Status: editing, and editing, and reediting chapters.
Welcome to My Life
Do you ever feel out of place?
I am not looking forward to tomorrow. This week is a double B day. I have eight classes total, but only four classes a day that rotate every other day. Since there is five days in a week every Friday switches between being an A day or a B day. A double B day means History, Chinese, Great Ideas, and Algebra two again.
I'm having a slight mental freak out at the thought of completing three Algebra two home works. I have to complete one that is a day late, one that was due yesterday and the one that is due today.
Ok, so here I am sitting in History, having dajavu from the day before but instead of my thoat hurting, I now have the sniffles. Compared to yesterday, I am very more porductive and it's only 8:55 am. It's another work day, thank god. There's this really awesome Senoir named Maruell, who this morning saved my soul with coffee and Algebra two tutoring. I don't know what I would do without him. I got the first half of my first homework done, well it's a good start I suppose. Well I haven't done my Chinese homework for next period.... I don't know if I have any homework from yesterday too. I guess I will just have to find out.
Oh my nose is like a volcano this morning. Every five minutes I have to blow my nose. The gray trash can is about three feet away from me, and it makes me feel accomplished when I can throw the used tissues in from my seat without getting up. Go me.
I want my eggnog. I want my pop tarts. I want my pecan pie. Most of all I want my bed. I want to be in my bed, away from all of this stuff called work.
Ok don't get me wrong, i'm usally a good student, with at least a B in every class but one but some days i'm just like, no. Just no. I look like the grudge and I want to go home again but my mom can't pick me up today. I guess i'll just have to tough it out.
Honestly I do realize I'm being a overreactive cry baby. For gads sake it's only a runny nose.
Chinese went by faster then it usually does. I took the quiz that I missed yesterday, and got an 86. Not bad at all. We got new vocab and watched videos. That was nice.
However, now it's lunch, and i'm freaking out. I've asked Destiny ,Gerick, and Eva about Algebra two, none of them have been helpful. Funny none of them were on my "friendly people list" yesterday. Destiny is too quiet to explain. Gerick just watches and talks about the Bad Girls Club. Eva and me have a mutual exchange of gum and paper during class, with no debts or interest being collected from each other. I'm pretty darn close to finishing the homework from yesterday but i'm completely helpless on the homework due today. Why do we work so freakin fast? I need tutoing now. The math teacher doesn't tutor during lunch. I really really don't want to stay after school, but that is really my only choice at the moment.
Great Ideas was a nice breeze. All day work day to work on a rough draft for an essay I've already finished. Now I get another 95 minutes to try to understand Chemistry and Algrebra two.
Usually when I walk in the door after returning home from school, i'm a hot mess. I have to take at least two minutes letting out all my pent up anger from the stress of being nice and acting good in society for 8 straight hours. This includes (but not limited to) slamming doors, yelling at my miniature Schnauzer to stop jumping on me and saying curse words fairly loudly. Today was different. I walked home slowly, instead of racing just to be home. I got into the door and my dog didn't greet me. No matter how man times I've told her to not jump on me, she always continues the next day. Except today, when I seem to need her the most. First thing was to binge on some pop-tarts and eggnog. Then, right away I laid down on my bed, turned on my laptop and began to write...
So why the change? Everything was going so smoothly, so well, until the very end of Great Ideas. Great Ideas for the record was not very productive, I edited some of my paper for Great Ideas, and another paper for English. Could have been worse. No Algebra or Chemistry was completed by the way. About seven minutes before the period was suppose to end, the assistant principal made an announcement on the school speaker phone.
"This is a very important announcement so listen up. All Sophomores are to report to the library when the end of 6th period bell rings. We will be handing out paperwork in alphabetical order. 8th period teachers please excuse students who are a few minutes late to class."
My first response was Joy. Being possibly late for Algebra two? Not having to do 95 minutes worth of work? Did the assistant principal mean a few minutes or a few minutes. I took my time after the teacher dismissed the class. First, I went to my locker, and that leisurely got into the back of the long line formed in front of the library. My goal was to be one of the last kids back in class.
The office aides and consulars weren't just handing out any paper work to take home to our parents, they were hanging out our class rank and GPA. Seeing my class rank was the first down fall of the day.
