Life Starts Now

The drive home was awkward for both of them. They talked about the weather; they talked about the driving condition. Nothing really important. After 15 minutes, she asked him to stop the car. She thanked him for the ride and opened the door.

«Skye wait. » he insisted.

She turned to him, hoping he wasn’t going to ask something.

« Is there something I can do to help you forgive me? »
« I really don’t know Adam… » she said in a whisper. « Why would you even care? Naomi is still there for you, you don’t need another girl to screw everything up. »

She got out of the car and she took a few steps on the sidewalk. He got out of the Honda.

«She left me. » he screamed at her.

She stopped. She had dreamt of that moment for the last year or so. After everything they went through together, he had never wanted to make that move. Skye always hoped that he was going to left Naomi and begin a new life with her. But it never happened. She was his little secret, known only by the band members. At first, she was okay with that status; but eventually, it wasn’t enough. That was part of the reason they were over. Skye turned to him, hands in her pockets.

«She left me because I told her about you. », he said, walking to her.
«Why? Why now? » she questioned as he kept getting closer.
«She got pregnant…» he answered, looking down. «I couldn’t lie to her anymore. She told me and I got mad at myself. I didn’t want her baby. So I told her everything. »

Her heart skipped a beat. He was going to be a daddy?

«Is she…» Skye couldn’t even finish the sentence. She was shocked.
«She had an abortion last month. I told Neil about the breakup and the baby, he told Lexi but I guess you did not get the message. »
«I told her to never talk about you with me. » she reacted.
«That explains some things. »

She knew she would regret what she was about to say.

«Do you want some coffee? »
«Let me park the car and I’m all yours. » he said with a smile, running back to the Honda.

She waited for him. She was freezing there, standing alone on the sidewalk. But her mind was racing. All those memories were coming back. As she saw him walking to her, she remembered the Montreal show, three years ago.

She had brought Andrew with her at that show. Front row as usual. Andrew came with her only to please her. He liked Three Days Grace, but not as much as she did. He followed her everywhere because he loved her. And she knew it. She liked him too. Skye knew that life with Andrew would be great. He had his own enterprise; his farm was one of the biggest one in the province. He was a hard worker and he loved his job. She loved the fact that he was so close to his family. It was very important for him to see them many times a week and keeping in touch as often as possible. He was a good guy and she knew it. Back then, she was already planning their life together because it was easy to see the future with him. Everything was predictable and she was happy with it. She felt she was ready to begin this marital life and go on in the grown up world. She was finishing her nursing classes in a few months. Life was good.

She did not talk to Andrew about the little chat she had with Adam and Brad. It wasn’t a big deal for her. She was sure they forgot her by the time. The show was amazing. The band gave everything they had, being the rock stars they are. She sang and danced, holding the gate to make sure she’d stay front row. Andrew wasn’t that energetic but enjoyed the show. When the encore ended, people started to leave the venue as the light turned on.

«I want to stay until I get the set list» she said in his ear, knowing he would not hear her because of the loud noises everyone was making.
«Well wait here, I need to use the restroom. »
«Let’s meet back at the car»

He nodded and left for the restroom after gently kissing her forehead. She watched the technicians getting all the material in road cases. She tried to get the attention of one of the roadies but failed miserably. So she waited a little, trying to find someone she did not ask yet. The room was almost empty when Adam showed up, cigarette in the mouth, walking to his guitar stand. She gave it a try.

«Hey Adam! » she yelled.

He turned around as a security guard got to her.

«Skye. Nice to see you. »

He walked to her, jumped from the stage and told the guard it was ok.

«Still waiting for the set list? », he asked.
«That’s my bad habit. » she answered.

He smiled and whistled loudly to one of the roadie. He gave him the paper.

«One day, I want to see you collection of set lists», he said as he gave him the sheet.
«Next time maybe. » she answered.

She said bye and turned around. As she walked away, Brad showed up onstage.

«Hey dude! We were going to the bar next door. Wanna come? » Brad asked.
«Count me in. »

Brad looked at that girl and tried to remember her name.

«Is it Skye? »
«Yeah. Front row again. », Adam specified.

Brad yelled her name. Skye turned around and waved at him.

«We’re going to the bar. Want to come? » he asked, arms crossed on his chest.
«Yeah sure. I’ll bring someone», she said happily.

Brad told her were to go and she left. Adam looked at his band mate with a question mark on his face.

«What!? She’s cute. I might give it a try. »
«Remember she said she has a boyfriend? »
«Well, I’m in a band, so I think she would prefer falling for me. »
«Your confidence will kill you one day. » Adam said before going backstage.

She got to the car where Andrew was almost sleeping in the driver seat. She knocked on the window. He rolled it down.

«Hey I met someone who is going to the bar next door. Want to come with me? » she asked him.
«Skye, I do have to be up at five tomorrow morning. And I’m already sleepy. We should go home. » he replied.
«Well I’m not tired at all. I’ll get a cab home. » she said while leaving for the bar.

Andrew tried to change her mind but he failed. He asked her to call him if she needed a drive home. He decided to leave and to call her the next morning.

As Skye opened the door of her apartment, Adam tried to find what he had to tell her. Five months without talking to her made him anxious to be with her once again. She took her coat off and hanged it in the closet. She took Adam’s one and did the same in silence. She got to the kitchen and started the coffee maker. He sat at the counter and watched her moving. He could see the tension in her back. She was avoiding his gaze and he could hear her breath loudly. She was anxious.

