitted by a patient and lots of mind numbing meds that I didn't want.
I thought, maybe it will work this time. As I walked home the day I left, I didn't think of how much time I still needed. My forementioned best friend called me as soon as I turned on my cell phone again.