In the sophomore class there are 248 students.
In the class I ranked 234.
I rank 234 out of 248. 1 being the best and 248 being the worst.
As I walked down the hallways I heard number being thrown around everywhere "I'm number 60!" and "I wonder whose number two?". Every student was swapping their class rank like test scores.
When I arrived in Algebra two, right after I say down, I got the inevitable question.
"What did you rank?" Destiny asked me, who sits in the seat behind me.
Nonchalantly, I lied, "I got 150" I figured it would be suspicious if I refused to tell her, and I wasn't going to tell anyone the truth.
"Aw man! I'm two behind you!" Destiny replied.
My luck would be that she is number 152. Yea, I wish.
To say the least, Algebra class sucked. For more reasons I can even bear to write. The sucky things in that period just kept piling up until I almost began to cry. Almost.
I was not going to cry in front of everybody, no way.
After the bell rang, after the torturous 90 minutes, somehow Sean managed to catch up to me. He asked me what I got, and I refused to tell him. So he told me his. He was ranked 244. After, I couldn't help but to admit my own score, my real score, just before running onto the bus, and away from him.
The thing is, Sean is the laziest, smartest person I ever knew. He don't do any of his homework, in any of his classes, but than Aces all the tests and quizzes. He's one of those people who calculates exactly how many questions they need to get right in order to pass the class.
GOD DAMMIT GOD FUCKING DAMMIT
I pressed the backspace and all my work, was removed. I just finished the entire fucking chapter it took me over an hour and it was erased.fuck mibba drafts GOD FUCKING DAMIT SHIT HELL FUCK FUCK IT FUCK IT
I guess you won't know how my GPA was only weight with core courses and not electives. I guess you won't know that my GPA is a 3.5 not a 2.5. I guess you won't know about AJ. I guess you won't know how I got to an advanced liberal arts and science academy you have to test to get into. I guess you won't know that I tried really fucking hard just to feel like I can't do this any more. I feel like a waste of a year and half. But really i'm going to keep trying anyway. I guess you won't know about the Hunger games or the damn verse stuck in my head the entire time I walked home. I guess you want know shit fuck.
I guess you'll just think i'm some idiot who fails at life.
Because if you do, I agree with you too.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong,
and no one understands you?
I do.
I'm having a slight mental freak out at the thought of completing three Algebra two home works. I have to complete one that is a day late, one that was due yesterday and the one that is due today.
Ok, so here I am sitting in History, having dajavu from the day before but instead of my thoat hurting, I now have the sniffles. Compared to yesterday, I am very more porductive and it's only 8:55 am. It's another work day, thank god. There's this really awesome Senoir named Maruell, who this morning saved my soul with coffee and Algebra two tutoring. I don't know what I would do without him. I got the first half of my first homework done, well it's a good start I suppose. Well I haven't done my Chinese homework for next period.... I don't know if I have any homework from yesterday too. I guess I will just have to find out.
Oh my nose is like a volcano this morning. Every five minutes I have to blow my nose. The gray trash can is about three feet away from me, and it makes me feel accomplished when I can throw the used tissues in from my seat without getting up. Go me.
I want my eggnog. I want my pop tarts. I want my pecan pie. Most of all I want my bed. I want to be in my bed, away from all of this stuff called work.
Ok don't get me wrong, i'm usally a good student, with at least a B in every class but one but some days i'm just like, no. Just no. I look like the grudge and I want to go home again but my mom can't pick me up today. I guess i'll just have to tough it out.
Honestly I do realize I'm being a overreactive cry baby. For gads sake it's only a runny nose.
Chinese went by faster then it usually does. I took the quiz that I missed yesterday, and got an 86. Not bad at all. We got new vocab and watched videos. That was nice.
However, now it's lunch, and i'm freaking out. I've asked Destiny ,Gerick, and Eva about Algebra two, none of them have been helpful. Funny none of them were on my "friendly people list" yesterday. Destiny is too quiet to explain. Gerick just watches and talks about the Bad Girls Club. Eva and me have a mutual exchange of gum and paper during class, with no debts or interest being collected from each other. I'm pretty darn close to finishing the homework from yesterday but i'm completely helpless on the homework due today. Why do we work so freakin fast? I need tutoing now. The math teacher doesn't tutor during lunch. I really really don't want to stay after school, but that is really my only choice at the moment.