«Relax. I’m not going to make a move on you. » Adam told her.
«I won’t let you anyway. » she answered sharply.

She finally faced him. The place was full of tension. He didn’t even know how to start this conversation. She sight and put both hands on her face.

«I’m stupid. »

He guessed he did not have to answer this. She was obviously talking to herself. She held on the counter with both hands. Her cheeks were still red from the cold. It was as she was about to cry, except her eyes weren’t filled with tears.

«I shouldn’t have brought you up here. I should have waited for the bus. »
«Well you did not, so here we are. »

No place for regrets. He reached for her hand, which she took out of the way really fast.

«Don’t. We are not that close anymore. » she said a little annoyed.
«But you finally got what you wanted, don’t you? »

She frowned. She wondered what he was expecting. Five months ago, she swore to herself that she would never have anything to do with him. She spent all this time fighting herself, fighting every memory of them together.

«I’m not going back to where we were. You should have known that. » she said.

Coffee was ready. She poured two cups, mechanically pouring milk and a little sugar in his, just as he liked it. She kept hers black. She needed some caffeine to go through this.

«Remember when Brad invited you to the bar after the show in Montreal? » he asked like he was remembering the best time of his life.
«I do. I almost had to fight Andrew to go there. » she remembered.
«Brad thought you were cute and wanted to get to you, maybe in your pants if he had the chance. »

He laughed a little. She couldn’t see where he was going with that story.

«I remember entering in the bar and seeing you putting that little pill on your tongue and taking this huge mouthful of beer. I should have known by then that I had to run from you. »
«Yeah, that was not the best part of me back then. » he agreed.

That night had been a little crazy. As she entered the bar, Brad was all over her, giving her a beer, bringing her to the bar and sat with her to chat. He was a nice guy, but not exactly her type of man. The only thing that seemed to attract her was his lip ring. She always had a thing for piercings even if she did not have one. They were talking music when Adam showed up with tequila shots.

«It’s drinking time! » he yelled with a smile on his face.
«Ah come on man! Why tequila? » Brad wined.
«Because you hate it, that’s why. » Adam answered, amused.

Skye took one shot in her hand but Adam stopped her just as she was about to drink it.

«Wait! » he said. He put his hand in his pocket and then opened his palm. She saw two little tablets. «Here. Take one and swallow. »
«What’s this? » Skye asked, worried.
«It’s a little kick to start the night. »

She did not know what that medicine was. He examined her reaction. She seemed to be debating with herself. In fact, she was wondering if she should take it. She was out partying with Adam and Brad, two members of the band that she loved the most. She liked the fact that they offered to pay for everything and she didn’t want to break that little link that joined them. She did not want to offend them. She looked up at Adam and took the little pill. He did the same. They both put it on their tongue and took their tequila shot. She made a face; tequila without salt and lemon felt like she drank some cleaning product, she felt the hot scratching alcohol going down her throat. Adam yelled happily and giggled.

«Adam, you should not take that. » Brad told him with this worried look in his face.
«Back pain Brad. Can’t stand it you know. »
«That’s why you have to give one to her? »
«Hey! I did not force her to take it. She’s a grown up! » he added.

Brad exhale in desperation. He took his beer and walked to Barry and Neil, leaving Skye alone with the singer. Twenty minutes later, the medicine kicked in. She felt numb a little. Her head felt lighter, she wasn’t worried about anything. She felt like she could focus on every little thing she wanted. It was weird for her. She never used drugs before, never even smoked. She enjoyed the feeling more than she would have like to. She danced with Adam for hours. They were having a blast. She saw Brad waved at her at around 2 am. She waved back. They drank a lot that night. The rest of the night was a total blur since then.

«You should have warned me about Oxycotin. » she told him as he took a sip of his coffee.
«You took it at your own risks. And besides, I was all about that little pill. I would have told you it was a miracle cure if you had asked. » he replied.

Adam was addicted to Oxycotin not that long ago. He entered rehab with the help of Naomi and his band mates, but precisely because of Skye. Back then, they kept in touch by phone or texts. And she was worried about him. But anyway, that’s another part of the story.

«I remember waking up the next day with a text on my phone saying something like ‘’Here’s my number. Let’s keep in touch’’. And I didn’t even know it was you. »
«Yeah… I remember Brad got mad at me because I stealed you. », he said with a grin.

She finished her coffee and looked at him. He was still as beautiful and attractive as he was the last time she saw him. His dark hair was a mess but he still had that sparkle in his eyes, like everything was a challenge he wanted to beat.

«Look… I think we should not see each other anymore. » she said with a shaky voice.
«I disagree. »
«I kind of guessed you would say that. », she added. «But we only make it worst. I did love you back then but the pain his still there. It still hurts like hell Adam. I’m not ready to forget it. And I don’t think that seeing each other is helping you getting over us. »
«We are not over Skye. »
«We are. I’m sorry but we definitely are over. » she claimed, looking him straight into his eyes.

She knew she was hurting him, but not even as much as he had hurt her. He finished his coffee, took his coat and left the apartment. Skye looked at the closed door and held her breath, almost wishing he would come back and fight for her. But the door remained close. She went to the bathroom, determined to take a long burning hot shower, hoping she would not burst into tears.