Great Ideas was a nice breeze. All day work day to work on a rough draft for an essay I've already finished. Now I get another 95 minutes to try to understand Chemistry and Algrebra two.
Usually when I walk in the door after returning home from school, i'm a hot mess. I have to take at least two minutes letting out all my pent up anger from the stress of being nice and acting good in society for 8 straight hours. This includes (but not limited to) slamming doors, yelling at my miniature Schnauzer to stop jumping on me and saying curse words fairly loudly. Today was different. I walked home slowly, instead of racing just to be home. I got into the door and my dog didn't greet me. No matter how man times I've told her to not jump on me, she always continues the next day. Except today, when I seem to need her the most. First thing was to binge on some pop-tarts and eggnog. Then, right away I laid down on my bed, turned on my laptop and began to write...
So why the change? Everything was going so smoothly, so well, until the very end of Great Ideas. Great Ideas for the record was not very productive, I edited some of my paper for Great Ideas, and another paper for English. Could have been worse. No Algebra or Chemistry was completed by the way. About seven minutes before the period was suppose to end, the assistant principal made an announcement on the school speaker phone.
"This is a very important announcement so listen up. All Sophomores are to report to the library when the end of 6th period bell rings. We will be handing out paperwork in alphabetical order. 8th period teachers please excuse students who are a few minutes late to class."
My first response was Joy. Being possibly late for Algebra two? Not having to do 95 minutes worth of work? Did the assistant principal mean a few minutes or a few minutes. I took my time after the teacher dismissed the class. First, I went to my locker, and that leisurely got into the back of the long line formed in front of the library. My goal was to be one of the last kids back in class.
The office aides and consulars weren't just handing out any paper work to take home to our parents, they were hanging out our class rank and GPA. Seeing my class rank was the first down fall of the day.
In the sophomore class there are 248 students.
In the class I ranked 234.
I rank 234 out of 248. 1 being the best and 248 being the worst.
As I walked down the hallways I heard number being thrown around everywhere "I'm number 60!" and "I wonder whose number two?". Every student was swapping their class rank like test scores.
When I arrived in Algebra two, right after I say down, I got the inevitable question.
"What did you rank?" Destiny asked me, who sits in the seat behind me.
Nonchalantly, I lied, "I got 150" I figured it would be suspicious if I refused to tell her, and I wasn't going to tell anyone the truth.
"Aw man! I'm two behind you!" Destiny replied.
My luck would be that she is number 152. Yea, I wish.
To say the least, Algebra class sucked. For more reasons I can even bear to write. The sucky things in that period just kept piling up until I almost began to cry. Almost.
I was not going to cry in front of everybody, no way.
After the bell rang, after the torturous 90 minutes, somehow Sean managed to catch up to me. He asked me what I got, and I refused to tell him. So he told me his. He was ranked 244. After, I couldn't help but to admit my own score, my real score, just before running onto the bus, and away from him.
The thing is, Sean is the laziest, smartest person I ever knew. He don't do any of his homework, in any of his classes, but than Aces all the tests and quizzes. He's one of those people who calculates exactly how many questions they need to get right in order to pass the class.
GOD DAMMIT GOD FUCKING DAMMIT
I pressed the backspace and all my work, was removed. I just finished the entire fucking chapter it took me over an hour and it was erased.fuck mibba drafts GOD FUCKING DAMIT SHIT HELL FUCK FUCK IT FUCK IT
I guess you won't know how my GPA was only weight with core courses and not electives. I guess you won't know that my GPA is a 3.5 not a 2.5. I guess you won't know about AJ. I guess you won't know how I got to an advanced liberal arts and science academy you have to test to get into. I guess you won't know that I tried really fucking hard just to feel like I can't do this any more. I feel like a waste of a year and half. But really i'm going to keep trying anyway. I guess you won't know about the Hunger games or the damn verse stuck in my head the entire time I walked home. I guess you want know shit fuck.
I guess you'll just think i'm some idiot who fails at life.
Because if you do, I agree with you too.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong,
and no one understands you?
I do.
♠ ♠ ♠
sorry about all the swear words...